Category Archives: Jan’s Blog

Welcome!

Currently, I put most of my energy into the weekly channeled messages, the daily Soulbytes, and the completion of The Recapitulation Diaries. An occasional blog does still get written when the creative urge strikes. Archived here are the blogs I wrote for many years about inner life and outer life, inner nature and outer nature. Perhaps my writings on life, as I see it and experience it, may offer you some small insight or different perspective as you take your own journey.

With gratitude for all that life teaches me, I share my experiences.

Jan Ketchel

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & Inorganic Beings

Leave a comment

Today I write about inorganic beings, a complex and often confusing subject that I have been pondering for weeks, not quite sure how to approach it in this blog. Even a thought about or reference to inorganic beings—beings without form or beings able to appear in any shape or form—can induce fear. I often see people shudder when the subject is brought up. Since I do not intend to frighten anyone, I have decided to approach the topic today from a personal perspective. Hopefully some of my experiences during my recapitulation and otherwise will alleviate some of the discomfort associated with inorganic beings, as well as raise awareness as to how they may potentially approach us and what their presence might mean in our lives.

Jeanne, whom I communicate with regularly, is an inorganic being. A month before she died in December 2001 she came to me in a few dreams, almost as if she were setting up the process that would unfold over the next few years. After she died she began coming to me in other shapes and forms, sometimes materializing before me in recognizable human form, other times as pure energy that I could not see but could feel, and still other times as visible luminous white fluttering energy. I was never afraid of her, though the first time she appeared before me, as if a hologram were forming right before my eyes, I have to say I was quite shocked.

The thing that I recognized about Jeanne, inorganic being that she was, was that her energy felt good, it felt right, and it matched my own perfectly. So that is the first important thing to learn about the self: What does your personal energy feel like? It should be instantly recognizable, known, and accessible. Personally, I have a longstanding relationship with my own energy, with what it feels like, and I suggest that most other people do as well. Even if you’ve never thought about it, you know how you feel when you are in your element, in balance, perhaps doing something creative, something calming, or even something thrilling. We all have a personal energy that is ours alone, as personal as our fingerprints.

Once we definitely recognize what our personal energy feels like then we can use it to gauge ourselves energetically in the world, both in the world of everyday life as well as what we encounter as we recapitulate, dream, and have experiences that go beyond the norm. We can learn to use it to our advantage no matter what the situation is by training ourselves to retain awareness of our personal energy at all times, even when we are being challenged to go beyond our routines and comfort zones.

When don Juan teaches Carlos Castaneda about inorganic beings he accompanies him on many adventures, watching over him and guiding him through some tricky situations, until eventually Carlos is able to have some experiences on his own, having trained his awareness about how inorganic beings approach, in what shape and form, and learning to decipher what they want and whether they are friend or foe. For instance, the mind is a great place for inorganic energy to attach. Flyers, as the shamans call mind-destined energy eaters, can appear as incessant thoughts, worries, fears, etc. that eat up our energy and make us forget why we are really here. They can come in many forms, taking us away from our selves, our goals, our intentions, keeping us captivated while they get what they want: our energy.

During my own recapitulation I learned that these flyers come most often in the form of old voices from the past that we may not even recognize as those of others, such as our parents, teachers, people who have abused us, our religion, our society, our politicians, any number of things we have been taught and heard over and over again from the time we were born. These voices pile up and pile on the jargon of the world we live in, until we are inundated and, before we know it, they occupy our everyday speech, actions, thoughts, and ideas, pestering us into living automatic and uncreative lives based on a generally accepted protocol of what life is meant to be.

These flyers have been eating away at our energy for a long time before we start to think and act for ourselves. By the time we wake up to the truth that we have our own ideas, thoughts, and curiosities about life that deviate from everything we have ever been taught, the flyers will do what they are supposed to do: they will start in on us again, incessantly calling us back to their dogma and their way of doing things, which after all we’ve been doing for so long and weren’t we happy with the way things were? Breaking away from the flyers, from the mind of the past, is a major step not only in recapitulation, but in growing up and becoming a separate adult human being on a personal journey.

