Tag Archives: recapitulation

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: The Path Will Appear

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When we are ready the path will appear... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
When we are ready the path will appear…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

If you have read my first two books in The Recapitulation Diaries series, you know that the recapitulation journey that I undertook was often a painful process, peppered with memories and mental and physical anguish as I searched deeply within myself for explanations for why I felt so disconnected from and reluctant to experience life. I was really on a search for my spiritual self but also my authentic self, as I sought to live life on my own terms, fully safe in the world as my true self.

All of that might sound pretty esoteric, as it certainly sounded to me when I began my journey. I had only a vague idea what a true self might entail and I had no idea what it meant to do a recapitulation, and all of that esoteric talk frightened me as much as my memories did. It wasn’t until the journey was well underway that I began to embrace the esoteric lingo, for nothing else was available to describe what I was going through. Even the esoteric words I grasped at did little to convey the true depth of the mind-blowing experiences I began having.

In my next book, Into the Vast Nothingness, all that I had been working toward finally began to unfold. Ever-increasing and evermore intense episodes of breakthrough in both dreams and waking reality began to affect me on the deepest levels. By the middle of the second year of my journey, although still recalling and working through memories, experiences of the transcendent began to increase and often supersede the memory blitzes. The recapitulation went way beyond the recalling of a childhood of sexual abuse and revealed itself as the means to achieving true transformation.

I began to perceive of the recapitulation as absolutely necessary. More than just a deep self-study, the recapitulation transformed as I transformed. It offered the means to discovering not only who I was in this world, but who I had been for millennia. All of a sudden it seemed, I was granted access to ancient knowledge and a vast perspective that had I stayed my depressed and frightened old self I would never have experienced.

Who is really in control? - Art by Jan Ketchel
Who is really in control?
– Art by Jan Ketchel

As I took the journey, I often stopped to thank myself for being so daring and brave, for doing the most frightening thing I had ever done: face myself. Facing myself meant dismantling myself down to the essence of who I really was, letting go of ideas and identities, rules and constructs that I thought I needed. It meant staying the course no matter what came to thwart me.

It meant withstanding the tensions and frustrations of what the recapitulation confronted me with, everything from painful memories and vivid dreams, to struggles and confrontations in daily life.

And yes, in dismantling the old self, in breaking down my ego, I finally did meet that spiritual self I had so longed to connect with. But far more importantly, I was granted access to experiencing myself as universal consciousness, as part of the oneness of everything, as simply energy taking a dip into this world for as long as I needed, in order to learn what I needed to learn. There’s all that esoteric talk again!

I learned that I had to live out the life of a sexually abused child until I no longer needed to, until I could say, “Enough! I’m done with playing that game!” It was at that point that reincarnation and the lives we live in this world became totally clear and acceptable to me. I “knew” that I had found the key to life in this world, the answer to the mystery: Why are we here? Well, I discovered that we were here until we don’t need to be anymore. And then a new kind of peace reigned and a new kind of motivation took over, and then the recapitulation and I were more perfectly aligned, for I had glimpsed the real truth and the real purpose of my life on this earth: to keep transforming.

Am I really connected to the worms and the water in this little stream? - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Am I really connected to the worms
and the water in this little stream?
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

If one is truly ready to transform, the path will appear. I offer my thoughts, my books, my weekly blogs as incentives to the transformational being inside all of us.

May your path take you to your own truths and may you find your own answers to the meaning of your life. Good Luck!

Staying the course,
Jan

My next book, Into the Vast Nothingness, is in its final stages and will be published soon! Thanks for reading!

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Contentment

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Who is your real jailer? - Art by Jan Ketchel
Who is your real jailer?
– Art by Jan Ketchel

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison. His ability to find contentment and meaning throughout those years prepared him to come to power in his seventies and transform a nation.

We are all in our private prison, contained within the four walls of our private karma, the central meaning of our life. The limitations imposed by our deepest challenges may prevent us from experiencing joy, safety, freedom and love. Our private prison, like Mandela’s prison, may severely limit our fulfillment through the most fruitful years of our lives.

We may find ourselves caught in swirls of sorrow, doubt, depression and deep self-pity. These are all necessary encounters, reminders of the transpersonal spirit that seeks to fly freely beyond the prison walls of our discontent. Our deepest sorrow is the song of the bird of freedom that beckons us to sing its tune.

When we recapitulate, we squarely face our karmic fixation. What happened in life that separated us from our spirit, that sent us into the desert of our discontent? Reliving, recollecting, and reprocessing the experiences of our lives ultimately releases us to the freedom of our spirit’s fulfillment. And this process, like Mandela’s, might take decades; no easy road to freedom.

