Category Archives: Jan’s Blog

Welcome!

Archived here are the blogs I write about inner life and outer life, inner nature and outer nature. Perhaps my writings on life, as I see it and experience it, may offer you some small insight or different perspective as you take your own journey.

With gratitude for all that life teaches me, I share my experiences.

Jan Ketchel

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Waiting In The Void

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I feel somewhat like this little fellow, emerging from the ground after 17 years in another world... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
I feel somewhat like this little fellow, emerging from the ground after 17 years in another world… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

It’s Tuesday afternoon. I’m waiting for the proof of my book to arrive. It’s been a tense few days. I’d sent the book off at 3:45 last Thursday, declaring that I was ready to take a few days off while I waited for the proofs to be delivered by CreateSpace, Amazon’s on-demand publisher. With knowledge of Word and a techie friend who can design a cover, it’s fairly simple to publish a book these days. A few simple downloads and the book was on its way to the great digital reviewer in the cloud. A great sigh of relief and a lot of self-congratualtory pats on the back followed. I smiled a lot and felt very happy.

I decided I’d take a few days off, while I waited for the proof to arrive. I’ll do something else for a while, something else besides writing and thinking about writing, I thought, things I’d been putting off, like cleaning the bathroom and raking the leaves out of the flowerbeds and vegetable garden so I can get my planting done.

Friday, the first day off, and the weekend went by fairly quickly. The weather was nice and so Chuck and I got a lot of outdoor work done. Then Monday arrived and all of a sudden I felt groundless. After obligations were fulfilled, my usual writing time arrived and I didn’t know what to do. The allure of freedom from writing had worn off, but I felt like I had to uphold my intent to give myself a break.

Here it is Tuesday, and I’m still wandering around in the void of free time and so I’m writing this blog just to reground myself. It has to be done anyway, but on the other hand all of this wandering in the void that I’ve created gives me the opportunity to write about routine, how grounding it is, how safe it makes us feel, how important it is to who we are. Without it, I feel like a ship out of water!

When I was a full time freelance artist, I dreaded the lull between jobs. Not only was it financially stressful but I feared that I’d lose my creativity completely in those down times. I worried that I’d be unable to come up with an idea when the next job proposal came along. And so I’d keep multiple projects always going, making sure there was always an overlap so I’d never lose my creative edge. And so I never had free time either, or very little of it. I was always working in some way, keeping myself safe, because free time in the old days meant fears would seep in. It meant risking deeper depression and darker moods than normal, states that were very difficult to extricate myself from. I’m in a totally different place these days, in fact, I’m a totally different person. But I look back on the person I was with such fondness, for her ability to deal with the tension of living on the precipice of despair was impeccable.

These days, I’m a stranger to depression. It’s rare now, and so fear of depression wasn’t an issue as I faced the past few days. I didn’t worry about discipline either, for I am a very disciplined person. You can’t be a freelancer and not have discipline; your livelihood is totally in your own hands. Discipline however, involves routine, and so I come to this self-realization: I love routine! It’s so predictable. It makes life flow. It makes life so easy. I will do this and this and this, and then that will happen and that. What could be easier! But what could be more boring!

And so I face this boring truth about myself, while at the same time I look into the void of my empty writing time. I must fill it with something else! NO! I won’t. But then here I am, filling it. As I sit at my computer and write, I have to admit that my sense of groundlessness has dissipated. The void is fast receding, and yet I refuse to see this as routine—not me!

Yes, Jan, it is. I’m not letting myself sit in the lull that I’ve created by my intent to not do the routine. I’m not letting myself sit in the calm, in the moment of silence when the mind is still. When in the busyness of my routine I long for such moments. I long for the long meditation period, the calmness of a quiet day with nothing to do. I feel like I’m away on vacation and after two days I’m done, I’ve had enough. It’s time to leave. But I’m too far from home, committed, the vacation paid for and so I must stay. At times like these the challenge really is to let go, to push through the urge to jump up and go back to work and let the lull become important, sacred, and nurturing. We all need respite.

