Face yourself. Turn to your heart and ask it to guide you. Turn to your mind and ask it to remind you. Turn to your body and ask it to abide you. Turn to your spirit and ask it to provide you. All that you need you already are. Look to yourself in your wholeness and gently and kindly accept who you are now. And then set out to become who you have not yet become, the one you dream of, the one you know you truly are. Remember, everything is possible, even this seemingly impossible you!
We come from the light and return to the light… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
In our energetic origin and essence we are but a glow of awareness. We come from the light, we return to the light. From our origin as a glow of awareness we sink and are born into the dark heaviness of our human physical form and begin to perceive the world like our solid selves, as a world of solid objects. Our energetic luminescence is lost to us.
In our human form we are drawn to luminescence wherever it is reflected, a spark reminder of our lost energetic essence. This longing is the craving for union that underlies most human activity. The luminescence of our ethereal light is reflected materially in all matter of precious objects in our material world, most especially in gold and diamonds, symbols of great wealth and value, symbols of the divine that adorn the crowns of kings and queens, and closer to home in rings of commitment bestowed upon a beloved.
In the beginning, parents mirror a golden glow in their reactions to us. This loving smile validates us, gives us value. We seek out that which shines and enlivens us. Some of this mirroring validates us, some however is so powerful we see it as existing only in the person outside of us, never in ourselves. Thus, the other person is seen as the gold. Attention flowing from this luminescent other fills us with a glow. We become compulsive seekers of outside attention to merge with this experience of numinous luminescence.
Our lives on Earth have as our central mission, like the Olympian, to bring home the gold. If we can achieve perfection or notoriety we will be filled with the glow of grand attention, golden indeed. Thus perfection becomes the coveted gold, the golden standard of our worth.
Most often our vibrant energetic essence projects itself upon a golden other whom we seek to possess to recover our lost wholeness. Oftentimes the glow of this mysterious other is so powerful we are overwhelmed with anxiety in their presence. We feel unworthy of their attention or paralyzed by the glow of their beauty and majesty. An attraction of this magnitude can secretly dominate us for years.
For those able to connect with their mysterious other a magical period of glowing oneness, total blissful contentment, may be granted, if just for a little while.
In our day these romantic projections come and go rapidly as we are technologically opened to a very wide pool of possibility. Ah, what shining pearl might I find and meet tonight!
If a more lasting union prevails the shine inevitably begins to fade in the dullness of everyday life. Generally, disappointment results in expectation that the other change to restore the shine. Underneath we retain our childish experience of entitlement, wishing that the other refill our glow with their attention.
“I’m speaking, you looked away. I’m angry, deflated. Why? I was speaking; my story, my idea is golden. If you are not transfixed by what I bring it is not worthy, or you are too self-absorbed to appreciate it. I must see REFLECTED in your reaction the presence of my luminosity. Your attention verifies my worthiness.”
And what happens when a relationship ends, perhaps by death? Mourning is lost contact with our glowing other. Herein often begins a new journey, the journey to discover and recover the pot of gold at the end of our inner rainbow, our own soul, our energetic essence.
This is the journey we’ve all been on as we seek to obtain our true fulfillment, reflected as it has been in the gold of a million illusions of our materialistic accumulations, perfectionistic achievements, or soulmate relationships.
Ultimately, our definitive journey in infinity requires us to restore and become the original glow of awareness of our energetic essence. To prepare for this journey we must recapitulate all our magical experiences in this life and restore our energetic wholeness, nothing left projected upon others. And with this we become our luminous other.
When we shine a light very closely at anything we see quite distinctly the contrasts and differences between the parts we are inspecting. On the mental plane those differences give rise to judgments. Some parts are “good,” some parts are “flawed” or “imperfect.” Perfection is the highest standard of the light: a being without flaw.
How comfortable is it to make love in a brightly lit room where every part of the body can be seen in utter clarity? In fact, how comfortable is it to look into a full length mirror, naked, in a brightly lit room. How do we not cringe as we see before us our well lit “imperfections?” That cringe is what we call embarrassment.
