If you have read my first two books in The Recapitulation Diaries series, you know that the recapitulation journey that I undertook was often a painful process, peppered with memories and mental and physical anguish as I searched deeply within myself for explanations for why I felt so disconnected from and reluctant to experience life. I was really on a search for my spiritual self but also my authentic self, as I sought to live life on my own terms, fully safe in the world as my true self.
All of that might sound pretty esoteric, as it certainly sounded to me when I began my journey. I had only a vague idea what a true self might entail and I had no idea what it meant to do a recapitulation, and all of that esoteric talk frightened me as much as my memories did. It wasn’t until the journey was well underway that I began to embrace the esoteric lingo, for nothing else was available to describe what I was going through. Even the esoteric words I grasped at did little to convey the true depth of the mind-blowing experiences I began having.
In my next book, Into the Vast Nothingness, all that I had been working toward finally began to unfold. Ever-increasing and evermore intense episodes of breakthrough in both dreams and waking reality began to affect me on the deepest levels. By the middle of the second year of my journey, although still recalling and working through memories, experiences of the transcendent began to increase and often supersede the memory blitzes. The recapitulation went way beyond the recalling of a childhood of sexual abuse and revealed itself as the means to achieving true transformation.
I began to perceive of the recapitulation as absolutely necessary. More than just a deep self-study, the recapitulation transformed as I transformed. It offered the means to discovering not only who I was in this world, but who I had been for millennia. All of a sudden it seemed, I was granted access to ancient knowledge and a vast perspective that had I stayed my depressed and frightened old self I would never have experienced.
As I took the journey, I often stopped to thank myself for being so daring and brave, for doing the most frightening thing I had ever done: face myself. Facing myself meant dismantling myself down to the essence of who I really was, letting go of ideas and identities, rules and constructs that I thought I needed. It meant staying the course no matter what came to thwart me.
It meant withstanding the tensions and frustrations of what the recapitulation confronted me with, everything from painful memories and vivid dreams, to struggles and confrontations in daily life.
And yes, in dismantling the old self, in breaking down my ego, I finally did meet that spiritual self I had so longed to connect with. But far more importantly, I was granted access to experiencing myself as universal consciousness, as part of the oneness of everything, as simply energy taking a dip into this world for as long as I needed, in order to learn what I needed to learn. There’s all that esoteric talk again!
I learned that I had to live out the life of a sexually abused child until I no longer needed to, until I could say, “Enough! I’m done with playing that game!” It was at that point that reincarnation and the lives we live in this world became totally clear and acceptable to me. I “knew” that I had found the key to life in this world, the answer to the mystery: Why are we here? Well, I discovered that we were here until we don’t need to be anymore. And then a new kind of peace reigned and a new kind of motivation took over, and then the recapitulation and I were more perfectly aligned, for I had glimpsed the real truth and the real purpose of my life on this earth: to keep transforming.
If one is truly ready to transform, the path will appear. I offer my thoughts, my books, my weekly blogs as incentives to the transformational being inside all of us.
May your path take you to your own truths and may you find your own answers to the meaning of your life. Good Luck!
Staying the course,
My next book, Into the Vast Nothingness, is in its final stages and will be published soon! Thanks for reading!