Tag Archives: High Self

A Day in a Life: The Means To Survival

“How did your innocence survive?” Chuck asked me. I reminded him of my childhood mantra: “It will soon be over; it will end.” I think that was my innocence speaking to me, the part of me that was ready to walk away as soon as possible and move on. Innocence gets bruised but it bounces back. “I always had that innocence in me; it never left me,” I finally concluded, “and that combined with my spirit certainly helped me survive.”

At our core resides our High Self, patiently waiting for us to notice... - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
At our core resides our High Self, patiently waiting for us to notice…
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

My spirit was strong; my innocence was intact. I knew I could trust them. They taught me that no matter what someone did to Me, the real Me, my innocent spirit was unreachable. That part of me resided elsewhere, separate from the physical, in what I now know as the High Self, untouchable and unaffected by everything that happened to my physical body. That High Self was fully available during my childhood.

That High Self held the memories of my abuse, however, and I just wasn’t really interested in them for most of my life, too painful and horrific to go near. So not only did I distance myself from that strong, innocent and knowing High Self, but I cut her off. I moved on. The farther I moved the more distance I gained from my past and my High Self too. I released myself into the world as best I could, but there was always a part of me that knew that I would one day return to that High Self.

Why do some people survive terrific abuse and others perish? Why do some people give up on themselves and others find the means to change and move on? Why do some people declare themselves hopeless and unworthy of change, while others forge ahead no matter their background or imposed limitations? Is it possible to impart a sense of survival to others? Can you really help another person?

There are many ancient teachings, and not so ancient ones too, that teach us how to find and recognize our High Self and how to work with it. And yet for me, it was never a question of finding or recognizing it, my High Self was always with me, always recognizably part of me, a participant in my life. Even when I had kept her at a distance I knew she was still there, waiting for me. Did I have something that others do not have? I don’t think so. It’s not something that’s unique to me; we all have access to our High Self, to the place where our strength and our innocence reside.

I believe we are all born into our present lives with everything in place, that children are fully equipped with language and wise knowing. When I was still a tiny child, perhaps about a year and a half old, I remember clearly thinking in full sentences though I could not articulate what I was thinking; I did not have the physical dexterity yet that would allow me to speak.

When I did finally learn to speak, my mother said that I spoke clearly and distinctly, in full sentences. My own children were the same way. I had the same experience when I learned to speak Swedish. I had lived in Sweden for about six months, daily listening, and when I finally dared to open my mouth and speak the words just poured out, once again in perfect diction. Complex thoughts are present from the moment of birth, I believe, and perhaps even before. Why not? Consciousness doesn’t need a body and neither does spirit.

Just suppose we all come into life from other lives fully equipped as intelligent, wise, and knowing beings. Life in this world is set up to erase our knowledge and educate us in the practices of the world we are born into. It’s as if our fully functioning hard drive is erased during our earliest years and new programs are downloaded into us. If we’re lucky the original programs didn’t fully erase but remain stored somewhere in our inner database, ready to be discovered or stumbled upon at a later date.

In my case, as is the case with many children, I happened upon this original database because of traumatic sexual abuse. Abuse became an opportunity for me to access the wise and innocent High Self who had once spoken to me through my infant’s mind, a voice of familiarity, immediately recognizable as someone I could fully trust. And so when I returned again to her during my recapitulation, I once again found that I could trust her, that indeed she had been eagerly awaiting my return.

With her along, my journey of recapitulation began to unfold in detail and all that I had kept at bay was relived until none of it bothered me anymore, until it was totally resolved and done with. This time I put it away for good. It stays in the recesses of my database, clicked on only when I want to go there. When Chuck asked me that question—How did your innocence survive?—I zipped into that database and recalled just what it was that had not only kept me alive but also optimistically certain of survival and new life.

In recapitulation we are given the opportunity to shed for good... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
In recapitulation we are given the opportunity to shed for good…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Certainly, as a child, I never gave up, though there were some pretty tough times and, as I returned to recapitulate, I would have to say the same, I never gave up, though there were some pretty tough memories to relive and issues to figure out and get through. It’s just who I am. A strong, wise and innocent spirit who never gives up, my High Self, lives at my core. For me the cup is always half full. I don’t think I inherited this trait, nor was it instilled in me, it’s just who I’ve always been. As I said above, everyone has this optimistic High Self, a similar spirit too. Why do some people have easier access to it, while others seem to struggle so deeply with even acknowledging its presence? Why are some people naturally optimists and others pessimists?

