Category Archives: Jan’s Blog

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Archived here are the blogs I write about inner life and outer life, inner nature and outer nature. Perhaps my writings on life, as I see it and experience it, may offer you some small insight or different perspective as you take your own journey.

With gratitude for all that life teaches me, I share my experiences.

Jan Ketchel

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: The Energetics Of Intent

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I greet and honor my catalpa tree every morning…

Choices, opportunities, signs and synchronicities intrigue me. What will we do with the information we receive? What choice will we make?

While sitting in meditation, gazing out over the catalpa tree in the back yard—my tree, as I call it, for it has given me such deeply resonant answers to so many moments of indecision—I pondered these questions. I noticed the branches of the tree, some thick and strong, extending heavenward, energetically vibrant, others short and thin, ending in many spiky nodes. Here, I thought, is an example of making choices in life. Do we choose the path of healing energy, the strong and upward path of heart as represented by the stronger branches, or do we choose the shorter route that energetically explodes in many directions as represented by the smaller branches.

We make the choices we make based on where we are in our lives, on our experiences and our desires. But what if we were to make our choices based solely on different messages, those that come from deep within, from our ancient spirit selves supported by what comes from without to guide us?

As many of you know, I elected to take the longer route—after many years of avoiding it—by beginning a shamanic recapitulation. Facing all that lay hidden inside, I barreled ahead into the unknown self and into a future that was equally unknown. I let the energy of the recapitulation carry me forward, shedding everything that was familiar. I let myself be supported by a strange, and at that time unknown, energy. This was the energy of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico, as I began a healing practice of recapitulation. It became very clear, as I progressed on my journey, that I was fully supported by all who had gone before, those ancients whom had set the intent of recapitulation as the means to deep and evolutionary change.

Today, that intent flows through me too, energetic strands of that ancient intent interwoven now into the practice that Chuck and I bring into the world through our work. Over the years it has become clear to us—as we strive ever upward, like those long branches of the catalpa tree—how important it is that we bring the ancient knowledge of recapitulation to modern awareness. For we are convinced that recapitulation is the means to total and lasting healing from PTSD, from deep trauma of any sort. Whether this message is fully received now or later, after we are long gone, doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we have set the intent to pass it along.

Today the universe delivered a rainbow to the living room floor…

In addition, for the most part, we deliver the message of recapitulation through energetic means. Our intent, in keeping with the ancients, has been that people will find their way, that they will discover the healing power of recapitulation because it is so right. And that is just what has happened. Though we use some commercial means to publish our work—using the Internet to maintain a website and the self-publishing advantage offered by Amazon—for the most part, everything we offer is free. Even my books on recapitulation, the second to be published in the next few months, are provided at the barest minimum. We make no money on them, and yet we do not lack, for we have everything we need. This too is a result of engaging in and trusting in the power of intent.

And so, I acquiesce to the reality of the power of intent—the intent of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico and all others who energetically impart knowledge—absent of the busyness of engaging in all the buzz from outside (even the Pope is tweeting now!) for it really isn’t necessary. In absenting the self from all the outer buzz—from the greed for more connection; for the best deals, fearful that we’ll miss something; from the energy that is all consuming and over-consuming—we gain the inner calmness and the quiet that is required so we can be available to hear what the universe is telling us. In this manner, we become energetically available ourselves to channel the messages of the universe, to flow with the energy of ancient intent, to become part of a badly needed healing energy.

As I gaze out over my catalpa tree, I receive the message that now, more than ever before, it’s time for all of us to take full responsibility for our thoughts—as energetically resonant and affecting as our tweets and face-booking—for our actions, and for our own healing. Healing is truly an energetic process, and this we discover as soon as we turn inward, for here we find all we need.

As we decide upon a path, may it be a path of heart, a path of healing for the self and the world. May it be a path of ancient intent, for that is where the greatest energy lies, the deepest connection to soul, the possibility for true and lasting change. May we all choose the long branch when we come to the crook in the tree, rather than the short branch. If we pause long enough to contemplate, we will realize we’ve already taken that short and spiky branch so many times before, its end predictable. If we pause long enough to determine that it is indeed time to become fully responsible for healing the self, we will tap into the ancient intent of such healing practice and be supported and guided along the way.

