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Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: The Shadow Lurks

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I seem to do a lot of my inner work in dreaming. It has always been this way. My psyche seems to like to work on issues of importance while my mind sleeps and luckily, more often than not, especially if I intend it, I wake up with good dream recall. I have also discovered that if I present a dreaming intent my psyche readily obliges, giving me just what I need. Over the past few weeks I have made some decisions, one of which, as you know, was to change my name to my married name. This is not as easy at it may sound. Any woman who has faced this prospect upon marriage knows this. Suddenly, a well-known identity is challenged and the big question of “Who am I?” arises. During my recent process of making this life changing decision I had the following dream.

I am having a funeral for Jan Hughes. I am burying her in a field on a hill, under the spreading limbs of a tall tree. As the funeral progresses I have an inner dialogue with this “old Jan,” as she is lowered into the grave, as dirt is thrown onto the casket, and as she is put to rest. I tell her that I am not abandoning her, that I am not rejecting her, but that she has done her life’s work and it is time for her to recede while a new me takes over. I am thankful for the life we had together. I thank her for accompanying me this far and for taking me on my recapitulation journey. I tell her this as her grave is covered, as a headstone is put in place, and as I walk away and leave her buried under the tree, knowing that something is not quite resolved, but I am not sure what it is yet. Even so, every day, in the dream, as I pass by the spot on the hill where she is buried I see her headstone and know that I have made the right decision.

Three days later, I have another dream related to the same theme. In this dream I am approached by a woman who I recognize from my past. When I knew her I was in awe of her and admired her for many reasons. She was beautiful. She wore her hair in a short pixie cut and I once cut my hair like hers, wanting to be like her. She was tall, not exceedingly thin, and she had perfect posture and moved with definite grace, totally in her body, while I am short and in the past tended to hunch my shoulders more than I do now, totally not in my body. She carried herself with such confidence and seemed totally relaxed with who she was, both in her work and in her personal life. In the dream, she is old, her hair is longer and very scraggly, thin, hanging in her face, her expression is withdrawn and dark, her eyes sunken and haunted looking, her skin wrinkled and her cheeks, once so plump and rosy, are cavernous. She comes very close to me and peering into my face says in a harsh whisper: “I love you. I have always loved you. I want to be with you. I want to be your lover forever. Don’t leave me.”

“Oh, yes,” I say, “I remember you came to me in a dream once before and told me the same thing, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” she says, “but you wouldn’t pay attention.”

“But I’m married now,” I say. She looks devastated when I say this and I am not sure what to do with her. She looks sad, sick, lifeless, and I feel her love for me as well as her pain at being rejected. I don’t want to make her feel any worse, but I can’t figure out what to say to her. “I’ll keep it in mind,” I say, referring to her desire to love me forever. And at that she disappears and I wake up.

As I write down this dream upon awakening, I begin to see this woman as my shadow. She tells me that she loves me and is asking me to integrate her. She is my extraverted self whom I have kept hidden for so long, unloved and uncared for, as I have lived most of my life as an introvert. I chose the life of a freelance artist and writer so that I did not have to be in the world or interact in the world, except minimally. She is asking me to take her as my lover, to give her life, to be what I once projected onto her and in so doing restore her beauty. It is my personal challenge, in this life, to be extraverted. I know this. I am totally at ease in introversion, in doing inner work, it is all I have ever done, but being in the world is and always has been my challenge.

It is interesting to note here that I did recently bump into this woman from my past, several months ago, and I was struck by how much she had changed. She did in fact look quite haggard. Her hair was longer and rather thin and, I thought, rather unattractive compared to the way she looked with a shorter cut. She looked almost unhealthy, whereas ten or so years ago when I last saw her she looked beautifully ageless, with that amazing posture and self-assured presence. When I saw her recently I felt that we had almost exchanged personas. She looked the way I did ten years ago, before I did my recapitulation, before my real inner work started. Now I have long thick flowing almost white hair, I am softer and more glowing, and my hunched shoulders are pulling back, my posture exhibiting more self-confidence, and my haunted look is gone.

When she comes to me in the dream, this woman from the past is asking me to embrace her as she is now. The last time she came in a dream, I rejected her, and she mentions it. I was not ready at that time, but now I am. She, the shadow, wants me to love the old self now, to embrace the woman I have buried, but also to not reject her. I must not only love what this woman, this shadow once represented and what I projected onto her, but I must also love what she now carries, the old me. And I must do so without feeling sorry for her, but fully embrace her with compassion and love for our unfolding journey together, in real life and in dreaming life. And I must also accept her admiration of me, as I have changed and evolved, for that would complete the picture. As I take back the long ago projection, and love all these parts of myself, I am accepting the challenge.