Another form of inorganic being that I encountered during my recapitulation appeared in the form of foreign energy. The first thing I learned was that it had been present in my personal energetic world for a long time already, just as the flyers had been. Foreign energy, energy that has attached to us through experiences and interactions with people in our pasts, loves us. In true parasitic fashion, it finds a home in us, eats away at our energy, taking it from us, depleting us. When we finally discover its vicious little teeth chomping away at us, it can put up quite a fight as we try to extricate it from our very beings.

This foreign energy plants itself in us during experiences in life; sexual encounters being but one of them. The shamans say that women carry within them the energy of every man they have ever had sex with. Men, in turn, take energy from women, so suffice it to say that they too carry around with them the energy of every woman they have ever had sex with. This might not sound too appealing, but until we rid ourselves of this foreign energy, whether it arrived in sexual encounters or in other ways, we will not be totally energetically complete and whole.

During my recapitulation I dubbed the flyers and foreign energy “The Invisibles” because they would come out of nowhere and before I knew it I was back in their clutches, moaning about not wanting to leave the old comforts they provided, even though I knew they were devastating to me. That old energy was so well known to me, how could I ever let it go? These inorganic beings and I had traveled a long way together, how could I possibly leave them behind? From my reactions you might get the gist of how they work. By constantly returning and exerting pressure—We’re such good friends, aren’t we, Jan? Isn’t it easier to just give in and acquiesce to us? Can’t we just stay a little longer? etc.—they attempted to remain present in my body, my thoughts, my world, stealing my energy.

As I wrote about in Recapitulation & Breathing, a number of good breathing techniques can help remove these uninvited guests. By breathing them out, by refusing them with conscious intent to unseat them, they eventually get the idea that we are serious, that we will not let them in anymore and eventually they leave and we gain back our own energy. Once we have successfully gained it all back, we are in a very strong position to ward off not only these very common inorganic beings but the more tricky and conniving ones of other worlds.

In having done a recapitulation and in recognizing that I am completely compatible with Jeanne’s energy in infinity, I have continued to train my awareness, especially as regards inorganic beings because they are always out there, ready to sneak in when we are unaware, looking for some tasty energy, no matter how well attuned and aware we may think we are. The thing to remember is that none of this is personal. Inorganic beings operate, from what I can discern, completely impersonally, just out for what they can get.

I hope some of this makes sense. I think the first thing to take note of is personal energy. Get to know it, recognize it, and always come home to it. Secondly, begin to really listen to the flyers of the mind, the voices of old; question them, and question the unspoken commands and the actions we do automatically, as to whether or not they are right. Thirdly, it is important to rid ourselves of energy that does not belong to us, and to refuse to let it back in. These confrontations with the reality we have accepted and lived with for so long offer breaks in the incessant jargon of a world that was created long before we entered it.

And lastly, once we are ready to question this reality we open ourselves to a new way of not only seeing the world, but reacting and interacting in it. And we may, if we choose, after our training, go off alone, like Carlos, better prepared to enter other worlds and to deal with what we may encounter.

I am fortunate to have encountered Jeanne, but I have also, through the years, encountered other not so compatible and often very uncomfortable and sometimes frightening energy, but because of my training with her in infinity and with Chuck in the shaman’s world I will not be deterred. I know I must remain aware at all times, that is a lifelong challenge, but I cannot stop my journey now. I want to keep going, to enter new worlds freely, without doubt, shame, embarrassment, without flyers or foreign energy holding me back.

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes; and watch out for those inorganic beings!
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: From the Archives

Leave a comment

Jan is taking a few days off. We found something from the archives that is in alignment with recent topics. From Jan’s blog, A Day in a Life, originally posted on February 4, 2010, here is What is Fear?:

Dear Readers,

I thought this portion of a message that I received from Jeanne today might be interesting and perhaps helpful as you do your inner work. She says the following:

As fears pop up to challenge you, take a look at them and know that they are just that, fears, and nothing more. And what is fear but an old habit of emotional baggage. But if you look into that bag you will see that it is empty because fear is invisible! It does not exist unless you attach to it and make it be important. The process of letting go is taking away the importance of that which has conjured itself before you. These can be many things that, in reality, do not exist unless you attach meaning and significance to them.

