Chuck’s Place: New Models Of Possibility

The answer is true connection... - Art by Jan Ketchel
The answer is true connection…
– Art by Jan Ketchel

Having read the synopsis of Don Jon, I was curious as to how the movie might address a major relationship challenge of our time: addiction to internet pornography.

The movie was energetically rajasic, difficult to stomach, however, it managed to realistically offer an insight into the core challenge of porn addiction and how to go about addressing it. The main male character, who had a very active sex life, even a relationship with Scarlett Johansson—who I later learned has twice been announced the sexiest woman on earth by Esquire magazine—preferred pornography to an actual flesh and blood person because it allowed him the freedom to lose himself in masturbation rather than have to face the challenge of intimate connection. The antidote to his fixation was to learn to actually look into the eyes of his partner and feel a genuine connection.

When I recently spoke with my daughter, currently completing her graduate studies in Social Work, I suggested that she view the movie as part of her own clinical education. She called me the next day to inform me that her boyfriend had preferred to see Gravity, and so they saw that instead. “Dad, why didn’t I go into science… there’s so much more out there,” she expressed excitedly. “We’re just a tiny part of it all!” She went on to share a dream she’d had after seeing the movie.

“I was with friends at the ocean,” she said. “We wanted to create a whirlpool. We started making the whirlpool. I was the furthest out in the ocean. Remember, Dad, when we were in the Hudson River and we struggled with the current. You always warned me about the undertow. Well, it got me in the ocean. I was pulled away. Suddenly a voice inside me said, ‘Just let go,’ and I did. I let go and I was fine.”

I was so struck by her experience and dream that off we went to see Gravity the next day. I have never seen a movie where the lead actor is a woman astronaut in space. What an amazing experience! And I could see the impact such an image could have on a young woman’s imagination of what she might really do in this life. Just a week before, I had been drawn to read an article in the New York Times—Why Are There Still So Few Women in Science?—lamenting the paucity of women in science. One causal suggestion from this article was the lack of female models that one would feel comfortable realistically identifying with. Sandra Bullock’s performance may open a new era of models for girls and women to free themselves into new vistas of possibility. Had my daughter been a child today, she might actually have chosen to go into the sciences after seeing this movie with this strong female lead.

The lessons of Don Jon may offer men, as well, freedom from the stuckness and control of two-dimensional images as they challenge themselves to open to the immense possibilities of real life intimacy. These two movies, as diverse as they are from each other, hold similar messages: don’t ever underestimate the possibilities!

Enjoying the movies, and the possibilities too,
Chuck

Readers of Infinity: The Between Times

Here is the weekly message from Jeanne. Have a great week!

Like the last daisy struggling to survive, we too must struggle to change... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Like the last daisy struggling to survive, we too must struggle to change…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

These are tenuous, between times. Shifts will begin to happen soon, if they haven’t already. Old ways will begin to fall away as new ways begin to assert themselves more fully, as they achieve a more firmly planted place in your life.

Remain focused on progress. Remain attuned to your heart’s desires and your heart’s path, for that is the path of change. On your path of heart find your glory and your balance, your calmness and your gaiety. Your happiness will naturally arise from your certain steps forward, as you learn who you are and who you are meant to be.

Look to the self to fulfill your deepest needs. Bring steadiness and love into your life through deep communication with the self. Seek your inner world a little bit more each day. Find your way inward, especially as you traverse these between times, for it is now that your greatest progress will be made, even as you may also have to face your biggest challenges. But that’s the beauty of it all! Only in difficult times will Life really grab you and say, “Come on! There’s so much waiting for you to experience and explore. Let’s find out what it’s all about together, but first you must know yourself at the deepest level or I will not find you the true companion I know you to be and our experiences together will not be as fulfilling as they have the potential to be.”

“I wait for you,” Life says. “I’m waiting for you, but do your inner work first. You won’t really know anything until you know yourself at the deepest level.”

Yes, life asks you to do inner work too if you are to experience all that you are capable of, all that life offers, and all that the universe provides.

Remember, you are all part of a greater interconnected whole, but to experience that you must know yourself on the deepest level. Otherwise, the greater interconnected whole is meaningless. Without a foundation within the self there is nothing of meaning to build on, no meaningful structure for greater awareness to come from and rely upon.

Life awaits within. It waits to greet you there and take you on the journey of a lifetime—whenever you are ready!

A Day in a Life: Changing Time

It's the changing time... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
It’s the changing time…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The birds are flocking. The season is changing. The nights are colder, the days shorter. We’ve cranked up the pellet stoves, not yet ready to get the wood stove going, but that will happen soon enough, the daily carrying of wood into the house, the cleaning of ashes, the morning fire starts. Gardens yield different rewards now, squashes and kale, hearty swiss chard and root vegetables, the tender greens and basil gone, the tomatoes and cucumbers done. And so we must change too. How we live and how we eat naturally change with the seasons, especially if we choose to live close to the land, mostly within our local environment, dependent upon our own efforts and those of our neighboring farmers.