Embarrassment generates a boundary line within the self. On one side of the divide are the parts of the self that are “OK,” parts that can be allowed to be seen in the light. On the other side are all the imperfect or “defective” shame-worthy parts that must remain hidden from the outside world, a world that confirms what we already know: we are flawed.
Frequently, in recapitulation, we discover that we had no conscious involvement whatsoever in determining what parts of ourselves and our experience were excised from consciousness and sent to the prison of the shadow self. We may then discover that some higher decision-making factor within the self censored the awareness of significant experiences in our lives for a self-protective purpose, like in a state of shock where we are shielded from the full impact of a sudden trauma. Some experiences must be shielded from consciousness for the better part of a lifetime.
This self-protective function is a judgment function of the psyche that is pretty black and white, as it asks the question, “Is this experience safe or dangerous to the stability of the ego, my conscious sense of self?” If the answer is “no,” the experience is swiftly removed from memory. The ego, being the shielded one, has no participation in this decision. The ego is the recipient of its action.
What we commonly call a trigger is a current event that mirrors the censored one residing in our hidden shadow, which is stirred and experienced consciously as a feeling of anxiety and embarrassment. The anxiety is a protective warning signal to get away, the embarrassment signals the unacceptability of a part of the self.
Often, attention is given to the formative influence of the primary socializing agents in our lives—parents, teachers, coaches, lovers, and even abusers—in defining for us what of us is acceptable and what of us must stay hidden, often from ourselves as well. The process of recapitulation offers us entree into the hidden worlds of our rejected selves.
When during recapitulation we are confronted with the socializing agents whose judgments we internalized and cast upon ourselves, we often find ourselves in an accompanying rage, fully blaming these characters for not protecting us or for contributing to our flawed sense of self. The healing journey of recapitulation may require us to fully feel this rage and be allowed to release it in some form of expression.
Release of pent up feelings may feel incredibly cathartic, but total healing requires total acceptance of all that has happened to the self, without embarrassment. In fact, the absence of embarrassment during the review of any and all experiences in life, traumatic or otherwise, is the best gauge in assessing total healing.
Thus, for example, to be fully embodied, calm and present, without embarrassment while describing to another person the explicit details of a rape, including the experience of utter helplessness, terror, exposure, violence, humiliation, negative judgment and stimulation, mark a condition of total healing from the experience.
Such healing is marked by the melding together of present and past-self experiences that demarcate the contours of different kinds of experiences but remain whole, reflecting total acceptance of all of life’s experiences, without embarrassment.
The new seers of Carlos Castaneda’s shamanic line exploited the utility of embarrassment to deepen their journey into their energetic potential. They discovered that embarrassment was a product of self-importance, the drive to shelter the self from the crushing impact of the true reality of the unacceptable hidden self.
Carlos was pushed by one of his teachers, don Genaro, to dance by lewdly thrusting his pelvis, movements which burned him up in mortification yet suddenly gave him access to his energy body while in a waking state. Burning through the wall of embarrassment provides the sobriety and wholeness to journey beyond the physical body with awareness.
Ultimately, we are challenged to reconcile the relationship between the light of our consciousness with the contents and personality that live in the darkness of our unknown portion of self. Carlos Castaneda could not encourage us enough to suspend judgment as we venture into the realms of the unknown self. Embarrassment is a most helpful marker of where we must suspend judgment and welcome, in total acceptance, all that we are, all that we have been, all that we have done and, most especially, all that has happened to us. A tall order, but totally possible.
You never know what you’ll find lurking in the shadows… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
According to the Shamans of Ancient Mexico, human beings engage a mere 10% of their energetic potential. Ironically, that which limits the full realization of our energetic potential, the internal dialogue, also miraculously limits us to a fixed definition of self that enables us to form a cohesive personality necessary to embark upon a fulfilled life. Put simply, as our personality solidifies essential components are left out as we secure a necessary foundation to take on life. Life then becomes the quest for the Holy Grail of our lost wholeness.