This is the kind of stuff that the psyche presents to us, whether in dreams, in daily life, or in what happens to us. We are always, in some way, presented with our issues; in problems that arise and in the people we meet and interact with. When we are ready to make some changes and move on, embracing our evolving selves, we are given the opportunity to integrate, to take back our projections, and to embrace the totality of who we are and who we have the potential to still become. I guess I would just like to stress that, in looking to the workings of the psyche, I was able to see how these two dreams were meaningful in my own process of change, and how, as I looked deeper, I was presented with what really lurked below the surface, asking for resolution.

Even though I feel like I have done nothing but deep inner work for the past ten years, I am still being challenged to keep doing it, to go deeper and deeper, into my own shadows. You never know what or who might be lurking there!

Until next time, may your dreams take you where you need to go!
Love,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#664 A Biosphere of Self

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Today we start our new channeling schedule, as I wrote about last week in A New Intent. Spring is soon upon us in the Northeast, a time for all of us to embrace new beginnings, changes, and practices. With today’s channeling, I ask that you address your readers with a message for the week ahead. What is the most important and meaningful guidance you can offer us at this time?

I suggest again, as I have in the past, that you look upon nature and take your guidance from the reality before your eyes as much as you take guidance from my words, for nature itself is doing what I suggest all of you do each day. And that is: to awaken with conscious awareness that you too are driven by energy, the same energy that drives nature and the animals, that conducts nature’s research and experimentation, each day, as the sun rises, as the darkness recedes, and life awakens to proceed on its merry way, unfolding in a process of growth and evolution.

Each one of you, in order to become part of the greater evolving energy must find your connection to it in some fashion that resonates. Find connection not only to your own inner spirit self as a most vital step in growth, but do not forget to live fully in that world as one of the creatures of nature, guided by the energy of that which lives connected, driven, and enhanced by the pure energy of life in motion. Today, as you begin a new week in your lives, stay connected to the fact that you are energy in motion too, that you are nature itself, that the world belongs to you, you to it, and that, in symbiosis, all is possible.

You live in an environment that is perfectly set up for your habitation. Everything you could possibly need exists in nature. You are provided with the air you need for breath of life, the water you need to survive, the sun and the moon to regulate your sleeping and waking states. You are provided with food; the raw ingredients for sustenance and healing are available in that which is provided by nature. You live in the perfect biosphere, the perfect balanced environment. Accept that fact. Treat the earth with respect and it too will return the favor. Find out who you are supposed to be as a natural member of that biosphere. What is your true role? What are you supposed to be contributing to its health and nurturance?

Even as you seek without what you are supposed to find for your own health and nurturance, look to the earth around you for the answers to your inner issues too. In pollution, exploitation, defilement and waste of the earth will you discover your personal issues replicated before your eyes. For all who look upon the earth and see destruction and decay, overuse and greed, and the destruction of the fine balance that is so necessary for healthy and sustained living, and wish for healing, must turn inward to the natural inner environment and seek equal purity, respect, and balance there too.

With each new spring upon that earth nature stirs in each of you. You cannot deny it. And what is it that stirs, but your ancient selves, your ancient wisdom and knowledge, and the deepest truths of the human race that are revealing that, as big and powerful as you have gotten, as large and synthetic, as wasteful and greedy, so are you nothing more than that which you feel stirring in you on a beautiful spring day after a long, cold, dark winter. And what is stirring? It is energy itself; it is life; it is nature at its rawest, the essence of life.

Return now to thinking about the self as energy.
In energetic form you are compatible with man,
with nature, with the heavens and the earth,
with the pull of the planets and the flowing of the rivers.
In energetic form you are whole, you are complete.

The challenge comes in holding onto this basic truth that you are,
first and foremost,
one with nature.
Within this truth hides many other truths.
Within this truth lies darkness and light,
the known and the unknown,
good and evil,
the highest of ideals and the lowest of instincts,
the loftiest thoughts and the thinnest of veneers of self.

For you are all that you see,
all that you perceive,
all that you love,
all that you despise,
all that you fear,
and all that you cannot yet see.
You are behind the veils and you provide the veils.
You are goodness itself,
yet are you the darkness that lurks in the shadows of life.

You are not only a natural biosphere,
but you are also an energetic biosphere,
a spiritual biosphere,
a mental biosphere,
a physical biosphere.
You are wholeness,
oneness,
complete.

