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Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Being-in-Dreaming

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Back in October and November 2009 I began re-reading the works of Florinda Donner Grau and Taisha Abelar, two of the women sorcerers who learned from the same line of shamans as Carlos Castaneda. The women were taught primarily by the women shamans or sorceresses of don Juan’s lineage, while Carlos was taught primarily by the male shamans, though not exclusively. I have wanted to go back to my experiences of last fall because I had some very interesting dream channelings while in the midst of reading about these women. Today, I begin passing along some of those experiences. As I re-read my dreaming experiences I found them fascinating all over again and I hope you too will find something of significance. I also think that some of these experiences tie in with Chuck’s blog regarding becoming a warrior.

On October 14, 2009 I wrote the following in my journal: Yesterday, while reading Being-in-Dreaming by Florinda Donner Grau, I came upon a passage where her dream teacher tells her that all women must turn back into the cage that is inside them to fully discover who they are. I was struck by this mention of the inner cage because Jeanne used it as a metaphor for doing inner work in her message on Monday October 12, 2009: Why Must You Return to Your Cage. As I read this book I am also struck by how familiar what I am reading is and how much sense it makes to me at this time in my life. I have been a dreamer all my life and, as Jeanne always says and did in that Monday message, the challenge is to be a dreamer with awareness. Last night I dreamed of hiking along a crowded path and it seems related to this reading I have been doing, that I am coming out of the crowd now and going in a new direction, on my own. I am fascinated by this process. (End of journal entry.)

Later that day, in the same book, I read about don Juan telling Florinda (though she is not aware of who he is) that the crows flying overhead were a good omen, and to see them as a promise that they would meet again. He described the crows flying as like a painting in the sky (p. 65). The very next day a blue jay appears to me. At first, I assume he is admiring his own reflection in the glass sliding door, but then, as he flies up to the window a second and then a third time, as if to be sure I notice, and as he spreads his wings before me and hovers there for what seems like a long time, I am reminded of what I had recently read. I take it as an omen. In Ted Andrews book Animal Speak I read that the blue jay represents the choice of being a dabbler in the world of spirit and magic or of fully going for it and embracing it and becoming it. I am often afraid of what I will encounter when I channel, fearing that I will fail or that nothing will come, though in the end I do plunge boldly ahead, even though I may be uncertain. Fully becoming and embracing this new me has been a struggle. As I leave behind the old me I must encounter my fears. At the same time, I do not want to be a dabbler. I understood that the blue jay was challenging me to be bold and to love my spiritually evolving self.

At this point, I knew that I had to find a way into the shaman’s world. Instinctively, I knew that I had been in it for a very long time, but that it was time to be in it with greater awareness. A couple of days later I finished reading Being-in-Dreaming and decided to experiment with dreaming. That night, as I lay down to sleep, I took a small round flat dreaming bag, a heavy bean bag type leather pillow about three inches in diameter that Jeanne had gotten at a Tensegrity workshop, and placed it on my lower abdomen, over my uterus. The female shamans say that a woman’s energy is in her womb and that this is dreaming energy. The pillow/bag is an anchor and may also stimulate dreaming, as I see it. My intent was to call the women shamans to me, to have an experience of them, to learn something from them. I had a few dreams right away. I was aware that I was quickly in and out of dreams and that they were different somehow from other dreams.

The next night, I went to sleep with the same intent, to learn something from the women sorceresses and I had this dream: I am at a spa, a place of healing. Part of the healing treatment is sitting in huge hot tubs, old-fashioned concrete slab tubs. I take off my clothes to get into the tub that has been prepared for me when I look around and recognize other people, including a big heavy-set man, a very enthusiastic, good natured, happy man with a lot of energy who I do not know personally but I have seen him around. When this man comes into the room I pull a towel over me because I am naked. My dreaming self does not give a hoot, but my awake dreaming self cares very much. My daughter is also there. She is talking with this man and then I see her going off with him. In the dream I make no judgments about this, but my awake self in the dream wonders what he wants with her, a young girl. When he leaves with my daughter I get into the hot tub to soak. There are other women in the room also soaking in their own individual tubs. It is very calming. My dreaming self makes note of my daughter walking off with the large man towering over her. There is no fear on her part and my dreaming self does not attach, but my awake dreaming self conjures up scenarios and suspicions. I am of two minds. My dreaming detached self has absolutely no attachment to it, not even that it is okay; it just takes note, without opinion. My awake dreaming self immediately gets suspicious and fearful that the guy is up to no good.

