Tag Archives: detachment

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Unconditional Love

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The highest form of love is love without condition, the total embracing acceptance of all that we are.

This is the welcome that we all seek as our birthright into life in this world, loving acceptance of all that we are, simply because we are. This is the love the child longs to see mirrored in its parent’s eyes to help fortify a deep sense of worthiness, confidence, and lovability that encourages the journey to individuation, to becoming all that we truly are in this life. This is the love we seek in partnership, a loving embrace of all of our body self, all of our virtues as well as all of our sins.

Shadow partners... - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
Shadow partners…
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

In our time, the longing for unconditional love has come to be felt as an inalienable right, an entitlement. If one does not experience unconditional love immediately one feels empowered and righteous to end a relationship or marriage rather quickly. However, relationships are cauldrons where confronting the unacceptable, in both self and other, is part of the process of growing. If one exits a relationship due to unmet acceptance too prematurely the opportunity to experience the coveted “unconditional love” may be missed.

The first challenge in achieving unconditional love is to unconditionally love the self. The process of socialization we all encounter growing up leaves us with a huge shadow self, a rejected part of the self that we are taught must be forsaken due to its unacceptability.

Do we know that shadow self? Do we hate it as it has been hated? Do we expect a partner to remedy our disdain for a part of ourselves that even we do not love, expecting another to lovingly accept all of us?

Can we actually turn over that unwanted shadow self to another to make it wanted? We can try, but we’ll never fully believe the outcome. Even if a partner claims love for that which we hate in ourselves, it will not be redeemed. We will either need constant reassurance to silence our inner doubt or we simply won’t believe our “naive” partner. We will retain the “true knowledge” of our unacceptability.

In other ways, it might just be that parts of ourselves deemed unlovable might indeed be immature, with a limited capacity for relationship. Young children are far more concerned with themselves—primary narcissism, it’s called—than the needs of others. This may be quite appropriate at an infantile stage of development, but it is hardly adaptive to adult relatedness, which requires a fuller knowing and appreciation of another, as well as of self.

Our challenge might be to love that very infantile part of ourselves but realize that it is also anachronistic, non-adaptive to adult life, and unacceptable when acted out in adult relationship. This may be a case where we need to access the loving but firm adult/parent within ourselves that sets boundaries upon the demands of an infantile part of ourselves. This may allow for adult connection with another where we can share the fullness of ourselves but don’t burden the relationship with expectations that need to be grappled with within the self.

When Buddha speaks of loving compassion he speaks equally of detachment. Unconditional love—acceptance of all—does not mean attachment to all. (Attachment in this sense meaning having to engage in the acted-out entitlements of another.) In detachment, we can fully love and accept another yet insist that they manage their own infantilism.

Unconditional love is not unconditional license. Unconditional love is full acceptance of what is, while assuming full responsibility for integrating it into the self and into life at a level where life can receive it and help it to grow. Ironically, the key to unconditional love is complete loving acceptance of self while facing the conditional reality that we must grow up!

If we have been failed by those entrusted to connect us with unconditional love we must pick up the mantle of finding our way there on our own, beyond blame and bitterness. Our truest parent, Mother Earth, entrusts us with this journey as she evokes a healing process that requires deeper connectedness and love for that which has been rejected. If we are here we have been invited to partake in this great healing crisis, our own and that of the world now. It all begins with the journey of unconditional acceptance of the self.

Lovingly,

Chuck

 

Jan's Blog

Lessons in a Life: Responsibility In The Face Of Karma

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Facing the truth of the path that lies before us... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Facing the truth of the path that lies before us…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

We are all, at some time in our lives, faced with having to admit that something just isn’t working for us anymore. At such times we might get angry. We might become sad. We might become defiant, or we might simply give up. But the truth is that when something is not working for us anymore we are being asked to face a truth about ourselves, about our life, and about our future. We are being asked to change something and the decision we make is crucial to what comes next.

Sometimes we might have to act on the behalf of another person, and this too puts us in a unique position. Robert Monroe—documented out-of-body traveler, founder of the Monroe Institute and the developer of Hemi-Sync audio technique—described, during an out-of-body experience, being in a position to have to make a decision on behalf of another living creature, in this case, a dog.

Here is the story: He and the dog are the best of companions. They are taking a walk when the dog, running after a rabbit, is struck by a truck. Monroe assesses the situation. The dog is obviously beyond recovery. In order to alleviate his suffering, Monroe takes responsibility and acts quickly. Soaking his shirt in gasoline from the gas tank of the truck that struck the dog, Monroe places the gasoline soaked shirt over the dog’s mouth and with the most tender and caring embrace helps his dear dog go.

