Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

I know that when we leave, when the usher’s gesture is final, we are offered the option of love to loosen our grip and flow with the changes. Shells are cracking open everywhere. The other night I heard a crash in my daughter’s room. She soon appeared bearing the fragments of a shattered Cookie Monster, a sacred container from her childhood.

Yesterday, I felt sadness welling up in me. My daughter was leaving for Portland, Oregon. How would I greet that moment of change? We met in a still moment and opened to a knowing, loving embrace. Off she flew to new life and adventure; the broken fragments of the beautiful blue shell, which once contained her, now ready for the dump, or perhaps a fragment saved to become part of a new work of art, a mosaic of lives lived.

Moments after she left, I watched my step-son cross the bridge into professional musicianship, his first paid gig. It wasn’t about the money, it was the ability to improvise, seamlessly, with but a few moments of practice with a group of seasoned musicians he’d never played with before. They rocked! He earned his wings, no longer just a talented kid, now a musician-man, a welcome addition to the band.

When sadness would well up in Carlos Castaneda, don Juan would, seemingly harshly, confront him with indulging in self-pity, accusing him of secretly protecting his own attachment to an unchanging world. My own sadness in yesterday’s moments was the usher’s call to drop the veil of the familiar, and experience family from a new vantage point. If I am to be completely honest, when I gazed into my daughter’s eyes I saw someone I didn’t know. Was I ready to allow her to become the stranger she’d always been? Was I ready to take on Kahlil Gibran’s challenge, to acknowledge that we are but facilitators of “life’s longing for itself?” And what does this require? Detachment; taking back the projections and expectations that the unfolding life before us is a continuation of our own lives, letting go of familiarity and set roles. It is opening to love in its highest form, granting another being total freedom to be.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

When I find myself in times of trouble, in a serious quandary as to what is right action, I distill the dilemma down to a yes or no question and flip a penny: heads yes, tails no. I chose a penny because it was the only coin that felt right. Apparently, my spirit insists upon modesty and simplicity. Perhaps, as well, it’s the energy of Lincoln embedded in the coin, who’s intent was truth and right action.

Surrendering to the guidance of the coin is deeply challenging. The ego resists releasing control; the big baby holds tightly to its desires. On the other hand, turning control over to the penny can represent an immature action, a wish to not assume adult responsibility, seeking instead to be told what to do. Beware of this motive, as the penny is then likely to lead us into calamity, the wrong decision, so that we learn to become an adult. In this case, the wrong decision becomes the right action. In other cases, the penny can affirm the truth that we already know. The feedback of the penny can also challenge a deeply held conviction, which opens the door for contemplation and objective inquiry.

Flipping the penny is a deeply spiritual endeavor, which teaches us letting go, turning it over, acquiescence, deep contemplation, channeling, and trust of the non-rational. Flipping the penny, an intentional synchronicity, is an excellent tool for leading an energetic life. Flipping that coin is opening to the profoundest of consequences. Perhaps, the next time you approach a discarded penny in the street you might pick it up and ask for its golden guidance.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

Today, I explore the concept of self-interest on different levels and from different angles. I observe a general consensus by governments that countries should act in their own self-interest. I have always been struck by this notion. Is my self-interest as an American more important than that of a citizen from another country simply because I live here? What if I lived there? Is suddenly the self-interest of that other country more important than America’s? And if my American self-interest hurts another country, is that okay because I’m more important, or visa-versa? I suppose I have always had the same problem with “family.” Are the needs of my family more important than any other, simply because it is my family and I should think of our needs first? This notion creates a world view of limited resources that must be competed for; may the stronger person/family/country win, or take all!

The other day I heard an interview with the Dalai Lama where he quite directly stated, “I am a Socialist and a Marxist.” These two words are perhaps the worst American curse words that have been employed to vilify and destroy unwanted “enemies” or competition for years. Yet, I think what the Dalai Lama is suggesting is that there is a different approach to the world, beyond self-interest, that considers the needs of all and recognizes and values all life on earth as an interdependent whole. I think it is time we recognize, as a planet, that the evolutionary dictum, survival of the fittest, has, in fact, evolved into survival of the conscious, whose charge it is to lead and act in accordance with true planetary needs, beyond self-interest. The suggestion here is not an “equal” distribution of all resources, but decision making based on the true needs of the planet as an interdependent whole. I argue that whenever a decision is made solely on self-interest the rest of the planet suffers and is thrown off balance, as it must absorb this one-sided action, which impacts the whole.

On an individual level, self-interest is, generally, ego-driven and is, in fact, the major driver in most human behavior. When I say, ego-driven, I mean the ego alienated from the true needs of the overall personality, or another person; that is, a separate entity operating independently, in its own self interest. If we are honest, most communications and actions are attempts to advance our own needs, our own cause, or our own point of view. Actually, I believe that the same fears and concerns for survival that operate on a national level are at the root of most human interactions. The fear of not having enough to survive and, ultimately, the fear of death, lead to compromises in relationships that violate the true needs of the self. This also leads to predatory and nepotistic social interactions generally covered over with polite, caring overtones, but nonetheless, driven by vampiristic self-interest. Fear of not having enough sparks hoarding and dishonesty to secure the survival needs of the individual. Manipulation and deception, the darker side of advertising, are used to gain advantage, control outcomes, and serve the survival needs of the individual or separate entity.

On an individual level, the question to ask is: What truly serves the needs of the SELF? I use the word SELF in the Jungian sense here, as both the comprehensive whole and the center of the overall personality. This is distinguished from self, as identified with ego interest, which lacks consideration of the personality at large. In this paradigm, the ego is to the SELF what any individual country is to the whole planet. If an individual opens up to the true needs of the self, or, as I would say, is aligned with their spirit, then ego illusions, or self-interests, disappear as the truth emerges. When the truth emerges the ego is charged with right action in alignment with the self, as opposed to ego action based on self-interest. Here the ego acquiesces to its rightful position as an important member of a greater whole.

I believe we are at an evolutionary crossroads where survival requires the conscious transition from self-interest to SELF-interest. We must strive to align our decisions and actions on this basis. We must detach from the ancient fear of annihilation based on scarcity, with its necessary corollary, cut-throat survival of the fittest. We must shift to the awareness that we are energy beings who get all that we need to survive through intent. The energetic law of attraction, which is based on intent, is a fact, however, in order for it to conform to SELF-interest, we must act responsibly. If we intend to attract what we want at a fragmented ego level then we exploit energy for self-interest. This was well demonstrated in the manipulation of energy that swept the world in the well-packaged phenomenon, The Secret, which made a few people very rich by feeding off the egoistic desires of the many. Even at an intentional, energetic level, we must acquiesce to the true needs of the spirit, which might require that we suffer to achieve our soul’s tasks. To evolve, we must face the true reality of our soul’s journey and its current requirements, whatever they be, pleasure or pain. If we stay attached to the self-interest of the pleasure principle over all as our inherent entitlement, we remain trapped in ego illusions.

Accessing our selves and our powers, as energy beings, frees us of ancient fears, but still challenges us to serve the energetic needs of the SELF in truth, not in self-interest, as individuals and planetary citizens.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

According to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, when we die, our consciousness separates from the body to take its journey through a series of bardos where it must face challenges that will determine its future evolution. The most desirable outcome right after death is to become enlightened, to be able to hold onto the true nature of reality as our consciousness encounters the light. This requires a willingness to let go of all one has cherished and attached to in this life, accepting the utter irrelevance of all that seemed so relevant but a moment ago, fully shedding ego attachments and ego itself, acquiescing instead to the full truth and nature of reality without a spin. In The Book of Us Jeanne describes her experience of this moment as follows: “I took off like a shot, a loud rush, an explosion out of my body, as fast as I could ever imagine, not wanting or needing to stay any longer, aware that it wasn’t ever going to be the same, that that life on earth was done, that the new life wanted to begin. I died as I was born, rushing into the world, out of one into the next, not missing anything as I went, not wanting anything, except to get where I was going so I could see what it was like there.”

According to the Buddhists, if one is not ready to relinquish attachment to this world at the beginning of the journey after death, then the potential for enlightenment is lost for this round; one reenters the spinning of consciousness, as the mind starts to project its wants and fears, leading to attachments and the re-crystallization of consciousness as we prepare to reincarnate in this world. Jeanne’s description of her awareness, moments after death, reflects the necessary detachment to transcend reincarnation and continue to evolve beyond this world. Buddhists spend their lives preparing their consciousness for this moment of decision, to have the clarity to choose enlightenment. This is what the shamans call, embarking upon the definitive journey of awareness.

In the West, we spend most of our lives and technology manifesting a world of eternal youth; almost no attention is paid to what really matters: our moment of death. Compared to the Buddhists, stated bluntly, our spiritual maturity is somewhere in the stone age. Not that I suggest that we sell our homes and dedicate our lives to saving Tibet. Even the Dalai Lama appreciates that the Tibetan diaspora is part of an evolution of an interdependent one-world that must integrate the findings and awareness of its formerly isolated parts to advance in maturity. How does this ancient wisdom apply to our modern world? How can we use this knowledge to better prepare ourselves to greet our deaths?

The Buddhist knowledge of the encounters that consciousness faces upon dying elucidates the core projective nature of the mind and the challenge to not attach to its familiar comforts and fears. Jeanne describes her experience of this encounter as follows: “There is a great gate, wide and high, majestic, the entrance into the unknown, the unknowable, which few choose. There is another path, and another gate also, which many choose because it is the way where everything is seen and explained and there is little to challenge. The other gate is expansive and opens up other worlds and other possibilities.” Here Jeanne is describing the choice one is faced with upon dying. Do we choose the evolutionary gate, which sends our consciousness on an evolutionary journey into the unknown or do we cling to the known and familiar, allowing the mind to project and place us back in a familiar world? Understanding that the reality we currently live in is but a spin of this projective mind that has crystallized into the solid world we live in affords us an opportunity to practice making choices that reflect the true nature of reality while still in this world. This practice prepares us to choose the less chosen gate when we embark on our definitive journey at death.

