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Jan's Blog, Recapitulation

A Day in a Life: First Step Of Recapitulation

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The first step in taking the recapitulation journey is to acknowledge that something is wrong. Statements and questions like the following might indicate the need for deeper self-exploraton:

We have to fully explore the dark if we are to fully access the light... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We have to fully explore the dark if we are to fully access the light…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I don’t fit in.
I’m not really here; my body walks around but I’m not in it.
I don’t feel safe.
I’m always afraid.
I just want to be normal.
Why can’t I just be like everyone else?
Why do I feel so different, isolated, lonely, angry?
Why can’t I trust anyone?
Why do I feel so ashamed, so guilty, so invisible and unimportant?
What am I always apologizing for?
What is wrong with me?

Recapitulation is not just for the recapitulation of trauma or physical or sexual abuse; it is a process that can be utilized to clear up and clean up any negative energies or beliefs that may hamper fuller living. From the point of view of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico it is a prerequisite to higher learning and exploration.

How can we move on into new positive life experiences if we have not completely shed the negative aspects of our old life experiences? Our experiences of happiness, contentment, and calm balance will be fleeting or short-lived until we acknowledge that something is seriously wrong, that in spite of how far we have come in life we are slowly dying a little bit each day at our deepest core.

Once we acknowledge that something is seriously wrong with us the next step is to accept that it’s okay to have something wrong; in fact it might be quite helpful. No one is perfect or is expected to be perfect, in spite of what you may have been taught. The things that we’ve been taught and the voices that have ruled us our entire lives might be the first things to look at closely as we contemplate beginning a recapitulation.

A simple nonthreatening process might entail noticing how often we refer to or repeat things that we were taught as we were growing up. Are those things true today? Do we really believe them? Are they relevant to now? What are the messages I constantly repeat to myself? Who told me I couldn’t do this or that? Who made up the rules that rule me? Who’s voice do I hear in my head telling we what to do, how to think and how to feel? Who’s voice controls me?

Recapitulation asks us to face our issues and, yes, that is a painful process but we will never be free if we don’t fully encounter and go through all that keeps us bound to lives of stagnancy, negative self-talk, repetitive behaviors, pain and depression.

The recapitulation goal is to one day walk calmly among the shadows and be at peace... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The recapitulation goal is to one day walk calmly among the shadows and be at peace…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In acknowledging that there is something wrong with us, we must also accept that everything can be fixed, that where there is a wrong there is a right. And the personal commitment to fixing the wrongs and finding the rights is the healing journey of recapitulation.

Remember, you’re already a survivor. You can get through anything; you’ve already proven that just by growing up with all of your defenses and protections in place. Now it’s time to go on to a new level of living, growing beyond the old stuff that is no longer really working for you. Your strengths and abilities do not need to be tested; that’s already been done. You just need to reframe them into positive attributes as you now concentrate on healing you!

We live our whole lives in our physical body, housing our mental, emotional and spiritual selves. It’s important to make our body home of self into someone we really love and respect, someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Recapitulation can get us there.

It’s a fascinating journey,
Jan

Jan's Blog, Recapitulation

A Day in a Life: The Four-Fold Process Of Recapitulation

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The four-fold path is ever-unfolding... - Art by Jan Ketchel
The four-fold path is ever-unfolding…
– Art by Jan Ketchel

Show up.
Pay attention.
Tell the truth.
Don’t get attached to the outcome.

These four basic principles of many shamanic traditions have been put to modern usage in a variety of well-established models of healing and recovery. Indeed, Carl Jung suggested squaring the circle, grounding in four points of consciousness to fully access and achieve the wholeness that we truly are. Claudia Black in her seminal work on co-dependency, Double Duty, sets out four basic agreements that adult children of chemically dependent parents follow to achieve recovery: to show up and explore their past; to pay attention to and identify what was learned as a child; to without judgment tell the truth about old behaviors, reframing them into survival skills; and to not get attached to the outcome but to break through all ideas of the past to take full ownership of true feelings, beliefs, and responsibility for new life. Angeles Arrien brought the process of indigenous shamanism alive in her own seminal work, The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer and Visionary. I see these same four strategies clearly spelled out in the shamanic process of recapitulation that turned my own life on its ear as I embarked on a journey of deep self-exploration and healing, marking the square within the circle of my own wholeness.

