Chuck’s Place: Life is Bipolar

“Dad! Nathan and I just did the giant slingshot! We shot way up into the sky overlooking Myrtle Beach; it was awesome! I feel so great, I’ve never felt like this in my life!”

Ten minutes later, a second phone call:

“Dad. We just got back to where I parked my car. It’s gone, they towed it away. I’m so depressed, I’ve never felt this bad in my life.”

“Well Erica, you’ve just experienced, firsthand, bipolar disorder—a better lesson than you’ll ever get in a psychopathology class at school.”

It is the consequence of bouncing between polar extremes that gives bipolar a bad name, but the truth is that all life is produced and powered by two mutually dependent opposing energies. In my daughter’s experience these opposing energies are opposite ends of the same system. What goes up must come down. What goes way up must come way down.

Everything that exists is a composite of opposing energies. All elements are constituted of opposing energies that bond them together. Electricity contains positive and negative energies, which combined create power. Daily life requires day and night—awake active time and sleep dormant time to rejuvenate and sustain itself. We strive for order but hunger for chaos. The light or ‘rational day’ dims to the irrational release of the night. Boredom is the result of too much living in the day. Addiction is too much living in the night. The human challenge is to reconcile these bipolar energies within the self. Most problems in life arise from an overattachment to one or the other opposing energies. True reconciliation must include an acceptance and joining of both of these primal energies.

In the East, this human dilemma is energetically seen in the spine of the human body. At the base of the spine, in the sacrum bone, resides Kundalini Shakti, a primordial cosmic energy, the divine feminine creative power, corporeal energy at the feminine pole. Kundalini lies coiled up like a snake, dormant, awaiting awakening. At the crown of the head resides Vishnu, the supreme masculine god, associated with light and the sun. Many yogic practitioners focus meditation upon awakening Kundalini to rise through the chakras and ultimately merge with Vishnu in transcendent bliss.

In the East, this androgynous bipolar nature in humans—that is, as containers of both masculine and feminine energy—is depicted in gods with genitalia of both sexes. In the West, these primal energies have been completely polarized and assigned to respective sexes: men as masculine energy, women as feminine energy. The contrasexual nature in both men and women is projected outwardly onto members of the opposite sex, or onto members of the same sex who nonetheless personify opposite energy. Herein lies the compulsion to relationship in the West. If we are sex-typed to only one of our primal energies we are compelled to seek the other in relationship in order to achieve wholeness and completion. The inner mysterious other energy can only be found ‘out there’ in another. We must find it, possess it, and merge with it, after all, it is us—we cannot live without it.

Of course, the opposition inherent in these opposing energies is no less challenging to resolve in relationship than it is in doing years of meditation and yogic practice. People enter relationships, briefly, under the romance of felt wholeness—having finally joined with their lost other, their soul mate—only to shortly encounter the conflicts that naturally arise between polar opposites.

One polar energy always seeks to control or dominate the other. Each wants the world their way. Compromise, more often than not, results in secret resentment. Well-ordered agreement often results in secret chaotic affair. True relationship, deep intimacy, requires a genuine meeting and joining of Kundalini and Vishnu, not a meeting of power and subservience.

The split and projection of polar energies in the Western psyche is also evident in the rise of science and the downfall of organized religion. Religion once ruled the world; early scientists were put to death. In the modern world, though many in the West affiliate with a particular religion, it’s far less a spiritual affair and more of a social identity. Now science rules.

Actually, modern Western religion aligns itself more with science and rationality than it would appear. The deep connection to spirituality—the feminine power of intuition and religious or numinous experience—split off from the tightly controlled, rule-based rational church and synagogue long ago and found life in the secret traditions of alchemy, the Kabbalah, astrology, and the like. We read the weather report to satisfy our rational, ordered lives and the horoscope to feed our mysterious, intuitive, irrational lives.

With the election of Obama, America, and frankly the entire world, saw the transfer of power from the masculine pole to the feminine pole. It’s not just racism that seeks to unseat and destroy Obama; it’s a black and white issue at a deeper level. Blackness is associated with the darkness, the night, the earth, the maternal, the feminine, the mysterious, the irrational, the Kundalini energy of the self. In our fragmented Western world, whiteness—bright, light, rational, masculine energy—that has dominated the world for so long, in a deeply polarized fashion, leading to its current extremely precarious condition, is threatened and reacting with all the hysterics currently played out by the Republican party. Though Obama has, in actuality, fallen way short of Pachamama’s true need to be properly cared for, he nonetheless symbolizes a shift away from the long domineering, extremely polarized masculine energy bent on greed and destruction.