We had quite the communication this tree spirit and I... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We had quite the communication this tree spirit and I… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

I can so easily lose sight of such basic human needs for rest and relaxation in the energy of the creative. And I think that’s what I’m dealing with right now, the energy of the creative, because although I didn’t consciously make certain that I had something to fill the gap while I wait for the proofs to arrive, my creative self stepped in and took over. Her old spot opened up and she grabbed the opportunity to reassert her priorities. Creativity runs deep, and so I acquiesce—for a little while. I realize that for some people having the free time to be creative is such a dream, while those of us who live it our whole lives might need a break from it every now and then, from the consuming fire of it. Just a little break.

Writing this blog doesn’t feel routine. I’m “not doing,” as the Shamans of Ancient Mexico say—breaking the routine by doing things differently, or not at all—by writing on a different day than usual, and when I’m done I’m going to do something quiet, in alignment with my spirit asking for some attention. It’s time to reenter the void. Hmm, I’ve been yearning to learn a new song on the ukelele…

Just taking a small break from my beloved routine,
Jan

P.S. It looks like my book, The Edge of the Abyss – Volume 1, will be ready for ordering by the end of the week. I look forward to being able to post that announcement! Feel free to write reviews at Amazon and spread the word in other ways, if you feel that it’s right. One must be an Amazon customer to leave a review on the book page, I believe. I personally have such a hard time saying that I hope you’ll like the book knowing that it’s about such a difficult subject, but I really do hope you’ll all like it!

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Worry Is Me!

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We sat in the warmth of the fire and talked... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We sat in the warmth of the fire and talked… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

This morning, Chuck and I sat and talked, a fire going in the wood stove to warm us. The sun not up yet, we sat in the light of the fire and talked about how worry attaches to us and just won’t let go. “But what is worry,” I said, “except Me, Me, Me. It’s all about the self, poor me, and it consumes us!” When we worry nothing else makes sense to us, nothing else is real. We are totally fixated on the worry!

The Shamans of Ancient Mexico say that when we worry there is no room for anything else, our energy is totally usurped and we become nothing more than a dead carcass. Worry comes like vultures and picks away at us, as if we are carrion. Not a pretty sight! But when you think about it, that’s exactly what it feels like. When we are so totally wrapped up in our worry we cease to see and experience the world as it really is. Worry takes us into a dark place and our energy for life and possibility is drained. “Woe is me,” our minds say, “Woe is me!” Worry becomes Me—I become worry! Such a lifeless place to be!

When we relieve ourselves of worry we realize it was all in our heads. The sheer relief of shedding worry leaves a lightness to the mind, an instantaneous lifting of that heavy curtain of misery and woe. We all know the feeling. Suddenly we notice the world around us again, and everything looks different. So what is that thing we call worry, just an illusion? You bet it is!

In recapitulation we learn to shed our worry. We learn how it controls us and holds us captive, how it is basically meaningless, how it is a mere conjuring entity come to drain our energy. By worrying we attract negative energy and even possibly negative outcome to our lives. If we think about bad things happening, bad things will happen. I learned about such things when I was recapitulating. I was so steeped in worry and old negativity that every thought just dug me deeper into my negative ways. One day I’d had enough.

“I am so done with this worry. I now reject the bad,” I said. “I only want good in my life!” And from that day forth good things really started to happen. It took some time before I learned to totally rid my mind of negativity and worry, as I had to really prove to myself that I could change my world by changing my thoughts. I had to test this premise a few more times, but eventually I learned to leave the negative thoughts to the crows of recapitulation.

Worry is very patient... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Worry is very patient… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

As I began to more fully invite only good thoughts and positive energy into my mind, I felt energetically very different. Physically and mentally, I became lighter. Life began to unfold in unbelievably brighter ways too.

I recommend taking note of worry, how it comes in, how it gets conjured by thoughts of what if, but is rarely based on what is. In recapitulation we face our fears and dismantle them, effectively dismantling the basis of worry as well. If we are no longer afraid of life we discover that worry is fleeting, a mere crow flying overhead, nothing to attach to, nothing to get upset about. If there is something we must face it will appear in its true form, not as something enigmatic that has no real place in our lives. The real stuff will become fully known and then we must not worry about it but face it squarely and deal with it in a practical and impeccable manner.

Sure, there are plenty of times when worry feels necessary, when one worries about children, spouses, loved ones and if they are safe, happy, doing the right thing, etc. But I’ve found that in such cases my worries regarding others has a negative effect on them. I’ve learned that if I worry about them then they are not free of Me, the same me that I’m not free of when I worry endlessly about things. I infect others with my worry, the same way worry infects me. And so I have learned to send only good and positive thoughts and loving feelings to the people in my life when worry arises.

I know they are all encountering the things they must encounter in their own lives, just as I had to encounter and still do encounter things in my own life. I set them free of too much Me. I set them free to live their own lives to the fullest, free to make their own decisions just as I have had to make mine. We are all beings on our solo journeys after all, listening for the call of our own spirits, trying to decipher when is the right moment to heed the call.

It does not serve anyone to live in the false world of worry. If I am to free myself from Me, the me that Chuck has been writing about lately—the poor me—and really evolve into a new being, I must free myself of the energy-consuming worry wart that constantly seeks me out. Think of it as being out there in the universe, flying around like the crows, looking for a place to sit down and munch away! Are you going to make yourself available for that?

My head gets so much lighter as I release worry. As if I have just woken up or come out of a hole in the ground, my energy returns and I find myself happy to be alive. Try it, it really works. All of a sudden you notice all the things you’ve been missing, and you’ll find that the people in your life will be so much happier too. You’ll hear it in their voices, and experience it in their energy, just as you’ll hear it and see it in yourself.

Enjoying the spring, watching the crows fly overhead, worry free,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Shock

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I pull this card a lot... It's always deeply meaningful... From the Thoth Tarot Deck, the 2 of Disks.
I pull this card a lot… It’s always deeply meaningful… From the Thoth Tarot Deck, the 2 of Disks.

I go to the Tarot for advice and guidance. “What is the most important thing to write about in my blog today?” I ask. I shuffle the deck. Holding the stack of cards against my heart, I pull a card, the 2 of Disks: Change. I read that this card represents external change. It’s about achieving external balance by remaining always fully aware that change is constant, cyclic, unending. The number 2 is also significant, implicating that we must change now, within a matter of a few minutes, days, weeks or, at the most, months. There is no time to waste.

Change comes to aid us on our journeys, to help us evolve, to spur us out of our inertia. And so I must ponder what this card is trying to alert me to on this day especially, as I am poised to write something that others will read. I say that not in self-importance, but only in humility, for I am aware that words have power. Even my own words have power; all words do. They can inspire or they can hurt.

In the wake of the bombings at the Boston Marathon on Monday, I am aware of goodness, selflessness, courage, heroism. I am also aware of evil, hatred, fear, anger. This is a sensitive time for us. We are hurt, confused, afraid. We want to blame. We want there to be a bad guy, a villain. We ask why, why would someone do such a thing? We feel the pain of others, the maimed, the lost, the grieving. We want answers and yet the answers are slow to come. We might even ask: “What would I have done?”

The 2 of Disks asks us to change ourselves, to get ourselves in balance with nature. It asks us to enact external change that will be lasting, based on what we know about human nature and the cyclicity of nature itself. It asks us to become responsible for change in our lifetime—now.

The symbol on the Tarot card is the oroborus, the snake eating its tail, the figure eight, representing infinity. It also represents the repetition of behaviors and habits internally that keep us static externally. The card suggests that it’s time to question our deeper selves as to why these things keep happening, the mass shootings and bombings as well as the other horrors: the raping of woman and girls, the starving of children, the insatiable greed. Why do we keep hurting each other? Why are our ideologies more important than our truths? Why will we not stand up for what is truly right? These are the questions from the oroborus.

From the reactions of people at the bombing scene it’s apparent that we care deeply about each other. Who knows, perhaps one of the injured was the bomber, unknowingly aided by a good samaritan, simply because it’s in our human nature to help one another. No one questioned if the injured were worthy of saving, they simply acted to help other human beings in pain. On that day there were many actively engaged in enacting the oath of humanness that we all took upon entering this life, the oath of affection.

I must look for myself reflected in this image... I know I'm there somewhere... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
I must look for myself reflected in this image… I know I’m there somewhere… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the Golden Rule says. It’s good to see that it’s still alive. But why do so many of us turn our faces and run from horror, rather than look it in the eye, take in the gory details, knowing that we too will suffer and die one day? Why are so many of us afraid of truly living our lives to the fullest? Why are we so afraid to meet our fellow human beings face to face? Why are so many of us afraid to look at our own deepest fears?

I think these are some of the things we are being asked to confront today. As the Shamans of Ancient Mexico state: We are beings who are going to die. Why is this so hard for us to think about? Why do we pretend that we alone are invincible when we are shown every day, from around the world and in our own country, that death will come. We must use death this time as an advisor, this is what the 2 of Disks is saying.

We must dare ourselves to take in the grisly truth. We must look at what has happened, knowing full well that we are not immune, and let it shake us awake. The pictures of horror must burn holes in us so that we do not forget what we human beings are capable of, both the good and the evil.

Perhaps we have come so far from our true humanness that we must be shocked awake before we will change how we perceive the rest of humankind and the world we all share. If we Americans are to change, we must first recognize that we are the same as all other human beings around the world. We are no more or less than the good and evil that resides in the people of the Middle East, India, Africa. We are no more or less human than our staunchest opponents, our perceived enemies, than those who wish to destroy us. We all have some aspect of aberrant behavior that rules us. We are all in need of balance, and external change is what brings that to us. Just as the seasons change, bringing the balance that nature needs in order to regenerate, so do we need external shocks in order to change too. This, I believe, is what the 2 of Disks implies, that external change will come to rock us back into true balance.

We are all both light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil, etc. - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We are all both light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil, etc. – Photo by Jan Ketchel

As the 2 of Disks implies, we are all the oroborus, cyclic beings, endlessly eating our tails. We must accept this. We are all going to die. And so we must accept what comes from without to help us change within, so that change can happen without that is lasting and good. We must once again retake the oath of humanness and truly live as affectionate beings, without self-importance, knowing that we are all capable of the most horrific of deeds, but also the deepest affection. This is the balance of the 2 of Disks.

We must seek balance without, in all ways, now. But we must also constantly deal with the evil bombers within. The shamanic practice of recapitulation offers a method of deep self-investigation that leads to selflessness and true affection. As we constantly recapitulate, we shed our fears and lose our personal self-importance. If we do this as individuals, our nation may lose its fears and self-importance as well. If we recapitulate until we are nothing more than beings who are going to die, when it comes our turn to act externally, only the affectionate beings that we truly are will immediately respond.

Offered in humility, with thanks to the guidance from the universe, today in the form of the Tarot,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Through Portals & Wormholes

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The portal presents itself... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The portal presents itself… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

“We just went through a portal,” I said to Chuck, after an unusual weekend about a month ago when everything seemed strange and different, when we’d lost all energy and all we could do was lie around in a daze, moaning about our inertia. Suddenly, everything became clear. “This is just what we asked for!” I said. “This is exactly what we need!”

Indeed, we had set the intent to shift. With spring on the horizon and so much left undone, it was time to rev up and face the truth: we were bored. We were suffering from the winter blues. Boredom became our catalyst, but there was something even deeper that was stirring, our spirits calling out to us from beyond the veils of everyday life, calling us to keep going, to not forget that we are beings who are going to die.

“Make this time in this world extraordinary,” Carlos Castaneda said to his audience on August 7, 1995 at a workshop in Culver City, California. “Make this time in this world extraordinary.” Such simple and yet such provocative words! What more could we need to jolt us back into truly living!

