I begin with the premise that all pain and illness, mental and physical, stem from psychological disharmony. If the psyche, the energetic manifestation of the spirit in the human mind, becomes disrupted, or infected, the result is disharmony, dis-ease, disturbance within the entire self: the body, the mind, and the spirit.
A Path of Recapitulation
There are many paths to healing. I took the path of recapitulation to heal from Complex PTSD, which stemmed from 16 years of sexual abuse that first occurred in early childhood and ended when I was 18. Those were my formative years and during that time I was inundated with not only the brutal sexual abuse but also the intense psychological repercussions of that abuse.
The human capacity to endure and survive, however, is incredible, but at what expense?
What my child self could not handle, either physically or mentally, my psyche and spirit handled, offering several pathways of protection so that life could continue. This is common in cases of abuse, where the body and the mind work in conjunction to hide from the fragile ego that which is harmful, painful, confusing, or damaging. In my case, all memory of what happened to me was wiped clean. At the time, it saved me, but later it came back to haunt me.
Hints of what had happened, though deeply buried within the person I became, began to arise, bringing with it the pain and discordancy that had been long buried. That’s when I realized I needed to find out, at the deepest of levels, why I had so much disharmony within myself, why I had so much physical pain and mental anguish, why I was so afraid of life, to the point of destroying all I had worked so hard for, all the paths of potential success that I refused to embark upon. Why was I so self-sabotaging, so self-negating, so self-deprecating? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
That was when recapitulation, as a path to healing, came into my life, a path of not only remembering, but of reliving, releasing, and resolving—a path to freedom.
An Adult Self
The first step before beginning a recapitulation is to shore up the adult self. A strong adult self in the house, in you, will help keep you focused and steady as you begin to walk the path of recapitulation.
During recapitulation you will often be in two worlds at once, in the present and in the past, and your adult self will keep you balanced, keeping one foot in each world so that you can continue to be fully functional and present in your everyday life.
Even if recapitulation proves not to be your path in this lifetime, it’s best to shore up that adult self anyway, it will make for a life that is more tolerable and steadier. And that adult self will help keep your pain at bay with good suggestions and tactics rather than those that further damage.
I had a good mature adult self already well established when I began my recapitulation. So that was not going to be a problem for me. And once I was given the opportunity to find out what was so wrong with me, I dove in, wanting more than anything to get to the bottom of things.
Shining a Light
The next step is to bring the light into the darkness of the self. This is scary because you may not know what you are going to find. Just be open. For once you begin to walk the path of recapitulation that light is going to be very important. Things will come to you, challenging you to take a closer look, showing you where you need to go, and the only way you will be able to fully know them is by bringing in the light.
When you bring the light into the darkness, things change. For the first time you begin to see the truth, and the truth is what matters. The light reveals the truth and the darkness disappears.
Trusting the Journey
As things arise, trusting in the journey becomes the next step.
Keep in mind that recapitulation is a healing journey. Keep in mind also that you are well protected and guided as you recapitulate, for, as an ancient practice, all those who have gone before you and carved the path are energetically supporting you on your journey. That’s a lot of positive energy!
As you walk the path of recapitulation you will be challenged to let things go, to let go of the comforts that you once used to protect yourself. This is a crucial step, for what once saved you in an old way becomes a blockage to a new path of healing.
Letting go means being free to embrace the fullness of your true self, the self that is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel of darkness.
As you let go of old ideas of the self, as you let go of shame and blame, of the pain and the anguish, as you shed all that once meant so much to you, you might feel as if you are disintegrating, but this is good disintegration, like a snake shedding its old skin and finding that it still exists in its wholeness, though the shedding of that old skin took quite an effort. It’s the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, the chick from the egg, the seventeen-year locust emerging from the ground, having climbed through the dark earth to emerge into the light, against all odds.
I believe that we can all heal, from the deepest and most traumatic events and illnesses, those that physically challenge us and those that mentally challenge us.
If and when we are ready, our healing path will show up and ask us to take the journey toward healing. If we are not ready, that’s okay. It might not be the work of this lifetime. In the meantime, work on shoring up that adult self previously mentioned.
But, I suggest, that if you are hit over the head with something about yourself that knocks you off your feet, grab a light and take a look at it, and see where it leads. It might just be what you’ve always been looking for, your true self and the truth of yourself!
Sometimes the best way to heal is to stop seeking, to stop looking so hard, running to this path and that, thinking that this new cure will be the one, and to instead just sit down and wait to see what your spirit brings you. For the truth is that your spirit is with you always, has always been with you and knows you better than anyone. Your spirit has all the answers you seek. Ask you spirit to guide you.
The Recapitulation Diaries
I wrote The Recapitulation Diaries to show that full healing from Complex PTSD is possible, that even though you suffered greatly—more than I did, I’m sure—you too can heal.
It’s not an easy journey, but what journey is? You’ve already taken the hardest part of it, now you just have to remember so that you can clear your energy of all that infects you, for to go back to my beginning premise, all pain and illness, mental and physical, stems from psychological disharmony, from infection that has intercepted our energy field and contaminated us. Once we heal ourselves of those infections of energy a life of wonder awaits.
I won’t say any more today, though there is so much more to the healing path of recapitulation. My books tell the story. I would not be here today had I not taken that journey. That I am pretty sure of, or at least I would not be here writing this to you today, from the bottom of my heart, hoping that you too may heal.
Sending you love and healing energy,