Coming out of the OBE, Monroe learns from his teachers that at another time in his life he would have been swept up in such emotional turmoil that he would not have been able to act as quickly and wisely toward his dying dog. He would have clung to him, but it would have been to the detriment of the dog’s spirit, for the truth was that the dog was dying and overpowering emotional attachment would have offered nothing of substance to the situation. At the time of this OBE, however, Monroe had advanced to a place of utter detachment. He had control over his emotions and could focus his energy where it needed to go. Without pity, but only filled with love, he could do what his doggy friend needed him to do.

Sometimes it’s time to let people, pets, things, behaviors and habits go, as succinctly and with as much love and kindness as Monroe administered to his dying dog. They’d had a good life together, but without regret, and without blaming the truck driver for striking the dog—for he knew there was no cause to fault him—Monroe acted in alignment with the truth of what had occurred. He was so emotionally detached that within seconds was able to read the entire scene. His role was clear. He was there to administer impersonal loving kindness and compassion; a karmic duty was performed.

Our own evolutionary process prepares us, through each lifetime, as we train ourselves to take responsibility, gain control over our emotions, and focus our energy, just as Monroe did, to get to the point where we are able to face the truths of a certain situation without attachment or blame.

Wise knowing comes when we are ready to act upon it... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Wise knowing comes when we are ready to act upon it…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Sometimes we are called to action unwillingly; we don’t really want to, but we feel obligated. Sometimes we are ready to jump in when asked. Sometimes things are thrust upon us suddenly, as in Monroe’s case. On the day he took his dog for a walk he had no idea he would be called upon to do what he did. Such are the moments when we realize our true spiritual state, when our evolutionary progress is made clear.

The question is: Will we be ready, when called upon, to do the thing that is right for all involved, with only goodness in our heart, without attachment, need, dependency, but simply because it is the right thing? Will we be able to transcend the personal and let go?

“Letting go” can take many forms, depending on our lives, how we’ve created them, and how ready we are to change and allow for new life, whether a new phase of life on earth, or acquiescence to the death of the physical body. Letting go is allowing for change that is right to actually take place, changing us in the process.

In the end, we must all take responsibility for ourselves, for our decisions and our actions; if we don’t or can’t then things will be imposed on us. And so it is imperative that we practice taking control of our own letting go now, in full consciousness, not letting even the letting go overpower us, but riding through it with as much grace and love as Monroe did when he realized it was time to let his dog go.

Part of our karmic process now involves letting go of that which no longer serves us, be it old habits or behaviors, attachments, loves, fears, dislikes, resentments; even our physical prowess must go at some point. The list goes on. We all have something to let go of, as we are all challenged to free ourselves to move on into greater life every day. Can we take full responsibility for every aspect of our lives and move on without burdening, blaming or becoming a victim?

The difficulties we face when we are involved in the lives of other adult beings is that we cannot control or really ask anything of them. Ultimately, every decision, choice and action is up to them. We might see very clearly that they are in a critical situation, being foolhardy, putting their lives at risk or burdening others with their behaviors, and although we might see that there is no time like the present to give advice, the truth is that we really do have to let our own expectations go and allow others to take their own journeys, keeping in mind the lesson that Monroe learned from his teachers, that during another lifetime he had not been so advanced. We are all living the life we are living in order to learn a crucial karmic lesson, even those who frustrate us the most!

What tomorrow may bring we don't really know, but we can prepare now... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
What tomorrow may bring we don’t really know, but we can prepare now…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

People will do what people will do, but at the same time if we are called upon to assist we must state the truths as we see them and ask the other being to take full responsibility for decisions made.

We can offer help and guidance, but ultimately we have to step back and let nature take its course, including the nature inside another being. That kind of letting go is as poignant and caring as Monroe’s action on behalf of his dying dog, and learning to let go in such a manner is a sign of true compassion.

Who are we to know the truth behind someone else’s karma? We can only guess. Unless it is our own karmic journey, we only have the outer truth available to us, and that may be very clear to us, though not at all to the other being. At such times, our only recourse may be to administer love, kindness, and compassion, and without attachment send that other being on their journey, into new life in whatever form that will take.

Sometimes love is enough,
Jan

The episode with the dog is described in Robert Monroe’s book, Far Journeys.