Looking elsewhere in the world, we see the same interplay of polarized energies, interestingly and relevantly, in the main players of World War II. Japan, who destroyed Pearl Harbor in a blast of masculine aggression that drew the United States into World War II, has been devastated by the recent tsunami, with Pachamama directing her energy at nuclear power plants.

On Memorial Day, Germany, the main perpetrator of abuse of masculine power in World War II, announced the decision to close all nuclear power plants over the next decade. Furthermore, Germany’s economy has grown slowly but steadily in the midst of the current world recession. This economic growth has not been at the expense of social programs and basic needs in Germany. Germany has been willing to grow less and take care of the needs of its citizens, as well as prepare to pay more for energy as it gives up nuclear power as a source of energy. Germany, with this decision, is doing the right thing for itself and the health of the world. Here we have a country that, after brutalizing the world and attempting to extinguish a scapegoated people, has emerged with a conscience and a new balance of masculine and feminine energies, showing genuine leadership in the modern world.

Finally, Israel—though well-prepared for prior to World War II, through a well-established Zionist movement—is a modern country created and sanctified as a compensation to a people nearly wiped out during World War II. Unfortunately, as subsequent history has proven, this did not go smoothly, as displaced Palestinians and Arab neighbors have not been so accepting of this decision by the Allied Powers. Israelis in turn, well-schooled by centuries of Diasporas and holocausts, dug in their heels to fiercely preserve their people and their homeland.

Today, that protective fierceness has polarized into dominance by masculine energy and a rigidity that Obama recently challenged by insisting that negotiation with the Palestinians be based on the 1967 border agreement. How will it play out? Resolution will require a reconciliation of the bipolar energies—clear boundaries (masculine pole) that care for the welfare of all peoples (feminine pole).

Our bipolar selves and bipolar world demand that we take on the challenge of finding our wholeness in acceptance and reconciliation of the opposing energies that we are. This requires owning our bipolar nature and forging a relationship with opposing energies. There are hopeful signs in the world now that our bipolar disorder may find its way into the balance of a new bipolar order.

Bi! Bi!
Chuck

A Day in a Life: Some Excerpts From My Book

Over the past two years I’ve been hard at work on my book, The Recapitulation Diaries, which will be published in three volumes over the next couple of years. The first volume, which covers the first year of my three-year-long intensive shamanic recapitulation, is pretty close to finished with an expected e-book publication date later this summer. Our plan is to publish first as a Kindle e-book followed by a print-on-demand version through Amazon’s publishing house, a fine way to avoid needless costs, waste, and storage issues, as well as allowing for an extremely reasonable sale price.

The Recapitulation Diaries are compiled from the fifty diaries I wrote during my recapitulation process, which documented just about everything that was happening as I explored completely blocked childhood experiences. Today I offer some excerpts from that recapitulation process which began in earnest about ten years ago.

Here is an excerpt from a journal entry made on September 7, 2001:

“Soul in pain, mind in torment, in quiet moments the old stuff comes to haunt. I know I won’t be able to handle the onslaught of it alone and I wonder how long I can keep it at bay. It pushes at me, prodding for attention. I wish I knew where it all came from. Whatever it is that haunts me sits heavily inside, in hidden places, not where I can see, not where I want to go. It lets me know it’s there by protruding outwardly, poking at me, showing me images of ugliness, showing me painfully deep memories, like glimpses of old icons painted in excruciating detail or ancient rounded Mycenaean forms solidly built to stand erect for centuries, guarding, waiting for me to turn to them, for they hold the secrets. I see big-eyed Etruscans peering out from deep within, looking for daylight, begging to be let out, heavy stone sculptures, weighing on my soul, numbing my thoughts. A lump of stone catches in my throat. No forklift big enough to remove it, I carry its weight always within, barely able to breathe, to speak, to swallow.”

