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A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & The Mind

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I have always kept a stack of books beside my bed, sometimes neatly arranged on a bookcase or table, other times piled on the floor next to a mattress. As a very young child these books were a thick volume of Mother Goose rhymes and the poetry of A.A. Milne, both of which I knew by heart, every word in every rhyme memorized and treasured. As I lay under the covers at night reciting the words of these dear works the soothing rhythm of their lines enabled me to break through the fears of the day and enter another world. They became the mantras that enabled me to enter a new world of dreams and forgetting.

Coming from a family of readers, observing my mother, with her legs tucked up under her, deeply absorbed in reading, I intuited that books were important, containing something compellingly irresistible. At the same time I saw that they had the power to remove a person from this world, to envelop them and take them away to another world where they could not be reached. Growing up in a family of such readers, the escapist kind, produced a hoard of bubble beings, each of us floating through life safely sequestered inside our own little bubble, with little interaction or spoken word, the draw of the written word always more enticing than actual personal contact.

As I grew older the books advanced with me, the nursery rhymes giving way to Little House on The Prairie and Black Beauty, both of which I secretly cried over, safe in my bubble where I was free to compassionately and empathically absorb and embrace the trials and tribulations of the characters. Fiction and non-fiction, mysteries, classics, historical novels, fantasies; you name it, I read it. By the time I was in my late teens and early twenties the stack of books on the floor of my room in the apartment I shared with two other young women in New York City ranged from some battered and yellowed paperbacks by and about Edgar Cayce that I had found in my grandparent’s attic, to the early works of Carlos Castaneda, and some books on the power of prayer that my grandmother had shyly presented me with one day. My two roommates, gaily flitted off to yoga and meditation classes, lapping up the energy of the times while I sat in my room and read these books, trying to figure out what they meant for me, taking my time to absorb them, studying them and eventually finding my own way to what I needed out in the world.

Now as I look at the books I have on my bedside shelf I recognize the seeker in me, having stayed connected to that which would both catapult and accompany me on my inner journeys as well as my journeys in the world. I have taken my time, the time I have needed, recognizing and finding in the works and adventures of others just the words to send me in the right direction so I could break through the barriers that stood so seemingly solidly in place, as I had once done as a small child lying in bed incessantly repeating the rhymes of comfort and transformation. I have learned that when the time is right, when everything is aligned, I will be shown where I must go next. Of course, it is not just in books and words that we are guided, but in the challenges and synchronicities in life. Even if one is not a reader, but totally absorbed by the outer world the same alignments, signs, and guidance will be present when the time is right for us to take a plunge in a new direction and break through the barriers that seem so solidly constructed.

For me, those barriers have most often appeared in the form of words, just as the key to breakthrough has also most often appeared in words, both my own words and those of others. The words we grow up with, the commands and demands of our parents, our teachers, our bibles and catechisms, become the mantras that replay and hold us captive, until one day we decide, by fate or choice, that it’s time to resist them, to reject them, to turn them off and to look in a new direction for new words of guidance. This day may come slowly and methodically or it may come over us all of a sudden with a big whack over the head. But when this day arrives, when we begin to question the repetitive, incessant dialogue inside our heads, wondering who said that to us, or how we could ever have held such a belief, we are choosing to break through the barriers that have kept us confined in a limiting and unsatisfying world.

When this moment comes, whether because the right words have been read or spoken, or because life has just delivered another blow, or because there is just no other choice to make, this is the moment when, as don Juan suggests, infinity calls. This is the moment that Pema Chödrön in her book When Things Fall Apart recognizes as the catalyst. “Instinctively I knew that annihilation of my old dependent, clinging self was the only way to go,” she says on page 14. This is the moment when Carl Jung asked his unconscious for a sign and he received the vision that would eventually send him on his deepest explorations as recounted in The Red Book. And this is the moment of invitation into recapitulation.

Carlos Castaneda recounts his own adventures into recapitulation with don Juan in The Active Side of Infinity, which I have been using as a resource for the past few weeks in my essays on the recapitulation process. On page 168, don Juan introduces Carlos to the idea of the mind as a foreign installation, and suggests that Carlos note how, in undertaking recapitulation, his true mind is emerging. Don Juan says to Carlos:

“The haunting memory of your recollections could come only from your true mind. The other mind that we all have and share is, I would say, a cheap model: economy strength, one size fits all. But this is a subject that we will discuss later. What is at stake now is the advent of a disintegrating force. But not a force that is disintegrating you—I don’t mean it that way. It is disintegrating what the sorcerers call the foreign installation, which exists in you and in every other human being. The effect of the force that is descending on you, which is disintegrating the foreign installation, is that it pulls sorcerers out of their syntax.”

