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Messages from Jeanne

#640 You Do Not Need Mirrors Now

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Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Today we have a question from a reader asking for guidance around a relationship issue that Jeanne had previously addressed in Message #586 Why Must You Return to Your Cage?

Hello again Dear Jeanne and Jan,
Several months ago, when I was still in relationship with my “soul twin” male partner, I wrote to you. I was in a state of confusion and anxiety about whether to continue being in a sexual relationship with him because for 2 years it had been triggering trauma and an aversion reaction linked to sexual violation and abandonment by my father when I was a child and teenager. I couldn’t bear it any longer and wanted to know if I should just end it and stop trying to have sex with men, because it just seemed to re-create the same awful cycle, ending every time with my aversion, revulsion, rejecting them or myself and then pushing them away.

In response to my inquiry you had written, through Jan, that I needed to go back into my cage once more, and that R was like a mirror that reflected back to me all the parts of myself that I did not want to see, the darkness, and that before I could spread my wings and fly away to be free, I had to hunker down and do the deep inner work and face my self in that cage.

I feel like R and I had made a soul contract previously, to come together to do this stretch of intensified work together over the last 2 years. We triggered each other’s early child wounds so perfectly and kept them activated, accelerating our movement forward, the pain motivating us both to keep working until it came to a point where it couldn’t continue. I didn’t exactly understand what you meant when you wrote to me. But then R suddenly, and with non-negotiable finality, ended our relationship, gathered up his remaining belongings and was gone for good within 10 minutes. He soon after that announced that he was going away for 6 months. I went into such a deep and scary journey, meeting so many personal deaths, feeling like a limb was cut off, and it sent me into places inside myself that I don’t think I’ve even more than scratched the surface of before. Layers of the bands of armoring around the excruciating pain of my inability to access my love for my father because of the hurt and betrayal and therefore my inability to really love the men in my life, the unwillingness to really love them, under the anxiety. There is such a narcissistic sense of entitlement around expecting men to make up for what my father didn’t do for me. I only want the man to meet my needs and I don’t really care about the man’s needs. In fact I resent and am angered and disgusted by the needs of the man. I have sex with men as a way to ensure that I get taken care of and not abandoned, which of course does not work. It simply perpetuates what happened with my dad over and over. In conclusion, I realize that I am still in a pre-oedipal moving into oedipal stage of my sexual development. I get that. I’m 55 and going on 6. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready to have adult sex in this lifetime.

On the other hand, being a Libran, I truly long to learn how to really love and be in a healthy relationship. I love companionship, I love affection, I love communication, and I love romance above all, if it’s with a man that I am attracted to, energetically and heart-wise. Even though I felt disemboweled, like my intestines were dropping out, like I was liquefying inside when it ended with R and he announced that he was going away for so long (the perfect re-creation of my abandonment issue with my dad), on another level, I felt that I had dug my way further to China than I ever had before in terms of getting closer to accessing the original love I had for my dad under all the negativity I project out onto him and the men in my life. I feel that somehow I have gotten closer to the possibility of learning to really love and want to meet the needs of a man, more than ever before. I feel hopeful, though more alone than ever before, my worst nightmare.

I pray every morning to you, Jeanne, and your soul group to stay close to me and whisper into my ear what I need to hear so that I will remember that I am energy moving forward into infinity.
My question Jeanne is, did I meet my self fully in the cage, in that reflection that R held for me? Is there anything else I am not seeing, any shadows that I am avoiding? I want to go for the “Full Monty” while I am catapulting through this accelerated growth period. Am I completed with R? It feels like it. I want to learn to love. I want to stop hating men, stop refusing to see and respond to their needs, and stop just using them for meeting my own needs, like a selfish child. I want to become an adult.

Thanks for listening. Please communicate if there is anything you can tell me that I need to do for completion re: what you said about the time in “the Cage ” with myself.
Soul Trecker, returning from the outer inner galaxies

My Dearest One, I feel your pain and see you in the shadows of your inner self, still searching for that which you lost. To refer to your self in the cage, looking into the mirror, as presented by this man in your life, is but Stage One of your progress. To understand that he was offering you the gateway to your inner work and to allow him to stay present in your life through much turmoil was quite a feat. That he has removed himself from your cage is a definite sign that you do not need him anymore. He has shown you what you need to know about the self and where your inner work lies. Do not regret your companionship with this man, for he has been your greatest ally, though now you must go deeper, and this deeper work must be done alone.