During the shamanic process of recapitulation, showing up might mean being present for what shows up in your life and points out what must be recapitulated and what must be received. Often a recapitulation process seems to begin out of nowhere, but deeper reflection might reveal that it has been in the works for a long time. If you are ready, if you choose to commit, if you align with the intent of your spirit, you will be on the healing journey of a lifetime, into your own body and psyche, where all that you are and all that you have the potential to become waits for reconciliation. Though many people do recapitulation on their own—indeed the bulk of the process is often done alone—a seasoned guide may become a necessary part of the process. Such a guide would offer tools for grounding and empowerment that would enable you to realign and return to your journey, fully present again rather than constricted by worry or fear.

Paying attention might mean not turning away from the truth, no matter how painfully crushing or ugly. It can be difficult at first to hold your ground as memories overwhelm or as traumatic events, or even sad events, are reckoned with, but over time paying attention becomes easier; staying present becomes easier. After a while, the way your specific process unfolds becomes more predictable. You learn the signals that a recapitulation is about to begin. You learn that you can gain a little control by asking it to wait, but you also learn that you must let it know that you will attend to it at an appropriate time. You learn that you are not a victim but a strong independent being and that although you are willing to take the journey into the deeper self you are not willing to be destroyed by the journey. You gain invaluable experience in the unfolding of the process, especially as you begin to realize that even as you once survived your trauma so too do you survive the reliving of your trauma during recapitulation.

To blossom is natural... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
To blossom is natural…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Eventually, you begin to decipher between what is you and what is not you, what has heart and meaning for you and what does not. You notice that blocks and obstacles begin to melt and you become softer, gentler with yourself. Eventually you are more open, able to be compassionate and giving toward others in a new and different way too. You find that life holds possibilities previously unimagined. This is paying attention.

Telling the truth during recapitulation might mean looking at your past without judgment or blame, focusing instead on discovering all that was, so that you are not left with any mysteries or burdens to bear, so that your maturity may blossom and all that once kept you locked in old beliefs and behaviors may fade away. During recapitulation you focus on expressing yourself truthfully and with integrity as you search for your authentic self, waiting to hear the voice of your own true inner being. You are recapitulating so that your authentic self may fully live and speak your truths without fear or restraint, as you are no longer willing to be held back from enjoying the fullness of the life you are in and who you truly are.

Eventually, the process becomes a fascinating journey, as the events of your life are studied and valued for what they have to teach you and for what they bring you. But the longterm intent of recapitulation is to retrieve the parts of yourself that were split off during the traumatic events of your life and bring them home. It is a holistic healing process, a soul retrieval that you do for yourself. How could anyone else ever do it for you? I discovered this during my own recapitulation; I was the only one who could possibly take my own inner journey. I was the only one who could possibly know and recognize the real me.

Not getting attached to the outcome might mean letting your process guide you forward rather than deciding where you think the journey should take you. It means learning to trust that everything is part of the journey, finding a way to be comfortable with the ever-changing self. Yes, it’s good to begin recapitulation with the intent of reconciliation and healing, but reconciliation might take on a whole new meaning, and healing, by the end of the journey, might be something quite different from what you had imagined when the journey began. Overall, a recapitulation must be undertaken with openness, with readiness to finally make sense of life on a deeper level, specifically your own life.

Recapitulation is really a spiritual practice, and with all spiritual practices it requires acquiescence of a sort, to allowing the practice itself to show the way. It also requires acquiescence to the inevitability of change and to really allowing the self to change on the deepest level. Change means letting go of a lot of things, even people who no longer are part of your journey, but it also means inviting in a lot of new things and people and moving on without regret, fully accepting of all that once was, fully open to all that is still possible.

Eventually it all makes sense... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Eventually it all makes sense…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Not being attached to outcome is part of acquiescing, not in a giving up way or even a giving in way, but in an acknowledgement of your spirit and the truths it speaks to you of. As life, the universe, and your spirit take you forward on your journey—both during your recapitulation and in your new life beyond recapitulation—you realize you really have no control over what happens, and this too is acquiescence, yet you still exercise the ability to choose to live life according to what is right and good for you and your spirit.

Spiritual and shamanic traditions look to nature to offer guidance during times of change, to show the way, rather than denying that change is happening. Recapitulation offers a path of healing that looks to the nature of the Self to show the way, where all that we naturally are is waiting for us to free it.

