Freedom is the unmasking of the petty tyrant and seeing it for what it really is… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
As a seeker and a therapist, I search for tools of freedom. Freedom is the ability to flow with life as it is. Life is flux—change—and with change always comes a wounding to that which once was. Woundings create fixations, protective shells of holding on, to that which was. Such fixations interrupt our ability to flow with life as it has become.
The shaman’s world accepts the inevitability of woundings and tracks the human tendency to fixate on judgment of the self for its woundings. These judgments take the form of self-blame or self-rage. Either judgment further infects the wound and alienates the self from the flow of life energy. The shamans are empathic to woundings but ruthless in their goal of freedom. Hence, they go to extraordinary lengths to uncouple from attachment to their woundings.
To break the fixation with wounds to self-worth, self-importance, or self-esteem, the Shamans of Ancient Mexico encouraged their apprentices to saturate themselves with the doings of tyrants who made their lives miserable. In order to free themselves from the effects of these tyrants, these shaman initiates needed to astutely study the tactics and behaviors of these petty tyrants to precisely plan and execute their defeat. If they allowed themselves to indulge in blame, shame, rage, pity, or self-defeat, they would lose focus, often to fatal outcome. Those shaman initiates learned to waste no energy on taking anything personally, but focused instead on staying present in objective reality. This was the path of freedom from their woundings.
Traumatic encounters are uninvited encounters with life’s harshest petty tyrants. Shaman initiates seek out the encounter with the tyrant, but innocent recipients aren’t given that choice. Whereas the shaman initiate is in an active playing field with the tyrant, in real time, the trauma recipient’s playing field is the field of recapitulation, the reliving of the trauma once lived.
The means of achieving freedom from traumatic fixation, however, is identical to the means of achieving freedom from all woundings. To complete the process, we must arrive at what the shamans call the “place of no pity,” for self and other. From this position, there is total clarity and total release, as the ability to be present for the full truth of what happened, and the full release of energies previously fixated by life interrupted, is achieved. This is the ultimate defeat of the tyrant: complete release from its grip and complete release from the protective shell of fixation. From this place of no pity we retrieve the journeying self. We shift and reengage in life, as it is. Freedom achieved!
Like a monk in a cell, a hermit in isolation, I bear the tension that will lead to resolution… Trapper’s hut in the Manchac Swamp, La Place, Louisiana -Photo by Jan Ketchel
My entities are active. I wrote about them last week, introducing them in all their finery, their insistence upon being in my life. I get that they are necessary if I am to evolve, as they present what more or less lies at my core, my fears and truths alike, and what I must face in the world outside too. So, I’ve done a full recapitulation, why do I still have to deal with entities? you might ask. Well, as far as I know, if we are alive and living upon this earth we all have to deal with entities. It’s just the way life is.
Awareness of their existence is the first big challenge. Have no doubt, they will come; it’s what they are programmed to do. In fact, once we study them, we realize they’ve been present during our entire lifetime. It’s only when we are ready to see them as entities that we will begin to more readily recognize and work with them. After a while we begin to know them on a deeper level, as they come repeatedly, like old friends, bearing the same messages until we no longer need to hear them. We do not need to seek them out, that is dangerous activity, instead we must be patient and alert. We must find out who they are, why they have attached to us, and if they truly belong to us, as there are entities out there that may not really be appropriate for our growth, and those kind are best expelled, though they too hold some message of significance for us. And so, after my dream encounter with my entities last week, I expected they’d return at some point. And they have.
This is how my entities approached me this week, in another dream: I am in a hotel room, on a high floor in a hotel in New York City. I sense that I am being watched. I’m pretty calm, but pretty tense as well. I know that Chuck is downstairs waiting for me, but also that he expects to wait a long time. I don’t seem to be doing anything special in the hotel room. I’m just waiting, but for what? I’m not sure. I go into the bathroom and close the door. Suddenly, I’m aware that someone has locked me in. My sense of there having been someone else in the room with me confirmed now. I try the doorknob. Yup, it’s locked from the outside. Through a chink in the doorframe I see a man sitting in a chair, his back to me. I can’t see his face, but I recognize his clothing, similar to the colorful clothing worn by my entities as they first appeared. My reaction is one of caution. “Do not give anything away,” I tell myself, “stay calm and quiet.”
I don’t want the entity to suspect that I am aware of his presence, which is pretty absurd thinking, since we both know that I’m fully aware of him. At the same time, I decide that calmness, stealth, and planning are my best options. Once again, I am aware that Chuck is waiting for me downstairs in the hotel lobby, that he will become suspicious and come looking for me. At the same time, I’m aware that he won’t even think of coming, because our agreement has been that I can handle things on my own, that I have come up to the hotel room on my own, for a reason that only I know.