For all intents and purposes, yes, you are done with your relationship with R, but it might not be under the terms that you perceive. You are done because, as I said, he no longer offers you anything new, simply a replaying of the old scenarios, the old behaviors and emotions that will remain in stagnant rehearsal until a shift is achieved. By his removal he offers you this gift of shift. It is not time to look outward for new companionship, but only to look inward for companionship with self that will lead you to self-compassion, self-love, and self-truth.

I do not ask you to forgive or to simply move on, but I suggest that, in order to truly resolve your deep issues of rejection, abandonment, and desire for completion, the only place to look now is deeper inside the self. You do not need mirrors now, My Dear Soul Trecker. Your mirrors are but pictures pasted upon a wall now, the same pictures you have seen for many years. It is right for your companion to leave you to your inner work, and it is right for you to turn your head under your wing and find out what else lies waiting inside you.

Your resolve to grow and your prayers for wholeness do not go unheard. Your first step each day must be to turn to the self and trust that you carry within all that you need. Your habitual looks outward must turn continually inward as you ask your self to show you where to go next. What do I still need to learn about myself? What is it that I have not truly resolved yet? If I cannot find true happiness, contentment, and peace within myself, I will not find it outside of myself either, so what is it that I am missing? Indeed, that is the question that must be presented to the self.

Do not doubt that you are on a journey of evolutionary growth. Do not pause upon questions of doubt regarding your place of growth, relationship, companionship, or the possibilities of intimacy in the future. At this point, such conjecture is not appropriate, for the future has many possibilities, as yet unseen, and you have not completed enough steps of the inner work to be shown those future steps yet.

I do not mean to discourage you, but to offer you the true insight that you must always carry within: Everything is Possible! I suggest that you admonish your self, quite harshly, for bemoaning your fate; that you become the appropriate adult director of your life’s learning journey; that, although you may not feel mature in relationship, you are fully adult and have within the necessary maternal/paternal tools to parent your self. Do not ever doubt your abilities or your journey. You are fully taking the journey you subscribed to, that you found necessary to take, and that you must take in order to free your self of having to repeat it, both in this life and in the next, for that is always a possibility too.

Reconfirm your commitment to SELF. This is your greatest challenge, My Dear: YOU! There is no other person upon that earth to look for or hope for at this point. You must embrace your aloneness, love your self in your aloneness, and nurture and parent your self through your alone time, as you have never done before.

When your partner left the sanctity of your cage he left the door open, but this does not symbolize a time of flight for you. It symbolizes a time of openness to outer energy that will find its way to you, presenting you with what you need, as you continue your inner work.

You, your SELF, will know when the inner process is completely done in Stage One, so that you may begin the Second Stage of your evolution. You will know when you have finished with all that has so far controlled your feelings, emotions, and decisions. How will you know? You will change. You will think, feel, act, and choose differently. But most of all, you will look inwardly for your answers, and you will fully trust and know that your little bird heart has all the answers. You will no longer fear the self, as you do now.

In conclusion, I advise that you tidy your cage, not in anger at the loss of your companion, but only so that your inner work may be focused, balanced, and calmed by the presence of neatness and beauty all around you. It is time to clean house, to get rid of all that is non-essential, to simplify and find only that which is peaceful and perfect for you alone to have in your presence. Your cage must now reflect the changes thus far achieved in the inner you.

It is time to bring the new inner you outward. This will aid you in seeing your growth. It will no longer be a reflection of the other, but purely a representation of the inner other, the one you have been searching so diligently for. This is where you will find your new love, you know: inside the self.

Messages from Jeanne

#639 I am a Student on the Path of Life

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Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Do you have a message of guidance for us today?

