Tag Archives: non-attachment

Chuck’s Place: Love Is No Pity

A place of no pity…
-Illustration © 2023 Jan Ketchel

Perhaps the most Herculean task that we all face is for our Soul to have to fit itself into the helplessness of a human infant’s body, completely dependent upon the kindness of others to usher it into a human life and support it to maturity.

Stan Grof, with his extensive research into the perinatal stages of birth and the accompanying impact of primal birth trauma, has extended our knowledge of the Soul’s consciousness of itself as it evolves through all stages of gestation.

Back further still are the Soul’s prior lives and identities, which the Soul is required to temporarily forget in order to create the blank slate needed to authentically engage in the purity of a totally new, unfettered human life.  Knowledge of one’s infinite life would completely minimize the impact of any suffering in this life, undermining the very reason the Soul chose to enter into the life it is in. Earth School’s working axiom is simple: no pain, no gain.

The postnatal stages of development are archetypally governed by what are called object relationships with significant others, essentially our parents or first caregivers, to reach the necessary milestones of physical and ego autonomy. What we call ego is actually a part of the Soul, wiped clean of its eternal history, capable of growing into a mature adult; ego is the center of the Soul’s identity in this life.

In truth, what we call the inner child is actually the ego itself, a lost soul separated from its true parentage, forced to grow and learn how to navigate this mysterious world it was adopted into. How does one not feel sorry for this lost soul? Even great Master teachers in infinity have a soft spot for the plight of the innocent infant ego. However loving or unloving its adoptive world may be, it will never truly be home.

How does ego not fall prey to self-pity? No matter how much it inflates or deflates itself, at its core, ego feels itself as an abandoned child, disempowered of its divine heritage, inadequate to the task it unknowingly tasked itself with. This pervasive and inescapable self-pity might be tucked away in the ego’s guiding attitude of perfectionism, but even here it sneakily binds one’s attention and emotion through projecting itself upon the sad state of victimized others.

The shamans of ancient Mexico pierced this true reality of human suffering. They understood that the majority of human energy is spent on self-pity. To unclip one’s wings and fly to true freedom one needs a ruthless awakening to this hostage state. They called this great accomplishment, arriving at the place of no pity.

Carlos Castaneda truly loved his Master teacher, the Nagual, don Juan Matus. One day, don Juan had Carlos drive him into a city. Suddenly, Don Juan transmogrified himself into a feeble old man, who had seemingly just suffered a stroke. Carlos was beside himself with fear and pity. Don Juan then started screaming for help, claiming that Carlos was a predatory foreigner trying to rob and kill him. This aroused a group of young men who chased after Carlos.

Carlos was able to get away and ultimately reach a place of cold indifference toward don Juan, at which point he returned and found don Juan transmogrified back into his more familiar, kind and youthful self. Carlos had reached the place of no pity, total detachment.

In fact, the place of no pity is the place where the ultimate veil of narcissism is lifted. Don Juan explained that Carlos’ apparent love and pity for the old suffering don Juan was actually a projection of his own self-pity onto don Juan. The egoistic inner child state of self-pity was lifted as Carlos stepped out of the matrix of his projected self.

A modern example might be a parent blocking their adult addict child’s phone number. This ruthless act is in fact an act of true love, as the child is given the opportunity to assume responsibility for sustaining their own life in this world, a hallmark milestone of mature adulthood.

This cutting of the phone cord sends the message to the child that they truly have been let go to live their own life, and for them to trust in their own independent Soul to guide their journey, wherever that may lead. Trust that this being has their own angels and spirit guides. Retire the overbearing helicopter parent attitude.

In letting go, the parent must suffer the dread of the deep subconscious parental archetype that refuses to ever release the parent from parental responsibility.  However, to fully let go, the parent must in turn assume responsibility for their own innerly projected wounded child, which they had previously sought to rescue in the person of their actual child.

For love to rise above the veil of narcissism we must free ourselves from our own self-pity. Outwardly, this means reclaiming our self-pitied selves and facing them squarely. Ego is next tasked with assuming its true purpose and capability in this life: aligning with and mastering its greater Soul’s true mission for this life. That mission is likely situated in the very life circumstance that draws one to self -pity.

Truthfully, the adult self must arrive at the place of no pity toward its own inner child’s journey. This involves deep loving compassion for all of the child’s suffering yet appreciation for the lessons learned and a total assimilation/integration of those experiences into the adult self’s being.

From a place of no pity all experiences are valued with true equanimity. The real question becomes not how was I victimized, but what have I learned? And yes, the journey requires feeling the fullness of all life lived, however traumatic, and the release of stored emotional energies, but ultimately it is awe for the fantastic journey of the fullness of one’s actual life that one seeks.