She went on to say that by letting go of fears and detaching from the conjuring mind, you free your energy to understand why you had the fears to begin with, and that the mind itself cannot fully achieve clarity because its habit is to focus on what it has conjured. She says:

As you learn to detach, to really let go of the conjuring mind, you will discover what has always been present in your life and in your self and in your destiny. But such clarity only truly comes when you are ready for it.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & Breathing

1 Comment

During the process of recapitulation it helps to have support. This support can come in many forms. During my own recapitulation, not only did I work closely with Chuck as teacher and guide, but I also did a lot of yoga and meditation. Specific breathing practices and gentle, self-caring yoga helped immensely as I recapitulated a lot of old and unpleasant stuff. I also did Embodyment Therapy to aid in the physical release of memory. These practices were extremely helpful and right, fitting my personality. In the beginning I also used physical exertion as a means of countering the mental and physical stresses that arose as a result of recapitulating, running and walking off a lot of the onslaughts of infinity, and doing specific magical passes to aid in bearing the tension. However, the deeper I went into my recapitulation the more important it became to allow for and find support for long buried feelings and emotions that needed not only release but to become acceptable. There also comes a point where compassion for the self and others, including the petty tyrants in our lives, becomes necessary for true evolution to take place.

The shamanic sweeping breath, a magical pass, was one of the most helpful of all breathing exercises during recapitulation. Breathing in fresh positive energy and expelling old negative energy belonging to specific memories, people, and places was one of the most important parts of my recapitulation process. This breath not only stirs up memories but vivifies them as well, bringing details of experiences to fuller clarity. As we breathe out we release energy that does not belong to us, replacing it, on each in-breath, with new energy for ourselves alone.

Yoga breathing supports and brings clarity to deep inner work, aiding what is happening in the unconscious and in the physical body. Learning to breathe into specific areas enhances and clarifies where our deepest needs, vulnerabilities, and issues lie. Breathing into the chakras can lead to encounters with our unknown selves, unlocking the mysteries of why we feel bruised or pain in certain areas of our bodies, releasing long buried memories physically buried in our very muscles, sinews, and bones. There are yoga breaths to open passageways into the body for fuller release, but there are equally as many breathing practices to slow down the onslaughts of infinity, bringing stability and calm, so that balance can be restored and maintained. Healing and self-caring breaths are as important as releasing breaths during recapitulation.

Tonglen breathing during meditation, or at anytime, is another supportive and life-changing process, leading to a level of enlightenment that gradually allows us to experience the world as energetically interconnected. As we breathe in the negative energy of guilts, fears, emotions, etc. and breathe out compassion, fearlessness, happiness, lightness, etc., we energetically send that positive intent out into the world. As we turn compassion for others into compassion for ourselves we learn how to let go of our ego’s needs and desires and replace them with loving kindness for ourselves and all sentient beings.

I recently had a personal experience of Tonglen breathing, experiencing it ultimately as the power of the energetic network that we are all hooked into whether we are aware of it or not. I was about to encounter a person with a lot of negative energy, a person I admittedly do not enjoy being with, one of my petty tyrants. Normally I gear up for such encounters by asking for help, guidance and accompanying good energy, by breathing and calming my own energy, and by continually reminding myself, while I am in the presence of this person, that I am just like this person, that I am the same, and that in order to truly heal myself I must achieve true compassion for this person.

As I was preparing to meet up with this person I decided to shift myself, to allow the possibility for this encounter to be different by practicing Tonglen breathing. I started as I left the house, first breathing in, one at a time, the fears, judgments, criticisms, negative attitudes, depressed energy, etc. of this person and breathing out compassion. Then I breathed in my own fears of this person, my own judgments, dislikes, uncomfortability, negative attitudes, etc. towards this person and breathing out compassion. I did this while I drove, a trip of perhaps fifteen minutes at the most. Upon arriving at my destination I continued to meditate upon compassionate loving kindness for this person, holding this uppermost in my thoughts, wanting to stay connected to this intent. This was all I carried with me at that point, feeling immensely lighter and relieved of my normal agita because of the breathing I had done.