Viktor Frankl asked the same questions when writing about the survivors of Hitler’s concentration camps in Man’s Search for Meaning. Those who survived had a certain sense of self, access to a higher self, an awareness of spirit that kept them going, a certain optimism that things would change, that new life would one day come, that ultimately there was meaning in everything, even a worst case scenario.

When spirit is actively brought into participation in life there is a strong sense of never giving up, no matter how low one gets. No matter how ready one may be to die, there is a part of the self that will not surrender, that wakes up, sometimes at the last minute and says, “Stop! Wait!”

In the 2006 film Bridge people who survived suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge related that on the way down they instantly regretted the decision to jump. Does that mean that all suicides regret their decision? I don’t know, but the spirit inside all of us does a heck of job trying to get our attention. It works in mysterious ways, in uniquely personal and poignant ways. It pays to be alert, to learn how to look and listen for the clues to spirit. Not everyone will hear it as a voice. Not everyone will get a clear sign. Optimist or pessimist, however, we are all being prodded to find it. This is certain.

It’s the whole purpose of life, as I see it, to find and connect with our High Self at some time during our many lives and take everything to a new level. If not in this lifetime, at least know that each life is a step in the process. But can we elect to voluntarily move up to that High Self? I believe we can. It takes a little work, perhaps a recapitulation is in store, but first reaching out and paying attention may be enough of an awakening to begin the process.

The first step in the search for spirit and meaning in life might be as simple as putting out a call. Spirit guides are unanimous on this one, they are ready and waiting to be of assistance, but we must ask. Become a trusting child in the asking, become innocent, vulnerable and open. It’s really okay. Let go of self, of ego, of feeling silly and just do it. No one is watching you. You can relax and ask your spirit to come to you, just as you might have asked as a child. Did you believe in a guardian angel as a child, like I did? Ask your guardian angel to come to you if that feels right, or Jesus, or God, or the universe, or ask for Jeanne, the being that Chuck and I channel in our various ways, his first wife. Do whatever feels right.

Learn to sit quietly, as Chuck suggests in his blog this week, Finding the True Heart. Learn to listen to the heart, in the deeper heart chamber where spirit resides. A few breaths may be all it takes. A few minutes of calmness with attention placed on the heart chakra, with mind still, doubt recedes and things can happen.

Get out into nature. Sit on the ground by a tree, a plant, a bush and commune with the living organism before you. Sit calmly and begin to understand it, to feel it’s energy. In calmness communication opens up and you might just find yourself conversing quietly with your selected tree or bush or plant. Plant life can tell us a lot of things we’ve forgotten.

Commune likewise with an animal, a pet, a deer, a bird, a spider, a fly. See what happens as you send your heart chakra energy out to another living creature, as you silently commune from your innocent spirit self.

Lie under the night sky and feel yourself being drawn out into the universe, into infinity. Join the stars for a ride and see where they take you and what they tell you. The vastness of space lies above us every night. It’s mysteries might not be that mysterious once you open up to them, it’s emptiness not so empty, it’s vastness not so vast.

Communication is possible at all levels... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Communication is possible at all levels…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Ask your dreaming self to introduce you to who your spirit self really is, to take you to meet him or her, to teach you how to connect all the time in both waking and dreaming life. Intend to dream an answer to a question and see what happens.

Read some books that inspire you. Sometimes opening a book to a single paragraph might just be the thing to shift out of misery and into the mystical. If you don’t know where to begin, our Store offers a variety of selections.

After asking doubt may come, but that’s par for the course. The next step is to trust. Learn to trust as a child trusts. The innocent infant trusts that it will be taken care of. We must learn to trust that we are here for a reason, that there is meaning in our life and that we will find our way. As Chuck mentioned in his blog this week, once we open up to our spirit, our soul, we discover an expanded consciousness of which we are indeed a part.

We are physical beings, but the greater part of us is spirit, non-tangible and untethered to anything in this world, except what we choose to attach to. Connecting with spirit is the refusal to give attachment the final say.