Now, My Dear Ones, is a time of self-acceptance. For in reality, all of your inner work will be to no avail if you are not able to take yourself into your arms and begin with who you are, where you are, and why you are where you are now. You will grow further only by finally saying: Okay, this is who I am. I accept myself for this truth alone; that I am not prefect or whole; that I am not yet revealed, but that I am a student on the path of life. This I can accept about myself: I am a student on the path of life.

Give your self permission to be vulnerable, to be sad, to be joyous, to be free, if even for a moment in thought or wish, allowing the self to feel one small moment at a time. Give your self permission to look outward at the world around you in order to find your mirrors. And when you find the places that disturb you, the people, the situations, and ideas that bother you, look directly into them and ask the self: What do I see, feel, about this person, situation, or thing that disturbs me? What is it that I too must find in myself? I too am this.

This is how you must proceed each day, looking into the mirrors in your life, in whatever form they appear, and say: I too am this person, this thing, this idea, or this emotion that bothers me so much. I too must face within all that bothers me without in order to grow and heal.

Today is a good day to hold the self for a moment of acceptance. It is a good day to pledge a new outlook on the self and a new turn in the inner work. It is a good day to pledge fairness and openness, honesty and trust, gentleness and love for the vulnerable self who is just looking for answers, like everyone else. Allow your process to unfold. Look to the self for how that will happen. You hold all your own answers, but you have left so many of them projected on the world around you, your bits and pieces draped over the mirrors in your life.

It is time to take a look at the creations in your life, to straighten them up, to take back your bits and pieces and find the reason you left them outside of you for so long. Rediscover your inner self today. Go deeper.

Messages from Jeanne

#637 FEAR: Just Another Form of Energy

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Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Yesterday, I wrote about a deer who I perceived as facing death, the inevitable. In our lives, we struggle with fears that can loom large and threatening or sneak up on us in very subtle ways. Sometimes it feels appropriate to turn from them, while at other times it becomes apparent that we must turn and face them head on, in order to grow. As we face our fears and resolve the issues around them, those particular fears no longer bother us, though others appear to guide us. I get all this. Personally, I am at a place where my deepest fears no longer freak me out as they once did, coming at me with such intensity that I hid from them for a long time. Now, as I wrote of yesterday, they find other ways to show me where I need to do my deepest work.

I am still haunted by the image of that deer lying so majestically still, looking directly back at her body, at her footsteps in the snow, at the path she had traveled, sitting straight up as death came. I understand that this is what we are training our awareness for, to face our deaths with dignity, unafraid, to go on without our fears of this life burdening us in our next life. Can you talk about this today and kind of wrap up our conversations around fear?

My Dear One, fear is perhaps man’s only true guide to awareness, for, as you perceive, it is constantly present in some fashion, clearly revealed or well hidden until the time to face it arises. Fear is a constant. Fear is what underlies every action and thought, until a conscious effort is made to investigate the mechanisms of how it operates within the human psyche. You may not think that your life has been driven by fear, but if you are completely honest with yourselves you will all understand the prominent place it has and has had in your lives.

Does fear reign still in your inner world, as it may also do in your outer world? This is the question to begin with today as you take in the image of that deer that so represents such beauty of purpose in life and death. In life, from a human standpoint, a deer is a creature embodying fear, running, sometimes frantically, from that which approaches, instinctively smelling and reacting without forethought, simply understanding fear in a visceral manner. Yet does the deer also graze contentedly, calmly, in quiet reverie every chance it gets, also instinctually reacting to its circumstances, reading the energy of its present situation and acting appropriately. Your image of a deer fits quite well into the premise of our discussions around fear.

As humans, it is possible to train out instinct, to deny its place in your lives, to resort to thinking, to bypass the mechanisms of nature in order to appear in control, tamed, doing what is acceptable and expected. The deer does not operate with the mind, though its brain is certainly a variable in its life and its actions. I suggest, in my analysis of the deer’s natural reactions to the energy of its situation, that it allows itself to react based on its reading of the energy in a way that has been bred out of man.

Man’s natural instincts are so controlled, by society, by drugs, religions, teachings, and expectations placed on him by his own need to be in control that, when he is confronted with energy of place, his reactions are no longer naturally available or recognizable as such. That being said, man has other attributes that the animal world does not carry as strongly, his ability to study himself more intimately, his innate abilities to stand and face not only his fears but his confusion and his most vulnerable self, with conscious awareness that he is doing so.