When I woke up I was immediately struck by the fact that I had both aspects of mind in the same dream: the conjuring mind and the totally detached mind. They were present in my two selves: my dreaming nonjudgmental detached self and my judgmental attached fearful self. I realized that I was being given a lesson in learning the distinct difference between the knowing mind, the inner knowing self, and the rational, conjuring mind, the ego self. In the dream my inner knowing mind was utterly calm, flowing, accepting and fully acquiescing to everything that unfolded, without attachment or judgment. The conjuring mind, on the other hand, was totally attached, assessing, creating scenarios, busy, preoccupied with imagining all sorts of things. The inner knowing had absolutely no attachment; it was simply present, observant yet knowing that what is simply is.

Upon awakening, I realized that fully experiencing the difference between these two minds was the first lesson in understanding the shaman’s world. In the late afternoon that same day a swarm of wasps hung over the front yard, dancing, twirling, tiny buzzing ballerinas, their legs dangling as they calmly swirled in the sunlight beneath the pine trees. I was struck by their beauty and mass of calm energy, lightly present, barely making a stir. The next morning a flock of large blackbirds flitted about in the same place, holding together in a wave of busy movement, noisy, pecking in the leaves on the ground, chirping loudly, clumsy compared to the wasps, and as they took flight with a sharp loud motion they became a dark angle, a shadow painting whirring in one sweep across the sky, perhaps a sign of more to come as don Juan had suggested to Florinda. At the same time I wondered if perhaps those two sights represented the two minds: the calm and quietly flowing wasps as the detached knowing mind, and the loud blackbirds as the attached conjuring mind. As I write this today, I am also struck by the distinct energy of each of these, the feminine energy of the wasps and the masculine energy of the blackbirds, two energies that we each have inside us. We are encouraged to access and utilize these energies, both by the shamans and by doing deep inner work in Jungian psychotherapy.

As the blackbirds flew off, I sat and ate my breakfast feeling happy and contented, knowing that I was ready to more fully enter the shaman’s world. I had set my intent to take up the challenge of the blue jay and now I knew that, in my dreams, I would be shown what that meant. As I proceeded with this process of dreaming intent in the weeks to follow I received some interesting guidance from the women sorceresses, which I will write more about next time. In the meantime, enjoy the spring, look for signs, ask for help and do the inner work. Oh, and of course: DREAM!
Love,
Jan

Note: The books mentioned in this blog are available through our STORE.

Messages from Jeanne

#672 The Ultimate Goal

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Here we are, it’s Monday again, and a new work week begins. As I sit and feel the energy of today I find that I don’t have any specific questions for you, but I wonder: Do you care to offer us a spring message of guidance?

My Dear One, and All My Readers, do not forget, as you feel and test the energy outside of you, to also feel the unique inner energy that describes who you are, your constant hum of self, which nestles deep inside awaiting visitation. I suggest that this week ahead of you is ideal for gaining inner clarity, inner resolution, and inner calm, and it is ideal energy for taking action based on this inner connection. Inner self must now be acknowledged more fully. Inner self must be given the respect deserved, so hard earned and eagerly awaiting recognition. Inner self speaks words of wisdom. And that is what you must now connect to.

In quiet reserve will your inner hearing and speaking become more pronounced, but it is your outer self who must make the decisions to act, to listen, and to decide that, yes, inner self, you are absolutely right! I am in alignment with you. I dare to act on what you say, for I know, wholeheartedly, that you speak words of truth.

So, set an intent this week, My Dear Ones, to meet in a quiet spot; your inner self and your outer self sitting together in order to make a decision that will propel you both forward. For you know, deep inside, that this is what you need right now. You are at a point of great decision regarding something in your life, something that you both fear and desire, and that something is CHANGE.