Staying connected,
Jan

A Day in a Life: Worry, Worry, Worry

Everything is interwoven, in a preordained and orderly karmic set up... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Everything is interwoven,
in a preordained and orderly karmic set up…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I sleep badly, waking every hour. I feel encroaching powerful energy, the approach of rain too, moisture in the air, my sinuses stuffy. Each time I wake a new worry enters my mind and spins a sticky web. I get caught in the web, drift back to sleep and try to get out of it, but sticky web that it is I am its prey. Unwilling to let it have me for very long I wake again. Now a new worry sneaks up and attacks. Once again I am taken back down into the slumber of a new tormentor.

Each hour that I wake up I tell myself to cut it out, to stop worrying. You are aware that worry is futile, I tell myself, useless and unhelpful. Why are you doing it? Stop it! But when the next hour comes around I find myself there again, attaching to whatever comes into my mind, easy prey to the worry monster.

I do Netting, the clearing technique that came to me in a meditation a few weeks ago and which I recently wrote about. I sweep myself over and over again with my imaginary net. I even concentrate on my head, the brain that spins its worry tales, sweeping the net back and forth quickly between my neck and head, flicking out my catch quickly and decisively, but to no avail. I just cannot seem to extricate myself from the worry web I have landed in.

My Dreaming Self finally comes to my aid. It tells me to remember that I am on my own journey and that everything I encounter is important and necessary for me to encounter. It reminds me that it is the same for everyone else, that I cannot alleviate the pain of someone else’s journey. It reminds me that no matter how many times I might advise another person, my advice will not make a dent unless the person is actually ready to receive it, and by that point they won’t need it because they will already be there, doing it for themselves. And so, my Dreaming Self tells me, let your worries go because they are useless thoughts with no impact except to drain your energy.

Our karmic journey is intricately laid out, with a burning desire to be resolved... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Our karmic journey is intricately laid out,
with a burning desire to be resolved…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

And then my Dreaming Self reminds me that everything I experience in my life and everything I have lived through was set up a long time ago. This is the same for everyone, my Dreaming Self reminds me. Parents are just vehicles for life, channels through which life comes into this world. They do not really matter, for in truth they have nothing to do with the Soul’s journey, with the karma that each being must live out in its life in this world.

I know this is true for my own journey, that my parents, though my vehicles into this life did not really provide me with any issues that I did not already have planned for this life. I learned this as I took my recapitulation journey and in the journey since those intense years of inner work.

My life and all the issues in it, down to the minutest details, were set up by my High Self, the being that I am through each lifetime, the being that I evolve closer and closer to in each lifetime, the being that I am becoming. This is the being that comes to me as I dream, that tells me these kinds of things. That High Self reminds me that we are all on our separate journeys, to not blame or resent any aspect of the lives we live because, she/he tells me, we chose it all!

And further more, my Dreaming/High Self reminds me, you must get to a place of letting everyone you are connected to live out their own karma, their own lives in the way that they are meant to. Your only recourse of help is really only energetic, until the time comes when you are shown otherwise.

When others are ready they will show up and ask for help, real help, and then you will know what to do for them and how to do it. Until then they must suffer, just as you have had to suffer. All must suffer. That is the karma of life on earth, suffering until no more suffering is necessary, until the lessons of karma are learned.

And so, my Dreaming/High Self admonishes, use your energy wisely, not in worry but in energetic endeavors, in sending good, positive healing energy to all you are connected with. Without judgment or intent other than pure good energy to aid the karmic journey, send this energy from the heart. Not from the worrisome head, but only from the place of love, kindness, and compassion. Devoid of manipulation and with no personal gain or need, send this pure energy out into the world. If sent in the right unselfish way it will have a positive effect.

This is the most powerful stuff on earth, this energy of love. Envision it hitting the mark. Envision the receiver taking it in to their own heart and being enlightened by it in whatever way is meaningful to them at this moment in their lives. And then envision them taking the steps that will aid them on their journey, to face their karmic debt and evolve beyond it. Keep in mind that even baby steps are an acknowledgement of such powerful energy, as just reaching someone stuck in karmic mud is quite a feat!

It's all about making an energetic connection... - Art by Jan Ketchel
It’s all about making an energetic connection…
– Art by Jan Ketchel

This, my Dreaming and my High Self tell me, is how they communicate with me! It’s all done energetically. Just like electrical currents it courses through the universe and arrives in my body through my own heart, through my own yearning for connection, for healing, for enlightenment. This is what we are all seeking and waiting for. This is what we are all connected to; the electric buzz of connection to our Higher Self who knows all.