I get very calm, soberly calm. Barely breathing, I steady myself and contemplate the situation I’m in. I could find something to pry open the lock on the door. I could somehow break open the doorframe, widening the chink that I can see through. I’m not totally without resources. I already know I will get out, that all is not lost. I feel trapped, however, my spirit suffering in spite of my knowing that this situation, untenable though it feels, is not totally hopeless. I look through the crack in the doorframe again. The entity sits without moving, his back to me, his head still. Almost like a statue he guards the room, his energy like that of a museum guard, non-threatening, but intent upon his task. I don’t really feel threatened by him, only by my own predicament. Once I realize this, I know I must stay inside the locked bathroom and figure some things out. Indeed, I am here for a reason.
Upon further contemplation, I realize that I am being pushed to reconcile something within myself, that this really has nothing to do with the entities in my life, but only with tensions and frustrations within my deeper self. The entity is merely a conduit to my facing this. Why must my spirit be held captive? Why has my psyche conjured up this lockdown situation? What part of me feels jailed or needs jailing?
While I ask myself these questions, there is another part of me that savors the isolation, the time to do deep work, and when I wake up that is what I take with me, the opportunity to sit in deep inner contemplation, my time in isolation well guarded, my entities pushing me to evolve. Even my dearest companion, Chuck, is aware of this, respectful of my need to withdraw into inner silence, as I am aware that he will not come to disturb the situation, that he will not, in fact, be coming to rescue me. This is my gig.
I have been given the go-ahead to do some deep work. This is all that matters now. I find it significant, just as we come into the season of the year when normally we open ourselves to the outside world, to gathering, sharing, giving and receiving, but all of that pales in comparison to what really matters, the deeper issues of the self in this world. I already know that I will be of no help to others if I do not help myself first.
And so, I turn the fear and paranoia of the first part of the dream, the sense of being watched and held captive, on its ear. Instead, I welcome my captor. I intend to let my spirit guide me through this process. In order to discover what I must, restraint and limitation must be enforced. If I am to evolve to a new level, I must force myself to endure a shift. And this is how I am being asked to shift now; to go into isolation for a time, to become innerly quiet and bear the tension, to be resolved to my situation and make the most of it.
I accept that one of my entities has come to guide me through this process of deeper self-contemplation, guarding my door, so that I may be undisturbed, even by those closest to me. The inner journey can only be undertaken alone. And so I thank my entities for their presence in my life at the same time that I face my spirit and ask it to tell me what is going on, what’s happening at a deeper level? I await the answer. In the meantime, I remain fully present in the rest of my life as well, even though I am locked in a cell, contemplating deeper issues. This situation, I am aware, is the next step on my journey.
Here is Jeanne’s message to us all for this week and this energetic time. May we all find the means to access the energy of now.
Energetically speaking… this is the energy of now… captured in the early morning light… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
From a place of calmness observe your life, the life you have created as well as the life that has created you. Be honest and open to both truth and possibility so that you may fully know the self. Once the truth of life and self is accessed and accepted—once it becomes the foundations of your awareness of the self in the here and now—then new steps can be taken and progress resumed.
Energetically speaking, there has occurred volatile movement. You may see this all around you. You may hear it, see it, feel it. Maintain awareness of energetic energy separate from the solidly human self. Put aside your head, your reasoning and judging self, and simply observe this energy in the same manner that you might put aside your thinking, judging self to observe your physical life.
With the two truths of physical and energetic self acknowledged and in hand, you are now equipped to move onward into a new phase of life. In sobriety of self, fully accepting of all that you know and observe, I ask that all of you humbly take full responsibility for who you are and who you have the potential to become, i.e.: the higher self. Accepting who you are in a humble manner opens the doorway to accessing that higher potential self.
You may experience your potential as a mere idea or ideal, but keep in mind that everything is energetically possible. Keep in mind that aside from your solid human form, you are energetically comprised of everything you need to reach your fullest potential. Isn’t it finally time to embrace the energetic self and advance to a new level?
I encourage all of you to leave judgments behind—of self and others—and, as you challenge the self to move on, challenge others to do the same, knowing that by your humble example you offer the greatest means and the greatest help.
Universal energy abounds, ready to be shared equally. You alone have the potential, within your own life and your own circumstances, to utilize it in a new positive way and set a new momentum going for all others to hook into, those in your life, but all others in the world as well. A potential for a new movement is always present, but now more than ever. Even if you have no ultimate vision in sight, it is enough to begin a new trend in the direction of good. Strive always for that and you will be well on your way to solving the issues that now plague you and hold you back.
Seek the good inside you, even while you seek joy in your life. Energetically speaking, in combination of joyousness and goodness, you cannot go wrong! With those two energetic companions accompanying you through life, your outlook for a brighter future is well on the way to being fulfilled.