Change arrives in many forms. It may be large and looming or small and subtle. It may frighten you because you see it so clearly or it may not even affect you consciously because you have no inkling of it. Yet in both instances you feel restless, uncertain, and obviously desirable of SOMETHING. What is the SOMETHING that has arisen in your life, My Dear Ones? What looms or approaches? What seeks your attention? What comes quietly to ask you to help it emerge from out of you, the same way the flowers and greenery in nature burst forth from the spring ground? What inside you is asking for release? For that is the energy you are now confronted with: the energy of release.

How do you choose to walk upon that earth knowing that SOMETHING desires release? I suggest that some deep inner quiet is going to be most necessary as you move forward in your lives. I suggest that only in finding the inner voice, the deeper self, will you find the answers you seek. You may look outside of you for signs that you are making the right choices, but allow those outer signs to truly reflect your inner self and not the desires of the outer self.

And how will you know what is right? The desires of the inner self will challenge you. They will ask you to break out of your shells, away from your old habits and expectations, to truly embrace a new you. This new you will ask you to stand in solitary repose upon your quiet spot and to feel your independence, your free spirit self, your inner self yearning for freedom. This inner self will ask you to be daring, to be brave, to push aside your fears and to know that whatever decisions and choices for change that you make in your life will be right for you to make, because the inner spirit knows that you will only make the choices that you need to make. But it will leave it up to you to figure out why you are making the choices you are deciding are most right for you to make now, at this current time.

Be advised that no decision is permanent, for if you are looking for permanence then you are not ready for true change. For true change means that everything is in constant flux and evolution, even you, My Dears. Can you accept that your decisions will open new doors in the weeks ahead? Can you enter a world of change and be accepting of what is to come? Can you allow your self to be open and daring, aligned with inner spirit, even though you are afraid?

In conclusion, I suggest that you take in the energy of change in heart-centered breathing, in quiet self-reverie. And, in inner calmness, give the two selves —the inner self and the ego self— some time together so that a consensus may be achieved, so that energies may align for the ultimate goal: CHANGE.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Mind Body Release

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Last week I was unable to find a theme to write on. I kept looking for something that would be pertinent or significant, both as I worked on my book and as I pondered Jeanne’s answers to the questions I had asked her in Message #668, but alas nothing stuck out. This week, however, several themes have come up.

Today is quiet and the ending of some rainy and very windy weather is in sight. The other night, however, the wind blew harshly all night long. Sudden gusts knocked things over on the deck and rattled the house. It was a difficult night to sleep and I was constantly startled awake. As I lay there listening to the wind, the phrase, the winds of change are upon us, kept running through my head. Today, I present you with the following, beginning with a dream I had during that noisy and windy night:

In this brief dream, I pull open the double doors to our linen closet and stand there looking in at everything neatly folded, everything in its place, neatly compartmentalized on the shelves and I immediately think: “Oh, my mind did this. I don’t want to dream about this! I want to fly!” And with that thought I woke up.

Waking up out of that dream, I realized that what Jeanne had been reviewing over the past few weeks is that change is indeed inevitable, that tomorrow will always arrive, that we cannot stop time from marching on, just as we cannot stop the wind from blowing. The wind will always blow. It is what it does. The challenge we face, each day, is: do we allow ourselves to do the same, to constantly change? Or do we elect to sit tightly in our complacent lives, rearranging our linen closets and pretending that change is not happening? As soon as I called that dream for what it was, a mind conjuring call to stay complacent and caught in old fears, I allowed myself to let go a little more, to acknowledge that I do indeed want to be open, to dare myself to fly, as Jeanne called it the other day.

Do I dare to fly with the winds of change, to flow and become like a leaf on the breeze and truly let go of all the foreign installations, as Chuck calls them, all the neatly compartmentalized linen closets in my life? Where can I let go today? I must constantly ask myself this question rather than huddle in fear at the sounds in the night, of the wind doing what the wind does best. And how do I let go? How do I learn to fly?

As I ask myself these questions I immediately go to my body. Where am I tense, I ask, and where am I holding? Where can I soften? The body is the place that I personally find I must return to, over and over again, in order to truly let go. Releasing physical holdings is a big part of the letting go process. How many yoga classes have I walked out of feeling like I am in a new body, a softer, looser and more flowing body? Thousands of yoga classes that I have attended over the past thirty-five years have continually proven the simple fact that physical release is a vital aspect of allowing for change. Every week I experience this softening, this letting go of the physical, and the result is always startlingly amazing, because even after I have left the yoga class I notice that the softening automatically carries over into the rest of my day. Daily shavasana (relaxation) and daily meditation also suffice when I cannot get to a class or don’t have time for my own practice.