In the end, full assimilation means to appreciate one’s life, regardless of its experiences, as a beautiful work of art. In this way the child self is dissolved into a powerful adult being, who discovers how much it has truly learned and grown through all of life’s many experiences, good and bad alike.

With this loving embodiment of all that one is, one is reunited with one’s greater Soul. And then one is able to handle remembering their true identity, in and beyond this life.

The willingness to suffer the fullness of one’s Soul’s mission is true love of self, love of Soul, and love of other.

On the mission, with love,

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Soulbyte for Thursday May 12, 2022

Find peace within the self no matter the circumstances in your life or in the world. Cultivate a quiet heart, for a quiet heart is an immediate antidote to all that is unsettling. A quiet heart is found through concerted efforts to achieve calmness through breathing and relaxation techniques, through spending time in nature, and through learning the art of detachment, or non-attachment to the troubles of the self and the world. Find peace within the self by working on quieting your heart in these and creative ways, for a quiet heart is also a creative heart.

Sending you love,
The Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne

Chuck’s Place: How to Manage the Internal Dialogue

Watch out for Bobby the Flyer!
– Artwork © 2022 Jan Ketchel

The internal dialogue is that seemingly nonstop chatter in the backdrop of the mind that constantly judges everything and everyone, particularly one’s self! Carol Tiggs, Carlos Castaneda’s counterpart, as the Nagual Woman, once called it Bobby the Flyer, whose incessant lyric was: “I’m so bad!!!!”

Carol’s Bobby the Flyer issues from the shamanic mythological origin and function of the internal dialogue in humans: an extraneous predator that feeds off the negatively excited emotions generated by the voice of criticism and judgment. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico believed that this entity, whom they labeled the Flyer, influences our minds and bodies, through the internal dialogue, to ensure a steady supply of tormented emotions for its consumption.

This raises the phrase, feeding off negativity, to a whole new level. We certainly experience ourselves feeding off negativity when we find ourselves in a bad mood, as the internal dialogue assigns every perception we have with a negative thought and emotion, which can either eat away at us in depression or feed our aggression.

Carlos Castaneda taught that this Matrix-like dynamic corrupts the  true magical nature of human nature, as it becomes shrouded and frozen in negativity. Typically, humans, though entranced by the negativity of the internal dialogue, compensate with materialistic delusions of freedom and satisfaction. Carlos jokingly called us complacent chickens in a chicken coop, unaware of  the predatory nature of our true predicament.

On the positive side, this compromised energetic stalemate has generated for us a solid body and world, which offer us a great opportunity to refine our energetic essence to reach higher vibrational levels, as our minds seek liberation from this embodied negativity.

The restoration of our true magical beingness, experienced as awe, optimism, joy, and lightness of being, requires that we neutralize the impact of the internal dialogue. This begins with stating one’s intent to consciously assume control and direction of one’s mind. The realization of this intent assumes many forms.

Though I may not have control over the thoughts that pass through my mind’s eye, I can control the thoughts that I choose to look at. This is the essence of the core Buddhist imperative of non-attachment. If I don’t grasp at a thought—that is, engage a thought that automatically presents itself in a process of active thinking about it—it simply floats by without impact.

This is the essence of concentration in meditation: releasing one’s self from riding the automatic chain of associations that spring from attaching to a thought, volitionally returning one’s attention to one’s choice of focus instead, such as the breath. Not engaging the internal dialogue, with active attention, neutralizes its impact upon the subconscious mind, the law of attraction center of the human psyche.

The subconscious, when time is not taken for self-reflection, simply activates energetic programs that construct our reality and determine our emotional states. If negative self talk is delivered to the subconscious, it may result in feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, as well as fear of others, who seem so powerfully superior and threatening.

Alternatively, kind and loving messages of self-acceptance, volitionally delivered to the subconscious, may result in a positive, adventuresome outlook, as one becomes excited with the experience of living in the now. Realize that though this might be a coveted state of being, the familiar world, rendered by habitual attachment to the ever-defining drone of the internal dialogue, may be frightening to let go of. Freedom requires the awe and courage to enter new worlds of possibility.

The internal dialogue can be highly seductive. The ego might mistakingly believe it can engage in communication with it without harm. This is an ego inflation. As soon as one enters into debate with the internal dialogue, it wins. Its weapon is to grab your attention, and once it has that, it wins every time! Rationality ought to be more humble.

