Tag Archives: recapitulation

A Day in a Life: The Value of Repetition

April 14, 2010 Jan Leave a comment

Today, I continue writing about my dreaming experiences with the women shamans of don Juan’s line, which I began blogging about last week in Being-in-Dreaming. But first, I must mention that I am struck by the synchronicity of Jeanne’s message on Monday as related to the process I am writing about. Even though my dreaming experiences took place several months ago, as I write about them now Jeanne’s weekly messages seem to be in synch. These evolved beings, the women shamans and Jeanne, are really all talking about the same thing: the process of recapitulation.

As regards Jeanne, I refer to the three stages of detachment reaction that she spoke of the other day as being essential during the process of recapitulation. During my own recapitulation I learned to step back and view how I normally reacted to the events in my life. As the process of recapitulation unfolded I learned that my first reaction, to a memory for instance, always needed to be challenged. Even though I was initially confronted with very familiar, comfortable and conventional responses, I had to find out where they came from. Did they really come from me or were they from something I had been taught, heard, or assimilated from outside of myself, perhaps falsely? Were they spoken in someone else’s voice, having absolutely nothing to do with me? Was I just mimicking something I had not really ever questioned? Was I being judgmental, dismissive, or prejudiced? Was I operating out of fear, denial, or self-pity? Was I getting the memory right from my perspective or was it from someone else’s perspective, long ago ingrained?

The second level, going deeper into the self, was a lesson in finding my own voice, connecting to my own truths and learning to pay attention to them. This level involved interacting with a different me, discovering that I really was that someone inside I had always known existed but never really allowed to be fully present. This was the level of waking that self up and allowing her to speak, allowing her to relive the past, fully aware now, without the veils, the conventions, the old voices. This was the process of continually pushing away the old ideas of self, facing the petty tyrants, and staying connected to the inner self, no matter how painful, how frightening, how annihilating. This was the process of forging a new connection to the inner self and allowing the old self to slowly break down, no longer useful or necessary, as eventually my world changed along with me and the old self became the one who didn’t fit, who didn’t feel right anymore.

By going to the third level that Jeanne spoke of, to utter calm certainty of self, I was able to recapitulate fully and truthfully, detached from the conjuring mind, accessing the knowing mind that I wrote about last week. By achieving this deeper place of recapitulation I was able to fully own my life, my experiences, my actions and reactions, taking them on as my personal truths and experiences, full of meaning for me as an evolving being, detached from expectations and judgments of self and others. From this place I was able to go even deeper, into the unknown that lies beyond the self.

So, you might see, as I suggest, that the first message in dreaming that I received from the women shamans was that first level of reaction that Jeanne suggests we must confront in ourselves, because this is the step in learning to distinguish between the two minds, the outer conventional voices and the inner true voice. Today, I address the second level that Jeanne mentions, which is right in alignment with my second night of dreaming with the women shamans, which I wrote about in my journal on October 22, 2009, as follows:

Once again I asked the female shamans to teach me something in dreaming. Once again I placed the dreaming pillow on my lower abdomen and I asked to be taught the next step in learning to be a shaman and this is what I got (which I wrote in my journal while sleeping, in automatic writing):

The value of repetition.
That which appears
boring and mundane
holds the key to
something important.
Do not dismiss
any signs. (End of journal entry.)

Repetition is one of the facets of recapitulation that I found most annoying. However, going over a memory or studying a behavior countless times, to the point of boredom, was a most essential process. It not only neutralized the memory or behavior, but allowed me to further gain access to the new me. By constantly confronting the old me, the old petty tyrants, the old memories, the old behaviors and feelings, the old ideas of self and others; by constantly reasserting that I was no longer there, no longer that person, no longer thinking, acting, behaving in the old manner and, yes, by facing my own boring self over and over again, I gained surer footing in the new me.

In that second level of reaction, as Jeanne calls it, the women shamans contend that we will find that which is the key to the self. This is the part of the process where we make the connection to our potential self. This is our awakening step, where, as the new self begins to emerge and we chip away at the old self and the old world, we are granted glimpses of what is to come. It is only through repetition, in making the same mistakes countless times until we are totally bored by them, that we truly will change. I learned that change does not happen over night, that it takes a lot of work. It takes daring. It takes confronting the old self, the old petty tyrants, the old conjurers in our midst, facing our issues until we are done with them, completely and fully.

This part of the recapitulation process is where the bulk of the work is done. It is where we meet ourselves in our most vulnerable, our most fearful, our most confused, our most false and our most truthful states. It is where we face our petty tyrants over and over again. It is where we discover who we have become and who we might become in the future if we dare to keep going. If we can do as the women shamans instruct and value the repetition of our lives and our recapitulation process, repeatedly facing even the most boring and mundane of issues regarding ourselves, we will discover the key to where we are going, to something important about ourselves.

In fact, if we can stay with the process of life itself, and not dismiss any signs, but value everything that comes to us, even our need to continually stay in old places, old relationships, old habits, old patterns of behavior we offer ourselves the opportunity to change. And when we are ready to fully recapitulate, we discover that the key is within. To each of us that key offers deep personal meaning, personal revelation, and personal experiences that have the potential to take us far beyond this world, to better balance between worlds, to grant us the daring to keep exploring our selves and all that this world truly holds.

Next week, I will write again about my dreaming experiences with the women shamans. It will also be interesting to see what Jeanne offers us next week, and Chuck too in his blog this week. We tend to speak on similar topics, though without forethought or planning. It’s just the way it works!

