Category Archives: Jan’s Blog

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Archived here are the blogs I write about inner life and outer life, inner nature and outer nature. Perhaps my writings on life, as I see it and experience it, may offer you some small insight or different perspective as you take your own journey.

With gratitude for all that life teaches me, I share my experiences.

Jan Ketchel

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Transforming Fear

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Is there really anything to fear? - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Is there really anything to fear?
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

It’s surprising how the first reaction to disturbing dreams is fear. It’s the ego trying to assert itself.

When we fall asleep and dream, momentarily exiting the restless body and mind that we inhabit for most of our lives, we access our ethereal body. Absent of ego, we are freed to travel into a world of symbols, archetypes, and energetic possibilities far beyond our waking conscious lives. Though for the most part hidden from waking consciousness, we nonetheless bump into and engage these same meaningful aspects of life as we go about our daily lives. As we live out our psychological makeup and interact with others, these symbols and archetypes live out and interact along with us. In dreaming, however, like bees gathering nectar that they will take back to the hive to produce sweet honey, we too have the opportunity to take what we encounter in our dreams back into waking consciousness for deeper understanding of who we are.

During my recapitulation I dreamed a slew of dreams about snakes. Frightened of snakes, I saw them at first as evil energy until one day I was given a new insight: Snakes are healing! I was so stuck on my fear of snakes that I could only see them as scary and dangerous. How could they possibly mean anything else? How could they possibly be positive symbols?

As soon as I grasped the concept, however, I knew it was the truth: snakes are symbols of healing and transformative energy. After that insight, things began to change rapidly for me, both in my dreaming and my waking life. As snakes regularly shed their skins in a cyclical process of death and birth, so is recapitulation a similar process, a shedding an old self to gain access to a new self. Snake medicine was showing me how the symbols in my dreams were clearly part of my recapitulation and that the recapitulation that I was undertaking in conscious daily life was equally intertwined with my energetic dreaming self. I was being given meaningful symbols in my dreams that were helping me to gain greater understanding of who I was and what was in store for me as I did my deep inner work.

Recently, I dreamed a frightening dream. At least that was my first reaction. This time, however, it was not a snake that jolted me awake but a spider clinging to my nose! In the dream I was standing between two worlds. On the left was a lush forest. A light being lay like the dying Buddha on his side in the trees of this lush forest. On the right, surrounded by shadows, stood a healer, a dark haired man who was a doctor. As the dream began I was emerging from the earth. Covered in dirt, roots, worms and bugs I emerged spitting and shaking from the wet rich soil at my feet. I stood over a square white table and shook out my hair, watching the debris fall onto the white surface. I pulled bugs from my hair, asking each of the beings if they were ticks. Each time I asked the bug would fly off. Knowing that ticks do not fly I was immediately soothed. Neither of the beings answered any of my questions. They simply observed. Suddenly, a large translucent amber-colored spider was clinging to the tip of my nose, spraying venom into my mouth. Spitting and gagging I tried to remove the spider, but it clung tenaciously. I was aware that I did not want to injure or kill it, but I wanted it off! I showed the spider to both of the beings but neither of them reacted, they simply shrugged their shoulders as if to say, “Whatever.” I feared that the venom would be bitter and detrimental, but in fact it had no taste and I was not harmed by it, but still there was another part of me that just wanted the spider off my nose! As I struggled to remove the spider I woke up dripping with water, earth and bugs, totally freaked out.

As I analyzed the dream, it became clear that it was a healing dream and not the poisoning situation that I first reacted to. My ego self was both offended and frightened by the spider clinging to my nose, but I knew it had to be something pretty significant. My first reaction upon awakening was that there was something wrong with me, that I was ill, or putting the wrong foods into my mouth, but then I remembered that in the Hopi creation myths Spider Grandmother was an important figure, as she consciously wove the world. Before long I realized that, much like my snake dreams during my recapitulation, this was a dream about birthing new awareness. I was birthed in full consciousness this time, as opposed to previous lives when I was birthed into life in forgetfulness. As I studied the dream, I began to see its beauty and power, its symbolism clear, the archetypes of which it was made up clear as well. I readily let go of my frightened ego, so eager to reassert its superiority, and sided with my awakened—in more ways than one—spiritual self.

I came away from this dream more thankful for my dreaming process, knowing that our dreams, as much as they take us into other states and other realms, tie directly in with our evolutionary process here on earth. If we are to truly understand the meaning of those other states and realms, we must first figure out the meaning of our lives here and now. From my own experiences, I can only conclude that the meaning of our lives is to become fully conscious of our energetic potential and then use it to evolve.

Everything is cyclical... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Everything is cyclical…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The spider, like the snakes of my previous dreams, represented infinity and the cyclical nature of everything. She really was saying that I must watch what I put into myself, both into my physical body and into my ethereal body, both of them vitally important as I navigate this life. Only healing food and healing endeavors must enter me. There was a soberly calm part of me that knew this even while I dreamed.

In addition, when I looked more closely at who the light being and the dark being were, I knew they were representing both birth and death, past and future, but also that they were one and the same, each representing a beginning and an ending, an opportunity for shedding and birthing. It became clear that those beings were also me, and as I know myself on a deeper level and experience my energetic self, I know there is nothing to fear in those big moments of transition. Like the spider or the snakes of my dreams, those beings were representing my wholeness. They patiently waited for me to answer all my own questions, knowing full well that all the answers lie within. Indeed, everything becomes increasing clear as I study the dream. My ego is further removed now too, not as necessary as it once was; no need to protect. I am on a new journey now.

I am also certain that if we can begin to imagine ourselves as living in a dream all the time, viewing the symbolism of our experiences in life that same way we view the symbolism our dreams offer us, we can more readily gain access to the mystery and magic of our lives as a whole. Fear and the ego play a critical role in how we decide to interpret both our dreams and what happens to us in waking life, but we can decide to use all our encounters with fear and the ego to advance ourselves now. Are we really dreaming all the time? Why wait until the next life to find out?

Doing it now!
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: In The Natural Flow

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All birds are welcome! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
All birds are welcome!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

We keep some bird feeders going. I’ve noticed that when I’m in the yard, either working in the garden or just sitting and relaxing, the birds react, some dramatically and some less so. The larger birds immediately fly far afield, startled by the mere click of the door opening. The smaller birds take cover nearby. I’m aware that all of them are waiting to see what I’m going to do.

As I enter their territory, their energetic space, I’m aware that eventually they’ll calm down and go about their business as I go about mine. They’ll accept me the same way they accept a passing deer, knowing I will do no harm, that I’m generally a calm energetic presence.

About a week ago, I watched as a robin began making a nest in a fairly small juniper tree tucked up near the house. It’s always a busy bush, handily available for all the small birds to rush into should they need cover. It rustles and shakes with their comings and goings, so I was a little surprised that the robin had chosen it.

I waited to see if it was simply a decoy nest. Our deck at the back of the house suffers from these decoy nests. Straggling grasses and debris hang down from the beams, as the robins and even the phoebes attempt to divert attention. We’ve been onto them for years, but I guess birds of prey, squirrels and other critters still don’t get it.

I’ve observed the birds flight patterns for years too, how they never fly directly to their nests but always in a complicated indirect path, another attempt to divert attention from their real abode and the treasures that lie incubating there.

Beneath the little juniper tree in the front yard is a hose box and so it’s an area that we too frequent often, dragging out the hose and then winding it back up again as we tend to the gardens and flowering pots in the yard. So I was startled to see that indeed the robin’s nest in the juniper tree is the real one, the home they selected for this year.

I found this out when I went to pull out the hose. There sat the robin in her nest. Bearing the tension of my gaze, she stared right back at me. I could feel her fear, the tension in her body, aware that she might fly off in an instant. Not wanting to stress her, I backed off and went about my business. Later, as I rewound the hose I looked at her again. She sat with the same tense readiness.

“Don’t worry; everything is fine,” I whispered in the most soft and gentle voice. “Thank you for coming here, for…” and with that she flew off in a huff, shrieking and bellowing. I realized that my silence was all that mattered. I didn’t need to speak. My voice was intrusive, but my energy was calmer, enough so that though she was edgy she could bear the tension of my presence.