A process of change, of recapitulation, of healing, is just that, a process, and so there are lumps and bumps to contend with, there are obstacles to encounter, there are challenging precipices to endure as we plunge ahead on our journeys, and yet there are also moments of great awakening and sublime experience as we open ourselves to such energy of intent. Our personal intent to embrace a practice of healing is embraced in return by the energy of ancient intent. Chuck and I are living in that embrace, and it is our deepest wish that others discover it and experience it too.

Here is Jeanne’s energy of intent as I once painted it…

Now, as we come to the end of the year, as the winter solstice is soon upon us, we see how crucial it is for all of us who inhabit this planet to come together, energetically. We can do this by consuming less, destroying less, wasting less time, resources, energy, etc., turning instead to the energetic practice of intending change. Repeatedly intending change and personally taking responsibility to enact change in our own lives means there is hope for us, and this planet that we have done such a good job of bringing to the brink of destruction. Real change can happen on an energetic level. That’s my message for today.

And so I encourage all of you to give the gift of energy this holiday season, by intending healing, love, and kindness along with your other gifts. Begin a personal practice, extending positive energy to all in your nearness, to those you love and those who challenge you the most. And don’t be afraid to talk to the trees! They have a lot to tell us. Step out onto a new branch; a new path of heart, without fear, keeping in mind at all times that energetic intent is what binds us all. Let’s use it more fully now. Let’s heal.

From within the energetics of intent, I send you greetings,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Always Change & Change Is Good

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Seasonal change is inevitable…ice on the deck this morning…

Change is good. This is one of my favorite mottos. Change is good. Back in the days before I had done a shamanic recapitulation I had another, similar, motto that went like this: Always change. Back then I was suffering from PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), though I didn’t know this. But even so I knew that change was good, I just didn’t really know why, not on a deeper level anyway. Now I know that it was something at a deeper level that was stirring me to always change, PTSD acting as a catalyst that eventually led to self-discovery and real change. The form that change takes under the auspices of PTSD, however, is very different from change that takes place once freed of PTSD.

Back in the PTSD days, change came knocking in uncomfortable stirrings to move, to always change, to change my environment in some way, whether it be changing the furniture in every room of the house every few weeks or uprooting and moving to another apartment, another house, another city, another state, another country, another relationship. I did all of these things, under the auspices of always change, restlessness my constant companion. But something at a deeper level was always asking me: Why do I do this? Why do I have to keep moving and changing? Why can’t I just settle down?

I felt like I was running from something, that if I stopped in one place long enough whatever it was would catch up with me and that would be the death of me. For at some deeper level, I knew that death was what was chasing me—death in one form or another.

Now, on one level, this is true, for death is pursuing us all the time, reminding us that in the end it will get us. In my case, I sensed death differently, the stench of it deep inside me already. Although I didn’t know it, that smell of death—that I could never run far enough away from—was trying to alert me to what I carried inside me: a dying spirit, a dying innocence, a dying sense of hope, for these are some of the things that PTSD robs us of. Until we stop and face what the stench of death is trying to alert us to, we will constantly seek change in our outer world, to find just the right place where we will feel comfortable, safe, and at ease. I went into my late forties always changing before I stopped and faced what was pursuing me, the past that was embodied in that diagnosis of PTSD, a past I had no memory of.

Fires of change like kundalini energy burning through us…

When I first met Chuck, he presented me with those four little letters—PTSD. Oh, so that’s what’s wrong with me! At last I had a name for all that had driven me in so many unsettling ways, a name that felt right. “Yes, I get it, I suffer from PTSD,” I said to myself, “I just never knew it.” Now I had a home, a slot to fit into in the world, I had PTSD. But I would not stay there. I could not settle for long. I refused to be categorized, tagged and diagnosed, for always change was still my motto after all. And so I told myself to change, that change was good, that it was what I needed in order to heal. And so I began a changing, healing journey out of PTSD and into new life. Long and painful though that journey was I would not, in a million years, wish to live the way I used to live.