This is your life challenge, you know, My Dear Readers; to find this out, to discover what it means to be complete, to discover the truths of the self, on all levels. Who are you now, this moment, as you read these words? Who will you be five minutes from now? Who will you be five hours and five days from now? You may notice that you have the ability to shift and change from moment to moment, depending on the situation you are in, that you are multi-personalities, that you act and react and determine your journey based on so many factors, all existing within as well as without. You have choice, opportunity, the option to change, at your fingertips, each day. These are the things that must be utilized. They must become your tools of nature, your tools for use in your biosphere of self.

I do stress, quite often, that it is important to remember that you are energy, that you are responsible for every action and decision in your life, that you are whole, that you are in charge of your life. Now, as change comes to you in many forms, I ask that you reconsider all of these thoughts and reapply them to your life, to your journey through that life, to both your spiritual journey and to your journey upon that earth. Look to nature for guidance. Study it in its raw state, driven by the energy to live, to evolve, to change. This is the message I leave you with today: Seek to find your true place as one, as nature.

Messages from Jeanne

#662 You Are All Bodhisattvas in Intent

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Today’s question comes from Chuck followed up by a question from Jan.

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
When you first left this world you returned briefly to Cambodia to effect the completion of your life as Jeanne Ketchel, not needing to fully reincarnate. You then returned in spirit as guide and support for Jan in her long and arduous recapitulation. Things then shifted as I was fully brought in to participate in this mystery, greatly shifting my own evolution.

Your place of compassion continues to flow though Jan and I, as we deepen our abilities to detach. At this stage, I see you functioning in the role of a Bodhisattva, one who is enlightened but chooses to remain connected to this world as a teacher with deep compassion for all. Would you agree with this characterization of you at this time?

My Dear Ones, I am one of many such connectors, trained through our own evolving to be available as teachers. So, yes, your characterization fits well the place I now inhabit, the title Bodhisattva bestowed by men who long ago learned the truths of life and meaning. These ancient knowers do not now hold back their knowledge, but half of the world does not avail themselves of such ancient knowledge. Too fearful of life itself are they to even consider that life is meant to be lived in preparation for death of the human form and entry into life and adventure beyond that human form.

As you know, I have spoken of my early times after death as my learning ground, and I have been on quite an adventure, I can tell you. Chuck, our adventures into Tensegrity were nothing compared to the instruction I have received and completed on my most recent travels due to my level of awareness now. That being said, yes, this life I now lead is quite rightly one of advanced knowledge with its purpose as teacher, its greatest and most humble task. For I do not hold reign, nor do I capitalize upon any position, for I am not ego or self, but energy itself. I can only hold what I have rightfully learned and what I have trained hard for, earning energetic intent and content of knowledge as I progress.

In my own practices I have advanced many levels since I departed that realm, since I left behind the body of Jeanne Ketchel to be dealt with by you, My Chuck. I have worked hard to grasp not only the true meaning of all that I encountered upon my transformation, but I chose this life I now lead. For the time being, I am content to be part of the process of teaching not only love and compassion, detachment and evolution, but also in giving you access to connection with us and to offer greater knowledge and awareness to those of you who reside upon that earth.

I ask that you allow yourselves to let go of fear of what I speak of, for there is no harm in exploring the possibilities that lie before you, as you will one day leave that earth. I offer what I can through the many channels that I have available to me. And by channel I do not only mean people such as Jan, who “channel,” but I also encompass in that statement the energetic means by which I have access to that realm. In energetic form one has possibility to go between worlds, to access for reasons of guidance, comfort, enlightenment, etc., and to teach, in order for those of you upon that earth to have the opportunity to grow and to resolve the issues that bind you so heavily to that realm.

In teaching, in reaching out, in presenting what I too had to learn as a student of energy, I offer you the other side of life. Your life upon that earth is but only half of what you have available to learn about. I appreciate your braveness in daring to trust my words of guidance. I humbly acknowledge your innocence and I hold it most tenderly. All of my readers and students of energy, all who look for connection and guidance, I hold you most humbly to my center of love, of compassion, and of innocence too. For in my state, I encompass all those things, while at the same time I am a being who continues to evolve, to learn, and to understand that which is available to me at this level.

You have taught us so much over the years and we continually find your teachings reflected in the works of others, both in current and past channeled works, in ancient texts, and in the writings of those who have truly explored their inner world. Many who have done the inner journey have learned what we have been learning through you. I would have to say that, although I was always innerly turned and spiritually driven, I, Jan, was not as widely read on the inner world as you and Chuck were. In your pursuit of careers as psychotherapists you did a lot of deep inner work at an earlier age. My inner journey was always based more in my experiences and my exploration of them. Now I see the journeys we all three took as equally valid and necessary, each of us learning in the way that fit us most well.