Perceive the self as that deer, as Jan has been doing. Perceive the self as instinct and you will discover that you will also run from that which approaches when appropriate, you will calmly graze in balance when appropriate, and you will lie down and face that which approaches when appropriate. This is the key to your inner work, to determining the appropriateness of action by learning to read not only the energy outside of you, as all nature does, but by reading the deeper energy inside of you that is indeed showing you where you need to go next. You see, in the end, you will face your fear. What fear is left will come to greet you at the end, and it will want to accompany you on your final journey into energy. It will want to ride upon your departing energy and remain bound to you, showing you what you still need to learn. You will be given ample opportunity to dismantle it, to resolve it, to leave it tumbling into the netherworld of old fears, by your own choice, made with awareness.

As you work on the self throughout your life, facing your issues and your fears, you prepare your self for the greatest fear: inevitable death. You may elect to work on eliminating fear. You may work to gain greater awareness. You may work to understand energy, life, and life beyond, but you will not avoid your own death. However, you may be as prepared for its approach as that deer lying in the field, unflinchingly ready, with all your training having prepared you well to hold onto your awareness of its imminent approach, its fearful energy that, in reality, is tied to the circumstances of your life upon that earth. For as you pass from that life you will discover that your fears are as natural as the air you breathe and, as you accept your natural transition, they will pass from you as easily as your last breath, and you will perceive them as having indeed been your greatest tests, your greatest teachers, and your greatest guides.

If that is true, then what is the point of doing all this inner work, if everything is just energy and we will experience that in the end anyway?

To face your death as naturally as that, your inner work will aid you well in maintaining awareness. Your understanding of life as energy will aid you well. Your access to your natural energy, your instincts, your perceptions of the world as energy will aid you well in life, as well as at the moment of your death.

In the end you will discover that it is so. You will discover that all life is energy, so why not understand that now, as nature does? Why not allow the self access to your fears as mere energy, showing you where you will discover this phenomenon of everything as energy, in your own life? Why not acquiesce to the inevitable in your life now, taking on the challenges of discovering your fullest potentials? Why not face your greatest fears and discover your self as energy, as alive and available for so much more upon that earth, right now?

You see, My Dear Ones, your jobs, your true work upon that earth will only be revealed as you face your fears and allow your selves to have access to the true facts of energy, in you and around you, as they guide you, teach you, and challenge you. Fear is but another form of energy. Use it wisely and well.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Facing Fear

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I am finally getting time to sit and write about a recent experience of inner work around a particular fear issue. The process unfolded quite nicely and I thought it might be helpful to show the myriad ways that the people in our lives, circumstances, and our guides challenge and show us what we need, asked for or otherwise.

My week began with a question from someone else, through Chuck, suggesting that I might channel Jeanne for information on the whereabouts of a particular person. Now, normally, when I am asked to channel for another person I am immediately faced with doubt and concern that I will not be able to do it and the person will be utterly disappointed. This happens all the time as my first reaction. Generally, I push away my fear and go ahead with the channeling, and thus far no one has been even the tiniest bit disappointed, in fact, quite the opposite. You would think this would help me in my indecision and doubt, along with the fact that this website is largely based on the fact that I channel, which I do often and thoroughly, receiving quite incredible information and guidance. But alas, I still have to face my utter black fear, which quickly turns to anger, at being placed in the position of being asked to participate in something not of my own design. This is very old stuff for me, going back to my childhood when I was sexually abused, forced into experiences that led to not only a total lack of control and loss of self, but having to endure the commands of a madman. Although I have done a complete recapitulation of my experiences, the deepest fears reappear in very subtle ways. And yes, I can push them aside in order to function and do as I am requested, because I really do want to accept the channeling challenge, but when I elect to go deeper and sift through my inner reactions and get clarity I also find resolution and, in turn, I subtly change and grow. It can be a slow and painful process, but it is also extremely gratifying. My challenge is to accept this new me, the one who channels, and find ways to not just include her in my life, but allow her to lead me where I am going next.