I watched a flock of blackbirds one day, heard them loudly chattering out in the trees, saw them rise up and soar away into the sky, a crescendo of beating wings and hoarse cries as they took off, a dark cloud sweeping toward southern lands. The next day a flock of grackles passed through, their squawking even louder than the blackbirds. Their wings beating the air was noticeably different too, loudly rustling the leaves of the trees, as they nervously flitted about and stirred the air. Pointing their blue and green iridescent heads to the skies they took off in one loud swoop, as if orchestrated by some invisible conductor they all had access to. I wondered where they were headed.

The leaves on the trees are changing colors now. The ash trees are already bare, the red maples drop their heavy leaves day and night. The sugar maples glow red, orange and gold against the sky. The pool is winterized, the deck furniture being put away, the plants being brought in for the winter. The changing time is here.

Like the leaves, we too must change... Photo by Jan Ketchel
Like the leaves, we too must change…
Photo by Jan Ketchel

Changing time means we must change too. We must acquiesce to the seasons too. We naturally pull on sweaters and shoes. We use heavier blankets at night. Though we live in a time when we can have anything we want, anytime we want it, there is something not right about that, not in alignment with nature. If we are to lessen our carbon footprints, if we are to be in synch with the changes of life, we must flow with the seasons. They offer us the signal that it’s time for us to change too. If we stay in alignment with nature, with what is happening outside of us, we learn that change is natural. We realize we are not the masters of all that we embrace, but only a small cog in a bigger machine. We are nothing in comparison to nature, the true master of us all.

As we pull inward during the fall and winter, we must go willingly, ready to receive what the coming months will bring. We must acquiesce, but we must be like the squirrels gathering nuts and the birds migrating too. We must not let the seasons of change overwhelm us, but we must flow with them while we also make our own proper preparations. We don’t want to be caught off guard. Imagine it’s suddenly winter and we don’t have a coat, we didn’t buy fuel. If we don’t close our windows it’s a sure sign we aren’t aware of what harshness may come. That would not be smart. We must live in the present. It’s the same thing when we go inward in a psychological sense. As we intend our inner work we must prepare ourselves for what may arise.

As we ask ourselves to change, we must be ready for what will inevitably come. We must gather our tools and resources, our trusty companions and guides as we descend into the self. We must remember that if we seek change, change will come to meet us. Just as the seasons come without our bidding, so will new things come to us as we ask ourselves to move into new life. Without movement on our part nothing new will happen. If the birds did not fly south, they would likely perish, and new life would fail to happen. And so, like the migratory birds, we must be proactive if we are to instigate change for ourselves.

In our efforts to change, as Chuck wrote about in his blog the other day, Mindfulness & Journeying In Healing, we have so many options to support us. Even if we feel that we don’t have control at times, there are still things we can do to anchor ourselves, to provide some comfort and stability in the midst of our turmoil. For there will be turmoil as we change, how could there not be? But we just have to look and listen to what is happening in nature to know that the turmoil of change leads to new life.

Morning sky... a sign that change is constant ... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Morning sky… a sign that change is constant …
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As the world climate changes, we are all asked to change too. We can all do something to be more in alignment with what it means to change, to be part of the change. Begin on a local level, but go deeper still, into the very center of the self. Become like the trees, losing leaves and shutting down expenditures of energy for deep inner conservation. Like the trees, let change happen within now, so that come spring, new healthy leaves may sprout.

Like the seasons, this changing time is inevitable. Painful as it is to bear the tension of what we humans have done to the earth and to each other, we can each make a difference if we dare to change ourselves.

As we naturally turn inward and prepare for winter, if we take advantage of this natural time to do inner work, we are right in synch with the seasons, with the natural flow of change leading to new life. What better time to plan for the eventual birth of a new self!

Looking forward to more change all around,
Jan

Chuck’s Place: Mindfulness & Journeying in Healing

We publish Chuck’s blog today. Look for Jan’s later in the week!

Like the inevitability of the season's change so too are there things we do not control... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Like the inevitability of the season’s change so too are there things we do not control…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The deepest truth of the human psyche is that we are only partially rational beings. There are forces within and around us that act upon and through us without our conscious awareness. Reckoning and reconciling with these forces lies at the heart of achieving balance, happiness and fulfillment in this life.

Modern sensibility seeks to reduce our struggle with these outside forces to chemical imbalance and structural flaw in our brains, largely correctable through psychopharmacological input. As valuable and supporting as these interventions might be, they cannot, by any means, address the intense emotionally charged feelings and thoughts that daily barrage our conscious foothold in this world.

Psychotherapy has been charged with treating the “mental illness” we see violently acted out in mass shootings that we witness almost daily. Thankfully, the tools of psychotherapy have been greatly enhanced over the past several decades by the influx of mindfulness practices introduced to the world as a result of the Tibetan diaspora. DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, owes its structure and methodology directly to mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness practice empowers us to gain control over our central nervous system and to generate neuroplasticity—a remapping of neural pathways—in the brain. The contribution of mindfulness and meditation practices, to our ability to stay focused and develop detachment from the destructive impulses and moods we experience, cannot be overestimated. Through the exercise of these tools we become grounded, able to function, and able to explore the deeper reality of who we are and who we are not. Without grounding, we are woefully ill-equipped to handle that deeper journey into our unknown selves.