Now we have this connection, with you having gone ahead to teach from there, me as your channel, interpreting your guidance, and Chuck as the real teacher of how to take the inner journey here on earth. Our connection bridges our two worlds so that we can offer, most humbly and from our hearts’ intents, what we learn. We are able to anchor with you through the experiences we have had with you, gaining a fuller understanding of the meaning and purpose of life upon this earth. Previously, you have spoken of the three of us having been connected in past lives, and that we have rejoined now in order to do this work together. I find it amazing and yet I struggle with finding a better way to make your teachings more well known. For we often feel that you are a modern version of that very ancient knowledge you speak of.

How can those of us who are channeling and teaching what it means to take the inner journey —and trying to do so without personal gain, using only energetic intent— offer what we are learning? There are many who are in this role, with purity of intent and purpose in their hearts. Is it enough to do what we are doing now?

Those of you upon that earth in the role of channel, of having private connections, those of you who innocently and shyly have been accepting your abilities to communicate on such a level, must continue to allow your personal connections to evolve. As you practice, you begin to change the self, and that is always the first step in enacting evolutionary change on a greater level: to first dare the self to change. As you allow the self to take the inner journey and go into the unknown, as you return to your innocence and your trust in the energy of all life, you confront your fears and inner issues that block your energy from its true purpose.

In your personal inner work you will discover the many layers of self: the ego self, the big baby self, the inner child self, the fierce adult self, the hidden parent self, the masculine/feminine selves, etc. As you do your inner work the process becomes just that, a totally innerly process. It is a process of breaking down all that you suppose, know, and adhere to about the self and the world, allowing the elements to be sifted through, until they become but grains of sand in your hands. At that point you are ready to blow it all into the wind and totally accept that you are nothing of importance, except energy that is available to channel. Then you are ready to be present upon that earth without ego and attachments to the past, available to go forward without fear and to bring back what you learn, simply because it is available to you and it is right to do so.

You are not special, any of you. This you learn as you take the deeper inner journey. Once you have reduced your ego —your past, your present, your future selves— to that sand, and allow it to be taken by the wind, you will enter the world of energy more fully and you will begin to get it, to get what life is all about, and your purpose will become most clear.

I say: Stay open. Do the inner work at all times. Question your actions. Face your fears. Provide the self with opportunities to make spiritual, energetic contact that carries right resonance for you alone. Your connection awaits. You will discover, as you work with your personal guide and as you take your personal inner journey, what you alone must learn, and your purpose in the world will unfold.

So, to firmly answer your question, I say, keep doing your inner work, trust your connections, allow the self to take the journey that unfolds, and allow your innocence to guide you to what is right to do next. How will you know it is the right next step to take? As I have said many times before:

It will be the direction that challenges and frightens you the most. It will be the one that is most energetically charged. It will be no less challenging than the day you die and face what comes next. As you continue to do your inner work, My Dear Readers All, you will understand that you are all Bodhisattvas in intent. For it is that which lies at the root of all beings, and it is that which you seek: total alignment with the soul’s purpose.

Take your soul’s journey, even as you take your human journey, parallel lives that eventually merge. And when that happens you will know exactly what to do in order to teach what you too have learned. But first must you truly live it, and that is what we, your guides, are teaching you how to do. We are teaching you how to live your soul’s journey.

Messages from Jeanne

#660 Times of Learning

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Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Do you have a message of guidance for all of your readers today?

My Dear Ones, do not doubt your experiences in that life you now live, nor attempt to project too far beyond the present, for in so doing will you miss some vital signs that are ready to lead you forward, to guide you as you live each day. In order to truly progress and evolve upon that earth one must not reject the mundane aspects of each day in favor of spiritual enlightenment alone. For your life upon that earth is meant to teach you something of great value so that you may evolve as a human being, as well as in your spiritual pursuits. Today, I stress not only the balance that is so necessary in order to truly grow and gain clarity, but I also stress how necessary it is that you truly accept each moment of your life upon that earth as most necessary for you personally to learn from.

Do not dismiss your issues and problems and seek to run or hide from them. Do not pretend that they don’t exist or that you are above them in any way, but accept them as significant markers of your journey, lessons that you personally must learn something from. See your difficulties in life as the tools to learning what to do next, as the next steps along your path.