It’s not really that hard to do. And don’t forget to do it for the self: Be open. Wait. Receive. And then give in the same way to others, to those you love, to those you hate, to those you resent, to those you worry about. Bring the energy down to the center of your heart chakra, feel its glow, and use it for the greater good of the self, other, and the world. As my Dreaming/High Self tell me, this is what it’s really all about.

On my karmic journey too,
Jan

A Day in a Life: Gazing—A Self-Realization Technique

Chuck and I recently read about a rare, little-known meditation technique* used by Tibetan monks to train young monks in more quickly gaining lucidity. It involved sitting and gazing into a highly polished wall of various metals, chiefly copper, as well as a mirror. Gazing into one’s own image sets a series of hypnagogic images going.

Chuck and I have used a similar technique many times, both gazing into a mirror to see our own auras, as well as simply gazing into each other’s eyes. What transpires, and usually rather quickly, is just that, a series of fleeting images. Sometimes animal, sometimes human, they tell us a story of who we are, where we have been, and who we are to become. It is both a challenging and an enlightening process.

In all the fleeting images I was always recognizable! - Detail of artwork by Jan Ketchel
In all the fleeting images I was always recognizable!
– Detail of artwork by Jan Ketchel

Twice this past week I decided to engage in Gazing. Just as I presented Netting—An Energy Clearing Technique in last week’s blogpost, I share my experiences with Gazing as an effective means of self-realization. First, I present the processes I used and then the insights that inspired me to share this with you.

The first day I tried Gazing, I stood before a well-lit bathroom mirror, fairly close, so that my face and shoulders were clearly visible, about a foot and a half away. With softened gaze, as if looking through myself, I stared into my eyes reflected in the mirror. My intent was to see myself as energy, as waves of energy. It didn’t take long before my image in the mirror began to shift. It took a while to keep my focus, to hold a steady gaze, but the longer I stood there the better I got at it. In the bright light, I watched as my face began to vibrate and eventually crumbled into mere particles, as I became older and older and eventually began to disappear altogether. In the bright light I saw my eyes clearly as they held the gaze, as they became penetrating rocks of light. I noticed that although the rest of my image shifted and changed, my eyes remained steadily the same. Except for changes in their color they did not alter. I stood there for perhaps 30 or 40 minutes. During this time I became completely unaware of my body. I was out-of-body. I was consciousness only, awareness gazing at the image that I perceive of as “me” in this life. A lot of other things transpired as well, but that was the gist of the experience.

The second time I did Gazing, I sat on the floor in a dimly lit room before a full length mirror. This time I was about 6 feet away. Most of my body was visible, though in the subdued lighting not as clearly as it had been in the harsh bathroom light. This time I asked for access to my High Self, to be able to see it and, through Jeanne and our guides in the universe, to be granted the means of “seeing” myself through my many lives.

This time I gazed at my third eye, the spot between and slightly above the eyebrows. I was repeatedly directed to bring my gaze back to this spot, to use my peripheral vision to see the rest of me and what was going on. Before long, just as the time before, things started to shift. My intent was to just have an experience, so I was pretty open to whatever happened, but of course the mind tries to control things, wants things to happen. I learned rather quickly that it wasn’t going to work if I got in the way, if my ego got in the way. And because I had asked my High Self for help, I began to receive messages to aid me in the process.

I was repeatedly told, let the body relax and be empty... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
I was repeatedly told, let the body relax and be empty…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

“Relax, shed the ego, you are just an image,” said my High Self. “Everything is possible. Just be.” And so began another out-of-body experience. Once again, I became consciousness only. As I gazed into the image of myself in the mirror it began to shift. It was as if slide after slide was being projected onto the mirror, images of myself throughout this lifetime, from earliest days, through youth and midlife, to now and then they went beyond. I saw myself age in rapid succession and when I asked to see my High Self I was granted a glimpse of who I have been talking to for so long in this life, a man, a wise old man in a turban, with a beard! He looked so familiar I could have picked him out of a group photograph rather easily. But then he too shifted and I saw another image, a shaved head. “Oh, is that you too?” I asked. “Yes,” came the answer, “even your High Self has evolved, coming from many traditions.”

At times I would think about my body, as I sat there for about 45 minutes. But once again I noticed it was practically non-existent. I did not feel it or any attachment to it. It was empty. I noticed my breathing was very slow. I knew I would return to my body when I was done, but it did not matter at the moment, and so it was easy to leave it and go back to conscious communication with my High Self. Once again, I had many other experiences, but that is the gist of the second experience.