The mind as foreign installation is what I am referring to when I write of the incessant dialogue, the mantras of old that feed us and, yes, even nurture us through most of our life, until the moment arrives when we question their advice and even their very presence. This is the moment that our syntax, the world as we have always known it, no longer fits who we are or how we perceive or experience ourselves. This is the moment when the mind, old conjurer that it is, confronts us with its old mantras, seeking to draw us back into its comforts, but we know, with utter certainty, that we cannot go back. When Pema Chödrön is confronted by her husband asking for a divorce, her syntax shatters. She writes:

“I tried hard—very, very hard—to go back to some kind of comfort, some kind of security, some kind of familiar resting place. Fortunately for me, I could never pull it off.”

When we are confronted with the shattering of the foreign installation, the mind as it has been constructed throughout our lives, when we are thrown into free fall, into a place where nothing is familiar, and we feel like we are being annihilated or disintegrating, we want desperately to reach back to something that will anchor us. But as we grasp for the old syntax we find that the world that once served us so well is gone, that it no longer holds what we need. This is when we enter into a new phase of our recapitulation. This is when we enter the moment of choosing to change not only ourselves but our entire outlook on life, accepting that we will allow our entire perception of the world, as we know it, to disintegrate before our eyes and allow our mind, that foreign installation, to go with it. This is the moment when we experience our true mind. When we allow the old mantras to cease comforting us and look for what the next moment offers, fully aware that we are electing to take a journey of disintegrating change, we have finally gotten to the place that don Juan refers to as thus, on page 182 in The Active Side Of Infinity:

“He explained to me the intricacies of choice,” writes Carlos. “He said that choice, for warrior-travelers, was not really the act of choosing, but rather the act of acquiescing elegantly to the solicitations of infinity.”

“Infinity chooses,” he said. “The art of the warrior-traveler is to have the ability to move with the slightest insinuation, the art of acquiescing to every command of infinity. For this, a warrior-traveler needs prowess, strength, and above everything else, sobriety. All those three put together give, as a result, elegance!”

When Carlos struggles to make sense of his experiences in infinity don Juan suggests the following:

“It is unbelievable, but it’s not unlivable,” he said. “The universe has no limits, and the possibilities at play in the universe at large are indeed incommensurable. So don’t fall prey to the axiom, ‘I believe only what I see,’ because it is the dumbest stand one can possibly take.”

So, if we ponder that axiom for a moment, ‘I believe only what I see,’ and ask where it comes from, who planted it in our mind, who first spoke those words to us, or where did we read them, we might, if we are being true to ourselves, realize that those are words of the foreign installation. Because if we are indeed warrior-travelers in infinity, we know that our experiences supersede every idea that our mind has ever had or put in place.

Our true mind knows that anything can happen, that everything is possible and that once we acquiesce to the solicitations of infinity that old mind cannot hold up, under any circumstances. It will no longer give us what we need or want. It is then that we begin to look beyond the old mantras and the old comforts for something else to lead us. As don Juan, Carl Jung, Pema Chödrön, and Carlos Castaneda recognize, this is the moment of disintegration leading to new awareness. This is when we know that the only way to live is in the moment, soberly acquiescing to and learning from what infinity offers us.

On a final note, as I discussed today’s blog with Chuck this morning at breakfast, I found that I could not find the words to describe to him what I was going to write about. Spoken words have always been so inaccurate and fleeting to me, sent out on a puff of air, unclear and often jumbled, not yet fallen into just the right alignment. “It will all come together as I write,” I said to him. As I have honed how I use words, over a lifetime of career and personal writings, I know that the moment when it all comes together is largely directed by a force outside of me; creative energy perhaps. As Pema Chödrön’s teacher, Chögyam Tungpa Rinpoche, said to her once: “Relax and write,” so do I know that, once I acquiesce to the process, the process has a way of taking me where I need to go.

And so now here we are already past noon and I am looking over what I have written. I humbly offer these words that have fallen into just this essay today, coming together outside of the conjuring foreign installation of the mind that attempted to explain to Chuck earlier in the day what I would be writing about. Here it is now, come, in the end, from somewhere else; infinity perhaps?