Here is what was coming through on September 16, 2001:

“What lies inside keeps eating away at me, chomping away, nagging at me until my insides are as raw as chapped lips, as painful as cracked and blistered hands. No one sees the pain, the bloody mess of memories I hold inside, like buckets of afterbirth torn and ripped from my body, leaving pain and cramps in a place no one can go. Even I can barely reach that far down to soothe and comfort the wounds that fester inside me.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I don’t remember enough, though so much stuff nags at me. I can’t seem to let it go and I can’t get past it either. No matter how hard I try to push it away, it won’t let me ignore it. There are too many things bringing back memories.”

“Visual images flash like lightning and in a split second I’m lost in the woods again. A sigh, a profile, the nape of a neck, and suddenly a flash of pain stabs through my heart, my gut, and something deep inside is torn out of me and thrown to the ground where it lies kicked and bruised and yet I cannot bear to tend to it, except to stuff it back inside, to push its bloody mass back inside.”

And then I finally have a breakthrough understanding:

“The pain of knowing has finally hit. Up until now, I have mostly been experiencing the realization that something was drastically wrong in my past, each new memory sending me reeling as I understood, for the first time, that something had happened to me as a child. But now, as each memory surfaces, I know that something happened to me when I was a child because I’m feeling it.”

“At first it was all in my head, as I tried to grasp, to figure out just how it could have happened, as I tried to get my head around the incredible disbelief of it. But now it’s settled in my body, in my stomach, a deeply buried, barely reachable pain of truth. And now I understand what Chuck meant when he told me that I didn’t need to go searching for the memories, that they would come of their own accord, when I was ready.”

Here is what it was like to experience an emerging memory:

“Too many memories, some clear, some hazy, are trying to make themselves known but I can’t shake the blurriness from my eyes to get the whole picture. It’s like trying to peer through a black scrim or screen, like squinting at a tiny television set at the end of a long dark tunnel.”

“Often I’m in the woods, those haunting woods filled with dread, doom, and fear. Then I step out from the woods into light and sunshine, leaving all the bad stuff behind. In just a few steps I go from intense fear, just a few small steps and I come out into goodness and light, shedding fear like an old snakeskin. But something stays behind in the damp cool woods. There’s a shadow sitting on the dirt-packed ground with the leaves and odor of decay.”

“As I go deeper into this memory of dark and light, I find that I’m able to turn around and look back at the woods once I’ve emerged into the light, but I cannot go into them. I am only able to walk out into the sunlight, over and over again…”

Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to finishing the first book. My intent in publishing The Recapitulation Diaries is to share what total freedom means, offering a means of achieving not only total healing and freedom from trauma but also from the fixations and trappings of this world. The Recapitulation Diaries revision trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—and life itself—as a shamanic journey.

I’ve returned from that journey whole, unburdened, and with fluid access to heightened awareness. AND I no longer live every day in fear, as I once did. I have come out of the dark woods of my childhood into a clear new light. It’s what I hope for everyone.

Until next week—love and light,
Jan

Invitation to a Journey

These sentiments remind me of the beginnings of a recapitulation experience when the anxiety of yet another memory appears out of nowhere and having no control over the situation the only thing to do is be open and ready for the journey that is about to unfold.

The adventure into the unknown awaits...

“…I begin to feel the anxiety that always sweeps over me when I’m going to a new place… I always get annoyed at myself for not planning ahead, but I almost never do. Plans and beginnings are hard for me; but that doesn’t stop me from going. I guess I know, deep down, that the anxiety is worth the pay-off of yet another adventure.” From Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Golden Gelman.

#761 Conflict Resolution Around the Campfire

Written by Jan Ketchel with a channeled message from Jeanne Ketchel.

I woke to the sound of thunder rolling across the hills. Oh, how fitting for Memorial Day, I thought. The sound of cannon fire, guns, and bombs echoing over the landscape reminding us of how we have always resolved conflicts in the past. My intent has been centered on finding a different approach to conflict, hoping that the leaders of the world will implement nonviolent means of resolution. As I turn to channeling, I ask Jeanne: What message of guidance do you have for us today, as our country remembers the war dead?

Jeanne responds:

My Dear Ones, conflict resolution lies buried within. The struggles in the world are mirrored by the struggles within and vice versa. And just a little deeper lies the answers you seek in your personal life and in the greater world.