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Attachments Anonymous

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We are all students in Earth School! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We are all students in Earth School!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Earth is the Planet of Attachment. Earth School teaches us to securely attach our spirit selves to our physical animal selves—with its myriad of physical needs and desires—and, ultimately, to relinquish all our physical attachments as we return to our pure spirit selves enriched with the fruits of our earthly journey.

The crown jewel of achievement from that Earth School journey is attachment refined, transformed into its highest vibration: love.

Attachment and detachment are the themes of the curriculum of Earth School. Once we master those themes we graduate to new adventures, graduate schools of our liking in greater infinity, enriched and fueled by compassionate love in its eternal form, having been prepared, through our hard work in Earth School, to accompany us on our continued expansive journey in infinity.

Given these considerations, I feel justified in assigning Earth School the title of Attachments Anonymous, extending the twelve-step model to all sentient beings, as we are all on the same journey, seeking to achieve loving kindness, compassion, and detachment.

I recently consulted the I Ching around this issue and received hexagram #24: Return, the Turning Point. In this hexagram, one yang line sits beneath five yin lines. This preponderance of yin is the Earth, the dark solid planet of attachment, all things physical. Emerging from below is thunder, spirit that rumbles beneath the Earth.

The hexagram depicts the cyclical challenge of Earth School, life lived in the patterns of the seasons. We see in our own lives and behaviors the cyclical patterns of our attachments, such as to food, drink, sex, money, power, security, shopping, texting, fear, anger, sadness, carnal and dependent love, to name but a few.

All of our attachments manifest in cyclical patterns of seeking, obtaining, consuming, or lamenting. Even refusing is its own addictive adventure of control, as the “dry drunk” syndrome illustrates.

Spirit always finds a way to alert us... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Spirit always finds a way to alert us…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

There is no escaping addiction, which is really a frenzied state of attachment that we all suffer from and are dominated by at some point in our lives. Addiction provides the core course material of Earth School. Save all guilt and self-blame; if you are here you are in it! Even Christ and Buddha had to go through Earth School.

Hexagram #24 teaches us that the cyclic pattern of attachments NATURALLY gives rise to one moment in the cycle when spirit, on its own, makes an appearance and shakes us from our attachments. Here lies the opportunity to advance beyond compulsion of attachment—this is the Turning Point.

The usual course of all habits is like the seasons, as they too return to the same patterns. But the spirit side of ourselves, in consort with our consciousness, through collaboration, can actually transform an attachment into spiritual advancement. For example, a compulsion might find a new home in loving compassion.

This is why the twelve-step program suggests turning to one’s higher power for help, to enrich one’s struggle with grace and lift the compulsion to a positive level. The I Ching describes this process in the moving line in the third place in hexagram #24, as follows:

“There are people of a certain inner instability who feel a constant urge to reverse themselves. There is danger in continually deserting the good because of uncontrolled desires, then turning back to it again because of a better resolution. However, since this does not lead to habituation in evil, a general inclination to overcome the defect is not wholly excluded.”

The suggestion here is that the usual course of affairs—becoming buried in hungry desirousness—has the possibility of being transcended, if one can access one’s spirit at the turning point.

We can all rise up! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We can all rise up!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The turning point offers the opportunity of renewal through rest (compulsion lifted), tender care (compassion for all parts of the self), and flowering, as the spirit of kundalini energy naturally rises to the level of the heart. This is not hungry heart, but a heart full of loving compassion.

Spirit rising to the heart center is the spiritual refinement of the earthly self, the body self, which is granted enhanced life beyond its time in earthly form, in the formlessness of pure spirit love.

This is graduation from Earth School with the highest honors!

Studying hard,
Chuck

Jan's Blog

Lessons in a Life: The Journey Through Detachment To Compassion

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Chuck and I were sitting in a favorite spot one night recently, talking quietly about the events of the day. I had a pain. Persistent and relentlessly present it had bothered me all day. I am not one to complain, nor do I often have an affliction, but this one had gotten its claws into me and would not let go. Chuck was aware. My countenance alone was enough for him to know.

A Portrait of Detachment & Compassion... - Artist unknown
A Portrait of Detachment & Compassion…
– Artist unknown

As we talked I glanced up at a print on the wall, a portrait of the Virgin Mary. I post it here so you can see it for yourself. I had always noticed how detached she seemed, this beautiful being, as painted by the artist. Her gaze is a little to the side and down. She does not look directly at the viewer. In her heart chakra sits a large and fiery heart, radiant it sends out beams of light. Though she is not touching the heart, the Virgin’s hands nonetheless keep it exposed.