You are the change you seek. Without fear face your future and know that it is waiting for you, just as you wait for it, with open arms. Fuller life is there in your future, but you must head out to meet it. It cannot find you without your help, physical and energetic help alike. You must be fully present for that to occur, active and alert. In taking action, all that you wish for will become a reality. That is the secret to taking responsibility for the self: take action on your own behalf!
Our ancient reactions are like old walls of defense, but they can be taken down… one breath at a time… -Photo by Jan Ketchel
When we are met with a smile, a nod, or a gentle welcoming gesture, we are programmed to soften, feel safe, relax our defenses and breathe freely. This innate archetypal bodily response to accepting supportive validating gestures may be inhibited by a history of traumatic interruptions that threatened safety; however, these bruises in human interactions can heal and, over time, allow us to relax into our innate capacity for love. We never lose our innate capacity to give and receive love.
The journey to freeing our innate capacity to receive the world, and express our full presence in it, is multilayered but largely physical. The bruises of trauma generate archetypal bodily defenses far more ancient than the archetypes of human interaction.
Failures in human interaction trigger an intrinsic self-driven defense system that functions independently of the behavior of others. If others cannot be trusted then the self alone becomes the source of safety.
The body turns on its own vigilant guard to protect the boundaries of the self. Sleep may be light or infrequent as a result of such vigilance. Muscles remain taut, shoulders tight, breathing shallow. All bodily systems, in fact, stay on heightened alert to possible danger, cautiously anticipating, planning, and avoiding potential trouble. This completely self-reliant defense system is ancient and highly useful in times of real danger. In our evolutionary history there was a time when it alone insured survival. Though less necessary in the modern world, it can be activated in a heartbeat should we be confronted with serious danger.
A major challenge in healing from trauma is turning off this ancient defense system when it has been activated unnecessarily. Here the human ability to reflect and choose a new action is particularly useful.
We can employ the mind, with its ability to observe and reason, to assess whether we are indeed really, in the here and now, in danger. The realization that we are not in danger in no way lessens the grip of this ancient defense that protects us through its control of our body, but it does give us a point of awareness, within our body, that alerts us to where the true work lies.
Reason alone has little to no impact upon the body’s defenses. We can, however, intentionally direct our awareness to our body and notice the state of our muscles and organs—heart, stomach, throat, etc.—as well as our breathing. We can, with awareness and intention, begin to direct our breath to various parts of our body that we notice to be clenched or shut down. We can, for instance, progressively soften and loosen our solar plexus or heart as we gently direct our breath into it. Similarly, we can begin to release tension in our shoulders and legs, or wherever we find tension in the body, by intending ourselves to do so. The body quite obediently listens and responds to our intentions.
As we consciously release the grip of vigilance in our body, our brain receives different messages from our body self that lies separate, beneath the head of reason. If our muscles and organs are relaxed, our brain concludes that we must be safe. The brain is then freed to stop its own vigilant story making that had given definition to the worrisome messages that it had been receiving from a tense, defended body.
Every time we release the tension of a clenched part of our body we change the message to the brain and the brain, in turn, changes its message back to the body. Over time, the brain can send the message that it’s okay to relax; we are safe. With safety comes receptivity, and our inherent archetypal ability to engage in deeper human connection opens. Smiles, nods, and warmth are able to be more safely received and expressed. We open.
This process of opening is indeed multifaceted and includes the journey of recapitulation, but it can be supported and enhanced, at any time—even in this moment—with one gentle directed breath.
Cold energy entered the room… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
Here is an account of what happened to me last week: I’m sitting in a yoga class, in sweet pose, a comfortable meditation pose. I intend to keep my energy to myself, innerly calm and protected. I don’t want to be affected by outside energy and so I do not turn my palms up but keep them face down. I do not wish to receive from without but only to hold sacred space within.
Placing my hands palms down on my knees, in chin mudra, with thumb and forefinger together, I think about entities, that they are everywhere. I am not interested in engaging them. Within seconds of silently declaring this intent, I feel a burst of cold air sweeping past me on the right, as if a window has suddenly sprung open. Swirling around, it hovers nearby, a strange sort of mini tornado. In the next second, cold energy hovers over my right hand, as if someone has placed a cool wet hand over mine. The sensation lasts at least 30 seconds, perhaps longer.
I have time to consider that perhaps the teacher has gotten up and is walking around the room, that he is doing some kind of energy work, but even so the rush of cold air that I’m feeling seems impossible to be made by anyone walking past, and I very much doubt that his energy would feel so cold. This energy has an otherworldly feel to it. I peek at the teacher just to be sure. He is sitting calmly in front of the class, eyes closed. Obviously he has not moved. Then I think: “It’s an entity. There’s an entity in the room.” And I am certain that it has come to convey the truth of my own insinuation, that there are indeed entities everywhere. It pays to be careful.
