Tag Archives: relationship

Chuck’s place: Twice Born

“Girl in a Large Hat” c. 1645 – c. 1650
by Cesar Boetius van Everdingen
– Rijks Museum

To be born means to be born physically, from mother. This event triggers the activation of archetypes that guide parents in their childrearing practices. Archetypes are latent inborn schemas, which, when activated, direct human behavior.

The powerful parent/child archetypes interact to provide a foundation for the developing personality. For instance, to be held when crying helps a child feel secure that the world will respond to its emotional needs.

Archetypes define needs and expectations in relationships. The archetypes of mother and young child cover a period of need and dependency in childhood, with the entitled expectation that the  basic needs of hunger and safety be met.

The archetypes that dominate family life are so powerful that very often they dominate all of one’s life on earth. Mother’s Day was celebrated but a couple of days ago. The mother archetype is indeed the most powerful archetype. Mother is the source, period, of all human life. Echoes of one’s relationship with mother fundamentally permeate all of one’s relationships in life.

Most mothers are, as Winnicott coined the expression, “good enough.” This means that the basic imperatives of the archetypes are met, helping a child achieve rudimentary adulthood. But archetypes are unyielding in their insistence upon perfection. Thus, many mothers are forever laden with guilt for not having done enough for their children.

But is mother ever allowed to retire from mothering? Must she nurture and be defined only as mother, for her entire life? Must she deny her full personhood, in lieu of her motherly duties, once her children are reared? At what point do adult children and parents become peers, equal as traveling companions in this great mystery of life, death, and beyond?

On the flip side are children, well along in chronological years, who feel terribly shortchanged and resentful that their basic needs in childhood were not met. The power of this sense of inadequacy and emotional need keeps one attached and dependent, sometimes for a lifetime. The archetype can be unrelenting in its entitled demand for its full due.

Adult children and their parents may remain embroiled in interactive patterns that were appropriate for the developmental period of young childhood, as they attempt to fulfill unmet needs. Unfortunately, once the critical period of childhood is over, these archetypal patterns cease to deliver the desired effect. In fact, they tend to intensify both dependency and despondency.

All adults must assume full responsibility for their journeys, regardless of the archetypal misfirings of their childhood. This is not a judgment; it’s a developmental fact. Psychological development in adulthood rests in the hands of the individual, not in the family that reared them.

The real challenge for adulthood, for all parties, is to obtain release from the anachronistic archetypes that bind them. This actually is the function of the initiation rites of both ancient and modern religions; to provide release from archetypes that interfere with transition into new roles in the life cycle.

Recapitulation allows one the soul retrieval journey to square with the archetypes that bind old hurts, needs, resentments, and blame. With recapitulation, one takes full ownership of every event of one’s life, as one reclaims all of one’s energy stuck in those old dramas.

This practice frees one of the archetypal bindings, opening the door to being born again, or twice born. To be twice born is to achieve psychological and emotional maturity and independence.

To be twice born is a spiritual birth, which happens beyond childhood where the primary archetypes that ruled family life are released, as one takes on full responsibility for one’s life as an independent physical and energetic being. To be twice born is to awaken and mature into the spiritual dimension of life in human form.

This is the journey of spirit, for which we prepare in our second birth. In our time, that journey has opened through the widespread experience of the energy body, both in our dreams and in our waking experiences out-of-body. To open to this journey we must transmute our archetypal relationships.

With detachment from archetypal binding, gained through recapitulation, we fully embody, within ourselves, the mother and father we need to be, for ourselves, to navigate our soul’s adventure in infinity. In our time, the door has opened to explore this realm while still alive in a physical body.

For the twice born, this is the deepest intent, while fully loving all, as they undertake their own journeys of discovery. Sending love to all.

One in Spirit,


Soulbyte for Friday January 26, 2018

Take care of your physical body, it is the only one you get! Get grounded in it even as you work on your spirit. Bring the two together in healthy harmony so that your time together may be calm, joyous, and full of gratitude for how you have treated each other. This may be the most difficult and yet the most rewarding partnership you ever have to struggle with, but it is really worth it!