On any day the challenge is to remain calmly present within the self. When conflicts arise, rather than emote or express outwardly, the solution that will work best for anyone is to take the smoldering coals of anger and discontent inward. Fan the flames and gain clear insight into just why you feel the things you feel. By the light of your anger and your discontent examine your personal demons. Ask them to emerge out of the darkness and show themselves by the light of your fire within and reveal their necessity.

I speak in metaphor to illustrate the darkness within and the unknown self. The challenge to personal resolution is to fearlessly confront the unknown self, the self who may in fact be quite controlling yet totally unknown.

By gaining awareness of the self, the opportunity arises for change to happen. By studying the parts of the self who engage in the outer world and then the parts of the self who engage in the inner world will give you a clear idea of how you operate physically, mentally, emotionally, how you interact with others, and how and why you tend to treat yourself the way you do as well.

Only in studying and understanding the truths of how you really behave in life, innerly and outerly, will you have an opportunity to change the self. Obviously, I speak of this often because it is the greatest challenge for all humans; to face and learn about the self is the most important aspect of being upon that earth.

You, as human beings, though you are one with nature and must learn this fact, are also equipped with a conscious Self who does not really need to live in a human form at all, does not need to suffer through life upon that earth. But until you discover this fact within the confines of your own life set-up, you will continue to be in conflict, both within the self and without.

In order to change you must allow the self to be explored. You must confront your fears and discover that they are but conjured ideas keeping you from your full potential as a consciously aware being.

Do deep inner work, My Dears. Spend your time in the world, but keep focused on your other job: to evolve. You are on a personal journey that each one of you must accept. You must choose it. You must decide that this life is going to be the evolutionary one. If you do not choose to know the self by accepting all your inner demons as parts of you, then know that you are making that choice and that you are creating the world you live in. Unhappy or not, bitter or not, angry or not, sad or not, you create your world.

You see, My Dears, you are the only one responsible for your life. It is set up specifically for you. So, if you choose to study the self, you may discover exactly why you are in the position you are in today. If you choose to go to your flames of conflict and sit around the campfire of your own dilemmas, you may discover the meaning of your life.

One day your fires will die down, your life understood, your calmness well-earned. When you turn away from your campsite you will see the path revealed that you just could not see before, always right there, the only one for you. And then, with awakened consciousness, you will know it is where to go next. Your inner voice will clearly state: That is the way to go.

Today, while conflict is remembered across America, celebrate your true ability to resolve all conflict by studying the self. The true path to resolution and change begins within. Become a better person. Change your life by changing your relationship to the self. Study the self and elect to do life differently. In so doing you will become a good citizen of a new world.

Thank you, Jeanne!

Most humbly offered,
Jan

Chuck’s Place: Invitation to a Dream

When we say good night to the world and drift into sleep, the golden person, the immortal one, the energy body, the soul, gently moves away from the nest of the physical body, though still safely attached by a thin silver ethereal cord, to begin its night journey in the daybreak of a dream.

Those journeys beyond the body, beyond the dense energy of the physical world, are our natural opportunity to dip into and explore the world of pure energy, infinity itself. This is why the Hindus and the Tibetan Buddhists call the bardo of the dream the bardo of death.

In dying, our incarnate essence leaves its nest for the final time, this time with its umbilical cord severed, as it is born into the greater world of energy. To the Buddhists and Hindus the ability to smoothly make that transition, that is, to be able to sustain a sense of cohesion and awareness beyond the body, to be ready to continue life beyond the physical world, determines what comes next. Will we choose to reincarnate in this world, in another carnate round of preparation, or, from an enlightened place, continue the journey beyond the carnate, beyond the body, in infinity?

Buddhists, Hindus and the Seers of Ancient Mexico spend much of their energy in this life becoming familiar and comfortable with life in the bardo of the dream to prepare for their definitive journey at the time of their death in this world.

Every night we do die to this world when we enter sleep and life beyond the body. I recall, as a child, when I first became aware of this truth. I realized that when I closed my eyes to sleep I could not be certain I’d return, the terror of which interrupted my going to sleep for weeks. Every person must pass this gate of challenge in this life. Many get waylaid at this gate, starting in childhood as we cling to parents, lights, and rituals to assure safe passage through the night and rebirth the next morning.