Upon my arrival I was greatly surprised by the energetic lightness of this normally dark and negative person. It was immediately clear that this person had energy, and not just nervous or agitated energy, but actual calm and clear energy. The normal judgments and critical language, the depressed thoughts and oblivious actions that I associate with this person were overridden by this new energy. The lightness and clarity of this person’s energy lasted through most of our time together, waning only towards the end. My own energy, while I was with this person and even later, remained soft and compassionate, kind and open.

It was not until I was back in my car that it dawned on me that the Tonglen breathing I had done actually worked on an energetic level, as I have never experienced it before. It worked on behalf of the energy of another person, with quite dramatic results and it certainly worked on me, for I have no doubts about my own energetic experiences of that day. I walked in a new world with this person that day, in a world that had energetically shifted, in which we were freed of our normal business, relieved of old energy and old patterns of behavior. And it all happened on an energetic level without one word being spoken between us. It just was.

I am humbly grateful for the petty tyrants in my life, for the people who challenge me to confront my feelings and my normal means of coping, for the people who have hurt me, rejected me, abandoned me, for the people who criticize, judge, and dismiss me, for they are the ones who greet me on the path to enlightenment and ask me to change. At each encounter with a petty tyrant I am offered the opportunity to practice loving kindness and compassion, to energetically let go of what holds me bound and turn it into fresh, new, positive energy that really does make a difference, as I experienced.

Recapitulation is a many-faceted process. As we encounter memories we discover that they carry more than just the recall of an event. We encounter old energy, thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, criticisms, guilt, envy, pain, etc. We may also encounter many positive aspects of ourselves at other times in our lives. What we are also offered is the possibility to transform our perception of ourselves and others, as well as our view of the world. Finding support in even the most natural of life giving energy, in breathing, which we all do, is a practical and kind step to offer the self as the journey continues.

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes, and good breathing too!
Jan

NOTE: A definition of Tonglen breathing can be found here or in Pema Chödrön’s book When Things Fall Apart available in our Store under Spirituality. Embodyment Therapy is described here.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & The Mind

Leave a comment

I have always kept a stack of books beside my bed, sometimes neatly arranged on a bookcase or table, other times piled on the floor next to a mattress. As a very young child these books were a thick volume of Mother Goose rhymes and the poetry of A.A. Milne, both of which I knew by heart, every word in every rhyme memorized and treasured. As I lay under the covers at night reciting the words of these dear works the soothing rhythm of their lines enabled me to break through the fears of the day and enter another world. They became the mantras that enabled me to enter a new world of dreams and forgetting.

Coming from a family of readers, observing my mother, with her legs tucked up under her, deeply absorbed in reading, I intuited that books were important, containing something compellingly irresistible. At the same time I saw that they had the power to remove a person from this world, to envelop them and take them away to another world where they could not be reached. Growing up in a family of such readers, the escapist kind, produced a hoard of bubble beings, each of us floating through life safely sequestered inside our own little bubble, with little interaction or spoken word, the draw of the written word always more enticing than actual personal contact.

As I grew older the books advanced with me, the nursery rhymes giving way to Little House on The Prairie and Black Beauty, both of which I secretly cried over, safe in my bubble where I was free to compassionately and empathically absorb and embrace the trials and tribulations of the characters. Fiction and non-fiction, mysteries, classics, historical novels, fantasies; you name it, I read it. By the time I was in my late teens and early twenties the stack of books on the floor of my room in the apartment I shared with two other young women in New York City ranged from some battered and yellowed paperbacks by and about Edgar Cayce that I had found in my grandparent’s attic, to the early works of Carlos Castaneda, and some books on the power of prayer that my grandmother had shyly presented me with one day. My two roommates, gaily flitted off to yoga and meditation classes, lapping up the energy of the times while I sat in my room and read these books, trying to figure out what they meant for me, taking my time to absorb them, studying them and eventually finding my own way to what I needed out in the world.