We have discussed many faces of projection over the past several weeks. Refusing the compelling projective spin we are daily drawn to by withdrawing our projections and owning the true nature of our personal reality offers an ongoing practice of preparation for the moment of death. Through this process we exercise the choice of “enlightenment” in our daily lives over the comforts of our minds’ projective illusions. Ultimately, this is the practice of detachment: choosing to not attach to the spinning illusions constantly conjured by the projective mind. Take worry, for example. Worry is nothing other than the spinning of empty imaginings by the mind manifesting its fears in a series of imagined stories. If we attach to the story we are then tormented, and we suffer, as our energy is depleted and we stay entrenched in illusion. Practice instead, staying in the moment. How do you stay in the moment? Focus on your heart center. Is your equilibrium being rocked through reaction to the mind’s conjuring? Focus also on the synchronicities of the moment. What are the signs suggesting? Is there true cause for concern or, again, are you being duped by the restless conjuring mind? Refuse the products of worry, state the intent: don’t attach! Focus awareness on what actually presents in the moment, meet it fully, then relinquish it, equally as fully, as you prepare your awareness to greet oncoming time and what comes next. These practices strengthen fluidity and non-attachment, which prepare us for our moment of death and decision.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! As I pondered various possible topics this morning, it was Jan who suggested to me that I explore the dynamic of the projected self and codependency. I was struck by the suggestion that all projections result in codependent relationships, a fact I hadn’t contemplated before. Thank you, Jan!

The term codependency has stood the test of time, at least by modern standards, still finding relevancy and usage after twenty plus years. A product of the alcoholism field, the term codependency was coined to describe an addictive disorder in its own right, which manifested in people attached to an alcoholic. The essence of this addiction was an obsession to control the behavior of the alcoholic. Since that time this dynamic of codependency has been broadened to include attachment to all types of dysfunctional people whether they be alcoholic, chemically dependent, rageaholic, workaholic, sexaholic, physically abusive, etc,.

Building upon the dynamic of projection, which we have explored from many angles in past weeks, we can now study the relationship of projection to codependency. All projection creates a codependent relationship. Broadly speaking, when we project we are placing a vital part of ourselves onto another person. This happens, of course, quite outside the province of consciousness: we don’t choose to project, it happens, something within the psyche elects to, literally, give away a part of ourselves to another. By this action the very boundary of who we are is extended to include another person, though we remain totally unaware of this extended aspect of self. What an incredibly vulnerable position this puts us in. How can we be certain when that person goes into the world, beyond our reach, that we will be okay? This can be the source of overwhelming fear and anxiety as the threat of loss of self is imminent. This is codependency in action.

The compulsion to track and control the other, our projected self, is paramount to ensuring our safety. Perhaps we have projected the mother within us. We may have been burdened with a conflicted early parental relationship with our own mother, which has resulted in a failure of our internal emotional regulation system to function positively as we struggle to self nurture, self soothe, or feel basic worthiness. This can make it incredibly difficult to be alone. In a desperate search to emotionally stabilize we unconsciously project mother onto another. Since our internal mother image is conflictual, our projected other will reflect these same characteristics. For instance, we will be drawn to an ambivalent, alternately withholding critical person who holds out the promise of loving us. We desperately seek to transform this other into a loving mother to solve our inner conflict so we can become capable of self love. We remain hopelessly bound to serving the needs of our projected mother, which is our attempt to control the other and get them to love us. If our projected mother is an abusive lover, we strive relentlessly to prove our worthiness by making things perfect, to achieve vindication and deeply hoped for acknowledgment. When we fail and are abused, no matter how brutally, we are driven to remain loyal to our projected other, after all, it is a vital part of our self.

Hence, codependency reflects the mandatory need to tend the needs of the self, the projected self. There is no other option. To not do so is to risk loss of self. This is so threatening that in its extreme can lead to murder, in defense of the self. This is the case where abusive, controlling men, for example, who have projected their inner anima onto their partner, could actually be driven to kill their partner, rather than allow that part of themselves to roam freely in the world, disconnected from themselves. In a strange way, death seems the safer solution, as no one else can then touch this vital part of the self; this is ultimate control.

On a more hopeful note, when consciousness recognizes that the desperately sought after other is actually a projected part of the self, perhaps after countless rounds of repetitive dysfunctional relationships, it will become possible to inwardly bring home the gold and transform the conflicted part of the self through the process of recapitulation. This is when we stop trying to change the other and instead turn to changing ourselves. This is a monumental step forward in maturity. Thus begins the true process of tending the self, beyond codependency.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,
Chuck