Children are not fully socialized, that is, they have yet to be talked out of their knowing perceptions of energetic life that they encounter beyond the physical world. They are challenged to reconcile with these ‘imaginary friends’ or stand up to scary projections. Seniors, as they prepare to die, often have clear visitations with evolved energetic beings—people they once knew, though long gone from this world—who come to prepare them for safe transition into the next life. Dying people may experience the lifting of the socialized rational veil that once blocked these perceptions and find themselves in a condition professionals often call dementia.

In between childhood and the dusk of life we are all challenged every night to let our physical bodies go to rest and open to a world of energy. So awesome is this task that it’s no wonder we remember so little of where we’ve been and what we’ve done during our nighttime adventures.

When I prepare to sleep at this stage of my life, I simply note when I need to return to this world, with the total confidence that I will be dropped off—that is, awoken—at the exact moment I’ve asked to arrive. What happens in between leaving and arriving is sheer magic, mystery, and adventure. Time and space are nonexistent in that world. I can awaken from but a moment of dreaming and recall endless dream journeys in what was only a minute or two of actual time. The only question is how aware I will be in the dream, or really, how much I will allow myself to remember.

It’s all about remembering. That is the essence of recapitulation in waking life. The more we remember the more we recover of ourselves. It’s not really about the skill of memory. It’s more about our readiness to expand our knowing of ourselves. Can we accept aspects of ourselves that seem foreign and uncomfortable and unfamiliar to our working sense of self? Are we ready to allow ourselves to experience the energetic world that is generally checked by the filter of rationality, keeping us fixated on the dense world of solid objects?

We owe to psychoanalysis the resuscitation of the dream, a modern attempt to reclaim the value of the night. There is indeed much to be gained by the analysis of dreams, much to be discovered about the shadow dimension of ourselves in the unrestricted playground of the dream. Again though, the challenge: how prepared are we to accept the unacceptable or unknown aspects of ourselves? Despite the analytical value of the dream, this approach does lend itself to domination by the ego with its monkey mind that quickly and associatively springs away from the dream itself.

Native American approaches to dreaming and the night became popularized and made accessible to the masses by Patricia Garfield with the publication of her book Creative Dreaming in 1974. She researched how the dream in the Native American world functioned as an active playing field that was valued as much as that of waking life. A father instructs his son, awoken by a nightmare, to return to the dream and actively confront the bear who chased him.

Carlos Castaneda’s publication of The Art of Dreaming in 1993 opened the gate to the active side of infinity through the step by step development of conscious dreaming. Don Juan made it clear that our dreaming attention was a dormant ability simply awaiting our attention. If we merely call to it, it will awaken, and with it our growing ability to venture into the bardo of the dream with awareness.

For myself, I am well aware that most of what I know comes to me in my nightly journeys. Though I don’t always remember the experiences, I clearly retain the lessons. Deja vu is really just a moment of remembering. I know that my dreaming partners, Jan and Jeanne, are amused at my reluctant remembering.

I offer these rudimentary steps to those who wish to accept the invitation to a dream:

1. Know that you are already a dreamer.

2. Put a pen and dream notebook next to your pillow with a handy light. Better yet, as Jan suggests, learn to write in the dark, in your sleep!

3. State your intent to remember your dream. Say it out loud—I intend to remember my dream!

4. When you awaken, no matter how tired and certain you are that you can’t possibly forget your dream, write it down!

5. Dismiss not the tiniest fragment of a dream. Every morsel is a golden nugget.

6. Know that you are safe and protected; you can always wake up if you need to.

7. If you don’t want to be in the dream you are in, change it! State your intent, change the dream, or wake up.

8. Treat your dream as a lesson of some sort. When you review the dream keep it simple. Imagine your dream was a movie you had just seen. Say to yourself: What do I feel, what do I take from it? What possible relevance might this have for my life? If nothing comes, let it sit, take another look later. Watch what happens in the day. Perhaps the dream will suddenly make sense in an encounter you might have.

I conclude with a story and a song. Carlos Castaneda and don Juan Matus enjoyed going to the movies together. One movie struck don Juan’s fancy: You Only Live Twice. I’m not certain it was the Bond girls don Juan liked. I think it was the song of the same title, sung by Nancy Sinatra. Here’s the link.

Sweet dreams,
Chuck

Chuck Ketchel, LCSWR