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan

NOTE: The books mentioned in this blog are available for purchase through our Store.

Messages from Jeanne

#713 Understanding Change

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Today I ask for guidance for everyone, as we continue our journeys and whether we notice how we are affected by the outer energy or not. What message do you have for us?

Do not forget why you are there, why you live now upon that earth. If you feel you have not discovered your purpose, I can give you an inkling of what it might be: You are all there to grow and evolve as energy beings. You are there to change. You are there to push the self constantly to change.

So, how can you change today? Look at your life with clear and truthful eyes. You do know what, and where, needs immediate release and shift in your life. This is where you must start. And in order to start you must confront your fears as they arise. In order to confront your fears you must dare the self to move in a new direction, incrementally if there is no possibility of great change at the moment.

If you are in a position to both foresee and precipitate drastic change, I ask that you remain calm, deliberate and slow in your progress. If you are not in a position to enact drastic change at this moment, I ask that you also respond to the urgings of your spirit with slow, deliberate and thoughtful steps.

Change, in order to have an effect in your life, must be undertaken with conscious and calculated actions, based not on fear of confrontation, or on the need to flee, but only because it is right.

A determination that change is necessary must first become acceptable in order for enactment of change to be right. If you are not yet of the mind that change is indeed what life requires then it is time to stay only with inner work. Inner work will lead to outer action, but until the inner self is in alignment with words of great meaning and impact—that will result in taking action—it is not possible to truly change.

You see what I am saying? No matter what you read or hear, from my words or from others who seek to guide, your personal journey of change will not proceed if you have not come to an inner understanding of what it means to truly change.

I, and others who speak of spirit, of energy, and of evolutionary growth, do not propose that an individual react simply to advice as it is spelled out. My words are presented merely as thoughts to propose to the inner self, thoughts that may provoke an awakening. No awakening or deeper activity will happen, however, if you have not allowed your inner process to guide you more than what you hear outside of you. Your personal inner work is really all that matters and all that you must pay attention to.

Although the outer energy may propose that change is necessary, it is only by sitting in stillness with the inner self that you will know if change at this moment is right for you. Take time to be quiet and thoughtful, but most of all be patient with yourself, both your inner self and your outer self.

Your outer self may be restless and urging you to do something that your inner self is not ready for, or that your inner self knows is not right. Only by allowing these two selves to interact will you be in a position to know such things.

If you are looking to change the self today, this is the first place to begin, by changing how you interact with the two selves. That will be work enough!

I do not mean to suggest that outer activity requires much attention, except as it may guide to inner exploration. As you grow and feel that the world outside of you is less interesting, as your ego fulfills its duties and shows you the importance of spirit, so may you discover that inner work is where change may be enacted. This is a lifelong process and one that deserves attention.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & Infinity

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Over the past few weeks I have written about recapitulation as both a shamanic journey and as undertaking the inner journey, doing deep psychological work. Today, I touch on the other experiences that arise as one undertakes recapitulation and deep inner work, the experiences of infinity: of spirit, of channeling, of visions, of seeing and experiencing energy. Infinity presented as a shamanic or spiritual term, really boils down to experiencing the self as energy, interconnected to all other energy, having experiences that cannot be defined in rational terms.

Carlos Castaneda writes, in The Active Side of Infinity, that he did not have explanations for the effects his recapitulation was having on him, that when facing the unknown and being confronted with things he did not have interpretations for he could not find a means of describing them. Don Juan presented him with a new source of interpretation by telling him that “infinity, or the voice of the spirit,” would come to his aid. He writes:

“Don Juan has guided me to accept the idea that infinity was a force that had a voice and was conscious of itself. Consequently, he had prepared me to be ready to listen to that voice and act efficiently always, but without antecedents, using as little as possible of the railings of the a priori. I waited impatiently for the voice of the spirit to tell me the meaning of my recollections, but nothing happened.” (p. 169)

As he goes on to recapitulate more memories of how he had behaved towards others in his life he finally arrives at the following: “I didn’t have to ponder anymore the significance of my vivid visions. For an unquestionable certainty invaded me, as if coming from outside me.” (p. 172) He goes on to explain how he discovered that the dictums he had been brought up with had overtaken him, what he had been taught driving his every action; so deeply ingrained they became necessities. This realization is his turning point. He goes on to say:

“I was aware, beyond any doubt, that what was at stake was infinity. Don Juan had portrayed it as a conscious force that deliberately intervenes in the lives of sorcerers. And now it was intervening in mine. I knew that infinity was pointing out to me, through the vivid recollections of those forgotten experiences, the intensity and depth of my drive for control, and thus preparing me for something transcendental to myself. I knew with frightening certainty that something was going to bar any possibility of my being in control, and that I needed, more than anything else, sobriety, fluidity, and abandon in order to face the things that I felt were coming to me.” (p. 172)

Don Juan admonishes Carlos to not get caught in “psychological exaggeration,” but to accept that he had entered an irreversible process. “Your true mind is emerging, waking up from a state of lifelong lethargy,” he says. Carlos writes:

“Infinity is claiming you,” he [don Juan] continued. “Whatever means it uses to point that out to you cannot have any other reason, any other cause, any other value than that. What you should do, however, is to be prepared for the onslaughts of infinity. You must be in a state of continuously bracing yourself for a blow of tremendous magnitude. That is the sane, sober way in which sorcerers face infinity.” (pp. 172-3)

Carlos proceeded to do what most of us do when faced with the “onslaughts of infinity,” he got busy, immersing himself in work, in writing, in anything to keep infinity at bay. During my own recapitulation I too used all my energy to keep infinity from invading and seeping into my life, until finally, out of sheer exhaustion, I realized it was hopeless. There was nothing I could do to keep it away, including my connection with Jeanne, which both greatly aided me and frightened me at the same time. My own experiences mirror what don Juan described to Carlos in the following excerpt, as he talked about the results of going into inner silence:

“He assured me that a dot of a peculiar, rich, pomegranate red shows up, as if bursting from the lavender clouds. He stated that as sorcerers become more disciplined and experienced, the dot of pomegranate expands and finally explodes into thoughts or visions, or in the case of a literate man, into written words; sorcerers either see visions engendered by energy, hear thoughts being voiced as words, or read written words.” (p. 174)

Carlos went on to have an experience of words moving at tremendous speed, impossible to read. After his experience he rushed to tell don Juan about what had happened to him, as I once rushed to Chuck, needing anchoring in this reality. Don Juan assured him that he had had his first encounter with infinity and although its descent was not gentle, it was nonetheless how it appeared and that Carlos was going to have to learn how to adjust to its onslaughts. In my own case, I too had to learn how my connection with Jeanne was meant to be utilized, what it really meant for me personally, but also what I was supposed to be doing with it: what I was being shown and why by infinity.

Carl Jung also experienced the “onslaughts of infinity,” and many of his psychological terms and tools come from these personal experiences. The Red Book is his personal journey into the unconscious, into what don Juan called inner silence, the place where we are offered access to that which lies beyond the rational world, which has so structured and defined our perceptions.

In The Red Book, on pages 230-231, Jung contrasted “the spirit of the time” with “the spirit of the depths” as two opposing forces that must be reconciled with, the outer rational world with the inner unknown world. When he asked “the spirit of the depths” to give him a sign that it was right to no longer resist its call, he received a two hour long vision that happened in broad daylight. This was the beginning of his journey back to his soul, for he could not resist this “onslaught of infinity.”

In daring to take the inner journey, whether it be called recapitulation or inner work, reliving memories or doing active imagination, both Carlos and Carl entered other worlds, as real as this one. Despite initial fear and resistance, in finally acquiescing to the “onslaughts of infinity,” they both perceived and experienced energy differently. Their lives changed when they chose to take the journey with infinity leading the way, as both resource and guide.

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan

NOTE: The books mentioned in this blog are available for purchase through our Store.

News and Notes

Today’s Message from Jeanne

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Today, I am posting below two separate messages from Jeanne. The first one, #710, is a general question about the energy and guidance for the week. The second one, #711, refers to some guidance I requested regarding an incident in our yard—nature doing its thing again—but I wanted to know what the significance was for us personally. So I thought I would share that message with you, because it seems appropriate to our times.

Be well, and I’ll be back again on Wednesday with another blog about recapitulation or some other theme that arises between now and then. Have a good week!
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#711 The Groundhog is Dead!

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Thank you for those words of insight regarding my first question for today. Sometimes I feel that I get caught up in feeling the energy of shift but then I fall back into complacency, almost there before I know it. The other evening, Chuck and I were sitting in our yard talking and enjoying the breezes, unwinding after a busy day. I kept smelling something rotten, and in fact pretty soon it was so overwhelming that I said: “We have to go inside; I just can’t stand the smell anymore!”