Finding that my physical body held most of my issues was a big discovery for me during my recapitulation process. When I first heard someone suggest, many years ago, that the physical body stores memory I found it hard to believe, but the longer I worked on myself the more true that idea became. Even though I had recapitulated my memories in my conscious mind, I found that my body still held so much more. The body, in its silent way, with its sturdy structure, seemingly so present in the moment, does indeed hold much more than we can see. Once I was ready to go to it and to allow myself to actually feel, asking it to show me what it needed me to learn, I began a more thorough recapitulation. Once I was able to leave the conjuring mind that told me I was done with my recapitulation and enter my body, I learned what it really means to fly, in the sense that Jeanne speaks of.

During one Embodyment Therapy session, which helped in the process of physical release, Jeanne came to me and said the following: “Let the bad out, keep only the good, only the essentials.” In a subsequent session she came again and guided me through the removal process of old memories, old ghosts as I saw them during the session, which I documented afterwards in my journal:

Jeanne is with me, pulling old ghosts out of me like tissues out of a box, all strung together. My body responds to the expulsion of them, reacting to the tearing sound each one makes as it leaves, the sound of a tissue being pulled from its slot in the box. Jeanne reminds me: “Remember, I told you it’s all about change, getting rid of the old that you have no use for, making room for the new.” I experience the physical ripping out, as if actual body tissue is being pulled out of me. It is quite painful, not easy to handle. I call to Jeanne to help me get through it. “Take my hand,” she says. “I will take you where you need to go. You aren’t dying, it’s just a removal of all the old dead stuff that you don’t need, dead issues, bad stuff, all the leftover memories and feelings that will bother you if left behind.” It is like having radical surgery. I am not sure that the pulling out of the old ghosts, the old demons, feels good. It feels like being disemboweled, that something is being yanked out of me, but I can’t stop it and I don’t want to either, because I know it is the right thing to do. I see the horrors of my life with my own eyes. I see every horrible aspect of the past as it gets pulled out and dragged away. In a quick blink of an eye everything that has ever happened to me gets pulled out and leaves my body. The process is fast, wrenchingly painful, but I go with it. I let go. I let it happen. I try to follow, to see where the ghosts go, but I am not allowed to follow. I am forced to stay in my body and experience the removal. (From a session in 2004)

This experience came to mind again during the night as the wind blew and the old demons fear and worry crept into bed with me, attempting a takeover. My dream, having jolted me away from them, prepared me for the winds of change that were blowing outside, reminding me to let go again of the old, to flow with the inevitable. I dozed and startled awake throughout the night, as the winds howled, never quite able to rest deeply, but at each awakening I would remind myself to physically relax, to physically let go. I repeated Jeanne’s recent words of guidance, to let go to the inevitable, finding that my intent to change had to be focused, as usual, on releasing physical holdings.

Self-hypnosis, repeating mantras, doing full body relaxation, quiet moments of breathing and calming meditation, as well as taking yoga classes, (and many other modalities of healing and relaxation) all offer release and bring attention to the physical body. If none of these processes are accessible or appealing, then simply notice the body and ask: Where am I holding? And then let it go and see what happens. And, as Jeanne has suggested, go deeper each time you ask the question, allowing for release and change to not only become a mind process, but a physical one as well.

Until next week,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#670 Choose Your Attitudes & Embody Your Wishes

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Currently, I am only channeling you for our readers once a week so that I can devote more time and energy to my own work, which is going well. I have certainly been feeling the energy of change and have been attempting to put it to good use. While it feels like a very creative and promising period in human history it also feels precipitously precarious. I feel that if we are not careful we could miss a very big opportunity. Can you discuss this today? Is there something that we, as human beings, are supposed to be grasping now that remains just out of reach? Because that is what it feels like. How do we, on an individual level, take advantage of this time for our personal evolutions and that of our divided world as well?