To live a fully realized life we are increasingly challenged to develop a fluidity of being that can flow with life into its many alternative realities. The world is currently being inundated with many alternative realities. The threat to cohesion this has created has undermined mental stability on an individual level and on civilization itself at a collective level.
The silver lining to our current world crisis is the opportunity it creates to more fully experience our true potential as the Earth evolves beyond its own fixed patterns. Jung would call this individuation, the full realization of all that we truly are. For him the journey of individuation begins with the shadow, that which we are but don’t know about, or don’t admit to, as it festers in the labyrinth of the unconscious mind.
The shadow may be dark because it lives in the dark, but the act of incorporating it into our lives is golden, as we add appreciably to our wholeness by embracing it. Part of our current world crisis is the unleashing of the shadow in the form of greed or rage. Rather than facing the shadow and figuring out its message, and how to incorporate it into their wholeness, many people have become possessed by their long suppressed shadow personality, which is finding its way into life with a vengeance.
What if one discovers a racist or sexist personality in their own shadow? Would it not be best to leave that personality repressed, for the sake of everyone? Probably in some cases that would be best for everyone! However, as in the case of sexuality, the repression of the shadow can give rise to a deeply hidden, predatory alternative reality that flourishes in the darkness of everyday life.
Shining the light upon this predatory behavior is essential. Subjecting the predator to the light of judgment is appropriate. But neither of these actions addresses the failure of human beings to fully embrace their sexuality, which ultimately is the reason for the dissociated, highly-charged sexual shadow.
To face our shadow we must get to know it. To get to know the shadow we must suspend judgment of it. So, for example, if one discovers that they are indeed sexist they must begin with accepting that they have a part of themselves that is sexist. They must suspend the judgment that they are bad because they house a sexist within. On the other hand, they must assume responsibility for the fact that they have a sexist within themselves and that they will not allow it to take possession of the personality and act out.
The ego—consciousness—must remain ruthlessly honest with itself and in control as it faces the fullness of its shadow. The goal is to get to know the truth of the self, which is full of contradictory thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. The inner sexist must be acknowledged and understood, but it must not be allowed to act out. Nonetheless, the inner shadow must be allowed to express itself to the self.
The real goal is to get to know each shadow sub-personality. For example, one might discover, in an inner dialogue with one’s shadow, that it has had an exaggerated attitude of sexism because it has been forced to house a primal terror of women’s power that has forced it into the defense of an extreme condescension of women.
The shadow might reveal early terror in an abusive relationship with mother or abusive female caretaker that was split off from consciousness, repressed and incubated in the shadow, giving birth to its sexist attitude. The shadow might reveal rage at its ego counterpart for having compensatorily idealized and been subservient to women, negating the terror and rage of its inner shadow.
When the tumult of this inner process is contained within the psyche the potential for reconciliation and transformation becomes possible, as previously separated parts of the self are now able to emote and clarify the reasons for their distorted extremism and polarization. This reconciled polarization melds into a well-rounded, balanced attitude.
Outwardly, having reconciled with one’s sexist shadow, one is freed from the triggers and projections with women that previously crippled an authentic intimacy in relationship.
The fact is that we all harbor many different shadow personalities that, once acknowledged and inwardly reconciled with, can find an appropriate, non-toxic place in life. There is a place for all parts of the self somewhere in life. Even the most hostile inner shadow might have a place guarding the sleeping psyche from intrusive entities in the night! That same shadow might also be integrated into life as a coach to an intimidated ego that must learn to assert itself.
Once the veil of the personal shadow has been lifted and its inhabitants squared with, one is freed to begin to explore the even greater untapped energetic possibilities of the self that have hitherto remained dormant. One is freed from inner conflict and judgment, ready to explore the deeper possibilities of human existence, freed to delve into the magic.
Without regret move on to wholeness, to your full potential, taking forward only what suits you and is beneficial to body and spirit. Release your mind of old ideas, judgments, and resentments so that your future may be bright and wholesome, freed of what has been and open to what may come. Keep a healthy body, mind, and spirit at all times and with eyes wide open let life show you a new path. It will. So be prepared. And remember, you can do it because you have the power to change yourself. You always did.
