There is a great propensity for success, for change to happen now on a greater level, for real change to take place upon that earth and within a great many individuals as well. For it is only with change within the individual that change on a mass level will occur, as you well know. However, one must be alert to the choices being made. Too often the dullness of everyday life wins out over the magic of the work and possibilities that lie within.
Be aware of your personal choices. Watch how they affect your physical and mental prowess. Be alert to the moment when decisions arise, when you are asked to direct your energy.
What is the proper use of your energy? This is the question to not only ask mentally, but physically as well. Direct the self to be thoughtful and careful and—with concern for the delicate balance between the world without and the world within—choose wisely how best to use your time, your energy, and your life. With concern for duration of life upon that earth as your sobering first thought, choose how to use that finite time to your best advantage.
Present advice is to urge humanity toward remaining alert, for the dullness of life so easily sweeps over the masses and then, no matter how hard some individuals work at changing themselves and the world, there will unfortunately be no greater mass change. And, as you all know, mass change is now necessary.
Mass change, in the right direction, is what the world needs and those who are really awake and aware of this necessity must stay awake. Choose to walk the razor’s edge of awareness, staying alert to the machinations of the mind as well as the energy outside of you. Be alert to what, how, and when it pulls you in one direction or another and make wise personal choices.
Remain balanced through this time of decision-making. Precision of timing is crucial; attention to choice and the best use of personal energy are the most important factors now. Awareness must be honed and kept in good working order for progress to stick. Good Luck!
We work in the garden in the early morning, weeding and clearing the summer’s growth. Time for fall plantings now. Time for a change. The energy is with us as we work in the early morning light, in the cool air and companionable silence. Our task done, we prepare breakfast and sit on the deck, content in our togetherness. Suddenly I have an urge. I want to go out to a restaurant that I like. It has a nice outdoor garden.
“Why don’t we go there for dinner tonight?” I suggest.
We discuss the possibility. After a while it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. I acquiesce to the energy that says to take it slow, be patient, and stay put. It’s a day to be calm and to rejuvenate.
We sit and read. The air is calm, the day sunny and still. The birds are busy around us. I hear a fluttering of wings overhead and a zinging sound, like a jolt of electricity. Something has just been caught midair, right above our heads. A bird flies off with something big in it’s beak. I worry that it might be the hummingbird that had just hovered busily nearby.
We read for a few more minutes. Suddenly Chuck is restless. “I have such creative energy brewing inside me,” he says. “I have to do something with it.” I wonder if I can match it, if I can join him in this creative spurt, but no, my energy is utterly calm. I just want to sit and read. Chuck heads off to do some more yard work, shaping the hedges and ornamental trees, a good project for such energy.
While he works in the yard, I read and contemplate the energy of the day. A hurricane is brewing, and the Republicans are gathering for their convention, saying they will go ahead with it no matter what. I sense masculine energy stirring all around me. I don’t get attached, but stay in my inner calmness. I remember my own pull earlier to go out into the world and do something, yet I know I made the right decision to stay at home today.
Creative energies stir…
Soon Chuck returns, his energy spent. Contented and calm, he sits beside me and we enjoy a quiet few hours. The energy stirs repeatedly throughout the day, however, both inside us and outside us and we must make decisions about whether to acquiesce to it or wrestle it down. It just seems to be the way it is at the moment.
Things progress, the hurricane continues to gather energy, the Republicans begin their convention, the masculine energy continues to stir. Aggressive and controlling, I see it playing out in many instances over the next few days. Suddenly, I realize it isn’t masculine energy at all that I’ve been feeling all around me, but feminine energy, the energy of nature, the creative unleashed.
My urge to go out to dinner was the romantic feminine stirring in me. The bird snatching food from the air above our heads was Mother Nature in raw form. Chuck’s creative urge was also the feminine urge to give birth to some new creation. The feminine was stirred in us throughout the day, offering the possibility of new adventures, new desires, new experiences.
Now I understand the energy of the hurricane as it slowly amassed and headed into land as the creative force of the feminine unleashing, no man or woman able to hold such power back. This got me to thinking about whether or not we really have any control at all, over anything. Are we just fooling ourselves in thinking we make our own decisions? Are we all just subject to acquiescence, in spite of our best efforts to control and direct our lives?