My Dear, you ask quite a question, but I get your gist and feel your frustration also, for that is what lies at the core of mankind at this brief moment in time. Frustration may be utilized for good, for the spark that is needed in order to jumpstart a stagnant situation. I suggest looking at the self, the personal situation, and using the energy of now to precipitate change. Precipitous, as you use the word, implies standing on the verge, and this is where you do indeed find yourself today, both individually and universally.

I would suggest that it would not be a bad idea to do a full evaluation of the self as an independent being who is also a member of a collective. No matter what your personal domestic situation is, My Dear Readers, you all belong to a larger group of family and community. The collective energy of the world around you impacts you no matter how busy, how contented, how isolated, how detached or how connected you may feel. And you impact it in return, of course.

A personal assessment of how you are using your time, your energy, your free time, and your daily activities in the world is the opportunity to channel your energy, so that you may take full advantage of this time of change. Perhaps you might question the self as follows:

What is truly important to me?
What do I truly want?
Who do I want in my life, and who do I need to remove myself from?
What energy resonates with mine and where is my own energy being drained?
How do I see myself in the near future?
Am I ready for big changes, or small changes?
Do I act as I speak?
Do I really care about my world and my impact on it?
Have I taken time for myself lately, for my inner self, myself as one part of the whole, of nature and the universe?
Have I found my spiritual connection yet?
Am I happy?
Am I truly alive in the way I most desire?
Am I daring myself, every day, to go beyond my limitations?
Am I facing my fears and allowing my inner spirit self to walk in my shoes and show me what I have been missing?

I could go on for quite some time posing questions, but I realize that I might make you more frustrated than you now are. You must learn that your emotions are your signs of discontent, of issues with the old self who continues to be in the forefront of your life, though your efforts have been to disengage this well-worn self and allow a new self to come forth and speak out for a change. When frustrations, moods, and discomforts arrive it is time to take advantage of such catalysts of change.

The energy of now is quite available for change, but it can go either way. Change will always happen, but by your intent, by your personal energy, you can make that inevitable change be for good, be advantageous, heart-felt and heart-directed. You have the power to affect the right kind of change. Every one of you upon that earth has the ability, simply by your conscious thoughts, to change the self and the world, for good. Positive intent and thinking as catalysts for change are not hocus-pocus, but real-time interventions that, if enacted, will have impact.

As I spoke of last week, you are each personally responsible for taking on the challenges of the self. In order to shift the self, one must dare the self to step out of complacency and the old ways of doing things and force new means of action upon the self by asking the self to breathe more deeply, to sit more calmly, to take in the earth energy beneath your feet. These are all actions of significance. To notice nature and to truly evolve with it, you begin to recognize that you truly belong there. But you are also responsible for everything that happens there upon that earth, and by your thoughts, your intents, your desires, your truths made known, you may afford the self new life.

Seek new life at all times. Think differently. Act differently. Accept the self and others with a new attitude. Be different, and you will notice that the world outside of you will respond differently as well.

Hatred cannot survive in a desert, for it will die without new hatred to fuel it. Without new despair, despair will dissipate. Without new love, love will also die. Choose your attitudes. Embody your wishes. Be what you most desire. Become the person you dream of becoming, and you will become that person.

It is not so hard to change the way you act, think, perceive, believe, or intend, but it takes a personal decision to be different, and that is what you must each seek now in order for the precipice you now each stand upon to impact you in a positive way. You can choose to fall, or you can choose to fly. It’s up to you.

Messages from Jeanne

#668 Do a Spring Review

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
We are experiencing the first full days of spring in the Northeast, a time of rebirth, new life, and new stirrings of the energies of the earth. I find this time of year more meaningful than any other because I feel that spring is a harbinger of new possibilities, urging us all to change with it, offering us amazing energy to ride on, if we elect to do so. During the week I have practiced the process of setting intents as you described in last Monday’s message to us. As I repeat my mantras I often find that I receive answers and guidance in my dreams. I know that this is but one door to discovering more about myself, as dreaming allows me to tap into what I sometimes cannot grasp during the light of day. My dreams show me things of significance, perhaps a missing piece that I then can take into my day and work with. I know that many of our readers may not find what they need in their dreams, or they just may not have explored them for their growth potential as I have. What else is available as a means of offering signs, as a means of guidance, besides dreaming? What else can people look for to help them go deeper and yet know that they are on the right track? How do the answers come? And how can they be trusted as the right answers?