But we needn’t attach to the outcome of our recapitulation process. Instead, we can focus on contentment in this moment, in every moment, through the breath. Buddhist meditation uses the breath. Yogic meditation uses the breath. Shamanic recapitulation uses the breath.

Simply focus awareness on the breath in this moment. Passively observe it without interference. Direct it at will. Gently deepen it. Focus it on the throat, on the solar plexus, on the perineum, on the big toe!

Count, to rhythmically align with the breath. Hold the breath; release it. Bring it to the tensest part of the body and allow it to gently penetrate and soften. Breathe rapidly if that feels right, fully releasing energy that has long been held in. Or breathe ever so softly, with loving tenderness.

Emancipation is but a breath away! - Art by Jan Ketchel
Emancipation is but a breath away!
– Art by Jan Ketchel

Placing awareness on the in-breath, on the inhalation of air—prana/life force/spirit—allows it to fill the body with its energy and vibration. Releasing the old stuck energies deeply stored in the body as we exhale brings contentment to each moment of our lives. The more we breathe with awareness, the deeper we breathe with awareness, the more we realize our deepest intent—to advance our spirit beyond its karmic containment into new life, full of contentment!

Simply breathing,
Chuck

As Bob Marley sings in Redemption Song: “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Taking The Changing Journey

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There is a deep part of us that knows that change is the only remedy... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
There is a deep part of us that knows that change is the only remedy…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

All night I dreamed. The theme of my dreams revolved around finding and maintaining balance. It’s necessary, my dreams told me, to experience the extremes, but it is far more productive to gain balance and let experience come to you in the flow of everyday life. In constantly reaching out for experience, one misses out on that which is—the moment one is in that is full of meaning.

I dreamed that I owed a debt. I put cash into my purse and set out by car to deliver it. I was driving fast. I turned left into a city street and slammed on my brakes! The road was blocked off, under construction. I quickly assessed the situation. On the right I saw a passageway, but I would have to get out and walk. I parked the car and walked to my destination. I delivered the money to the woman I owed it to, a good friend of mine whom I knew when I lived in Sweden, a witch. I left her house only to discover that I did not have my purse. There was still a lot of cash in it and I wanted it; it was a lot of money to lose. I went back to the witch’s house, but I couldn’t find the purse. I knew I would have to let it go. Although it was a lot of money, I knew I didn’t really need it. It was not what had value. Paying my debts and accepting a changed journey had value. And so I walked away without attachment.

I woke up puzzled by the loss of the money, as it seemed to just disappear in my dream, but I didn’t bother trying to solve the mystery of it. Instead, I awoke feeling in good balance. I felt deep contentment with the lessons in my dream, that what once held value may no longer really have meaning, that things of this world are not as important as being open to the constantly changing journey.

My Swedish witch friend showing up in my dream was also significant to me. She had once been hospitalized in a mental institution, right before I met her, for unexplainable occurrences in her life that her husband could not handle. She started a fire simply by staring into the fireplace where no fire or embers existed. She was psychic, able to walk into a house and tell the stories that the house held. She and I had a deep bond that lasted for the few years that I spent with her. She told me I was her infant sister who had died when she was eleven, right about the time I was born. I admired her for her psychic prowess, though it scared me as well. It had hints of my own psychic abilities and I worried that I’d end up in a mental institution too. I wasn’t ready to encounter those abilities more fully at the time, I know that now. But what makes us ready?

New life takes work! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
New life takes work!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Change takes work, the work of changing the self at a very deep level. No matter how that kind of change comes about there is suffering to endure. Many people have profound experiences that quickly catapult them into enlightened beings. Near death experiences often have this affect. Upon return to life, such survivors immediately live from this new place, changed beings forever. Others have to work hard to achieve that enlightenment even though they may have had previous experiences of it. Others seek it out their entire lives, aware that there is more to life than the daily grind. A changed reality, however, will only have significant impact when we are fully ready for it.

I had a near-death experience in my teens when I jumped into the churning waters of a lake after an exhausting 50 mile bike ride. The roughness of the water, the result of a tremendous storm that was blowing through, was too much for my tired body and I sank beneath the waves into the calmness below. I left my body and experienced utter calm bliss, but knew I couldn’t stay, that it wasn’t my time. Some kind of energy that was not my own shot me back up to the surface and back into my heavy human body. I knew at the time that death was nothing to fear, but I couldn’t take the experience forward. Indeed, it would take me another few decades to discover that at the time of that near-drowning I wasn’t even done with the traumatic childhood experiences that would impact me so deeply for most of my life. It wasn’t until I was 50 that I was finally ready to face the painful work that had to be done. That painful work liberated me in the most profound ways, more deeply than that near-death experience did.