I was determined to find out where the stench was coming from, certain that a dead animal lay nearby. The next morning I looked all over the yard but found nothing. Even Spunky the dog, sniffing and restless as all heck, could not locate the animal. Every time she went too far her old legs gave out and I had to lift her back up and lead her into the house, for I could not leave her outside to sit calmly, as is her habit, for she was too restless. Later that morning, my son called to me, he had found the culprit! “A half of a rotting groundhog is lying next to my car, the top half!” he exclaimed. And there it lay, just where Spunky had been heading every time she stumbled and fell, a dead top half of a groundhog, neatly severed mid-torso, its arms and head lying in a pile of pine needles. It was quite a strange sight. I shoveled it up and tossed into the woods in the backyard and then called Chuck to tell him I had found the smell, a dead groundhog! “The groundhog is dead?!” he asked in wonderment, for he has written extensively about “groundhog day” habits. “Half of the groundhog is dead,” I specified, for I had no idea where the other half was and though I searched and sniffed around the yard, it was not to be found.

We surmised that this was still a very good sign, that something meaningful was being presented to us, and that we are indeed evolving if even half of the groundhog is dead! Jeanne, can you shed some light on this most intriguing sign?

Yes, My Dear One, I can certainly expound upon your summary, for it is indeed a precipitous sign, if you take it personally, as you do, and not just as an annoying stench.

First, you must note that it is the top half, or front half, of the groundhog, the consuming end: the mouth, eyes, nose, ears, and the digging paws with their sharp claws. It is the end that sniffs out life, but that incessantly digs in and wallows in the ground, for it cannot help itself. It must burrow into the earth. It is the desirous senses, the busy ego self, who digs so diligently to set up a life that is safe, secure, and patterned after the familiar. All groundhogs act this way. No groundhog has ever done otherwise. This is the truth of this creature: it is a creature of nature and it will do what it does until it dies. It is only when it dies that it changes, otherwise it follows its nose and its digging compulsions. It can do nothing else.

Humans, on the other hand, may look upon such a creature as cumbersome, unenlightened, rather boring. However, this is a perfect reflection of the ego in the world, for, in truth, it only does so much before it has utilized all its skills and it can go no further. The bigger the ego, the bigger the burrow, but it is still a burrow.

Look now on the fact that the ego aspect of self, the front half of the groundhog, is dead and rotting in your yard, next to a vehicle of travel no less, its stench so overwhelming that you could not rest in its presence! The habits of the ego—doing what it does so naturally—are now compromised, because the truth is, that in your world, the time of the ego in compulsion is dead. It is a time now of spirit, that which has been missing. But note, it is not likely that spirit has been totally absent from even the life of the groundhog, for its energy did exist in its very life force, though it was unconscious energy. Humans, however, have conscious awareness in every moment of life, yet do you push it away in the same manner that you attempt to push away the stench of decay.

In conclusion, I suggest that half an ego is enough, enough to navigate the world, using it to digest what you must, while at the same time accepting your most necessary inner awareness as your main guide in life. Can you allow your burrowing to become energetic exploration now, going deeper into new habits, while you allow the old ones to remain as compost upon the past, nurturing your future? Can you, My Dear Ones, use your spiritual drive and awareness to continue your digging toward fulfillment?

This is a time of great shift from the old to the new, from old habits to new means of growth. This is always what life is about, but as usual the choice is yours. However, it is very clear that, for all of you, over the past few weeks some old part of you has been creating quite a stench, and you all know that it is time to let it go. It is time to find a new method of digging and tending your gardens, My Dears. All of you have the tools within and that is where you must look.

Remain aware of what comes into your world to show you the means of growth. Life is all about growing and evolving and it will guide you energetically in signs and by all means available in nature and otherwise, so be alert. Take the signs to heart and ask to be shown your new path. Ask to be freed of your fears by facing them. Even as your fears lead you in the direction your life must take, even as they may force you to turn from the decaying remains of an old self, so are they your greatest guides.

We have no idea where the other half of the groundhog is, but I gather that it is not important. I see that enough has been presented to us and I accept the challenge to keep growing, even though I may have to do it differently.

Yes, that is what you are being presented with now: to keep going, using new tools, doing life differently on all fronts, without fear of the old catching up. For, after all, the groundhog is showing you that it is dead. The other half of the process is up to you.

Is the groundhog half dead, or half alive? Which way do you see it? And which half do you elect to use as your catalyst? Still need some groundhog in your life?