I dream. I have no control in my dreams. The feminine energy of the unconscious emerges and takes me on nightly adventures while my ego is asleep. Ego is masculine; the controlling self in everyday life, thinking it has the upper hand, thinking it’s in charge. But is it really? I don’t think so. It tries hard, it asks me to conform and abide by its tenets, yet underneath other truths have been stirring for a long time now, truths that I have learned to pay attention to. And I know from paying attention to those inner truths that I am more like the hurricane, that I am nature, the creative.
We are all this force…
We are all this creative force, yet we must be accountable for it within ourselves if we are to live as mature beings. I must not let the creative feminine energy rule me anymore than I let the masculine force rule. I must learn to acquiesce to each of them when appropriate so that I am not overwhelmed or controlled by either. This is where I believe we do have power, the power to gain balance over the powers within us that constantly seek expression. This is how we become mature spiritual beings able to flow in the universe.
If we allow ourselves to be overly controlled by either force, we are not only out of balance, but we are not our true mature and evolving selves either. We become automatons to the powers that be, to the outside energy and the inside energy. In order to gain equilibrium within, we must attentively weigh the energy outside of us, making decisions on how to act and how we want to be in the world.
Do I want to control everything in my life? No, I don’t. I want to be available to flow with what comes, but I also know from previous experiences that I don’t need to be taken over anymore either. However, it’s appropriate at times to be overtaken, to allow both the masculine controlling energy and the unleashed feminine to teach us what we must learn. And so I have allowed myself to indulge in both kinds of energy, sometimes unknowingly and often intentionally. But there comes a time when it’s enough. There comes a time for living in the world in balance, as a mature and whole being.
As human beings, we have the opportunity to make choices. We are surrounded by nature in the raw, we have it inside us, and yes, it can unleash at any time. But in mature balance we learn to detach from and attach to it as feels right. We make decisions based on what is right for us at the moment. We can choose to maintain the calmness and contentedness we have so desperately sought and fought for our entire lives.
Inner and outer forces in balance…
In always saying no, we shut the door to life. In always saying yes, we leave it open to being overwhelmed by life. When in balance we offer ourselves possibility, the door always half open, and yet our choices become ones made in awareness, knowing what we are choosing and why. In choosing recapitulation—yes, I do have to mention it because it’s my life’s work and offering—we allow ourselves to gain the mature balance that leads to calmness, contentment, and access to the awareness of knowing what is right for us, at all times.
So, my lessons this week have been a growing awareness of what it means to be in mature balance, which is really a constant shifting in awareness, as if one were on a balance beam, making slight adjustments in inner balance to meet the outer energy that seeks always to upset the ego-dominated self. It’s just the way it is; the job of the creative feminine energy is to make new life, both within and without, and new life only comes from disrupting stasis. We all need a jolt of raw nature every now and then to catapult us into new life.
Sending love…
Here’s hoping that Hurricane Isaac, the feminine unleashed, doesn’t do too much damage and that it leads us all to opportunity for new mature life. And here’s to my lovely daughter who is living through it at this very moment, in her little house in New Orleans. May everyone be safe.
We gather our books, our notebooks and writing pens, and go into retreat. We leave everything else behind. Perhaps we take a cup of tea, a jug of water, an apple or two, but little else. We leave the phones, laptops, all forms of communication with the outside world, and disappear. No one knows where we are. For the time we’ve allotted ourselves, we are free.
We sit amongst the catbirds, quietly conversing or silently reading. We meditate, or perhaps even doze in our chairs. A doe and her two fawns come out of the woods and walk past. We are so invisible in our intent to retreat that they take no notice of us. We are present yet not present.
We reject all attachments, including the needs of those closest to us. On another day of retreat we sit in our canoe on calm waters. We drift, going nowhere. We let the world rumble by, all its troubles and turmoils, all its fears and desires, all its crisis and calamities. We are free.
We know what awaits us upon return to the reality of our world, yet we allow ourselves to turn from it as often as possible. In this manner we offer ourselves balance, we create a container in which to nurture our spirits. We offer ourselves sacred space in the midst of everyday life. We lift the veil of one world and enter another, rejecting the chaos that constantly seeks attachment. In the simplest of ways, at little or no cost, we seek retreat as often as possible.
Choose a new path...