There is a field I pass by everyday and as I turn the corner I generally look out over the expanse of field towards the mountains in the distance and the open sky. The other day as I turned the corner and drove alongside the field, I noticed a deer sitting in the field, quite a distance in from the road. She was sitting straight up, looking back toward the road, an almost wistful gesture in her elegant pose. I wondered at the strangeness of this deer quietly sitting in the middle of the snow covered field on this bitterly cold day. When I returned several hours later on my way home I noticed she was still sitting there, in the exact same posture. Then it dawned on me that she must be dead. I was flooded with emotion, feeling such sadness for this creature, wondering about her end. Most likely she had been hit by a car and staggered to her resting place. Perhaps she was gazing back toward the road trying to figure out what had just happened. Perhaps she was taking in the damage to her legs that had given out beneath her. Perhaps she was facing her fear, turning to replay, recapitulate the incident that was causing her death. Perhaps she bravely and stoically sat up as death overtook her, knowing that she was passing into new life, afraid or unafraid, she was going anyway. Four days later she still sits there, frozen in the pose of recapitulation, still looking back, but definitely having moved on.

What is the meaning of this frozen deer in the field? Why did I notice her on the same day that I attended to my own nagging fear? What am I supposed to learn from her regal acceptance of her destiny, chosen or otherwise?

I began to look more closely at my reaction to being asked, on the spot, to channel. What am I afraid of? Failure? The request came quite gently, though I heard it as commanding, almost as if Chuck had said: Do this channeling or else! But the request was very delicately presented. Of course, I should have complied, but I was immediately dealing with a whole host of my own inner issues and conflicts. When I channeled Jeanne on Monday morning as usual, I gained some clarity in her Message #635. I knew I had to confront my own fears around being snatched out of my comfort zone and made uncomfortable by the demands of another. I decided to follow up what Jeanne had suggested in her message by opening The Red Book to see what Jung had to say about the issue. On page 303 this is what I saw as synchronistically significant:

“He who has the luck and misfortune of a particular talent falls prey to believing that he has a gift. Hence he is also often its fool. A special gift is something outside of me. I am not the same as it. The nature of the gift has nothing to do with the nature of the man who carries it. It often even lives at the expense of the bearer’s character. His character is marked by the disadvantage of his gift, indeed even through its opposite. Consequently he is never at the height of his gift but always beneath it. If he accepts his other he becomes capable of bearing his gift without disadvantage. But if he only wants to live in his gift and consequently rejects his other, he oversteps the mark, since the essence of his gift is extrahuman and a natural phenomenon, which he in reality is not. All the world sees his error, and he becomes the victim of its mockery. Then he says that others mock him, while it is only the disregard of his other that makes him ridiculous.”

I interpret this that a natural gift, such as channeling, should not be attached to my ego, but simply accepted as natural or I can be destroyed by it. In order to truly use this gift I must do my inner work around my fear and doubt of being a failure too, especially since I cannot truly attach to this gift. It does not belong to me, or to anyone. In order to get to a place of really flowing in my life, accepting what I am afforded to evolve, as Jeanne suggests: I must acquiesce to the inevitable without fear. I am not special, so why do I feel that I can reject a request to channel? It is natural, not a special ability, nor one to be afraid of, but one to acquiesce to. It has nothing to do with me. If I cannot allow for this truth I am caught in ego, deflated or otherwise, and subject to judgments by self and others. If I can become egoless, through more inner work, I will be able to truly channel. Fear is attached to ego and that is what I am fighting. Ego is constantly trying to reestablish its dominance and reassert itself as all-knowing, but this kind of knowing is false knowing.

Next, I turned to my Tarot cards around this issue of ego self and my feeble attempts to tap into the natural flow. Am I right that I must get beyond ego to accept that I am nothing except energy and as energy I have access to all knowledge, but I can only truly achieve this if I let go of fear, without ego’s constant demands? I shuffle the deck and pull one card, the one that feels right as I place the deck over my heart center. I pull the 9 of Disks, Gain, and the first thing I read is: hitting the mark, the bull’s eye. I immediately accept this in answer to my question; I am on the right track. Even though other insights are offered I take my question next to the I Ching and ask: Did I hit the mark in my assessment of my ego/energy dilemmas?