Now as I look at the books I have on my bedside shelf I recognize the seeker in me, having stayed connected to that which would both catapult and accompany me on my inner journeys as well as my journeys in the world. I have taken my time, the time I have needed, recognizing and finding in the works and adventures of others just the words to send me in the right direction so I could break through the barriers that stood so seemingly solidly in place, as I had once done as a small child lying in bed incessantly repeating the rhymes of comfort and transformation. I have learned that when the time is right, when everything is aligned, I will be shown where I must go next. Of course, it is not just in books and words that we are guided, but in the challenges and synchronicities in life. Even if one is not a reader, but totally absorbed by the outer world the same alignments, signs, and guidance will be present when the time is right for us to take a plunge in a new direction and break through the barriers that seem so solidly constructed.

For me, those barriers have most often appeared in the form of words, just as the key to breakthrough has also most often appeared in words, both my own words and those of others. The words we grow up with, the commands and demands of our parents, our teachers, our bibles and catechisms, become the mantras that replay and hold us captive, until one day we decide, by fate or choice, that it’s time to resist them, to reject them, to turn them off and to look in a new direction for new words of guidance. This day may come slowly and methodically or it may come over us all of a sudden with a big whack over the head. But when this day arrives, when we begin to question the repetitive, incessant dialogue inside our heads, wondering who said that to us, or how we could ever have held such a belief, we are choosing to break through the barriers that have kept us confined in a limiting and unsatisfying world.

When this moment comes, whether because the right words have been read or spoken, or because life has just delivered another blow, or because there is just no other choice to make, this is the moment when, as don Juan suggests, infinity calls. This is the moment that Pema Chödrön in her book When Things Fall Apart recognizes as the catalyst. “Instinctively I knew that annihilation of my old dependent, clinging self was the only way to go,” she says on page 14. This is the moment when Carl Jung asked his unconscious for a sign and he received the vision that would eventually send him on his deepest explorations as recounted in The Red Book. And this is the moment of invitation into recapitulation.

Carlos Castaneda recounts his own adventures into recapitulation with don Juan in The Active Side of Infinity, which I have been using as a resource for the past few weeks in my essays on the recapitulation process. On page 168, don Juan introduces Carlos to the idea of the mind as a foreign installation, and suggests that Carlos note how, in undertaking recapitulation, his true mind is emerging. Don Juan says to Carlos:

“The haunting memory of your recollections could come only from your true mind. The other mind that we all have and share is, I would say, a cheap model: economy strength, one size fits all. But this is a subject that we will discuss later. What is at stake now is the advent of a disintegrating force. But not a force that is disintegrating you—I don’t mean it that way. It is disintegrating what the sorcerers call the foreign installation, which exists in you and in every other human being. The effect of the force that is descending on you, which is disintegrating the foreign installation, is that it pulls sorcerers out of their syntax.”

The mind as foreign installation is what I am referring to when I write of the incessant dialogue, the mantras of old that feed us and, yes, even nurture us through most of our life, until the moment arrives when we question their advice and even their very presence. This is the moment that our syntax, the world as we have always known it, no longer fits who we are or how we perceive or experience ourselves. This is the moment when the mind, old conjurer that it is, confronts us with its old mantras, seeking to draw us back into its comforts, but we know, with utter certainty, that we cannot go back. When Pema Chödrön is confronted by her husband asking for a divorce, her syntax shatters. She writes:

“I tried hard—very, very hard—to go back to some kind of comfort, some kind of security, some kind of familiar resting place. Fortunately for me, I could never pull it off.”

When we are confronted with the shattering of the foreign installation, the mind as it has been constructed throughout our lives, when we are thrown into free fall, into a place where nothing is familiar, and we feel like we are being annihilated or disintegrating, we want desperately to reach back to something that will anchor us. But as we grasp for the old syntax we find that the world that once served us so well is gone, that it no longer holds what we need. This is when we enter into a new phase of our recapitulation. This is when we enter the moment of choosing to change not only ourselves but our entire outlook on life, accepting that we will allow our entire perception of the world, as we know it, to disintegrate before our eyes and allow our mind, that foreign installation, to go with it. This is the moment when we experience our true mind. When we allow the old mantras to cease comforting us and look for what the next moment offers, fully aware that we are electing to take a journey of disintegrating change, we have finally gotten to the place that don Juan refers to as thus, on page 182 in The Active Side Of Infinity:

“He explained to me the intricacies of choice,” writes Carlos. “He said that choice, for warrior-travelers, was not really the act of choosing, but rather the act of acquiescing elegantly to the solicitations of infinity.”

