We use projection as a defense when we find ourselves disliking or hating another person. We see in that other person qualities or behaviors that we find threatening or distasteful in some way. In disliking the other person, we keep such disturbing energies at a distance from ourselves, even if we must interact with that person on a daily basis.
The negative emotional state of disliking or hating another, though often unconsciously, protectively established, creates an inner toxic state of cynicism, depression, and powerlessness, leading to an equally toxic obsession with the disliked person.
We also encounter powerlessness in being unable to make the other person change in a way that would make us feel relief and comfort. In our powerlessness we also feel that our own deepest needs are not being met. If, for example, I experience someone close to me as being completely self-absorbed and unable to be present for me in the way I desire, I will likely feel angry, unloved, rejected, and unvalidated, as if I exist only to serve the other, with no consideration of my own right to be in this world.
In this scenario, I am powerless to find peace and happiness within my own being, as this rejecting person can’t even see me. I blame the other person for my unhappiness. I might feel stuck in this relationship that I see no escape from, or I might dream about a new life, freed of the prison I find myself in.
In order to turn such a scenario on it’s ear, in order to shift out of a place of blame and rejection, we must search for redemption within this situation and within ourselves. But how can I possibly find freedom now, you might ask, in the midst of what I consider a lifetime sentence? How can I save myself from the darkest of dungeons, from which I see no viable escape? Can I assume full responsibility for being in the situation I’m in, acknowledge that it is completely tailored for my growth? And at some deep level, can I accept that I’m in it to solve it? Can I face it without blame? Can I accept that the pain is part of my gain; it just is?
To begin with, we might look upon our perceived jailer, the rejecting other, as a being equally captivated within their own story, their own prison. Can we step back and appreciate the depth of the other’s drama and pain, how it limits them too from being fully present to live their own life to the fullest? Can we grant them the freedom to solve and resolve their own mysteries, to find their own way to salvation, to allow them the freedom to work on becoming a new person, capable of being present in the moment? Can we see that we can actually choose whether to be offended or whether to release ourselves from an expectation that doesn’t match up with current possibility? Can we accept the reality of where things are, without blame or regret?
Can we turn inward and validate ourselves, our own right to exist? Can we become the mother and father to our own evolving self? If, by the circumstances of our birth, we’ve been caught in an unloving world, can we become the lover of our own possibility? Can we fully assume responsibility for our birthright to evolve from wherever we began, taking control of our right to take life forward in a new direction? Can we validate our right to existence and open ourselves to possibility? Can we support and guide ourselves through the change we so desperately desire and seek? Can we allow ourselves to flourish?
Can we allow ourselves to take back our projections, becoming the change that we wish for, opening the door to the true magical mystery tour of life in this world?
Be the change you wish for!
On the tour,