Even while being present in the room with Chuck, another part of me—the Observer Self or High Self—began an interaction with the portrait. “You seem so detached,” I said. “How can you be so detached and yet be the healer that you are? People have flocked to you, prayed to you, begged to be healed, to be forgiven, to be made whole. Look at me. I’m in pain. Will you take pity on me and heal me? Right now?”

My innocence reached out. Within seconds I felt a change taking place in my body. Chuck noticed it too. “You’re getting better,” he said, with certainty. “Yes, I am,” I said, though I did not tell him of my telepathic conversation with the Virgin Mary. Instead, I started to doubt. Perhaps all the herbal remedies and the meditative exercises I had been doing all day, the Netting that I had written about several weeks ago and other exercises in detaching from negative energies were finally kicking in. But as soon as the doubt arose my High Self spoke up very loudly: “Cut it out! Face the truth and thank her!”

This time, as I turned to the portrait, I noticed that the Virgin was gazing right into my eyes and that her own eyes were filled with compassion. Instantly, I understood that only in learning detachment could she possibly be available to help others, that all of her energy had to be directed to her heart center, her focus always on placing her attention, intent, and energy there, for that was where she worked from. It was a place of vast energetic power. I saw that if she remained attached to anyone or anything in this world her energy would be compromised and her work would suffer.

“You really are a goddess,” I silently said to her, “the Goddess, Gaia, Earth Mother, feminine energy supreme. Though you have been categorized and labeled as something else, you are so much more than the portrait on the wall depicts you as. You have succeeded at what we are all seeking, how to be detached so that our energy may be directed into compassionate living, into the work of compassion.”

She is an example of how to be fully detached and fully loving and compassionate beings. Though her son had died she held no malice toward anyone. She turned her anger, her sorrow, her regret into something good. She did not stay attached to the things of this world. We are all aware of her many miracles, her appearances at Lourdes, Fatima, and most recently in 1981 in Medjugorje, in what is now Bosnia.

We all embody the same innocent light of dawn... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We all embody the same innocent light of dawn…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As I look at her looking at me, I know that everything I have learned through my connection with Jeanne is true, that we are all goddesses too, male and female, that we all have within us the same compassionate energy, the ability through sustained focus on the energy of the heart chakra to become fully compassionate healers too. It is her mission to teach us this through her own work, still taking place throughout the world.

It is not that easy to manifest in this world, Jeanne tells me today as I write this blog, to appear as the Virgin Mary has done over the centuries. If it were that easy, she says, there would be many more sighting of the great enlightened ones, and so they seek to connect and work in energetic ways. That’s why it’s so important for us to lose our self-importance and reach out, to let our innocence out of safekeeping so that it may act on our behalf.

We are all capable of this energetic contact and this directed compassion. Jeanne herself tells us this over and over again, that we are all Psychic Beings. I learned, from my recent interactions with the portrait on the wall, that to awaken this aspect in ourselves we must first achieve detachment.

Detachment means that we are not caught by anything in this world, that our energy is totally removed from everything that entices us—from sadness and self-pity, greed and longings, attachments to family or being special—the gamut of all that keeps us bound to life on earth. Our real life awaits us in energetic form. We must wake up to the truth that we can have access to that energy now, if we dare to take the journey through detachment to compassion.

Once we’ve achieved detachment, and maintain it, our energy will be fully available for the much needed work of compassion, of energetic healing and communication. I know it’s possible and that it works; I’ve done it myself. Though I am in no way perfect, I have had enough experiences to know that a path with heart is a path of detachment as well.

Rarely have I asked for compassion for myself, but my innocence was not going to let me decide the other day. It had something to show me, how energy really is all that matters, and purified energy radiating from the heart chakra, the energy of compassion, is the only way to go if we are to impact and change the world. By learning what it means to detach we sidestep getting caught by anything in this world. Through sustained and diligent attendance to where we put our energy we not only can have impact, but it becomes increasingly clear that we are all equally deserving of compassion and that everyone, even the most hardened criminal, though seriously misguided, is innocent at the core.

Perhaps my experiences will strike a chord. Perhaps your own innocence might have something to show you. Trust it. That’s all I can say, and then see what happens!

At our core is the fire of compassion... - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
At our core is the fire of compassion…
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

I also feel that it is significant to mention that Chuck bought the portrait of the Virgin in Vatican City a few days after Jeanne had died while he was waiting for her body to be cremated in Switzerland. Jeanne had told him and their children that she would always live in their hearts. When he saw the painting that was what he was thinking. He brought the portrait home in his suitcase, nestled next to Jeanne’s ashes.