-From the Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne

Soulbyte for Wednesday November 22, 2017

A soul circles back into life again and again seeking experiences, knowledge, and advancement. A soul encompasses all lives lived. A soul embraces all circumstances of life as necessary, thrilling, and enticing situations to be experienced and conquered. A soul is ready to take on everything it encounters. Know these things about your own soul as well as the souls of others. All souls have unique gifts, purposes, and intent. All souls come into life on earth challenged to accomplish a great feat. What is your soul’s great feat? Can you look at your life as your soul’s great feat and respond appropriately to its yearnings for accomplishment, abundance, and manifestation of all that it is capable of? You are your soul’s lifetime partner, the most significant relationship you and it will ever have. And that is where true love is to be found, within the circle of you and your soul!

-From the Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne

Soulbyte for Wednesday July 26, 2017

Be kind and compassionate, especially to those you fear or dislike and to those who try you the most. Find in them something to love and something to like knowing that they too are only human, with human feelings and emotions, though they may keep them hidden and locked away. Let kindness and compassion lead you to right action. Though this may be difficult as you face those you fear or dislike or those who try you the most, remember that eventually good will and good deeds, combined with good intentions will pave the way for a better relationship. Kindness and compassion are energetic, unspoken actions, but they can certainly pack a powerful punch. So watch out! And remember, true kindness and compassion ask for nothing in return!

-From the Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne

Chuck’s Place: Thinking, Feeling, Relationship

Thinking… Feeling…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Thinking and feeling are two diametrically opposed psychological functions. Although they share a judging characteristic in common their methods of assessment are very different.

Thinking is an analytic process that breaks down what it perceives into component parts which it then logically compiles to explain why things happen as they do in reality or how to make specific things happen in reality. Thinking freezes reality, like taking a picture, and then fragments this static image into component parts. Thinking defines itself as capturing objective reality and rendering it knowable through its abstract vocabulary of thoughts.

Feeling, in contrast, assesses reality based on a subjective energetic reaction that registers in the body with an emotional affect defined as feeling. Thus feeling would look at an object in the world and decide if it had value based on the feeling it evoked when perceived through the senses. Whereas a thinking person might be drawn to purchase a picture based on the success of the artist and the quality of the craftsmanship, a feeling person might reject the painting because it elicited a feeling of boredom or distress. “How could I possibly have such a depressing painting in my home. I don’t care what it’s worth, it’s worthless to me!”

Feeling, in contrast to thinking, stays connected to the dynamic whole of a person or a scene. In order to make its assessments it needs access to a fluid interconnectedness with another being. In fact this allows feeling to continually refine its assessments, as it may change its feelings about someone or something as it experiences them more fully in different situations.

In the area of assessing human relationship, thinking and feeling, as might be expected, approach things very differently. Thinking might determine that a potential partner makes sense if they share similar interests, educational backgrounds and hold compatible goals. In contrast, feeling might value a more instinctive reaction of attraction to a potential partner to determine the worthiness of pursuit. Clearly, both functions have their legitimate place in such a significant enterprise as pursuing a relationship.

Many a relationship has failed because a purely instinctive basis does not offer enough to meet the requirements of a fully committed relationship. On the other hand, a purely logical choice of partner that adds up fully on paper but lacks an instinctive connection is destined for serious trouble.

Clearly, thinking and feeling both have their valid contributions in deciding upon a serious commitment in relationship. Sometimes it’s wise to table the feeling and listen to the mind, sometimes it’s wise to stop thinking and follow the program of the feeling.

Though inherently oppositional in nature and function both thinking and feeling have a valid place in decisions of relationship and ought each to be consulted and given their due. Thus with Descartes we might agree: I think, therefore I am, but add: I feel, therefore I am alive!

Thinking and feeling,