On the recapitulation path,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Acceptance

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The seeds of who we might become... - Art by Jan Ketchel
The seeds of who we might become…
– Art by Jan Ketchel

Individuation requires the full realization of the seed of who we are. As the seed cracks open and begins its arduous journey upward, through the darkness of the earth, it encounters many obstacles on its voyage to the light of day.

Each seed will have a different journey, be it to stressfully twist around subterranean boulders or to find a quick ascent through loose sandy soil. The journey of each seed will uniquely shape its unfolding individuation. The journey of the seed cannot be separated from its flowering; every step of the journey must be accepted and included for the full realization of the individual. To reject any part of the journey is to literally cut off a limb of the truth of who we are and the truth of our complete journey.

Trauma is a crushing blow to a growing seed. Trauma will impact the journey to the light. However, trauma is a legitimate part of who we are and must be honored and welcomed into the fold of our wholeness if we are to achieve individuation and fully flower. Ultimately, acceptance means welcoming every part of our experience into our wholeness with open arms.

The challenge of acceptance is to allow all of our experiences to be fully known to ourselves physically, emotionally, and cognitively. The journey of trauma frequently requires us to shut down the knowing of our experiences so that we may continue to grow our infrastructure according to the dictates of the seed. At a certain point, however, the unfolding of the seed will require that we use our developed infrastructure, or adult self, to recapitulate the experiences of our lost self in order to gather our fuller self to take the next turn in the journey deeper into life, toward our fuller flowering.

Carlos Castaneda, of the shamanic world, suggested that we begin this part of the journey by suspending all judgments and allowing ourselves to gain pure access to our tucked-away, unfamiliar experiences as we recapitulate. Full access will require that we allow our instinctive self to come on line and reset our central nervous system. Peter Levine and Francine Shapiro, of the world of psychology, have made great modern strides in methodologies that value and access the body’s innate ability to both a) reset itself once consciousness is gained and strengthened enough to assume responsibility for lifting its old defenses and to b) fully join the deeper process of reconciliation.

Recapitulation means facing our fears and resolving them... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Recapitulation means facing our fears and resolving them…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

During recapitulation, the body will take us on a journey of physical sensation as it relives and releases from its frozen moments of trauma. The heart will release its sadness in tears and rages, in silent or violent gestures and screams. Our minds will clarify ancient frozen negative beliefs as we reset with the truth, aided by the fuller perspective afforded by the joining of the adult self with its younger frozen counterpart.

Popular concepts like “Letting go” and “Forgiveness” attempt to capture this process but actually miss the mark. Simply letting go and moving on offers no deeper compensation or healing value, as our deepest core issues, if not resolved, will lie festering, inhibiting fuller flowering and enjoyment of life.

During recapitulation nothing is rejected or reframed for more compatible digestion; all life experiences are equally valued and accepted as truths of our personal history, as valid parts of our individuation process—no regrets. Regrets alert us to issues of non-acceptance, signaling the need for deeper recapitulation.

Forgiveness presumes we hold some power over another’s journey that should be released for our own healing. All beings must reconcile with their own truths. No one can release another from the full burden and encounter with their own actions. The true mechanism of healing is to release the self of the burden of another person’s journey while fully reconciling and owning one’s own.

While fully accepting the impact of another upon the self, the energy of the other is released back to the other to reconcile for themselves. There is no obligation to that other. However, full completed release requires that there be total transparency and no emotional attachment to the events experienced with that other person; the truth simply is what it is. Full acceptance leads to emotional neutrality and the freedom to really move on.

Our full flowering potential awaits! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Our full flowering potential awaits!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Just as the shell of the seed is shed on its upward journey to the light, so are all emotional attachments to the events of our lives that have shaped and delivered us to now shed during recapitulation so that we may be fully alive and fully energetically available for the next adventure. The past—fully known, fully accepted, fully resolved, energetically and otherwise—recedes as we are freed to flower and experience the joys of new life.

On the ever-unfolding journey,
Chuck

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Intentional Discipline

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Discipline is needed if we are to grow anything... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Discipline is needed if we are to grow anything…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

We all need discipline. We all need focus. Discipline must be honed, given attention and nurtured. It requires that we commit to giving ourselves something else besides that which is readily available for the taking, easily acquiesced to, or simply given in to. It takes focusing our attention on achieving some kind of goal, whether it be to find a good or more fulfilling job, exercise, eat right, lose weight, connect with our deeper self, or simply to quiet the mind of its usual rumblings, rants, and worries.