Beware of the reasonable offerings of the internal dialogue, which can sneak in like a Trojan horse spouting perfect logic. Better to shift attention to positive messages to the subconscious mind, than to expend one’s energy in debate that actually reinforces old programming. As the I Ching suggests, the best way to combat evil is to not engage directly in a confrontation with it but to make energetic progress in the good!

Do not attach to the idea that the internal dialogue will simply go away. It is in endless supply. We cannot control the world of thoughts we live in, which constantly seek inroads into our attention, but we can let them be. Simply don’t empower them any further by naively gifting them the energy of your attention.

If the internal dialogue generates a frantic beta brainwave state of incessant negative thought, remember the first-aid alpha brainwave breath, which will very quickly release you from its clutches. For as long as necessary do this repetitive breath: an inhalation into the belly to a count of 8, hold for 8, exhale to the count of 8, hold for the count of 4, repeat the cycle.

All attention on the count and sensation in the body. Breathe until your consciousness is free, then relish in the calm. No easy road to freedom, just keep on breathing and you’ll soon be free!



Chuck’s Place: Storytelling Beings

We’re all just tellers of tall tales…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Ever notice how rapidly the mind assembles a story at the slightest hint of a possibility?

Once the story blossoms, all surrounding extraneous events become added details to support the surety of the story, as absolute reality. Yet, many, if not most of the times the story turns out to be just that, a red herring produced by the internal dialogue.

An incredible amount of energy is spent on these stories that are generated nonstop throughout the day. Furthermore, many of the stories evoke emotional reactions that further deplete one’s energetic reserves.

One way to apply the shaman’s dictum to suspend judgment would be to not attach, as the Buddhists would say, to not give attention to our stories. Perhaps we can’t stop the rapid assembly line of thought that creates the stories, but we can say to ourselves the word “story,” as they are presented to consciousness, reminding ourselves to pause and wait for the real facts to arrive.

Intuition sees in the dark, but it’s not always right. Make sure you get the facts. Synchronicity abounds, but it too can get caught in the tangled web of the storytelling trickster within. Tracking energy is a shamanic activity that seeks out genuine expressions of manifested energy, not cogitations of the mind that spin many a sordid tale.

The storytelling function we all possess is in fact an expression of how our intent is used. Someone fails to call us at an agreed upon time. Our creative capacity, our link to intent, is suddenly commandeered by the internal dialogue that then paints its pictures and authors its novels. When we refuse to attach to these unsubstantiated stories we strengthen our control over our link to intent.

Perhaps the most valuable gift from the current state of the world is the rapidity at which new stories are rapidly assembled, constantly changing versions of reality, blatantly assembled before our very eyes! We are suffering from story saturation, yet the lesson is crystal clear: ‘reality’ is created by stories that people agree upon.

We live in a consensus reality that is currently losing its cohesion due to major conflicting interpretations of the facts. The question to ask is, what interpretation has substance, and which is merely a phantom story? A good place to track the truth is following a path of heart. Seek the truth within the heart, beyond the reach of the cogitating mind.

The practice of recapitulation entails reclaiming energy from the stories we have really lived. As we relive our true stories we reclaim the energy they have held. Our freed energy then becomes available to be redeployed toward walking our true path of heart.

Self-importance is truly believing that the story of ourselves, our personal novel, is a best seller! Indeed, it must be, or we wouldn’t be solidly committed to it! This, of course, is the ego’s pitch, and the ego does have a point. If we weren’t so committed to our personal value we truly would cease to exist. This is one definition of schizophrenia: loss of ego, and with it, the ability to commit to a consistent storyline of self.

So yes, we do acknowledge the magic of our being as a story of great continuity. On the other hand, to become too fixated on a consistent story of ourselves clips our wings, limiting all that we might become, in fact, a very changed being.

Storytelling beings that we are, may we create a new story, a substantial world we can all really live and thrive in.

With love,


Soulbyte for Friday October 11, 2019

Get centered and stay centered within the self, firmly anchored in knowing what is right and healthy for you to do. You don’t have to rush to take care of others, spending your time and energy unnecessarily, but instead wait to be approached, and then decide if it’s right and proper for you to aid another. Sometimes the best help is no help at all. Sometimes the only help you need give is to yourself, in withdrawing yourself from situations that are not good for you, that are energy draining and harmful in the long run. Choose whom you interact with wisely. To be loving, kind and compassionate is all well and good but not to your own detriment. There is a fine balance between giving and over giving. Get centered within the self and take measure of what you can truly afford to give. Then act only if truly appropriate. That is taking responsibility for the self and allowing others to do the same for themselves. Everyone wins that way.

Sending you love,

The Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne