Monthly Archives: November 2011

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Wounded Children

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I believe we are all born wounded.

Find the wounded child within

Some of us are born with physical wounds, readily apparent. Some of us are born with deep psychological wounds. Some of us are born into wounding circumstances. Some of us encounter wounding situations at young ages and some of us do not encounter them until much later. Some of us don’t know we are wounded at all. But, overall, if we are born into human existence we carry wounds that we are challenged to heal.

If we are ready to evolve into beings of higher consciousness and spiritual enlightenment our first challenge is to discover what our wounds are, to acknowledge and accept them. Our next challenge is to do everything we can to face them, to work on ourselves and the situations we find ourselves in so that we can heal and grow.

If you believe, as I do, that we choose the life we are in, then it stands to reason that we also choose the wounds and the work it takes to deal with them. I was born to distant, unemotional parents who lived out their own wounds their entire lives. My siblings and I were forced to grow up under the dominating force of those wounded child parents who were deeply cut off from feelings, with the inability to express love. If you have read my book, you know that shortly after the age of two I entered the world of a sexual predator. To what end, you might ask, did I choose that life? What is the purpose of my life?

I have discovered that in acknowledging and freeing my wounded child self, I have freed myself of a burden that I carried through many lives, that of the sexually abused child. In recapitulating, I have freed myself of my wounded parents as well, and I have freed my own children of bearing this wounding into another generation. Of course they chose me as a parent so they will have their own issues to contend with as they take their journeys, but I feel confident that I am no longer burdening them with my own personal issues by hiding them from myself.

As we ponder our wounded child self we are faced with many possibilities. Is our wounded child self known? Does it dominate us? Is it a big baby, like the 1% demanding everything of us, stealing our energy? Or is it like the 99% begging for a place in our lives, asked to be fairly treated and accepted? Is it angrily pushed away, decidedly evil? Or is it tenderly acknowledged as an integral part of our journey?

Face the fears

We are further challenged to become the proper adult figure in the lives of our wounded child selves. We must treat them fairly, without judgment, but with compassion and a firm approach. We must become a parent, loving and accepting, yet release the wounded child from its captive role, allowing it to take its own rightful place. We must thank our child self for bearing the wounds that are our evolutionary task, and we must find the means of integration, so that we may become wholly adult, all aspects of self in symbiotic balance, kept well-attended and nurtured, yet fully known.

If we are ready to release ourselves from our own traumas and face new possibilities for life we are more compassionate and appreciative of the challenges that others must face as well. We find that we are detached in a new way, having discovered that, as we recapitulate and face our personal challenges, we energetically free so many others. In freeing myself from my past I not only free my children, but I remove my negative, depressed energy from the world as well.

I believe my purpose in life is the same purpose as all other humans: to become as spiritually evolved as possible by knowing myself in the deepest way, freeing myself from repeating many more miserable lifetimes with the same wounds festering. In facing my wounded self I faced eons of wounded selves.

I understand now what it means to be deeply wounded and to really heal. Healing is what life is all about, finding the means to heal so that the world around us can heal as well. In our present lifetime it may be difficult to assess just what healing the world will look like, for it presently looks quite dire out there. With so many issues arising and coming to a head, the festering wounds of humanity now pose perhaps the greatest danger ever.

Triage is called for on a mass scale, but I still believe that each one of us must do personal triage first. We must go innerly and face the wounded self, healing the wounded child within so we can be fully present as integrated adults. In so doing we may just discover that what the world needs now is not really that much. We may discover that we don’t really need this world to be the same anymore, in fact we don’t want it to be the same because, as we recapitulate, we discover that what we once found so comforting is sorely lacking in comfort. We discover that our earthy needs are really very simple.

We really just need the world as our mirror, to keep us focused on changing our outlook on ourselves and others, to keep us focused on turning inward. We need the world to reflect back to us the real reason for being born into the life we are born into.

Achieve healing and freedom

Find out why you are born so wounded and then find the means to heal. First heal the self and then heal the world by staying deeply, introspectively connected to a healing journey of constant course correction. By living a life of deep inner reflection, intent on healing, we take full responsibility for our wounded child self and we shift our energetic configuration from one of deep sadness, regret, and woundedness to one of power, grace, and freedom. Such inner work will change all of us: our selves, our families, our communities, our world.

In the Readers of Infinity blog on Monday I noted that Jeanne once again gave the same message: Learn to listen. I am struck by how often she speaks of training ourselves to pay attention to what is going on inside us. Listening is the key to doing inner work, to finding the reasons as well as the answers. In learning to listen to our wounded inner child we must be a good listener, but we must also be a good guide.

In recapitulating, or doing any kind of deep inner work, our adult self must be alert and aware, able to flow with what comes without judgment, fear, control, disgust, or dismissal. Each time we face our wounded child we must go deeper, beyond what we think, to what we feel and truly know is right. It is a process of constant readjustment, of learning to view ourselves and the world in a different way. We must all begin to envision ourselves as evolving spiritual beings, rather than human beings stuck in endless personal misery.

I challenge everyone to approach the wounded child self with compassion and love, listening to what the issues are and what the proper approach to resolving those issues might be. The answers for how to do this are available, but we must each decide that it is the journey we want to finally take. We must decide that in this lifetime we are choosing to free our wounded self to evolve in a new manner, both immediately now and in the lifetime to come.

Love to you all as you do your inner work,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

Readers of Infinity: A Message From Jeanne

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Dear Jeanne,

A few weeks ago, I made a change in my intent to be open to all of infinity. You have been a part of my life for ten years, teaching me what it means to change, to face the inner darkness, but most of all to trust. Learning to trust people, my inner knowing, and the signs in my life that appeared to guide me, have all shown me what it means to be a changing being. As I shifted into a more open relationship with infinity, your presence seemed to open as well, expanding generously beyond the confines of a process that worked well but no longer felt necessary, for, as you had once said, I would one day no longer need you in the relationship we had enjoyed as teacher and pupil. In a sense, you were encouraging me to accept my role as a full-fledged partner. And so I have taken up the challenge. I do however, miss the special bond with you, and I suspect others may as well. So, today, I wish to converse with you directly, for old time’s sake, but also for your special brand of guidance.

As I personally opened up to trusting not only my relationship with you over the past ten years but also my own inner process, I never felt special. I always knew that everyone could learn to be so open and available to outer guidance and learn to awaken the often deeply suppressed inner knowing. Through my own process of recapitulation, a process of doing deep work on the self, I reconnected with the self I always knew existed, the self I was afraid of because she had so many secrets and mysteries to tell me. I knew that what she had to tell me would shake my world, and I had to be ready for that. Now I can only say that in beginning to listen I did indeed have to face a great shake up, but it was only through that process that I was able to rid myself of all that inhibited me and kept me from truly enjoying life. Only in daring myself to change was I ready to engage in life, gaining insight and a new outlook on my entire existence as I went through my recapitulation. It is my greatest wish that all people find the courage and strength to face their inner darkness and in that process to find that they are more than worthy of this life, discovering that it is pretty spectacular to be human, especially in these times.

I wish to converse with you on many things, but I will start with a few simple questions for today. First, when I open to guidance, open to you or infinity as a whole, (I interpret you as the same thing really) what is it that I’m actually doing? Can you explain this so people can understand it? And what could others begin to do to learn how to be open to guidance as well?

Here is Jeanne’s response:

My Dear Jan, and all you Readers of Infinity: You may not realize that you already access the greater intent of being human, that is, the intent to change, evolve, and continue in energetic form beyond the confines of that world. Infinity is always available to you—it is the great secret of being human. By that I mean that your opportunities to receive guidance abound, you just have to listen. That is all that Jan does. She has learned to listen.

All who are in human form have the ability to receive guidance, yet the mind often refuses the invitations to listen. The mind fights with inner knowing. You have to admit this, for all of you have had instances in your lives when you knew what to do, how to act, react, or be; what to say or do to change or shift out of one situation and into another; how to grab the right moment and, yet, you hesitated long enough to let the clarity of that moment blur over.

That moment of hesitation is a missed opportunity for growth. One must have a certain amount of daring to grab onto such moments of change. These moments are the catalysts in life and, yet, even in missing them one must not fall into regret but discover instead what one is meant to learn. Meaningful encounters with infinity require a little self-searching and often much more than that. Often deep inner work is what is necessary for greater change.

If one is ready to accept that life is indeed full of lessons, for a reason, then one must get in the proper alignment, humble enough to accept the position of student, though one may be very learned and quite brilliant. To become a student of life one must set the intent to be open, as Jan calls it, open to the truth that life is indeed a journey of the spirit, seeking growth and higher understanding.

In order to truly accept the grand opportunity to be a student of life in a new way, one must learn how to trust. For that, as Jan mentions, is how one will be available for making decisions and choices in alignment with awakening the inner process of self discovery.

In learning to trust, one must also learn to be daring. Although daring to listen to the inner knowing may sound like a simple enough process, it is not. One must first acknowledge that the self is full of inner knowing, grounded in ancient truths of the universe. Then one must pay attention to this inner knowing. But the biggest feat and the biggest challenge is daring to act, to accept its guidance, its truth, and its process as a whole as it unfolds.

This means that as one learns that inner knowing is available one must shut down the normal chatter and judgments of the mind, attaching only to the inner truth, the right guidance from deep within, and dare the self to pay attention.

Find a quiet place to listen

For this day, I suggest a concerted effort be made to engage inner listening. Learn to quiet the mind. There are, as you all know, many ways to quiet the mind. Pick one that works for you. With quiet mind, begin paying attention to what else is happening inside you. Are there other voices? Are there deep truths emerging? Are there answers to your questions? Find a means of listening, even once or twice a day for a few moments to start. A good time is when you first awaken or are ready to fall asleep, the natural transition times in a busy life.

Begin listening. Start with that. Other guidance will come to guide you, perhaps from me, from Jan, or infinity, or even from you. It doesn’t matter, you each have it in you. Begin a practice now of change. It’s time!

As Jeanne finished her message, I was reminded that whenever I asked her for help, she would invariably tell me that I already had the answers inside me, and indeed she was right. I just had to dare to act. I had to get to the place of ruthlessness and no self-pity too, not in a mean way, but in a gentle way, pushing away the old voices as I allowed myself to trust the process I really wanted to engage in. It was a process I’d intended long before it started, because I needed to change, I’d known it for years.

Sometimes, however, we just don’t know how to enact change. Letting the process itself guide us may be the only way to get started, and that’s a fine way to begin acquiescing to the inevitable truth that we are all Readers of Infinity. I truly believe this is true, and I fully support your endeavors to prove this to yourself. The entire universe supports you! Once you set your intent the universe supports you—this is what I experienced during my own recapitulation and every day since. All I had to do was start looking for all the signs that proved this. They appeared every day.

Thank you Jeanne! I hope you enjoy the message today. I’ll be back on Wednesday with something new.

Until then,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Sitting Duck Energy

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Early last Saturday morning we acquiesced to the real possibility that the predicted absurdity of a severe Nor’easter in October would actually blanket us. An ambitious plan of preparation ensued: shop at Adam’s when they opened, deal with the already fallen leaves and snow, clean the gutters, prepare the snow machines, the generator, etc.

We finish at Adam’s by 8:15 a.m. As we drive cautiously down the exit lane through the parking lot we stop to allow a car to back out of a space while another impatiently interrupts that process, hurriedly slipping into the space next to it. Suddenly there is a loud shout and a commotion and we are blindsided as an SUV pulling out of a space—obviously oblivious to us—rams into the rear side of our car. To make matters worse, the driver then hits the gas instead of the brake, lifting us off the ground!

Sitting Duck

I was completely caught off guard as my attention was focused in front of me. I had no emotional or energetic reaction other than surprise and curiosity. What just happened and what does it mean?

It was 100% evident that we were sitting ducks. We had done nothing wrong. I have no attachment to feeling victimized—that clearly wasn’t the point—I don’t need that lesson. The message was more about the energy that is now upon us. No degree of careful preparation or defense can forestall the inevitable. We were indeed simply sitting ducks. Just like a Nor’easter in October, with leaves still on the trees, we are all sitting ducks. We are all being cornered now by an energy that cannot and will not be stopped.

I watch this energy reverberate now through many dimensions. Occupy World Street finds its way to Greece this week. In an effort to forestall chaotic revolution, Prime Minister Papandreou calls for a national referendum, a vote by the people on the proposed debt deal for Greece imposed by representatives of the 1%. The IMF and the European Union deal-brokers offer Greece 10 years of indentured servitude in exchange for funds to finance its debt.

Sitting Duck Duck

Sitting duck energy is prepared to hammer that deal differently and the banks and Wall Street are terrified of that. Their reaction to Papandreou’s surprise move: How dare he even think of going to the people of this ancient cradle of democracy and risk destabilizing the world economy?

The bottom line as of this morning: even though Papandreou has agreed to pull the referendum and even step down from his post, even though he caved, there is no holding back the energy of now.

MF Global, the as-of-this-week now bankrupt Wall Street investment firm, saw the writing on the wall, as it had overly invested in the “secure” higher interest of European debt. The reality is: the 1% are in trouble and they know it! The markets are in trouble! World economics that catered to the greed of the 1% is in serious trouble—sitting ducks too.

Greece may drop the euro and leave the European Union. Who might be next? Italy? I see a potential cascade of tumbling nations receding into simple autonomy once again. I see a breakdown of world financial interdependence. Greed has had its day.

On a more personal level, I’ve observed sitting duck energy absolutely corner many people this week with very deep truths and challenges—it’s obvious: there is no escape.

Take counsel from sitting duck energy:

Lesson #1: Suspend judgment, it’s not your fault. It’s not personal, though it will expose the deepest personal truths and challenges.

Lesson #2: There is no escape from sitting duck energy, only acquiescence to processing and reckoning with the truth revealed.

Lesson #3: Realign your life with the truths now revealed by sitting duck energy. That means alignment with the truth that it’s all leading to a new, very much needed balance as new worlds form both personally and globally.