Now when I say that change is good, I’m talking about the deepest kind of change, change of the self at the deepest level, from the inside out. This involves letting go of everything that has upheld the world we’ve lived in—everything we’ve been taught and taught ourselves, everything we’ve believed and couldn’t bear to believe, everything we’ve created and controlled in order to be safe. This involves learning to let go of our judgments, resentments, fears, and regrets, opening instead to the truth of our infallibilities, our frailties, our imperfections, and our inflations. It involves discovering what it really means to be humble, to live simply, in balance with all of nature, taking only what is necessary. It involves learning to love ourselves so we can one day be available to love another, so we can understand what it means to be loved, and how to give and receive love on a far more expansive, interconnected level of consciousness, far beyond the needs of the self. It involves letting go of our ego selves, detaching from that which has held us in our defended states for so long, making way in the process for a new self. It involves allowing this new self to emerge out of the stench and fear of death that has encapsulated us in all of its forms and fully acknowledge that yes, death is the ultimate catalyst to evolutionary change. It involves discovering for the self what it means to be an evolving being, here in this lifetime to discover and resolve an evolutionary challenge, given another opportunity to get it right.

Opportunities abound, coming at many times throughout our lives. Our challenge is, indeed, to always change, to go with the flow of our lives, accepting full responsibility for where we are at all times, accepting that we are not perfect, that we are human beings, but also that we are evolutionary beings as well, spiritual beings seeking something higher, something far beyond our PTSD, our boredom, our fear, our self-pity and our hopelessness.

Seeking always a higher evolved self…

The deepest kind of change means facing who we’ve become and daring ourselves to become someone far more evolved, far more connected to life on this planet while striving always to become far more aware of the spiritual possibilities of all things, and far more aware of all life as sacred.

The creative, urging us on one level to do something about ourselves or our environment, stirs in us at all times. Perhaps we project it outwardly as I did, as an artist constantly creating something new, some new picture, sculpture, dance, play, music. But after a while a deeper creativity comes knocking, asking us to channel the ultimate creation: a new self. And you know what, it’s really okay to do that, to totally change and become someone new, for after all, in the end, it’s the evolution of the self that we’re all here to spur on to a new level. This is why, I believe, we’re all here—to always change—and such change is always good.

I am a changing being and so are you,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Dreaming All The Time

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What it says…

I dream each night, long and winding dreams that string me along, taking me through many structures, along roads and pathways, through intimate and public settings alike. I encounter people I know and people I’ve never met. Sometimes I’m an observer, sometimes I participate, sometimes I’m all parts of the dreaming self, the dream and dreamer alike.

I dream with the intent of training my awareness, my greater intention to be alert at the moment of death so that my time in the bardos may be limited, so that I may swiftly make my way through that state of dreaming and onto what comes next without getting caught. I’m also interested in learning as much as I can now, about the human potential beyond the mind and body. And so each night I set my intent to remain alert, to wake up in my dreams and remind myself that I’m dreaming, and to be proactive in my dreams.

This process of dream intent and training really began during my recapitulation, as I found myself able to tackle issues and do things that I could not ordinarily do in real life, everything from simply saying no to defending myself with masterful moves and extraordinary powers. I learned how to hone such skills, gradually daring myself to go beyond my normally passive and asleep self in real life too, being as fully awake and as powerful as I was in my dreams. As this powerful dream self eventually spilled over into real life, I grew into a new person as a result of the work I was doing in dreaming, complementing my recapitulation work so nicely

I began to understand that everything I was dreaming was part of the bigger picture of my recapitulation process and my life as a whole, and that my transformation was directly linked to all that I was doing in both waking and dreaming life, and so I took dreaming very seriously. As I found myself doing things in dreaming that I could not ordinarily do as a human being, I began to value the work, more eager to hone a supple energy body, for I saw that it offered a deeper understanding of the meaning of life itself.

Training our awareness is a gradual process, but a good first step is to begin each night as we are on the verge of going off to sleep by simply stating: “I intend to remain aware during dreaming.” Since we all dream anyway, this may be all it takes to begin honing the skills of awareness that will lead us to transformation, now, and later at our time of transition from this life.