“Infinity chooses,” he said. “The art of the warrior-traveler is to have the ability to move with the slightest insinuation, the art of acquiescing to every command of infinity. For this, a warrior-traveler needs prowess, strength, and above everything else, sobriety. All those three put together give, as a result, elegance!”

When Carlos struggles to make sense of his experiences in infinity don Juan suggests the following:

“It is unbelievable, but it’s not unlivable,” he said. “The universe has no limits, and the possibilities at play in the universe at large are indeed incommensurable. So don’t fall prey to the axiom, ‘I believe only what I see,’ because it is the dumbest stand one can possibly take.”

So, if we ponder that axiom for a moment, ‘I believe only what I see,’ and ask where it comes from, who planted it in our mind, who first spoke those words to us, or where did we read them, we might, if we are being true to ourselves, realize that those are words of the foreign installation. Because if we are indeed warrior-travelers in infinity, we know that our experiences supersede every idea that our mind has ever had or put in place.

Our true mind knows that anything can happen, that everything is possible and that once we acquiesce to the solicitations of infinity that old mind cannot hold up, under any circumstances. It will no longer give us what we need or want. It is then that we begin to look beyond the old mantras and the old comforts for something else to lead us. As don Juan, Carl Jung, Pema Chödrön, and Carlos Castaneda recognize, this is the moment of disintegration leading to new awareness. This is when we know that the only way to live is in the moment, soberly acquiescing to and learning from what infinity offers us.

On a final note, as I discussed today’s blog with Chuck this morning at breakfast, I found that I could not find the words to describe to him what I was going to write about. Spoken words have always been so inaccurate and fleeting to me, sent out on a puff of air, unclear and often jumbled, not yet fallen into just the right alignment. “It will all come together as I write,” I said to him. As I have honed how I use words, over a lifetime of career and personal writings, I know that the moment when it all comes together is largely directed by a force outside of me; creative energy perhaps. As Pema Chödrön’s teacher, Chögyam Tungpa Rinpoche, said to her once: “Relax and write,” so do I know that, once I acquiesce to the process, the process has a way of taking me where I need to go.

And so now here we are already past noon and I am looking over what I have written. I humbly offer these words that have fallen into just this essay today, coming together outside of the conjuring foreign installation of the mind that attempted to explain to Chuck earlier in the day what I would be writing about. Here it is now, come, in the end, from somewhere else; infinity perhaps?

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan

NOTE: The books mentioned in this blog are available for purchase through our Store.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & Infinity

2 Comments

Over the past few weeks I have written about recapitulation as both a shamanic journey and as undertaking the inner journey, doing deep psychological work. Today, I touch on the other experiences that arise as one undertakes recapitulation and deep inner work, the experiences of infinity: of spirit, of channeling, of visions, of seeing and experiencing energy. Infinity presented as a shamanic or spiritual term, really boils down to experiencing the self as energy, interconnected to all other energy, having experiences that cannot be defined in rational terms.

Carlos Castaneda writes, in The Active Side of Infinity, that he did not have explanations for the effects his recapitulation was having on him, that when facing the unknown and being confronted with things he did not have interpretations for he could not find a means of describing them. Don Juan presented him with a new source of interpretation by telling him that “infinity, or the voice of the spirit,” would come to his aid. He writes:

“Don Juan has guided me to accept the idea that infinity was a force that had a voice and was conscious of itself. Consequently, he had prepared me to be ready to listen to that voice and act efficiently always, but without antecedents, using as little as possible of the railings of the a priori. I waited impatiently for the voice of the spirit to tell me the meaning of my recollections, but nothing happened.” (p. 169)