I thank them for coming into my garden... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
I thank them for coming into my garden…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Indeed, when I am in the yard working calmly on my gardens, I am in the flow of nature around me. I have my hands in the soil, and yes, I talk to my plants, to the earth, even to the weeds and worms. I welcome them all; I thank them for coming and being part of my life and my garden.

The other day, I noticed that someone had stepped in the garden where I had planted seeds, the tiny seedlings just beginning to pop up. It looked like the person had taken one step in, realized it was a garden and then taken another step out again leaving two big footprints digging into the soil.

“Humph!” I thought, “who did that!” But then I realized it didn’t matter. Don’t waste energy on anger, it doesn’t suit the flow of life, just accept it. The garden will not suffer. Indeed the little seedlings have popped right back up again. The next day I saw that some critter had dug a hole in another area of the garden, also planted with seeds. Here too, my immediate reaction was anger. I got a little grumpy, confronted the futility of it all, of trying to have control! But of course, I realize I have no control. This is nature! And so I accept what comes.

“Okay,” I say in greeting to these intruders, “you are here, I am here, we are all here creating this world and everything we do is acceptable. Each one of us is acceptable. I am no better or worse with my digging and pulling. I too am an intruder and a disturbance. The birds react, the squirrels chatter, and yet they let me do my thing.”

One day a raven flew down low. Its shadow swooped over me, startling me, and I felt the wind of its feathers flying right over my head. It landed on the roof and I got a good look at it. Meanwhile, the birds were in an uproar, squawking and shrieking, sure that they were in danger, alerting all in the neighborhood that a predator was in the vicinity. The same thing happened yesterday when a vulture hovered over the yard. I know that in attracting birds, in making our yard a destination, we are also making it available to other energy as well. The cats come and stalk the birds. Occasionally we find feathers on the ground, a catch made, and we know that all is not always calm beauty in nature, just as it isn’t inside us either.

All in the natural flow... Art by Jan Ketchel
All in the natural flow…
Art by Jan Ketchel

There is always the possibility of the shadow coming; the predator is hungry too, part of nature too, needing sustenance too. And so I must be okay with what I have created. I can’t stop anything from happening. I can, however, be in the flow of it, accepting of what comes without attachment, knowing that it is all nature and that nature will right itself, restore balance, just as I seek to do within myself.

The robin—in both her bearing of tension and in her abrupt flying out of the nest—taught me the significance of energy alone, the only communicator that is really necessary, the natural communicator, one we can all learn to use a little bit more.

We are all telepathic beings and we all have the capability of communicating energetically. We just have to trust it and use it more often. I find that if I am calm and centered, without mental or physical stress, my energetic communication is strong. If I’m stressed or tired, feeling out of balance, then I’m just not as attuned.

I’m just beginning to read a book on feng shui, the natural flow of energy that is in all things, supporting my own experiences. I intend to take some time to be in the garden today, to use my nonverbal communication skills to commune with my plants and birds, with the natural flow of energy all around me.

Just a part of it all,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: What Is It & How Do You Do It?

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You never know where the path might lead... Art by Jan Ketchel
You never know where the path might lead…
Art by Jan Ketchel

There are many paths to take, many healing journeys. We must find what suits us best and stick with it if we are to overcome our issues and anxieties and evolve.

As Deng Ming-Dao* writes: “We are increasingly aware of the many different spiritual practices all over the world. And new practices are being created out of the resulting diversity. That is right. It only stands to reason that all, even the most tradition-bound practices were originally created at one time. There should be no stigma attached to spiritual practices that evolve in our lifetime—methods don’t have to be from dead people in order to be valid. But once we find a way, we should stay with it resolutely and not have anxieties about other people’s paths.“

He goes on to say: “It is healthy to explore other disciplines. If nothing else, the elements in common can give you fresh and interesting perspectives on your own practices. But we should not flit from one discipline to another. Ecumenical explorations are fine, but they are best done from a firm base of the practices that best suit you.“

No other psychotherapist that we know of has linked the ancient practice of recapitulation in a clinical setting the way Chuck has, a process that naturally evolved as he studied the Magical Passes of Tensegrity as introduced to the world by Carlos Castaneda. Castaneda, for his part, released them to the public, to anyone who was interested. In so doing, he sent them on their way, energetically, into new life. Recapitulation has found new life in a clinical therapeutic setting, even though Castaneda’s group distinctly stated that recapitulation was not psychotherapy. As Chuck discovered, however, it surely does have its place within the context of a holistic therapeutic setting.