That night I dreamed. In the beginning of the dream, I am at an art gallery opening. The room is crowded. I slowly weave my way through the crowds, avoiding contact. I do not want to engage anyone. Seamlessly, I flow like water through the room and out the door. Once outside, I’m glad that I did so well at protecting myself from outside energy. Now I have to cross a stream. The water is fairly deep. I look down and see that four men, each dressed the same and looking remarkably alike, are lying in the water. They form a log-like bridge for me to walk across. I don’t want to go near them, for I am aware that they are entities, but at the same time I know I must cross the stream.
“Come on,” they say, “cross over. You have to.”
“I don’t want to step on you,” I say, concerned. “I’ll hurt you.”
“No you won’t,” they say. “Just do it!”
And so I do. I run as fast and as lightly as possible, still worried, however, that I might hurt them or that I might be infected by their energy. As soon as I get to the other side of the stream they immediately hop out of the water and surround me, standing in the four directions—North, South, East and West—facing me.
“I don’t want entities attached to me,” I boldly say.
“You need us,” they say. “You have to encounter us and you have to engage us. We are your entities, and you can’t get away from the fact that we exist.”
“You won’t advance until you accept us,” they say. “You won’t get anywhere without us.”
Like water I intend to keep flowing… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
I know I must acquiesce, for I know the truth of what they say. I am fully aware that everything that is placed before me must be encountered and dealt with, that indeed, I need it in order to advance. I am aware, as I dream, that these four beings will be with me now, my very own entities. I am aware that I must learn about them, who they are and how they operate. I must befriend them and make them my allies, as don Juan Matus discussed with Carlos Castaneda. I must utilize them to my advantage.
I am struck, as I awaken from this dream, how my intent to avoid contact with outside energy—both in my yoga class and in my dream—has resulted in my being presented with exactly what I was trying to avoid. There is great meaning in that. I am also struck by the fact that my entities, inorganic beings, as the Shamans of Ancient Mexico call them, all look exactly alike. And why are there four of them? I surmise that this is part of their teaching methods, tricksters that they are. I expect to be fooled by them until I no longer need to be.
Carlos Castaneda, in The Art of Dreaming, describes his own encounters with inorganic beings. Don Juan tells him he must make friends with them. “They have singled you out themselves,” don Juan says. “When they do that, it means that they seek an association. I’ve mentioned to you that sorceress form bonds of friendship with them.”
Don Juan goes on to explain that a friendship “consists of a mutual exchange of energy. The inorganic beings supply their high awareness, and sorcerers supply their heightened awareness and high energy. The positive result is an even exchange. The negative one is dependency on both sides.”
I am already aware of this exchange of energy. In fact, as I mentioned, I was not interested in engaging in such an exchange. In fact, I have always sought to avoid it. But now I understand that my inorganic beings have come to help me. If I am to advance, I know I must engage them. But I also fully intend to not become dependent. Even in my dream, I was aware that our association will be temporary, only as long as is necessary. I don’t know if that’s possible, or how it will come about, but that is my intent, for I fully anticipate moving on, advancing, which they also implied would happen if I engaged them. But perhaps they were only tricking me. I’ll have to wait to find out!
“Watery beings are given more to excesses,” don Juan tells Carlos, as he explains the two kinds of inorganic beings, water and fire. “The old sorcerers believed that they were more loving, more capable of imitating, or perhaps even having feelings. As opposed to fiery ones, who were thought to be more serious, more contained than the others, but also more pompous.”
From this description, I know that my four inorganic beings are water energy. This makes perfect sense to me, as I am a water sign, and because my own energy has always been watery, flowing for the most part, just like I did in my dream as I flowed out of the gallery. But water, though capable of gently simmering, is also capable of great force and power. And so I am both cautious and intrigued.
What does your inorganic being look and feel like? You never know! – Photo by Jan Ketchel
When Carlos asks the meaning of his own two entities, don Juan replies: “The meaning is too vast to discuss at this time. My recommendation is that you vanquish fear from your dreams and from your life, in order to safeguard your unity.” He tells him that he himself refused the inorganic beings, because he did not want to be at the mercy of any entity, organic or inorganic. He tells Carlos that his inorganic being wants his energy and he warns: “It will come to you for more.”
From this exchange, I intuit the necessity of remaining independent, to maintain my unity, my wholeness. But I must also learn how best to use these four watery energies for my advancement. The fact that they all look alike, capable of imitating, as don Juan tells Carlos, is going to be quite a challenge. I see that already. In fact, i believe they entered the yoga studio, invited in by my first challenge, my intent to avoid them. They saw an opening and they took it. “Be extremely careful,” don Juan tells Carlos, and that is exactly what I intend to be: Extremely careful!
Alert to what may come next,
Jan
Quotes from: The Art of Dreaming by Carlos Castaneda, pp 52-55.