Looking around at how we conduct our lives we can begin to see where discipline is needed. It’s really pretty easy. We just need to listen to what we say to ourselves and others all the time. I once had a running conversation with myself that went something like this: “I must get back to myself, try to find a way to reconnect with my creative self, my seeking self, my spiritual self. I feel so far away from her. How do I find her again?” I’d find myself saying this to others as well, that I was trying to find myself again, feeling that I had somehow gotten lost and disconnected from my true path.

It became clear, as I began a more concerted effort to find that lost self, that the inner workings of my mental status had taken me in directions I didn’t necessarily want to go, but eventually found to be the directions I needed to go in, all leading me forward. In my discomfort in life and my disconnect from my spirit I discovered all that I needed to set me on the path to self-discovery and reconnection with the real self that I felt was lost for so long. Indeed she was lost, not in the way I imagined but in a much more profound way. I discovered that she was totally disconnected from life in this world.

I discovered that I’d kept my spirit safely tucked away, protected, or so I thought. Little did I know that she was fed up with being locked away. Little did I know that her biggest desire was to actually live in this world that I found so frightening. It was her push for change that really set her, and me, free. And then, once I opened the door to connecting with her, I realized there was no stopping her. But I also discovered that I had to have some kind of control over the sudden rush of information that she presented me with, all the hidden things about myself that I’d let her keep secret, the things I didn’t want to know about.

In the shadows of my inner self I found my spirit waiting for me... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
In the shadows of my inner self I found my spirit waiting for me…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Rather than simply have control—I was already an expert at that—it became apparent that I had to become flexible so that the secrets could be revealed at the same time that I could remain comfortably available, present in my life, to work and be there for those who needed me. Thus began a practice of achieving balance, not just when I was in my regular yoga class or working on my recapitulation, but at all times, both awake and asleep.

I soon realized that I was on a path of profound change and that everything had to become part of that path of change. Gradually the discipline I was honing in my yoga practice seeped into all aspects of my life. I didn’t do yoga all day in the usual sense of doing yoga, but I began a new kind of spiritual practice. I intended that the sense of calmness and wellbeing that I experienced in yoga class accompany me throughout each day.

With constant attention on breathing and movement, on how I held myself and how my lungs filled with air or didn’t, I brought a new focus and stability into my life. Every day my yoga extended into more and more hours, as I simply told myself to do yoga all the time: to let my mind be empty, my body loose, my breath naturally flowing. As I focused on my breath going in and out, I began to be more physically present in the world. It became easier and easier to shift away from stagnancy, complacency, and old moods and habits.

This intentional discipline worked then and it still works today. Yoga all the time is still pretty much how I go about my daily life, deepening and bringing a most naturally acquired spiritual practice into every day life by simply noticing my breathing, bringing my attention constantly back into my body, making room for my spirit to accompany me on my journey all the time.

We can only learn by experience. Simply reading about, or thinking about doing something gets us nowhere; we must get experience by doing, and only in allowing ourselves to have experiences can we change. That change will permeate every aspect of who we are, our thoughts, our bodies, our spirits as we discipline ourselves in a most natural and focused way.

Let your spirit come out of the shadows and soar! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Let your spirit come out of the shadows and soar!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Institute a spiritual practice that is simple, natural, and holistically healthy. Simply remind the self throughout the day to return attention to the body. Discipline the mind by focusing it on the body. How is it sitting or standing? How is it breathing? What is it thinking? What voice is speaking; is it saying what you want to hear? Are you in your body? Is your spirit present? Ask the two to go to work with you each day, to be present, attentive, moving and breathing together.

In getting up each morning with the intention of staying fully physically present in the body, a breathing, moving machine that has plenty of room for the spirit to fully live as well, we discover that it is the perfect vessel for transformation. In honing the body, with discipline and effort, we eventually advance into a new self-awareness that allows for new levels of experience where, without fear, we tread with joy and eagerness. This is doing yoga all the time, awareness of self as body, breath, and spirit.

