I sleep badly, waking every hour. I feel encroaching powerful energy, the approach of rain too, moisture in the air, my sinuses stuffy. Each time I wake a new worry enters my mind and spins a sticky web. I get caught in the web, drift back to sleep and try to get out of it, but sticky web that it is I am its prey. Unwilling to let it have me for very long I wake again. Now a new worry sneaks up and attacks. Once again I am taken back down into the slumber of a new tormentor.

Each hour that I wake up I tell myself to cut it out, to stop worrying. You are aware that worry is futile, I tell myself, useless and unhelpful. Why are you doing it? Stop it! But when the next hour comes around I find myself there again, attaching to whatever comes into my mind, easy prey to the worry monster.

I do Netting, the clearing technique that came to me in a meditation a few weeks ago and which I recently wrote about. I sweep myself over and over again with my imaginary net. I even concentrate on my head, the brain that spins its worry tales, sweeping the net back and forth quickly between my neck and head, flicking out my catch quickly and decisively, but to no avail. I just cannot seem to extricate myself from the worry web I have landed in.

My Dreaming Self finally comes to my aid. It tells me to remember that I am on my own journey and that everything I encounter is important and necessary for me to encounter. It reminds me that it is the same for everyone else, that I cannot alleviate the pain of someone else’s journey. It reminds me that no matter how many times I might advise another person, my advice will not make a dent unless the person is actually ready to receive it, and by that point they won’t need it because they will already be there, doing it for themselves. And so, my Dreaming Self tells me, let your worries go because they are useless thoughts with no impact except to drain your energy.

And then my Dreaming Self reminds me that everything I experience in my life and everything I have lived through was set up a long time ago. This is the same for everyone, my Dreaming Self reminds me. Parents are just vehicles for life, channels through which life comes into this world. They do not really matter, for in truth they have nothing to do with the Soul’s journey, with the karma that each being must live out in its life in this world.

I know this is true for my own journey, that my parents, though my vehicles into this life did not really provide me with any issues that I did not already have planned for this life. I learned this as I took my recapitulation journey and in the journey since those intense years of inner work.

My life and all the issues in it, down to the minutest details, were set up by my High Self, the being that I am through each lifetime, the being that I evolve closer and closer to in each lifetime, the being that I am becoming. This is the being that comes to me as I dream, that tells me these kinds of things. That High Self reminds me that we are all on our separate journeys, to not blame or resent any aspect of the lives we live because, she/he tells me, we chose it all!

And further more, my Dreaming/High Self reminds me, you must get to a place of letting everyone you are connected to live out their own karma, their own lives in the way that they are meant to. Your only recourse of help is really only energetic, until the time comes when you are shown otherwise.

When others are ready they will show up and ask for help, real help, and then you will know what to do for them and how to do it. Until then they must suffer, just as you have had to suffer. All must suffer. That is the karma of life on earth, suffering until no more suffering is necessary, until the lessons of karma are learned.

And so, my Dreaming/High Self admonishes, use your energy wisely, not in worry but in energetic endeavors, in sending good, positive healing energy to all you are connected with. Without judgment or intent other than pure good energy to aid the karmic journey, send this energy from the heart. Not from the worrisome head, but only from the place of love, kindness, and compassion. Devoid of manipulation and with no personal gain or need, send this pure energy out into the world. If sent in the right unselfish way it will have a positive effect.

This is the most powerful stuff on earth, this energy of love. Envision it hitting the mark. Envision the receiver taking it in to their own heart and being enlightened by it in whatever way is meaningful to them at this moment in their lives. And then envision them taking the steps that will aid them on their journey, to face their karmic debt and evolve beyond it. Keep in mind that even baby steps are an acknowledgement of such powerful energy, as just reaching someone stuck in karmic mud is quite a feat!

This, my Dreaming and my High Self tell me, is how they communicate with me! It’s all done energetically. Just like electrical currents it courses through the universe and arrives in my body through my own heart, through my own yearning for connection, for healing, for enlightenment. This is what we are all seeking and waiting for. This is what we are all connected to; the electric buzz of connection to our Higher Self who knows all.

It’s not really that hard to do. And don’t forget to do it for the self: Be open. Wait. Receive. And then give in the same way to others, to those you love, to those you hate, to those you resent, to those you worry about. Bring the energy down to the center of your heart chakra, feel its glow, and use it for the greater good of the self, other, and the world. As my Dreaming/High Self tell me, this is what it’s really all about.

On my karmic journey too,
Jan