I noticed similarities and differences in the two experiences. Gazing in light may produce one effect while gazing in shadow another. In both instances, however, I experienced myself as energy, lots of energy, and I was invigorated by the experiences. I experienced flickering images both times, and the answer to my question that naturally arose, “Are they all me?” was “Yes, they are all you.” Now I move on to the insights I received.

First Insight: All thoughts are ego; shed the ego. I heard this over and over again, every time my mind drifted or I thought of something. “Shed the ego. Shed the ego.” It became a mantra that my High Self spoke repeatedly. Not only are thoughts ego, I learned, but everything else that we attach to is ego as well. Even attachment to the shifting images was ego. Illness is ego, fear is ego, depression is ego, doubt is ego, judgments are ego, hungers are ego, attachments to body image are ego, desires are ego. The High Self has none of those qualities. The High Self is pure, unadulterated, egoless wisdom. It waits for us to finish our work of the ego and join it. “Shed the ego.” That is a very important insight. It opens the door to being able to access our High Self more fully and allows for useful access to the idea that “everything is possible.”

You are also your High Self... What does that image look like? - Photo by Jan Ketchel
You are also your High Self…
What does that image look like?
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Second Insight: You are an image projected into life by your High Self. As the Bible tells us: God created man in his own image. Our High Self, the God particle that we are, created us. We are an image that we created, an image of an idea manifested, a thought form, no different from an image in a mirror. Our High Self selected and gave us form. We decided a very long time ago what we would look like and we have lived as that same image throughout our many lifetimes. I did notice that in all the fleeting images I saw of myself I looked pretty much the same. My facial features were always recognizable as me, even the male faces. I have always looked like this, like me! This, I believe is how people recognize us from previous lives. Have you ever seen someone you felt you knew intimately, but just could not place? Or been approached by someone saying they know you? Perhaps it was from a previous life. This insight leads to the next one; the two are inseparable from each other.

Third Insight: Learn to love yourself. The image that we are is the image our High Self, our Soul, has selected. We must learn to love it so we can shed it too and evolve. We will only advance by learning to love who we are, every part of us. That is our challenge in our life, in every life, to learn to love who we are. No matter what we may “think” about ourselves, it doesn’t matter, we’re only an image. Keep that in mind as you learn to love yourself: You are only an image. As an image, that YOU created, you also have the power to alter that image, to play with it in any way you want. You can change it! You will always be you, your facial features will remain recognizable, but you are in full control of the image you live your life in. Now that is pretty powerful information!

To follow through on that insight, don’t get all tied up in, “I can’t!” That’s ego. Shed it! Instead, begin to work with your image. What character does your image want to play today? What costume does your image want to wear? What lines will your image speak? What actions will your image take? Will you be the usual image you reflect, or will you choose to go out of character and dare to alter your image? And keep in mind, that your image was created by you and you can do anything you want to it, with it. You are totally in charge. But first shed the ego of course!

There is a distinct difference between ego play and spirit play. In learning to play with the image that we are, we must shed the ego so that the door to spirit opens. And when spirit takes over, that’s when things begin to change. We must open a dialogue between our High Self and our consciousness, that part that we are outside of our body, the part that I experienced and you will too as you do Gazing. This is the self that is fully aware and can fully detach from the body self and the image self. We must be careful to discern and recognize real consciousness because ego too is consciousness. Ego that identifies itself as spirit, however, gets in the way of pure consciousness. Ego that has shed its inflation is pure consciousness, and this is what the first insight guides us to.

I saw a cardinal and wondered: Did his High Self create his image? - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
I saw a cardinal and wondered: Did his High Self create his image?
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

The message I got was, have fun! Your High Self is eager for you to explore who you really are. And don’t forget: You may not be what you “think” you are! Remember, that’s ego!

Try Gazing. Be patient. Relax and let it happen. Breathe. I also found that if I held my breath things happened more quickly, because if you hold your breath you can’t really think, and that’s the whole point to this exercise, to stop thinking and just go for the experience. See what happens!

As always, with thanks and gratitude,
Jan

* Thanks once again to Dr. Elmer Green for his brilliant work, The Ozawkie Book of the Dead, where we read about this meditation training process.