Just what was it that had gotten us into such a bored state to begin with? The answer is: “The encumbering weight of Me,” wise words also spoken by Castaneda at that same workshop. “We have let something win by default and we will never actualize our possibilities,” he went on to say. “It’s worthwhile to get rid of this encumbering weight.”

And so began a great unencumbering. Weighed down by all we carry within, recapitulation was the necessary and effective antidote. In the weeks that followed our portal weekend, the portal itself seemed to narrow. Holding us in its tight embrace, we faced what we needed to face. Such were the inner workings of our intent to shift, while on the outside our lives flowed along, the energy of our intent and the honed energy of being in the portal keeping us focused and alert. Suddenly it was time to shift again.

"Make this time in this world extraordinary." - Photo by Jan Ketchel
“Make this time in this world extraordinary.” – Photo by Jan Ketchel

We spent the weekend in Manhattan. Quickly planned for, almost spur of the moment, we arranged for a couple of key events. The rest of our time there was spent on the Upper West Side, in the dream that is New York City, in the vastness of energy that only a big city can provide. We entered the flow of that energy for the time we were there. By the time we were heading home on Sunday night, our energy had honed to accomplish the return. With little attachment, we left the city and all of our experiences behind. We entered the next dream. Chuck drove us out of the city and then I took over the wheel. My intent now was to seamlessly flow northward along the energy lines that led back to Red Hook where we live. The empty Taconic Parkway stretched before me. We were the only car on the road.

I made the decision to speed up. I have a perfect driving record. I’ve never gotten a ticket, not even a parking ticket. Well, maybe one $10 parking ticket back when I lived in Brooklyn in 1983. I thought St. Patrick’s Day was a federal holiday, and so I decided not to put a coin in the meter. It was only a ten cent fee, and something told me to do it anyway, but I didn’t. When I came back to my car there was a ticket stuck to the windshield. But on Sunday night there was no uncomfortable feeling to accompany my decision.

“I don’t want to get a speeding ticket, but I just cannot let this opportunity go by,” I thought. “There’s no one on the road. This could be fun!” And so I sped up, not enough to risk being pulled over, but certainly enough to enjoy the ride, the thrill of the open road.

After a while, I noticed my mind starting to wander, thoughts of the weekend seeping in, one dream overlapping another. I had to stay focused. “Okay,” I said to myself. “You are in a new dream. You have to wake up and stay awake in this dream.” And so I dreamed within my dream. I entered a video game dream, with the intent to maneuver past all obstacles. Keeping my attention honed, I played to perfection. Following the narrow beam of the headlights, I sped along, into the ever-narrowing portal of the night.

The next morning arrived, the intent of my video game dream still operative as we began our week with a similar intent: to flow seamlessly and without distraction, to make each moment important and fruitful, to, as Castaneda said, “Make this time in this world extraordinary!”

Time to pop out of the video game dream... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Time to pop out of the video game dream… – Photo by Jan Ketchel

The week progressed. Energy and attention honed to work. By the middle of the week I began to feel as if I were in a vise; my energy felt like it was being squeezed out of me. “Oh my God, I never left the video game; I’m still driving down the Taconic!” I thought. “I have to wake myself up and dream a new dream!”

With that intent, a new dream began. Instantly things shifted. I felt myself pop right out of the video game and land with a plop, my energy released, my mind suddenly clear. “I just escaped the wormhole I’ve been in all week,” I said to Chuck. “You were there too! We were dreaming the same dream. We were stuck on the Taconic, still driving in my video game dream. Welcome to our new dream!”

And what is the new dream? Well, it’s really pretty simple. It’s just what Carlos Castaneda said to his audience that day in Culver City: “Make this time in this world extraordinary!” Keep dreaming a new dream. Set the intent and let it happen. It really works!