In order to get beyond anger and disappointment one must truly embrace life as it comes, every aspect as meaningful and not only to be gotten through, but as times of learning. And what is it you are supposed to be learning? You are learning how to balance the reality of your world with the truth of your innocent self, who truly wants to live but who must wait for you to prepare the way so that it will be safe for that innocent self to emerge and be with you in the world. You must prepare the way by becoming strong and thick-skinned enough to withstand all that life could possibly throw at you, so that your spiritual one may join you in life, knowing that you have prepared the way.

In preparing your life so that you may allow your innocent spirit self to join you in it, your goals become clearer. As you barge ahead and remove the obstacles to your true self, and the life your true self desires, you are actually setting your intent to merge your present self with the desires of your inner spirit self.

This process does take a lot of work as you determine what is right for you in your life, what you want in it and what you don’t want in it. As you prepare your future, holding firmly to your inner spirit’s desire for true emergence and mergence, you will more clearly see what you must do. You will more clearly see the choices as either progressive or detrimental. You will see the decisions as clearly defined, as right or wrong for the desires of your spirit self.

In order to truly grow upon that earth, to take a real journey of enlightenment, you must allow your spirit to accompany you. Even though that innocent aspect of self must wait patiently for the right time to join you in a more pronounced manner, so must you allow it to speak up as your outer self battles the world and takes on what gets thrown at you. To deal with the outer world is so important, but it must be done with the whispers of your innocent spirit self constantly in your ear, allowed to speak up, even though its emergence may be far off. Your innocent spirit self is your greatest guide, so do not neglect or dismiss it from your daily life. For even as you may wish to hide from what the world shows that you must tackle, so may you be equally ready to hide from what your spirit shows you that you must tackle.

Listen and pay attention to both the outer world and the inner world. They are both present to guide you and show you the steps that will lead you to a merger of these two selves in trustful, loving, appreciative partnership, together on a journey that is indeed quite amazing.

Can you get beyond this moment in your life, by totally taking it in and working it for what it is showing you about your self and your true desires in life? Can you brighten your day by taking command of the self and possessing the inner self as often as you possess who you are outerly? Can you take the next step in conscious contrast to the fearful self, no longer hiding, but fully exploding into owning the truths of the self? In other words, can you take the next step for the self?

That is your challenge today. And it will be your challenge tomorrow, and the next day. The challenge is to own the desires of the self by taking over the strengths of the self on your own behalf, wasted not on attempts to enlighten another, but spent on fully allowing the self to reach your own enlightenment, guided solely by you, the inner you and the outer you. You are in control at all times. But you must discover what that means each day, and how best to use it for true growth leading to balance and delight.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: 10 Steps in Inner Work & Recapitulation

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With today’s message, Jeanne gives us the tenth step in engaging in a process of inner work and recapitulation that I began channeling on January 29, 2010. The last ten messages have been around this process. To recap they are:

1. Patience
2. Perseverance
3. Kindness
4. Innocence
5. Maturity
6. Commitment
7. Fearlessness
8. Truthfulness
9. Responsibility
10. Letting Go

Each one of the topics above is linked to its original message so that you may more easily find each step and keep them together, valuable tools in the recapitulation process, which is really what inner work is all about. I will also add them to the sidebar, under Guidance, for easy access. Although I do not, at the moment, have the intention of continuing along this line of questioning when I resume our channeling sessions on Monday, you never know. There just might be more to come. But, on the other hand, having engaged and being engaged in the process of recapitulation myself, I think these ten steps are pretty detailed and offer quite a lot to work with for some time to come.

In my own process, which started in earnest about ten years ago, I can attest that I did in fact go through each one of these steps, and they are still useful, because each day as new challenges are presented the process of growth continues, if you choose to engage it. The process never really ends, but advancement is certain. As you do the work, you do change. I can attest to that too.

As I channeled these ten steps over the past several weeks I recognized them as very familiar and very challenging friends, friends that I grew to know intimately as I worked with and through my inner world in a very thorough recapitulation. That recapitulation consisted of removing the veils of time and uncovering and facing memories, fears, ideas, truths and untruths of who I was, who I had become, and why, but also gaining clarity on who I once really was behind the veils and who I had the potential to really become as I allowed the process to unfold. I can say that having taken that journey, having plunged ahead through some very difficult stuff, that you can truly change. I did. I would not be here, doing this today, if I had not dared to take the inner journey.

So, Good Luck as you undertake the deeper inner journey! Feel free to post comments below. There are a lot of people trying to figure out what their lives mean and you never know if by sharing some experience of yours you might help another.

Until next time,
Jan