We are all spiritual beings, made up of energy. As we are born, grow up, and live our lives in human form we gradually lose touch with the essence of who we truly are. From birth we are indoctrinated with the idea that there is only one reality—this one on earth—and that when we die, if we do things right, we will go to heaven. That’s pretty much the standard fare offered by all religions around the world. But who are we really? What are we really?

We are multidimensional beings. We are thinking, feeling, conscious beings as Chuck wrote about in his last blog. We know ourselves, however, most commonly as dense matter. We can get caught there and forget that we are vibrant energy, awareness eager to escape the confines of the human condition, open to exploration beyond the body and beyond the confines of our indoctrination. Though we all have access to this energetic self in out-of-body exploration as we sleep and dream, our experiences often do not cross over into daily awareness. They lose their magic upon awakening, for the most part lost to conscious consideration. Some people are peripherally aware that there is something else to life, others more so, actually exploring, while still others just can’t quite go there yet, wanting surety, scientific proof. But that kind of proof can only come in daring the self to continually explore and to hold onto the experiences as the truth of who we really are.

The real path is the journey within, into the complexities of the dark and the light of the deepest inner self... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The real path is the journey within, into the complexities of the dark and the light of the deepest inner self…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As I write about in my books, I suffered well into adulthood thinking that there was something wrong with me. Indeed there was! I was caught in my human form. All that it had been through weighed on me like a ton of bricks. I believe we all feel the same way, that we all feel isolated, afraid, ashamed and vulnerable. It wasn’t until I found my way to the process of recapitulation, within that clinical setting that Chuck had realized was possible, that I also began to experience exploration beyond the body in a totally new, acceptably healthy way.

So what is this path of recapitulation? It is a pathway to going into the body self to explore and resolve all issues and beliefs so that seamless, unattached transcendence from the physical self may occur. It is, simply put, a means of shedding the physical form—in all its multidimensionality—so that we may gain access to our awareness, our spiritual essence, the truth of who we all really are. This essence has no form, no belief system, no agenda; it simply is. That might sound pretty abstract, but once the shedding begins all of that starts to make a lot of sense. The big step along the path is the first one, to simply let the self begin the journey, to be open to where it leads.

The Shamans of Ancient Mexico did recapitulation in a cave or other remote dwelling, isolating themselves from the world so they could be undisturbed as they recapitulated. Taisha Abelar,* a cohort of Carlos Castaneda’s, used a cave and then a tree house, writing a fascinating book about her experiences. Victor Sanchez, a controversial progenitor of Castaneda’s works, suggests constructing and sitting in a box. I, on the other hand, believe that we ourselves are the cave, the tree house or the box, that everything we need is inside us, that our human form, that which we seek to transcend, is also the gateway to our transcendent experiences.

It’s pretty impractical for most of us to disappear into a box for any length of time, or to find a cave to repeatedly return to. And, much as we might like to, how many of us are really ready to climb a tree and live in a treehouse for months on end. We may not have been chosen to train in the traditional fashion, but that does not mean that it is not our path as well. We are still free to choose the path of recapitulation if we come upon it and it feels right.

In fact, we recapitulate all the time, in the course of living our everyday lives. We recall memories, get triggered, have sensory experiences. If we think about it, recapitulation is really a natural part of life, flowing through us daily. How often have we sat, lost in a memory, really there, sensing and feeling it again. Recapitulation asks us to do just that, but this time to be the observer as well as the participant, to look at everything from a new and fresh perspective. Over time we begin to see our past experiences as part of the network of our lives, fitting neatly into the fabric of who we are, what has made us the beings we are today. As we weave that network together from a new perspective, a bigger picture develops, and we begin to experience ourselves as more than just our human self and our experiences. We actually begin to experience ourselves as energy.