Much more recent than the Tibetan diaspora has been the Shamanic diaspora of the teachings of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico through the published works of Carlos Castaneda and his cohorts and the public release of Tensegrity. Pragmatic tools have been introduced from these Shamans to enable seekers to journey into the deeper layers of self and reality.

In a recent Amazon book review of J.E. Ketchel’s The Man in the Woods, Gary Siegel, LCSWR states, “We have seen in recent times the integration of many concepts and approaches from Buddhist traditions into the mainstream of clinical work and psychotherapy. It seems to me that if techniques and awareness of Buddhism are especially well suited for things like acceptance, letting go, being in the moment, compassion and forgiveness, then the techniques and awareness of Shamanism – with their concourse with altered states of awareness, and dissociation would be perfectly suited for work with those very states that are the hallmark of trauma victims.”

Sometimes the crow of recapitulation rests among the tangled web of memory... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Sometimes the crow of recapitulation rests among the tangled web of memory…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In facing trauma, specifically, a seeker is challenged to reconcile with a highly emotionally charged event, or series of events, that has been stored in an altered state within the psyche. Consciously, the seeker may have little or no awareness of the contents of that altered state and may only feel the conscious tremblings or intrusions of this material through associatively triggered encounters in the flow of everyday life. From a Shamanic perspective, for healing to take place, a journey must be taken to retrieve and reintegrate the lost parts of the self encapsulated in that altered state. In addition, the journey entails the release of extraneous energy—outside energy, perhaps in the form of ideas and beliefs—that has held one’s personal energy captive in that altered state.

The Shamanic tool of Intent empowers the conscious self to engage the supports, dreams and synchronicities that initiate and lead the journey. Although stating one’s intent initiates the journey, the path will unfold outside of the control of reason.

Recapitulation is the very conscious reliving of past events. From a Shamanic perspective, reliving a past event means entering another world, a world one was once in but has subsequently left. The Shamanic practice of recapitulation enables the seeker to consciously—in the world of now—reenter an old world and take from it whatever part of the self splintered off while caught in an experience in that prior world. That energy is then brought forward and reintroduced into the self of now, where it belongs, freed of its prior entanglements. From a Shamanic perspective, this is total healing.

Shamanic journeying requires groundedness. As don Juan Matus put it, we need “nerves of steel,” if we are to journey into the unknown. Hence, the contribution of Buddhism, with its mindfulness practices, offers the perfect complement to the contributions of Shamanism with its journeying practices in healing. In fact, groundedness is a prerequisite to successful journeying. We must be able to stay present with that which once splintered us if we are to truly retrieve the lost parts of ourselves.

Meditation hones the mind, like the light seeking the flower... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Meditation hones the mind, like the light seeking the flower…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The Shamanic journey of intent, however, is unpredictable. Sometimes it pushes us into journeys we feel ill-prepared for. At other times, it gives us long stretches of respite to shore up our groundedness. In reality, Buddhist mindfulness and Shamanic journeying are perfect complements, the yin and yang of wholeness and healing.

On the mindfulness journey of intent,
Chuck

Readers of Infinity: Everything Will Be Fine

Here is Jeanne’s weekly message. May it offer you guidance as you take your journey.

No matter what your pathway looks like, it's yours to take... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
No matter what your pathway looks like, it’s yours to take…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Remember how often I say that “everything will be fine,” one of my favorite sayings? Well, my advice is to heed those words because everything will be fine!

Be open to what comes to greet you as you walk your path through life. Take your life seriously. Do not despise your journey, the turns that life takes you on, but embrace every challenge you face as your most prized possession. Nurture your way through all of life’s vicissitudes with attention to detail, thoroughness, and a keen sense of the rightness of everything, for everything that happens to you is deeply meaningful. It may take awhile to figure out the meaning of everything, but know that it is deeply personal—in some way about you!

All of you must remember not only my words—”Everything will be fine!”—but also that you are the energy, the force, and the resolution of all that you deal with as you go through life. Seek deeper connection with this strong powerful inner self. It’s all you need in order to reach the next moment in life when you realize, “Oh yes, everything is fine!” But do not stop there. Ask what comes next!

Know full well that life wants you to grow and discover yet more things about yourself: how you operate, how you stagnate, how you excel, and how you turn inward and refuse life. The workings of the self, once discovered and explored, will aid you in understanding all other human beings. Such understanding will enable you to live compassionate, loving lives, sensitive to the truth that all struggle and yet all have equal potential to experience that which you too wish to experience.

You are no more or less that the most realized being on earth. You are not more or less than the most ignorant being either. Strive to meet your potential self and then seek your fulfillment as an evolving being, knowing full well that everything will be fine, because everything is now, and you are there experiencing everything now.

Let each moment guide you to the next. With open heart go forward on your journey, trusting yourself and all the gifts of life, all that comes to teach and guide you on your journey.

Remember always: Everything will be fine!

Chuck Ketchel, LCSWR