In the brief episodes and glimpses of another self, in the near-death experience and the projections of my psychic self in my witch friend, I was being shown a future possibility. In my dream I finally paid the debt to my witch friend, thanking her for the part she played in my evolving life, showing me that future self, telling me not to be afraid to face her, for her own experiences in the mental institution only solidified her commitment to fully living as her true psychic self. I had to be ready to meet that future self and fully live her too, and when I was finally ready recapitulation appeared as the main path.

The hard work of recapitulation offers liberation from our traumas and subsequent mental, physical, and emotional issues. It allows us the means by which to arrive at a new place, finally freed to flow with our changing life, freed of what once held us back from fuller experience. In accepting our changing journey, facing our suffering in the flow of everyday life, we achieve deep healing and we are able to maintain the kind of balance that my dream spoke of, balance that is achieved by facing the extremes within us as part of the healing journey.

Like the bird losing its feathers, there is always something we have to shed too as we move into new life... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Like the bird losing its feathers, there is always something we have to shed too as we move into new life…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

So, if you looking for balance in your life, I suggest looking at what’s really important. What in your life is showing you the way? There is work involved, and everyone’s journey is unique, but I guarantee that if you allow yourself to take the journey, leaving behind what no longer is necessary—by resolving the past—your future self will thank you!

The work of suffering is liberating. It is the changing journey in the flow of everyday life.

Staying open to always accepting the changing journey,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: A Time Of Sitting Still

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The animal spirits are returning... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The animal spirits are returning…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

We are out of danger. The “Storm of the Century” is heading out to sea. We are not being impacted this time. Last night I dreamed that it would become windy today—it is—but that the storm would turn back toward land and we would bear the full brunt of it tomorrow. I have to look at this dream in the context of reality.

It looks fairly unlikely that the storm will turn back to land, but today’s winds rattle the house every now and then, each gust asking me to ponder what it all means on a deeper level. Rattling inside my own head is the truth of my being here in this country. My ancestors came here, like just about everyone else’s, seeking freedom of some sort. In that seeking of freedom, whether it was sparked by oppression or famine or the desire for adventure and new life, lives an indefatigable energy. It drives us still. I must accept that the energy that came here in my ancestors lives on in me still, and I must accept what it once did if I am to turn it in a new direction and use it for the greater good. If I am to truly live as a balanced spiritual being, I must constantly confront the darkness within myself, ancient or otherwise.

We came into this country like the wind. And like the wind we blew through it, ravaging, destroying and taking, with little regard for the traditions and cultures of centuries, with little regard for the sacred earth and the animals that roamed it. When the buffalo were gone, the Native Americans knew they would have to go inward; they would have to sit and wait for the buffalo to return. They would have to protect and hold the spirit of their people inwardly until it was time for that spirit to reemerge and roam the plains once again. They have waited a long time.

Now the ancient traditions are coming back and we, the invaders who destroyed the buffalo—as well as the other sacred animals of the tribes—all want a part of it. We see the animals returning, the spirit of the land revitalized, and we want it too. How ironic is it that we turn to the learned men and women of the ancient tribes to teach us now, the same people we once found heathen and uneducated, the same people we caused such destruction to. We want to learn the secrets from the shamans: how to connect with spirit, how to do a soul retrieval, how to find our path of heart. They oblige us, but the real secret is in doing what they did. We must hold our own spirits in check and wait. Even as we turn to the shamans, asking them to lead us out of our discomfort, we must sit still within our own discomfort if we are to truly be free.

We have turned outward in all directions seeking the knowledge that we know exists out there somewhere. We’ve turned to the yogis of India, to the Zen masters of Japan, to the Buddhists of Tibet, and yet if we sit still we will discover that we have what we need inside us. If we sit still and wait, just like they do, our own spirit will return and guide us on our journey to the freedom we seek, and have always sought.