Sitting Duck Duck Duck

And that is the final truth to face: a new world is indeed in order; sitting duck energy is making it possible. It doesn’t matter what final decisions Papandreou or the IMF or the European Union or the banks make, the power is now in the hands of the 99% and it is unstoppable because it is fueled by sitting duck energy. And the final outcome of sitting duck energy will be the same no matter what: CHANGE!
—Chuck

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Consider the Trees

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The way of the tree

We can learn a lot from studying the trees. During her recapitulation, Taisha Abelar, a cohort of Carlos Castaneda’s, lived for a time in a tree. She’d never climbed a tree in her life when she began but by the time six months had passed she’d recapitulated through many dark nights in the tree house she slept in. Over that time she had absorbed so much of tree life that she could communicate with trees directly. She learned to be silent enough to sense their needs, to know their pain, and to communicate with them through feeling. But she also found herself freed of her traumatic past.

“As I was seated on a sturdy limb with my back resting on the tree trunk, my recapitulation took on an altogether different mood,” she writes in The Sorcerers’ Crossing. “I could remember the minutest details of my life experiences without fear of any coarse emotional involvement. I could laugh my head off at things that at one time had been deep traumas for me. I found my obsessions no longer capable of evoking self-pity. I saw everything from a different perspective, not as the urbanite I had always been, but as the carefree and abandoned tree dweller that I had become.”

During the recent early winter storm, I thought a lot about the trees. As I watched them bear the brunt of the snow and the wind, I saw the parallel between learning to become like a tree, withstanding the beauty and fury of nature, and doing a recapitulation.

Trees are rooted, unable to move from their designated spots. Forced to withstand constant exposure they must be strong enough to survive yet weak enough to bend in the breeze. From the heights of the highest branches we can gain a new perspective on life and the world around us. Offering us the opportunity to gain new insights and clarity, they also offer us deep grounding. The deeper the root system, the better the connection to the life force of Mother Earth.

Trees are silent beings, observers of life, pensive and heavy, yet they jostle and sway, tossing lightly and gaily in the wind. They lose branches in storms. They topple over when their time is done and return to the earth from which they once sprang. They know the course of their lives, having lived them many times. Upon their demise, springing up again from their deepest roots or previously dropped seeds, they are ready to take on life anew. Most meaningful to us is that they give us the oxygen we need in order to breathe and live on this planet, thus their lives are more than meaningful, for they support all human life.

We too must learn to become like the trees as we recapitulate. We must learn how to stand our ground, our roots firmly sunk in the nurturing earth while at the same time we withstand the onslaughts of the past. Steady and balanced in two worlds—roots in the earth and branches reaching for the heavens—we too are capable of withstanding the onslaughts of the seasons of our lives. Whether we recapitulate a fine memory, a delightful memory, or a horrific memory too distasteful to speak of, we can learn from the trees how to handle what comes to greet us in recapitulation.

During the recent storm, I noticed the trees in my yard standing silently, accepting the unusually early snowstorm. I saw them bear the weight of the unexpected snow cover. I saw them bowing down under the weight of the heavy attack from outside, their leaves unsuspecting collaborators. I saw them bear the tension, until it was time to let go because they could no longer hold back what had been imposed on them. I heard the breaking of limbs, leafy branches that had no recourse but to snap.

I saw all of this and said to myself: This is like recapitulation. During recapitulation we are not in control, yet we strive to control in the old ways that worked for us. But during recapitulation we are often confronted with things that we just cannot control, things that come at us out of nowhere like this autumn winter. We too have no recourse then but to snap beneath the weight of the onslaught and allow what falls from us to be strewn at our feet. We too, like the trees, can look down and see our branches of self—parts of ourselves that we thought we needed to hold onto—and realize that they now lie at our feet and yet we still stand.

During the storm cleanup we can look back and wonder: Did we really need to hold onto those parts we once thought so dear? Without them we feel lighter, freer, our branches now able to lift higher than before. Freed of the burden of trauma, of the accumulation of old ideas, misconceptions, and old perceptions of the self, we are like the trees, able to experience ourselves in a new way, just as Taisha once did. No longer attached to the past in the same way we find that, having recapitulated, we are totally different beings.

There are sturdy and tall trees, oaks and maples, and yet there are supple and easily swayed trees that survive just as long, that have the ability to spring back to life no matter what occurs. In recapitulation, is it better to be so strong that our branches continually snap and break off until we are limbless? Or is it better to sway in the breeze of our recapitulation, knowing that we are firmly rooted, connected to the life force of all things, certain that new life awaits? At some point in our recapitulations we must all consider how we are going to proceed on our life’s journey. What kind of tree are we going to be?

Indeed we can and should study the trees. In their silence alone they offer so much for our consideration. Just contemplating the fact that we could not survive on this planet without them may be enough of a start. I hold trees in the highest regard and I am thankful for them. With great respect, at each breath I take, I am humbled to share the planet with them.

Jan