Focusing and breathing,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Bearing The Tension On The Battlefield Of Conflict Resolution

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Standing on a narrow ledge between worlds... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Standing on a narrow ledge between worlds…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

All night I dream different versions of the same dream. I am standing on a narrow road dividing two worlds. In the beginning of the night I am between Heaven and Earth, between water and land, between psyche and soma. At one point I am on a narrow line between my past and my future. At another time I am between my two selves, the human self and the spiritual self. By the end of the night I end up in the deep South, in Georgia during the Civil War. I stand on a narrow strip of road between the two warring sides, the Confederates to my south and the Union soldiers to my north.

I tell them they have to stop fighting. I tell them that they each had some things right and they each had some things wrong, but I am not taking sides. There is nothing to fight about any longer, I tell them. I know you both fully and equally well. No one is more powerful than the other; no one is more influential that the other. No one is the good guy and no one is the bad guy. Having learned all this, a new me is in charge now and no one is going to get the upper hand.

I stand in the tension between the warring sides, waiting for them to lay down their arms and come out to greet each other as equals, to declare that they are each equally responsible for all that once was and all that is to be, as am I too. I declare that since we are fully known to each other all conflicts that arise in the future will be sorted out in similar mature fashion with equal honesty and clarity, all sides present and participating.

I patiently wait for them to make admissions and amends as I have done. I am solidly calm in my stance. I will not budge, but neither will I let either of them declare victory. The war is over; no one is the winner; no one is the loser; all sides have revealed their weaknesses and their strengths. It’s time to accept the position we are in and move on from stubborn self-righteousness into a new world where everything is acceptable and everyone is honest about who and what they are.

In the morning, I read of astrological aspects that signify taking a careful and balanced look at many conflictual situations, old and new. For myself, an old conflict had arisen the day before. I got caught in an old thought. I didn’t run from it but sat in the tension of it. It was unpleasant and a bit challenging but it was also necessary. I did the inner work by remaining mature, balanced, and aware, being totally honest with myself. It seems that my dreaming self finished the job nicely, showing me how multileveled our conflictual self really is, spanning all aspects of life and awareness, conscious and otherwise, and how strong and capable of gentle resolution we really are once maturity, honesty, and calmness step in.

Attending to the busy work of the psyche brings release... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Attending to the busy work of the psyche brings release…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

By the time I woke up I felt quite peaceful and rested, in spite of the difficult situations I found myself in during the night. There was tension to withstand and yet I knew that only by standing in the tension and facing everything would the conflicts fully resolve so that no residual issues remained.

Recapitulation teaches us that once we’ve faced our inner conflicts and resolved them they no longer appear to grab our attention as they once did. On the rare occasion that they do appear, like my own old thought pattern, we are readily aware that they have come to teach us or remind us of something. In addition they point out the reality of now and how far we have actually come.

In balanced self we can firmly let those old issues know that they are no longer part of our life, but we must also attend to the lessons they have come back to teach us. This is standing on the line drawn down the center of the battlefield, bearing the tension of the conflict that needs resolution. Once we have achieved mature mutual agreement our conflicts dissolve and we can move on.

All things in the universe are bound to change. It’s the cyclic nature of reality; the stars moving and aligning, the moon waxing and waning, the sun rising and setting, the tides ebbing and flowing, the constantly changing days and seasons. We too are as cyclic as nature and so we must remember that inner conflicts will naturally arise and recede. But we also learn that they reappear over and over again, coming back to haunt us, presenting a narrow band of tension, a strip of fear and uncomfortability that we will live with for most of our lives if we don’t face our issues. Just like the returning seasons those issues come to stir us to action, often screwing things up for us until we finally make the decision to deal with them, to face them head-on by standing on our own battlefield of conflict resolution.

After recapitulation our own nature is finally freed to enjoy life in a new way... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
After recapitulation our own nature is finally freed to enjoy life in a new way…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Nature regularly plows things under, never to be seen again, but unlike nature we have consciousness and a psyche that keep us company and keep us on the straight and narrow road of life, asking us constantly to face what comes to greet us in our daily lives or suffer the consequences of failing to do so. With the proper ground upon which to do our most challenging inner work, we can volitionally counteract the cyclic forces of nature. By taking on what the psyche presents, we can consciously change ourselves with intent. And then the resolution is long-lasting, sending us one step further along on our true journey.

Facing what nature brings,
Jan