As he goes on to recapitulate more memories of how he had behaved towards others in his life he finally arrives at the following: “I didn’t have to ponder anymore the significance of my vivid visions. For an unquestionable certainty invaded me, as if coming from outside me.” (p. 172) He goes on to explain how he discovered that the dictums he had been brought up with had overtaken him, what he had been taught driving his every action; so deeply ingrained they became necessities. This realization is his turning point. He goes on to say:

“I was aware, beyond any doubt, that what was at stake was infinity. Don Juan had portrayed it as a conscious force that deliberately intervenes in the lives of sorcerers. And now it was intervening in mine. I knew that infinity was pointing out to me, through the vivid recollections of those forgotten experiences, the intensity and depth of my drive for control, and thus preparing me for something transcendental to myself. I knew with frightening certainty that something was going to bar any possibility of my being in control, and that I needed, more than anything else, sobriety, fluidity, and abandon in order to face the things that I felt were coming to me.” (p. 172)

Don Juan admonishes Carlos to not get caught in “psychological exaggeration,” but to accept that he had entered an irreversible process. “Your true mind is emerging, waking up from a state of lifelong lethargy,” he says. Carlos writes:

“Infinity is claiming you,” he [don Juan] continued. “Whatever means it uses to point that out to you cannot have any other reason, any other cause, any other value than that. What you should do, however, is to be prepared for the onslaughts of infinity. You must be in a state of continuously bracing yourself for a blow of tremendous magnitude. That is the sane, sober way in which sorcerers face infinity.” (pp. 172-3)

Carlos proceeded to do what most of us do when faced with the “onslaughts of infinity,” he got busy, immersing himself in work, in writing, in anything to keep infinity at bay. During my own recapitulation I too used all my energy to keep infinity from invading and seeping into my life, until finally, out of sheer exhaustion, I realized it was hopeless. There was nothing I could do to keep it away, including my connection with Jeanne, which both greatly aided me and frightened me at the same time. My own experiences mirror what don Juan described to Carlos in the following excerpt, as he talked about the results of going into inner silence:

“He assured me that a dot of a peculiar, rich, pomegranate red shows up, as if bursting from the lavender clouds. He stated that as sorcerers become more disciplined and experienced, the dot of pomegranate expands and finally explodes into thoughts or visions, or in the case of a literate man, into written words; sorcerers either see visions engendered by energy, hear thoughts being voiced as words, or read written words.” (p. 174)

Carlos went on to have an experience of words moving at tremendous speed, impossible to read. After his experience he rushed to tell don Juan about what had happened to him, as I once rushed to Chuck, needing anchoring in this reality. Don Juan assured him that he had had his first encounter with infinity and although its descent was not gentle, it was nonetheless how it appeared and that Carlos was going to have to learn how to adjust to its onslaughts. In my own case, I too had to learn how my connection with Jeanne was meant to be utilized, what it really meant for me personally, but also what I was supposed to be doing with it: what I was being shown and why by infinity.

Carl Jung also experienced the “onslaughts of infinity,” and many of his psychological terms and tools come from these personal experiences. The Red Book is his personal journey into the unconscious, into what don Juan called inner silence, the place where we are offered access to that which lies beyond the rational world, which has so structured and defined our perceptions.

In The Red Book, on pages 230-231, Jung contrasted “the spirit of the time” with “the spirit of the depths” as two opposing forces that must be reconciled with, the outer rational world with the inner unknown world. When he asked “the spirit of the depths” to give him a sign that it was right to no longer resist its call, he received a two hour long vision that happened in broad daylight. This was the beginning of his journey back to his soul, for he could not resist this “onslaught of infinity.”

In daring to take the inner journey, whether it be called recapitulation or inner work, reliving memories or doing active imagination, both Carlos and Carl entered other worlds, as real as this one. Despite initial fear and resistance, in finally acquiescing to the “onslaughts of infinity,” they both perceived and experienced energy differently. Their lives changed when they chose to take the journey with infinity leading the way, as both resource and guide.

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan

NOTE: The books mentioned in this blog are available for purchase through our Store.