We all have the capacity to bloom! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We all have the capacity to bloom!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As Deng Ming-Dao states, there are many spiritual paths and we must choose one that suits us. Then we must resolutely walk it. I personally have found my deepest and most rewarding path out of the physical to indeed be recapitulation. I use it daily so that my practice of meditation—my cave/tree/box—takes me beyond the body with ease and gentleness. The physical human form that we all reside in on this plane is our transformational vehicle, yet how can we sit and meditate if we are tormented by a mental state that does not let us sit still for very long!

In my experience, recapitulation offers a most valuable tool. It is the first gateway to accessing our energetic essence. Beyond that, with practice, resolutely walking the path of our choice, we can and will achieve our energetic essence. It’s just a matter of daring ourselves to take the journey, that first step the hardest and most frightening, and then sticking with it!

On the recapitulation path,
Jan

*Notes and Quotes: Deng Ming-Dao’s book is Everyday Tao and Taisha Abelar’s book is The Sorcerer’s Crossing.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Shedding Ancestral Baggage

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Seeking the road to wholeness and freedom... - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
Seeking the road to wholeness and freedom…
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

We are born with ancestral baggage. We are attached to and burdened by the energy of our ancestors, our families of origin, and our life’s circumstances. We pass this burdensome energy onto our children and all who come into contact with us. We will suffer until we free ourselves. Others too will suffer until we free ourselves.

When spirit calls, it is asking us to free ourselves of our emotional baggage, our physical attachments, our mental constraints, and our spiritual limitations. It asks us to methodically unburden ourselves, to face the truths of our lives with utter honesty and humility. It asks us to question who we truly are, why we think the way we do, and if our thoughts really reflect the deepest truths of who we are. In 2001 I finally paid attention to that call from my spirit. I met Chuck and began the process of reclaiming my true self, the person I always knew I really was but was so afraid to be. I kept this person hidden.

As an artist I found a means for her to live, as I discovered I could covertly reveal her personality, her innocence and her darkness alike. In expressing myself as an artist anything was acceptable. Over the years I knew there was a lot more, a deeper level that even my artist self was not willing to enter. In the caverns of my soul lay the untouchable self. Alongside her lay the wretched remnants of that which could not be spoken.

Although this self was unknown to me, she flashed up every now and then, freaking me out, sending me deeper into the river of depression that flowed through my life. Eventually, I knew I would need to address her, or at least the feelings that I could not handle and the crumbling of the world I was trying to uphold. That was the beginning of my recapitulation process.

When I first met Chuck, he and Jeanne were deeply immersed in the shaman’s world, specifically that of Carlos Castaneda and the practice of Tensegrity, going to workshops around the world on a regular basis. When Chuck learned the recapitulation sweeping breath he noticed that it’s bilateral movement was similar to the bilateral aspects of EMDR, a trauma treatment process that he’d been studying. Quick intuitive that he is, he immediately saw the clinical potential of recapitulation. His hunch was to prove true.

I have just published the third volume in the Recapitulation Diaries series, Into the Vast Nothingness. This is the continuation of the recapitulation journey that I unknowingly embarked on when I met Chuck on that fateful day in 2001. I say “unknowingly” because I didn’t know that it was what I was going to be doing. As we worked together the process unfolded, the journey took us, though Chuck was deeply aware of it, always patiently waiting for me to find my way. Eventually, the word “recapitulation” became synonymous with the work I was doing; there was no other word to describe it.

I reveal just about everything about myself in my books. I see no value in holding back because I know there is someone else out there with similar baggage who might be helped. I offer my books as incentives to unburdening, even if only privately and in the safety of one’s own inner world.

The shamanic practice of recapitulation, however, comes with its own powerful energy. It has a habit of infiltrating into life. It asks us in a myriad of ways, just like spirit, to examine ourselves minutely. It asks us to face our deepest selves, presenting us with new ways of seeing, asking us to deal with what we no longer need in our lives. As we shed the old baggage, we discover that there isn’t really that much of our old world or our old self that need accompany us forward.

Just as I reveal my deepest self in my books, I don’t hold back about the difficulties of the journey either. Recapitulation is a difficult road, a solitary and lonely journey, but it’s a thorough means of achieving the great unburdening that our spirit asks of us. It’s a choice that we make or refuse, but it’s really only a choice if we know exactly what it is that we are choosing or refusing. Do we take the journey to freedom and wholeness or do we continue to carry the baggage of our lives, ancestral and otherwise? As Chuck always told me: When you are ready the journey will meet you and if you are not ready then wait, it will catch up with you soon enough!