My Dear One, as you state, dreaming is one means of finding your path in life upon that earth, but there are as many paths as there are people, and I would be remiss if I were to conclude that life must be done in one way or another. In dreaming you are offered what lies hidden, but even dreams may not be helpful if one is not deeply studying the self in all aspects of life, in waking life, in relationships, in how one thinks and acts, in how one is present in life or not present. You see, the inner work must be a part of an evolving life in order for the inner self to recognize the signs and how they come to guide. In your own case, you had to learn to trust my intrusion in your life in order to come this far, in order to become this open channel, did you not, Jan?

Yes, I had to learn to trust you and to tolerate you because I did not really want the responsibility of this job. I fought you for a long time, but over time, and because of your unrelenting patience, I was able to get through the first almost annoying years with you. So, what do you suggest that people look for in their own lives, as they do their inner work?

First, I advise that inner work, in whatever form fits a person, is most beneficial.

Second, I advise learning what the personal inner voice sounds like.

Third, learn to recognize and feel the “other” voice that speaks, from beyond the familiar inner voice.

Fourth, learn how to communicate with this “other” voice. What language does it speak with you? Is it the language of poetry, of vision, of art, of music, of movement? Is it a voice that you know immediately though you do not know how or from where? Do you feel an ancient connection inside you?

Once you find this ancient connection inside, by your own diligent process of testing, of trusting, of rejecting, of inviting, and of discriminating between that which feels vibrationally, energetically right and that which feels energetically devastating, you will find your method of communication and your means of guidance.

As with all evolutionary practices, finding the voice of guidance within is an individual process, but in order for it to truly be available and utilized one must learn to trust it. One must allow oneself to be pushed by it, to be challenged by what is presented. For instance, if you are unhappy in a job or relationship and your inner work shows you what to do to resolve it, and you know exactly what you must do, will you allow your self to go forth with this knowing, though you foresee many hardships ahead as a result of daring to do what will truly be life-changing? Are you truly ready for life-changing steps?

In order to be open to the signs of guidance, one must make the decision to change. And this may be the most difficult part of the process we are discussing. For all the signs in the world, all the dreaming insights, all the guidance that is plunked down in front of you will not aid you if you will not make the decision that change in your life is good. If you will not allow for change then you will only accumulate a lot of useless data, until you are truly ready to review your life and see what you have been missing.

Perhaps that is the place to begin now, on this spring day. Perhaps it is time to review all the signs you have already been given in your dreams, in your interactions with others, in your signs outside of you, in your physical reactions, your mental stresses, and your yearning inner self. What is the greatest message that you have been receiving lately? What is it suggesting you must do? Why is it so hard to receive this message? Who are you protecting as you receive this message? What part of you is not hearing, seeing, feeling, or allowing this guidance to be meaningful?

As you do a spring review, look also ahead to your future. Breathe in the energies of the earth at this time, this transitional time. Intend transition. Will the self to make a commitment to allow for it. In this way will you find that your signs will be more recognizable, your guidance clearer, and your path revealed. Do you see what I am saying? If your intent is truthfully allowed to be acceptable to you, first and foremost, then all the guidance that you have not seen or heard or felt will be revealed. Here is how to set the intent to change:

1. You must state that you are ready for it.

2. You must open your arms, your heart, your mind and your inner self to it.

3. You must acquiesce to the journey that will unfold before you.

4. You must challenge your self to move forward, though the old you will fight you at every step.

5. You must trust your self. You must trust that you are strong, capable, and ready to change.

6. If you are at the cusp of change, at the verge, standing on the rim of darkness, of fear, of annihilation, you must review how you got there. Have you not already allowed for many changes? Have you not been helped and guided all along the way and lived to tell your tales?

7. Now comes the next big step in trusting your journey: Throw out your voice into the darkness, into the void, into the unknown, into the veils that block your clarity of vision, and wait for its echo calling you forward. With resonance in response you will know what you must do next.

This is a very exciting time to be alive. As I said, breathe in the energies of spring, of life, of possibility, of transition and transformation. Breathe in the possibilities of self and allow for change to guide you. Allow for letting go of the old as you see where it has landed you, and turn to the earth at your feet for the guidance you now need. Happy Spring!