From the Holy City, a place of such powerful energy, this portrait of a loving and compassionate heart traveled here, and we have been under its gaze ever since. It is finally time to tap into its energy and its message. I pass it on.

With love and compassion,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Searching For Meaning

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Our little visitor... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Our little visitor…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Last Sunday, a female pheasant flew into our yard and began eating the seeds on the ground, fallen there from the bird feeders we have hanging in a tree. We noticed her limping and detected an injured foot, though her wings were intact and she flew just fine. She has since stayed.

We see her every morning, as she comes out from wherever she spends the cold nights to eat her fill. There is plenty of seed on the ground, a thick carpet, tossed there by the smaller birds as they perch and peck at the feeders. The larger birds take advantage of this arrangement. Everyone is happy.

Carlos Castaneda once moved a small snail from a sidewalk and put it into the bushes on the opposite side, fearing that the snail would be crushed by someone inadvertently stepping on it, but he learned something new from his teacher that day. Here is what he wrote about the incident in The Second Ring of Power:

“Don Juan pointed out that my assumption was a careless one, because I had not taken into consideration two important possibilities. One was that the snail might have been escaping a sure death by poison under the leaves of the vine, and the other possibility was that the snail had enough personal power to cross the sidewalk. By interfering I had not saved the snail but only made it lose whatever it had so painfully gained.”

And so, taking such insight into consideration, we have chosen not to interfere with the pheasant. We have learned that it is better to let nature take its course unimpeded by human intervention. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but we have also learned that no matter what we do to help someone or something, in the end we really have little impact. We know that everyone will do what they want and what they are ready for, no matter how ardent, concerned, and loving our help or suggestions might be. We have experienced this often enough both personally and professionally. When people are ready, they will take the journey that is right for them to take.

So we watch the little pheasant with fascination, for her intrepid spirit, marveling that she found her way to our yard, and of course, wondering what it might mean for us personally. How could we not?

She offers us pause to consider other times when we have been put in similar positions, when the unexpected arrives on our doorstep, unbidden. Life is full of surprises. We get news of something, we get asked to do something, we get offered something. We must make conscious decisions.

Everybody's happy with the arrangement... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Everybody’s happy with the arrangement…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Sometimes decisions come spontaneously, and whether they are right or wrong we act instinctively. At other times a decision does not come so quickly and we must ponder why. We must ask: What is the right decision to make and why is it right? Who will benefit or not, and to what end?

We are loving and compassionate people, but we also know that everyone has a journey to take, and that each person’s journey is unique and special. We know that each person must learn to make choices and decisions for themselves, that they will learn about life in both their successes and failures. Sometimes it is right to help; sometimes it is best to step out of the way. The decision to help and the decision to step out of the way are each difficult to make. Based on each circumstance, what we elect to do for another may propel them forward or keep them stuck. We want everyone to access the limitless resources within themselves and often the best way to do that is to step out of the way.

And so we watch our little pheasant with sheer pleasure. How resourceful she is! The cats that roam the neighborhood are no match for her. She is alert and quick. She flies up into the trees when danger approaches, fully capable of taking care of herself. She takes advantage of the sunny spots during the day. We see her sitting up against the warm brick front of the house, safely tucked behind the wall of snow that has formed over the past week by the gusty winds. She is, after all, a creature of nature and is instinctively drawn to the healing power of the sun.

She must be getting enough food. And although we give her nothing more than we give to the other birds we do send her our energetic intent. We send her our full energetic support as she takes her own journey. The outcome is up to her. We do not judge her choices; after all, she landed on our doorstep, and so we thank her for coming into our life, offering us the opportunity to observe her and to search for meaning in her visitation.

Synchronistically, and so not surprisingly, we find that we have been offered many opportunities over the past week to make some meaningful decisions. Is it time to help, or time to step out of the way?

Sometimes helping another living being means standing back and letting them take the next leg of their journey on their own. This might be the hardest choice we ever make. But we can send them off with loving energetic encouragement and good wishes that they make mature and reasonable decisions that will lead them beyond mere survival to new stages of evolution.

Basking in some rays... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Basking in some rays…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

At some point we all have to choose a path, and so we fully support everyone’s search for meaning and for their own path of heart. Sometimes it’s enough to say: “Go ahead, you can do it! You’re on your own now! Good luck! Life is waiting to receive you!”

Letting nature takes its course without interference, but with compassionate detachment,
Jan