Dreaming all the time,
Jan

Jan's Blog, Messages from Jeanne

A Day in a Life: Your Guts Of Steel

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Where do you turn for inspiration? - Photo of poster of St. Patrick's Cathedral by J. Ketchel
Where do you turn for inspiration? – Photo of poster of St. Patrick’s Cathedral by J. Ketchel

I look for inspiration for my blog. I’m putting all my energy into finishing my book, so I look for something to guide me. I pick up The Art of Navigation by Felix Wolf. I open it to page 141 and read the following: There was such beauty in intending impeccability and integrity. I believe, however, that the abundance and generosity of life that I was experiencing were not so much tied to the effort of intending and following principles, but rather the result of simply honoring and acknowledging the aliveness of life, every step of the way. Ultimately, looking life in the eye with recognition seems to be all that is truly necessary.

I like this quote, it inspires me, and yet I wish to save my energy. I look to Jeanne for another message today. When I channel, the words just flow out of my pen onto the paper before me. It’s easy on my brain, my time, and my energy. And so I break my attachment to my usual Wednesday blogging routine once again and go to the energetic source of life, as I experience it, to my spirit in alignment with infinity. And so I offer you the following channeled message that came through, as I looked the energy of life in the eye and asked: What message do you have for us today?

Here is what Jeanne replied:

It is of utmost importance that each one of you become fulfilled beings of light and energy, that you work through the issues that hold you in fear and regret, so that your energy may be used to benefit all of mankind. I do not say this lightly, but only because mankind is at such a turning point that good energy may be the only saving grace. The more people who free their energy—from greed and inflation, from sadness and petulance, from the insignificance of neediness and desire-of-no-benefit—the more hope will stir.

The world, as you all know it, is suffering. This suffering is largely due to the energetic component of man’s unstoppable greed. Where have all the good ones gone? Nowhere and everywhere, for all of you are the good ones. You know this already.

Do not get caught up in feeling one way or another about the self, but work to free the self from that which holds you back from fulfilling your true potential. And what is your true potential, you ask? Your true potential lies in your energetic self, your spirit self. Bound by the rules of the world, it is fearful. It holds back. It stays safe in its encasement. This encasement, however, will only last so long. In order to truly embrace the true self, it takes guts of steel. You know you have such guts—you all do.

Fear and worry are figments of imagination. They exist only in your mind. Your mind controls your body. Release the figments of mind and you release your body. Release your body and your spirit will find room, your energy will emerge from its encasement and give you all that you need in order to fulfill your highest potential.

Let life in. Let the encasements of an old world go so that the earth may finally be respected for what it is: a life giver! Let life give itself by aligning your personal intent with life today. Allow the self to take the first step in cracking the encasement that surrounds you and keeps you from your greater experiences of life and the world around you.

Seek the fire within... - Photo by J. Ketchel
Seek the fire within… – Photo by J. Ketchel

Sure, the world is a dangerous place. In many areas there is strife and evil, but do not look upon such devastation and disregard of humanity as someone else’s problem. Look inside the self for where you have the same strife and the same dangerous situations going on. The outer world is merely a reflection of the inner world and just as you all share the outer world, so do you all share the inner world. Do not think that your neighbor is not like you, equally holy and equally self-destructive, equally good and equally fallible, equally fine and equally exhausted by the need to uphold the insanity that life has become.

Find within that which you seek without, but also let life lead you and guide you to the answers you strive for within. Reconciliation with inner self will come from reconciliation without, but alignment will come from within. However, it is only in acquiescing to the non-specialness of the self—because all of you are equally special—that you will be able to access your guts of steel and forge a path to your inner self. Once that pathway has been secured, let it lead you into the world in a new way, in an energetically aligned way.

I cannot stress enough that in order to change your reality, you must dare first to change the self. How can you expect the world to change if you do not change your own habits and behaviors? How can the world change if the people who make up the world do not change? You are the first necessary agent of change. Be the agent of change in your own life. Grip your guts of steel and take the first step to cracking through your environment of encased energy and see what happens. Be open to life and life will meet you with equal openness.

Love to you all,
Jeanne