At one point during my recapitulation, I realized I was carrying more than just my own depression. I was carrying the depression of generations of women in my family, that ancestral baggage! I no longer wanted to be the bearer of it. It did not belong to me! And furthermore, I did not want my children burdened by that which did not belong to them either, but I knew I could only free them by freeing myself. In freeing myself, I am able to free them to face life on their own terms, free to be who they are truly meant to be. They do not need to uphold the ancestral world, at least not because of me.

There are many tools to spiritual awareness. Recapitulation is a deep and lasting tool to unburdening the self, not only of that ancestral baggage that we all carry, but everything else that holds our spirit back from truly living.

Cover of Volume 3 of The Recapitulation Diaries
Cover of Volume 3 of The Recapitulation Diaries

I send another book out into the world. In publishing Into the Vast Nothingness, I free myself of attachment to it, even as I hope that others will find it and read it, because I wish for others to be free too. I hope you will read the books and learn that everything can be spoken about, everything can be talked about in the right, safe setting, and everything can be let go of.

Should you feel inclined, I invite you to write reviews of the books, as what you say may help others as they seek not only to heal from their traumas, but to heal from the ancestral traumas we all carry too. May your own journeys be journeys of freedom.

Blessings on your journey,
Jan

Here is a link to the new Book: Into the Vast Nothingness in our Store.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Time To Make The Shift

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The golden moment has arrived! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The golden moment has arrived!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I don’t really know that much about astrology. I follow a few blogs, but I get lost in the planets, in the alignments and polarities. I find the details mind-boggling. It’s often like reading a foreign language. But even so, I know what I feel.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I was awake during the moment of the cardinal grand cross, a rare four planet pattern that occurred last night. As I lay awake, I knew it was time to make further inroads into the changes that I’ve been instituting over the past several years. “Now,” I thought to myself, “is the time to fully make the shift.”

Life challenges us all the time. Life asks us to make decisions, to face our difficulties, and to keep growing. I just have to look out the window and I know that facing my challenges is in alignment with nature, planetary or otherwise. Nature dies and then pushes through. The grass grows, the flowers bloom, the leaves appear once again.

I notice the signs that come to greet me, underscoring this time of shift. A butterfly flies over our heads as we sit in the yard, a little early we think. Two moths appear at the window, right in front of my eyes. I cannot fail to take in the significance; spirit is calling.

Spirit is always calling. As Chuck and I were discussing this morning, we are all born equipped with it. Then we lose it. We lose touch with our innocence, our connection to the wonder and the magic, but then we spend our lives looking for it. Sometimes we are doing this with purpose and at other times we do it unconsciously. But spirit calls out to us in so many ways, asking us to come back to our equipment again, that which we were born with, our connection to the energy of everything. In answering the call, we are declaring that we are ready, knowing full well that changing ourselves will take work. We put on our warrior self and we fight alongside our spirit self as we break through old worlds and old behaviors, old patterns that have kept us in bondage, so that we can achieve our own perfect grand cross.

When I began my recapitulation, it was really because my spirit was calling so loudly that I could not ignore it. Following that call meant the collapse of everything, but it also meant the beginning of new life. In shift, in change, there is death and rebirth, breaking apart and building up. Endings and beginnings are bundled up, tangled up in the process of change. Gradually the destruction turns to construction, as new structures based on spirit begin to take over and the new world that we’ve been working on for so long finally begins taking shape.

The feeling is that now is the time to implement that which has been taking shape, to not only notice the signs of spirit but act on them. We all have something inside of us, some goal, some desire, some creative urge, our spirit calling out to us in some way. My spirit once called out to me because it was dying, but now it is alive and well, living a full and productive life, but still it calls out to me: Time to go deeper still! And so I pay heed. “Yes,” I say, “time to go deeper still!”

It’s time for all of us to let spirit take us more fully into experiencing just what “deeper still” means. I’m game!

Change is good,
Jan