The I Ching answers with hexagram 40, Deliverance, with a moving line, six in the third place. I am in a good place, the burdens have been removed, resolved, and eased, but ego brings misfortune! My fear come like thieves to steal my jewels, my ability. I have them as a natural gift, but I must use them appropriately, or not. I fell into childhood fears. The catastrophe of doubt resulted in my falling into the hands of thieves, my old fears. When I am in a good place there is no ego interference, inflated or deflated, and I am truly a channel, freed of fear, pure energy, the two Me’s in balance. This hexagram turns into Duration in the future, perseverance furthers. So if I can work on my issues related to letting go of ego, which in this case are feelings of doubt and failure, I may be in this for the long run. This leads me to recall my horoscope for this year as written by Eric Francis for Chronogram magazine and Planet Waves. I am a Cancer and it clearly states my ultimate dilemma, my inferiority and low self-esteem issues and how to achieve balance with ego so I am not sabotaged by either.

So, in the end I have learned that I must maintain my self-confidence and let go to the energy of what is natural, which is channeling. I don’t own this; it is not my ability to own. I have access to it, but at the same time it forces me to confront my issues of low self-confidence and my inner fears, which are all tied in to my early experiences. Can I continue to face my innermost fears, however subtly or brutally they approach me? Can I look back as the dying deer obviously looked back and still move forward where the energy is taking me, as she did? Can we all?

Thanks for reading. Perhaps this has offered an insight into one way of tackling the inner process, which, depending on the energy of each day, unfolds in so many ways. What I find most often is that, at the end of the day, no matter how many oracles I ask, the one that I must always return to exists inside myself.
Happy Inner Work!
-Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Giving Up Having it My Way

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I thought I’d follow up on last week’s blog with a quick update. Tomorrow, I’ll have more time to post a lengthier monologue on confronting fear and the process I engaged in using the guidance that is available.

Today, I discovered that I am going have to give up my Wednesdays as sacred days. It’s a new year after all and so far I can’t seem to recreate what I had worked so hard to establish last year, a day mostly dedicated to me and my own work. If I am truly going to learn to flow I have to give up my expectations and desires to have it my way. So, I acquiesce to the truth that Wednesdays no longer belong to me in quite the same way. However, this morning (a Wednesday) started off very nicely with a computer upgrade, so everything is chugging along at a much faster speed and my frustrations with my beloved but aging iMac have simply disappeared.

Since I wrote about her last week, our old dog, Spunky, has really slowed down. We no longer take her for walks, but simply let her out to roll in the snow and sit on the front porch. Last weekend she scared us by falling each time we took her out, her back legs too weak to make even a short trip up the road. (I just had to run out and get her because she was strolling over to the neighbor’s house. She came limping back as soon as she saw me, saying: Yes, Jan, I’m coming, but you’re no fun anymore!) She doesn’t seem to be in pain and we’re trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. The slippery wood floors in the house send her skittering and falling and we’ve laid small rugs down to aid her so she can safely get to her favorite resting spots.

What I have been learning today is that if I am going to flow, which also means being brave enough to face my fears, I have to give up some of my wants and desires to have the day go according to plan. It isn’t enough to carve out a sacred day either, because then I may not look for the sacred in other days, for the meaningfulness in the mundane. My intent for tomorrow is to offer a peek at my process of inner work around a particular issue, only because I think it might be helpful as I continue to channel Jeanne around the subject of fear. Fear comes up a lot, in every day, in some way, in my personal life and in the lives of those around me, with people I work with and with those closest to me. I continue to find it to be at the root of all action and inaction, underlying all my decisions, offering me options if I am ready to accept the challenges of them. And the other day I had quite a lot of help in seeing just how I should confront my own biggest fear of the moment.

Take a look at Jeanne’s Message #636 of today with more guidance around working with our fears. I look forward to blogging tomorrow. Unless things don’t go as I have planned!
Until then,
Jan