Time to sit still... Time to wait... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Time to sit still…
Time to wait…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The ancient shamanic practice of recapitulation asks us to do this, to sit still and bear the tension of what comes to us from our deepest inner selves. That’s really all it is, taking on the process of sitting still and waiting, and then withstanding what comes. It asks us to become the shaman waiting for the return of the buffalo. It asks us to sit under the bodhi tree like the Buddha and withstand the desires of the world outside of us so that we may meet the real spirit inside. It asks us to turn inward and meditate if we are to experience nirvana and enlightenment, the blissful states of non-attachment. We must sit still and work through all that keeps us from attaining these energetic states of consciousness. If we are to truly understand our adventures in non-ordinary reality, we must prepare ourselves to withstand the deeper truths they bring to us. If we are to experience the transpersonal in any real and lasting way—if we want to change the world—we must first change ourselves.

The ancients, the practitioners of sitting still, are trying to teach us that it really is time to sit still, to let the wind blow outside of us without attachment. If it destroys something then we must accept its power, yet we must also accept what we too have destroyed by our own power. We must let the wind enter into us if we are to transform ourselves. In sitting still we let the apocalypse come. We withstand the destruction of all that we think we are, as we take our own shamanic journey to retrieve our own soul. This is what recapitulation is. This is what freedom is.

Recapitulation comes stealthily, creeping up on us like a cat, or it comes like a storm, blowing us over with its ferocity so that we are knocked breathless and bleeding. Either way, it asks us to accept that we have in us the freedom-seeking energy of our ancestors. It asks us to face what we have done in the past. It asks us to face what was done to us as well, just as the ancients did, by turning inward and sitting still. In time, the truth will be revealed. If we are to evolve, our best strategy is to sit still, within our own bodies and minds, and bear the truth of who we are.

Our freedom will come. In sitting still, our own spirits will return just as they are returning to the Native tribes.

Sitting in the wind,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Mythbusters—The Rites Of Spring

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We must all sit upon the immovable spot if we are to achieve new life... - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
We must all sit upon the immovable spot if we are to achieve new life…
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

An eager workshop attendee once asked the Nagual, Carlos Castaneda, “Should we recapitulate what’s happening right now?” Carlos hesitated, then said softly, “Not yet,” with no further explanation. I knew in that moment that Carlos was saying that the luster of the myth we were all participating in would fade once recapitulated. He wanted us to enjoy the energy we were in for just a while longer. Isn’t that what we all seek when we fall in love, to enjoy the energy of it just a little while longer?

The truth is that once we have sat upon the immovable spot, as we sit beneath the Bodhi tree of our recapitulation, the energy and allure of the old illusions are released from our newly enlightened selves. We are freed from the terror, longing, and both negative and positive beliefs of old energetic attachments. We are able to walk out of the myths that once governed our lives into whole new worlds of possibility, real worlds of possibility.

Carl Jung recognized that all lives embody a core myth. If we look around to the cast of characters we were born into and the formative events of our lives, we can begin to identify the myth we were born into. Perhaps it’s our karmic challenge to solve a problem that has held us in check for eons. How could it be possible to be freed to new life if we have not cracked the nut of an old problem—our mythical nemesis? There is no escape from an unsolved problem; we continue to meet it everywhere. If we are convinced that we are unlovable, no amount of attention will convince us otherwise. If we are to be loved, we must first free ourselves of our attachment to the myth of the ugly duckling.

This requires recapitulation. We must be able to be present to all the truths to free ourselves from the myth we have been captivated by. Those truths might include that the mythic giants who conceived of us in this life were, indeed, quite flawed mortals without a clue. We’re all equals now, outside the myth of familial promise in the nursery; equal beings who are going to die; equal beings trying to crack the mystery of our myths, seeking new—real—adult life.

The violent, unrefined destructive energies of new life are boiling beneath the surface of spring. Birth is an aggressive, violent process—let’s bust any romantic myth to the contrary right now. The energies of earth quake beneath the surface, the intensities of storm surround us. Right now, at spring’s awakening, we all sit upon the immovable spot.

There really is new life beneath the hardened surface! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
There really is new life beneath the hardened surface!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

If there is to be new life, the rigid ground of myths that no longer channel life must be cracked. New life promises Abundance, the 3 of Cups, the first Tarot card that I pulled on the first day of spring as I contemplated writing this blog. However, the rigid structures, the myths we have clung to, must be sacrificed, the Hanged Man, the second card I pulled. We must allow our ego attachments, the myths we cling to, to be busted by the living waters rushing beneath the surface. Like a crucified being, we must sit upon the immovable spot of recapitulation that will allow the truths to set us free to new life. To achieve this we must allow for clear and truthful communication, The Magus, the third card I pulled, the winged messenger of Mercury, to deliver the truth clearly, to allow the Rites of Spring to be performed, busting through the old myths, bringing new life in abundance.

Mythbusting,
Chuck