Perhaps we take a walk at dawn, or at midnight. Perhaps we go to a movie. Perhaps we sit on our deck as the sun rises. Perhaps we build a fire and watch its sparks light the night. Perhaps we take a friend out to dinner and sit in a calm garden cafe. Perhaps we take a yoga class, or hike along a new path. All of these things offer retreat from the energy of the world constantly stirring around us.
Part of going into retreat, part of disappearing for a few hours or a few days, requires careful planning. It requires honing detachment by setting limits on the self and the outside world. It requires that we reject the chaos. It requires that we leave everything behind that might interrupt our retreat, anything that might interfere with our solitude. Often enough it requires leaving behind worry and fear, leaving behind the thoughts and ideas that we are needed, that we are important, that the world might collapse if we are not available every minute of every day to those who need us, want us, rely on us for whatever reasons. Going into retreat requires honing nerves of steel while simultaneously extending a tenderness toward the self that we might not ordinarily feel. Foremost, going into retreat requires rejection of all outside energy.
In turning inward, in going into retreat, in rejecting the chaos of everyday life, we learn how to care for ourselves. We learn how to detach from the critics, whether outside of us or inside. We learn how to suspend judgment: what others might think of us, what we might think of us, how the world judges us every day.
In successful retreat, we achieve calmness and contentedness. Our minds slow down; our hearts slow down. We become better givers, lovers, kinder more gentler people, because we give to ourselves, love ourselves, are kind to ourselves. In desiring to be giving beings we must first learn how to give to ourselves. In desiring to become more compassionate beings we must first experience what that means, and the best way is to practice compassion toward ourselves. In desiring to be loved, we must first learn how to love ourselves.
If we are in the midst of painful recapitulation we have already learned how to leave the world behind, for we do it every time we go into a memory. We know how to retreat, but it’s vastly important that we give ourselves sacred space for healing retreat during recapitulation too. In small increments we must learn how to care for ourselves, even though we are not used to caring about ourselves at all.
Recapitulation is forging a new self...
Recapitulation is really a time of retraining our minds and bodies, of reawakening our spirits, and remaking ourselves into a different being altogether. It’s a time of rephrasing how we think and speak, recreating our life styles and agendas to fit the changing beings we are in the process of sculpting. And so, even when deep into painful recapitulation—especially when one is in deep painful recapitulation—one must take responsibility for occasionally pulling out of the chaos and advancing the healing process. By finding some means of rejecting the chaos—however captivating it may be—one establishes balance.
Keeping in mind that the intent of recapitulation is to heal, the balance comes in learning healing activities and skills, and actually practicing them. Nothing will change if one does not act on what one is learning during recapitulation. This entails regularly stepping back from the intensity of the process and assessing the progress made. This entails reevaluating the self, appreciating the self in a new way, actually rewarding the self for the difficult work that has been accomplished. This entails reframing the state of one’s mind by offering it positive accolades as one rejects the old negative thought language. This entails learning how to be gentle, kind, and compassionate with the self, and eventually learning how to love the self.
Although recapitulation is an ongoing process of change, there will always be times when it is appropriate to reject the chaos of recapitulation—even if only for a few minutes at a time. In such moments of respite—think calm retreat—one builds stamina and regains balance that may have been lost during intense memory recapitulations. One learns how to detach from energetic attachments, nurturing one’s own reclaimed energy in the process, experiencing small doses of freedom along with a newly unfolding self.
A young woman told us of losing her phone and how free she felt. Sitting in a circle of friends, she noticed how everyone had their head down, looking at their phones, texting, reading, only peripherally attached to the conversation of the group. In that moment she clearly understood the addiction that she normally carried in her own pocket, the addiction to constantly needing to be in touch, to not missing something, to having everything at her fingertips. In that moment she saw her friends as slaves and she experienced her own freedom. Forced to break her own habit, she experienced a sense of relief, for a moment glad she had lost her phone. For a moment she basked in her own place of calm retreat.
No matter who we are, where we are in our lives, no matter what is happening, we must learn to take moments of retreat. We must learn how to reject the chaos, turn from our addiction to the chaos of life, and take responsibility for our spirits needs for calmness and balance. We must learn to nurture ourselves. It’s not that hard to do.
Seek fulfillment in deep inner work; in limitation, containment, respect and love for the self.
Limitation, in all of its forms, is a necessary component of a seeking life. Whether one is simply seeking balance in daily life, or one is seeking deeper meaning and spiritual fulfillment, limitation must be put to use, a most practical tool. For where would man (humanity*) be if limitations were not imposed?
