Uncertainties abound, and yet such is life, for it is not appropriate to know everything. There would be no mystery and no magic if all was known. There would be no spontaneity and no joy. And yet, certain things are known and can be counted on to uphold your world, to guide and protect you, no matter the uncertainties. Such certainties create stability and allow life in all its forms to proceed according to plan. The sun rises and sets marking the passing of time, the human heart beats a steady rhythm of life, and the lungs rise and fall marking the breath of life within. New beginnings such as new life taking place all around you are daily certainties, just as endings are. And so, be assured that though the times you live in are volatile and full of uncertainties, such uncertain times will end, leading to new certainties, new beginnings, new hearts beating, and many new breaths of life. That is certain!
The river of life flows through you. You are the light of the sun, the winds blowing, the oceans rocking, the moon shining, the mountains rising, the trees growing. You are life itself. Like the Earth beneath you, you are alive with energies, subtle and vibrant. Respect life within you and respect all life that surrounds you, that shares the planet with you, that supplies you with what you naturally need. Remember always that you are simply a part of it all, an instrument of the great experiment that is life. Live simply, with gratitude, respect, and love for all beings, human and nonhuman species alike, and for all that grows and keeps you alive. Take only what you need and leave only beauty behind you. In that will be a life well lived.
Let bygones be bygones as you turn in a new direction and face the light of a new day, a new way, and a new life. Change is constant, an eternally spinning wheel. Jump on board and ride it. The future is now.
A soul circles back into life again and again seeking experiences, knowledge, and advancement. A soul encompasses all lives lived. A soul embraces all circumstances of life as necessary, thrilling, and enticing situations to be experienced and conquered. A soul is ready to take on everything it encounters. Know these things about your own soul as well as the souls of others. All souls have unique gifts, purposes, and intent. All souls come into life on earth challenged to accomplish a great feat. What is your soul’s great feat? Can you look at your life as your soul’s great feat and respond appropriately to its yearnings for accomplishment, abundance, and manifestation of all that it is capable of? You are your soul’s lifetime partner, the most significant relationship you and it will ever have. And that is where true love is to be found, within the circle of you and your soul!
When it’s time to make a change, to move forward in life, to take a leap, to start something new, or finish up something that has been dragged out for a long time, there is usually a backlash from the psyche.
First light struggling to emerge from the darkness… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
Reluctance arises, doubt arises, fear arises, worry rears its ugly head and for a moment, or longer, there is hesitation. Just as dawn struggles to pierce the dark of night, so does new life struggle to emerge from the dark of the self. Often our old demons, so familiar, reliable, and comforting, come to our aid, begging us to stay with them, to stay as we are.
“Why change?” they say. “You’re fine as you are!”
I became well acquainted with my personal demons during my recapitulation. I realized how long they had been in my life and how stuck I had become because of them, afraid of everything. Worry and fear were always nearby to step in and rescue me from doing something new, from changing anything about myself.
Even if we really do want to change, it is often very challenging to take that first tentative step toward what we know will bring us closer to the transformation we so desire. During times of change we get to experience how our demons work to entrap us, enticing us to remain in the safety and comfort of their arms as we face what scares us the most, new life looming on the horizon!
Just as we are about to take a leap, trusting that life really can be different, our demons can step in and drag us back into our habitual comforts, freeing us of the anxiety that surrounds any great leap into new life. Instead we are coveted and protected by our demons, as they bring us back to the familiar, to that which we may hate about ourselves but which comforts us too.
I often had to deal with my worry demon. It would bring me a perseverating worry-rant of financial ruin, an incessant tale of an inability to make enough money, worry over all the bills piling up, worry over the mortgage to be paid, the studio rent, things the kids needed. The lists were endless, even when there was no reason for such worry, even when I was financially doing well, with plenty of money in the bank, these worries would and did rise up like the old demons they were, intent upon ensnaring me.
I started to see how they came just as I was about to do something new, to take control of my own life and my own destiny, to start a new venture, or to leave someone or something. Those worry, fear, blame or shame demons could pop up so fast, speaking with such rationality that I would easily fall back into believing what they told me.
Much like an addict I’d let them take me spinning off into oblivion. Later I’d realize how hypnotic they were, how they had taken me from awareness of the present moment and lulled and dulled me for a long time with their old tales. Numbed by them I could lose hours, days, weeks, while I struggled to do what I knew I needed to do in order to move on in my life.
In the final throes of breaking away from those demons I learned to appreciate them, but also to recognize them a lot quicker so I could avoid them. I faced life more squarely, became less afraid and less frightened by change as I continually pushed myself forward, as I dared myself to keep embracing new life, no matter what happened.
Gradually, as I finished the recapitulation of my childhood sexual abuse and shed the symptoms of PTSD that had also been a big factor in my life, I learned that life really did like it when I dared myself to do something new, that life was eager for me to live more fully. Eventually those old demons left me alone, for I had no energy left for them, it was all going elsewhere.
As long as we entertain our demons, as long as we open to them, they are eager to entertain us. But as soon as we see what they really do to us we can begin to reject them. Instead, we can begin to take responsibility for creating our own life, the way we want it, even though each step forward may be full of anxiety. And then our demons, as they realize we are no longer interested in them, go away.
Life, I realized one day, was not going to meet me if I did not go out and meet it. Rather than blame others for what had transpired in my life I became more daring and life became more exciting. Sometimes just going to the grocery store was the most daring thing I did in a day, but with persistent work on myself I started to go other places, to do other things, and after a while life was no longer so frightening.
When I met life, it met me too.
Still doing it. Still meeting life, and it still meets me. As I said to Chuck last week, “Let’s not waste a moment. Let’s go have fun!”
A blog by J. E. Ketchel, Author of The Recapitulation Diaries