Just as the signs and synchronicities in life may not at first be clear, so are dreams sometimes unclear, their meaning unapparent for days. At other times, they are immediately significant and helpful. Part of training to be a good dreamer is to sit with what we return from dreaming with long enough for its truth to be revealed. If we gloss over or forget—allow a dream to be too complicated or confusing to interpret or know on a deeper level—we limit ourselves. So part of the training involves doing inner work around the messages we receive in our dreams, to keep them in our awareness. As we work on this during waking hours, keeping our dream messages alive, our dreaming self gains strength as well. As we hone our energy body in dreaming, we begin taking back our personal energy too, making it available for use in this world as well.

We all go to sleep each night. We all dream each night. We all wake up each morning and reenter the life we live in reality. We see these two worlds—night and day, dreaming and sleeping—as so separate, but really they aren’t. They’re two sides of the same coin. We are the coin and both sides are us. The challenge is to meld them, to make them one flowing life. That’s how to become aware.

Dreaming all the time,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Turning

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Worry like heavy stones comes…

Between us, Chuck and I have five children, his three and my two. All in their twenties, all on their own journeys, we worry about them nonetheless. Some days we hear from them as they express deeply painful challenges. On other days they call with good news, glowing in their accomplishments, bubbling with happiness and self-confidence. At other times we hear nothing at all for weeks on end. One of our greatest challenges as parents is to let them all go into the world and have their experiences, whatever they may be, knowing that they are learning how life works, deciding how they want to live their own lives, just as we’ve done.

During my intense recapitulation period, which spanned three years, I received hundreds of messages of guidance. They came from many sources—from dreams, from the signs and synchronicities I’d encounter in everyday life, from otherworldly sources, from the ever-deepening recapitulation process itself—as I dove deeper and deeper into my past and discovered what I harbored in body, mind, and spirit as a result of that past. Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, a familiar voice came to visit and delivered a message from my days of recapitulation.

“Just turn away from that which comes to occupy your mind, turn away from worry, for worry is nothing more than a cogitation of the mind,” the voice said. “Turn away and you will see that it is nothing; it only exists if you let it.”

And so I turned. Each time I woke during the night, I’d automatically turn, and in so doing I left whatever was seeking entry behind. Without thought, I’d turn away, instinctively knowing that it was the right thing to do. But I did notice that each time I turned something seeped away from my awareness; I could feel it fall away from my head and land on the pillow behind me. A thought that was just about to anchor, easily flowed out of me, for I would not allow it to get a grip. And I realized the truth of worry, that it’s like air, flowing through the universe looking for a crack to seep into, looking for an opening. In turning, I refused it. “Nope,” I said, “you can’t land here.”

Eventually the void clears…

For some reason lately, worry has been seeking me out. I feel it coming to me, asking me to engage it. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico, from the lineage of Carlos Castaneda, talk of worry as an entity, seeking to attach and siphon our energy, and that is exactly the way I feel it, as a foreign entity looking for a way in, seeking sustenance. I feel it tickling me, asking me to please let it in.

As a clairvoyant, I’ve made a concerted effort to not let certain “knowings” in, to refuse to accept some of the things that I intuit. There are things that it just isn’t right to know and so I turn away from them as soon as I sense them trying to occupy my psyche, for they too will siphon my energy. In the past, I’d get clear messages of knowing, seeing the unfolding of events, seeing deaths. Such insights aided me in trusting my psychic abilities, but now I don’t need such things, for I accept where I am and who I am. I understand that this “knowing” is natural, part of being human, and yet it must be carefully considered and utilized in the right way.

In addition, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what I know, that the most compassionate thing is to just be present for people as they go through their lives, to be available when sought out. The Buddhists say that it isn’t right to interfere with another person’s life, and I understand that, that we may be interrupting a process many lifetimes have been spent perfecting and is perhaps on the verge of being resolved. I’ve learned that you can’t tell anyone anything either, no matter how clearly you see. I believe that people will get what they need when they are ready, and only when they are ready. And they will get it in their own way.

And so, last night, as worry about others came to tease me, asking me to attach and give it life, I paid attention to my message of guidance and turned away. For I also believe that in attaching to worry my energy would feed it, grow it, and perhaps even manifest it, when in reality I know that in the lives of others there are so many possibilities, so many outcomes, so many paths to unfold.