Limitation requires the art of discipline, as well as the ability to know restriction, yet does it also require that one experience it as a balancer, for that is its main utilization in the context of a seeking life. For only in gaining balance in all things will one experience life and all that it offers, as well as the deeper issues within the self, to the fullest.
In studying the deeper self, one must acquiesce to the limitations placed on one by circumstances, yet one must also embrace those limitations, for they are leading one to fulfillment. Lessons necessary for growth are contained in circumstances of limitation just as they are contained in circumstances of excess. Excess—the virtual opposite of limitation one would think—is, in fact, as limiting as circumstances of limitation, for there are lessons to be learned in the circumstances of every life.
Begin anew to appreciate the circumstances, the struggles of life, for it is only in such experiences that one will discover deeper meaning in all things. Man, unlike nature, has the ability to control himself, though he may not at all be able to control that which is outside of himself. Alas, life takes one down a path that may be full of sorrow and woe, yet a man’s heart may know the value of such a path if he but listen to its words of wisdom. The heart does not lie, but without balance in thought, action, and inner and outer experience, a man may never know what his heart says.
Those whom have never known excess may struggle the hardest to achieve balance and that is their circumstance to struggle with. Keep in mind: whether you have lived a life of excess or a life of limitation, you have gotten what you need.
Allow the circumstances of your personal lives to lead you into a new phase of growth and recovery. Each man—as well as the very earth—needs such things in abundance now, for the time of excess has passed. Guided by your individual life’s path, each one of you are already upon a new path of growth, recovery, and indeed transformation. Perhaps you have never noticed it, but know that your life’s circumstances have placed you there.
Perhaps you did not want to notice? Perhaps you did not choose to view the limitations imposed upon you as binding you to your path for good reason? Perhaps self-imposed limitations will be the answer to reinvigorating you, allowing you to more clearly see that only in limitation, i.e.: balance, discipline, restriction and containment, will you achiever your next step.
Mankind is being asked by the greater universe at large, to curb his appetites. The destruction has gone on far too long. Now it is time for limitation, conservation, and deep respect for all life, most importantly your own, to guide you to universal change.
If you must judge, judge the self. If you must be angry, be angry with the self. If you must blame, blame the self. Seek the answers within in order to change what lies within, what speaks within, what hurts within, what refuses life from within. This is the new road to take, to change the self, to change your life’s circumstances, and to change the world.
Accept the challenges that appear to guide you today, for they are to be shared challenges, man challenged to be an evolving being now, on a deeper, broader, universal and innerly level. Let awareness guide you. Do right, and keep evolving!
Change the self by looking to the limitations you are challenged to accept. Utilize them to the fullest in an evolutionary way, first in changing the self and then in changing the world. Do right by the deeper self and you will do right by others; that it the first step in gaining awareness of the self as part of the greater, evolving whole.
Most humbly channeled, with love, by Jan.
Please Note: The word “Man” is used to refer to all of humanity; mankind; men, women and children alike.
Life teaches. Life itself shows me the lessons I must learn each day. Can I allow life to have so much power? Can I acquiesce to that truth, that I don’t really control anything, but that life itself in its everyday flow brings me everything I need?
I must stay on my path no matter what comes to greet me...
The world outside of me, my inner world, my dreams, relationships, challenges, choices, and actions are all part of nature’s flow. Yet I must struggle with wants, needs, and desires. I must struggle with feelings and emotions. I must struggle with what others ask of me and what I ask of myself. I must struggle with staying in balance, connected to my inner truth, yet kind, respectful, and considerate of others. At all times, I must grapple with what life presents me with while staying on my path, spiritual and otherwise. I must join the flow of life in taking me where it will, yet at the same time I am responsible for making decisions, not simply acquiescing, but doing what is right.
Ever since our return from our island retreat, which I wrote about in last week’s blog, I have dreamt of islands. Every night I confront an island situation and every morning I wake up knowing that my island dreams are asking me to flow with the life I am in, to seek balance in all my experiences. Islands offer constraint, limitation, boundaries, and confrontation with constraint, limitation, and boundaries as well.
Last night I dreamed again of being on an island, trekking a long road to get to a cabin on the tip of a sandy island. Upon entering the cabin, Chuck and I find the windows locked shut, the window sills covered with Catholic statuary of Jesus and Mary, in single and group settings with lambs and children. Too hot and stuffy, our immediate reaction is that the windows must be opened to let the wind blow through. Chuck immediately opens a window, knocking a statue to the floor, breaking it. The couple whom we are renting the cabin from stand nearby, the woman on the outside of the windows, the man inside the cabin. I see the woman’s face fall into sadness as the statue breaks. I hear the man, standing behind me, gasp. I sense that they must let the statues go, that they can no longer control what gets in or goes out. Chuck opens another window and another, each time knocking the statues to the floor where they smash into pieces. I sense fear from the couple, but Chuck and I feel much better.
I look at the dream symbolism: island equals limitation that is further constrained by dogma—imposed by others—creating barriers to the flow of life’s energy. Rigidity does not allow for the free flow of energy or life. It creates a false sense of security, a false sense of protection. What is there to be afraid of? Everything that the couple fears appears in the guise of Chuck and Jan, who ask that nothing be in the way of the flow of energy. Let it in, let things go that are no longer helpful or necessary, and be open to what comes as a result. These are the things that we must contend with in everyday life.
Limitation amid excess...
My dream is all about gaining and maintaining balance in the direct flow of everyday life, life unleashed, uncontrolled, unrestrained. Too much of anything is dangerous, yet often we must accept excess in order to discover things about ourselves, but we must also learn how to live surrounded by excess and remain in balance.
Returning from our island retreat presented us with returning to the excess that normal life constantly barrages us with; too much of everything is available to us at all times in our modern era. Our island retreat was thoughtfully planned for, just enough food, the essential necessities taken care of, but our human selves would have to remain aware that there were limitations. That part of life was easy on the island, restriction accepted, moderation became the norm. Nature however, still existed on the island, nature flowing freely. That too had to be accepted and restricted, granted moderation. Too much sun leads to sunburn. Wind, rain, fog, seagulls, icy ocean waters, and the darkness of night had to be accepted too. Moderation flowed nicely into our island days. Things were clear.
Moderation continues to be important, most necessary as the excesses of life surround us, seeking to sweep us off our feet. The man and woman in my dream, representing other aspects of the self, showed me the side of the self that is fearful of not being able to handle the intensity of life’s energy. Yet Chuck and I, representing the flowing spirit selves in the dream, are more open to it, for we know that we must let it in or we will suffocate. At the same time that these selves do present a kind of balance, that balance is restricted by the extremes of fear and excess. They must come together in a new balance that takes into consideration their separate realities, limited only by what is right.
Our spirits require unrestricted access to the energy of all life. Yet in opening the windows to the flow of life we must also be prepared to accept what comes. We must prepare ourselves to be modest, considerate of what we can handle and what we must hold off on until we are ready. We must challenge ourselves to stay connected to our inner truths and the paths we are on, to take our journeys without limitation, yet always with thoughtfulness and constant monitoring: Am I being moderate? Am I being excessive? Am I being restrictive or limiting of my experiences? Am I in balance?
I must study the deeper meaning of what comes to me...
When I am challenged with something, I ask myself to study the meaning of what life is presenting me with. Even though I may have an instantaneous reaction, I know it may not be right or true, though sometimes it is indeed. However, I must turn inward and ask myself to feel through to what is the right thing to do or feel about a certain situation before responding. Then I must decide what action to take so that I may remain true to myself and the path I am on. I will not deviate from my path and so I know I must always connect to my deepest inner truth, and yet I must be honest, thoughtful, respectful, and deeply sensitive of others as well. Though life may blow me off my path for a moment or two, I must step right back on it and reassert my intent to grow, for that is the intent of my spirit, of all of our spirits.
I must train myself to stand in the full force of life’s energy and, in modesty and moderation, be who I truly am. I must allow the statuary, the icons I put up to ward off life, to be broken so that I may face what life has in store for me. I must let things go that are not serving me in my quest. In my dream, though I felt sorry for the woman and man when their statues broke, I simultaneously knew that it was time to let them go. I must face what I have in myself that I am still holding onto and no longer need.
Upon awakening, I accept that though I am no longer on an island in reality, I have the island inside me at all times. I return to my island retreat, pulling inside to study the lessons that islands offer, as I seek moderation in the fullness of life.