And so I refuse to influence another’s choice, another’s life in that way, even energetically. By attaching my worry to another, to their decisions, I believe that my energy will interfere. Instead, I choose to send positive energy out into the world, loving energy that says, “Take your journey!” At the same time I continue to train myself in compassionate detachment.

And so, I practice compassion…

I learn compassion as I step back and let others live their own lives, learning as I once learned, by living my own life. As a teenager and young adult, the only thing I wanted was to be freed of others, of my parents and the life I’d had with them. And yet my father was a supreme worrier and so—clairvoyant that I was—I sensed his worry and his fears, and they burdened me. With all that I carried inside me, his burdens were the last things I wanted, and so I was forced to reject him, turning from him so many times because I could not bear his thoughts. I told myself I would never do that to my own kids. I would never burden them with my fears and worries. And so each day, I energetically send them off on their own journeys, freed of my worries.

I know that we all have to live out our lives as we must. I cannot change another’s path, make their choices for them, or direct the outcomes of their lives. I can only work on my own. And so I continue to turn.

Compassion enfolds me at every turn. Love embraces me at every turn. Life fully expressed asks me to come into its arms, receive it, and keep going with it to a new level of understanding and growth. And so I turn and turn, night and day, finding my way to energetic freedom and compassion for myself and others. No matter how much I love the others in my life, I must let them go so that they may fully live, as I too wish to fully live.

Turning,
Jan

And yes, it was the voice of Jeanne that came to me last night, in a deeply loving and compassionate way, so reminiscent of my days of recapitulation.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: A Leaf Falls

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Yesterday, election day in the USA, I sat and meditated in the early morning.

The inevitable fall…

Outside the window the last few leaves of the catalpa tree slowly made their way to the ground. One leaf fell and gently hit the ground with a little bounce. Then another fell, and hit the ground with the same little bounce. And then another and another.

I noticed that the leaves could not stop this process. There was nothing they could do but acquiesce, let go, and tumble through the air. One after another, leaves fell. As each leaf fell it embraced this next phase in its lifecycle, change and disintegration inevitable, nature on course. And then I knew that the outcome of the election would be right, just as it was right that each leaf fall and that the earth absorb the impact and accept it into its bosom.

I ponder my own life. Do I acquiesce to life’s unfolding, to nature’s course?

I study the way my mind works, how it instructs, prompts, and pushes me along in life, asking me to do the right things, be what is expected, uphold certain rules. I acquiesce to the things of this world because I must—I live in this world. But at the same time, I must acknowledge my spirit, the other great force inside me, which instructs quite differently. It asks me to slow down, to simply be. And so I seek balance between these two forces that push, guide, and teach me as I take my journey through life.

I return my gaze to the trees often throughout the day, watching how they handle this cold time of year, the wind and rain of fall, the first frosts, and early snow soon to come. I watch as they prepare in their own ways, shedding that which cannot withstand the impact of this next season. I intuit their shutting down of energy as they pull inward, their outer bark steeled against the impact of weather, while their inner core still holds warmth, along with countless memories of this time of year, of death now and resurrection soon to come.

And so I learn from the trees as I meditate, as I turn inward and let that which is outside of me go the way it goes, taking the natural course. For I know that new life awaits us all, both in death and in this life each day, as we allow ourselves to let go of that which is no longer viable, and as we face the fall that is inevitable.

I’m very happy that President Obama has won reelection, but I also know that had he lost it would have been the next step on this journey, in this time. As I continue to face the changes that I must in my lifetime, I must stay balanced, tending my outer life and my inner life equally. I must do what I think and intuit is right; paying attention to the needs of both of these lives I live so earnestly.

This morning’s sun…

Thoughts turn now to inner warmth, to providing sustenance and life-giving nurturance within, even while I observe the cold shutting down of that which until recently has provided such outer sustenance and nurturance. In inward turning there is much to be garnered, and so I embrace this time of change—a good time for recapitulation and inner work!

In this time of energy consolidation, may you all be well and safe,
Jan