Dream, do inner work, ask for help. As you can see, I always seem to get exactly what I ask for, though it may not arrive in the form I imagine. If you care to comment, please feel free.
Love,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

# 673 Chuck’s Place: Thank You Petty Tyrants!

April 10, 2010 Chuck 4 Comments

Why are we here? One thing is certain: our time is limited. Our life here is only a visit. In the end, we must leave on what the shamans of ancient Mexico call, our definitive journey.

Unlike other journeys we may take in this world, in preparation for our definitive journey there are no bags to pack and only one appointment to keep, our appointment with death. At that appointment we are required to relinquish our bodies and our attachment to all things material as we enter the unknown in pure energetic form.

Throughout their physical lives shamans enter their energy bodies and take journeys into infinity. Upon returning they report that, though they discover amazing things on these journeys, the true preparation for facing the unknown is in this world, in the form of our encounters with petty tyrants. One major reason for our being in this world is, as I see it, to encounter and master our petty tyrants, the true proving ground for our definitive journey in infinity upon dying.

Petty tyrants can be defined as anything in this world that interrupts or shatters our expectations. Examples may include a crying baby that won’t allow us to sleep, a defiant teenager, an unloving parent, an exploitive boss, a ruthless ex-spouse, a rejecting lover, a condescending partner, a prejudiced teacher, a violent psychopath who physically or sexually abuses, etc. Petty tyrants can also come in the form of natural or unnatural disasters such as earthquakes and wars. In fact, the examples are endless and range from annoying everyday interactions to traumatic experiences. Petty tyrants are not fair, they don’t play by the rules; they devastate us, they use and abuse us, they take what they want, they destroy what they want. Our experiences of petty tyrants force us to relinquish our expectations of common decency, respect, love, or basic entitlements. Although these expectations may be our preferences in this world, they are, by far, not the true nature of reality, which is unpredictable. When faced with a petty tyrant we are thrust into a completely unpredictable, uncontrollable reality where anything can happen, anything goes.

Shamans say that our encounters with petty tyrants provide us with the necessary training to face the true nature of energetic reality; this is our destiny, this is why we are here. Energetic reality is fluid, ever changing. To maintain cohesion in energetic reality we must be able to flow without requirements, that is, preconceived expectations. Petty tyrants force us out of our world into the unknown. If we refuse to accept the unknown and choose instead to cling to our expectations of reality then we are not prepared for our definitive journey. If we insist upon a world that conforms to our expectations, we are not ready to enter the unknown. The Buddhists point out that if we cannot detach from our expectations upon dying, we must re-materialize; that is, reincarnate in the material world for more classes on detachment, with our petty tyrants as teachers. In fact, petty tyrants are our greatest teachers in this world.

The process of mastering our petty tyrants requires that we recapitulate. In recapitulation we face, squarely, all our experiences in life, releasing any attachment to them in the form of anger, resentment, fear, regret, hatred, sadness, self-pity, etc. Staying attached to unfairness, for example, would keep us attached to a predictable world that follows the rules. As long as we hold to the position that we are undeserving of the petty tyrants in our lives we remain deeply attached to creating our own world, a world of illusions, what the Buddhists call maya. Through recapitulation we arrive at a place of complete neutrality toward all our petty tyrants. We let go of any sense of being special or deserving of anything, we simply accept all the experiences in our lives as part of the journey, without judgment. Experiences are simply facts, they happened. With recapitulation we are released to completely let them go, with appreciation for lessons learned. We arrive at a place of readiness to enter an unpredictable world, our tyrants having prepared us well!

When we arrive at the place of utter neutrality, what the shamans call the place of no pity, we are offered the opportunity to thank our petty tyrants for journeying with us and preparing us for our final appointment with death, as we embark upon our definitive journey in infinity.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Mind Body Release

March 31, 2010 Jan Leave a comment

Last week I was unable to find a theme to write on. I kept looking for something that would be pertinent or significant, both as I worked on my book and as I pondered Jeanne’s answers to the questions I had asked her in Message #668, but alas nothing stuck out. This week, however, several themes have come up.

Today is quiet and the ending of some rainy and very windy weather is in sight. The other night, however, the wind blew harshly all night long. Sudden gusts knocked things over on the deck and rattled the house. It was a difficult night to sleep and I was constantly startled awake. As I lay there listening to the wind, the phrase, the winds of change are upon us, kept running through my head. Today, I present you with the following, beginning with a dream I had during that noisy and windy night:

In this brief dream, I pull open the double doors to our linen closet and stand there looking in at everything neatly folded, everything in its place, neatly compartmentalized on the shelves and I immediately think: “Oh, my mind did this. I don’t want to dream about this! I want to fly!” And with that thought I woke up.

Waking up out of that dream, I realized that what Jeanne had been reviewing over the past few weeks is that change is indeed inevitable, that tomorrow will always arrive, that we cannot stop time from marching on, just as we cannot stop the wind from blowing. The wind will always blow. It is what it does. The challenge we face, each day, is: do we allow ourselves to do the same, to constantly change? Or do we elect to sit tightly in our complacent lives, rearranging our linen closets and pretending that change is not happening? As soon as I called that dream for what it was, a mind conjuring call to stay complacent and caught in old fears, I allowed myself to let go a little more, to acknowledge that I do indeed want to be open, to dare myself to fly, as Jeanne called it the other day.

Do I dare to fly with the winds of change, to flow and become like a leaf on the breeze and truly let go of all the foreign installations, as Chuck calls them, all the neatly compartmentalized linen closets in my life? Where can I let go today? I must constantly ask myself this question rather than huddle in fear at the sounds in the night, of the wind doing what the wind does best. And how do I let go? How do I learn to fly?

As I ask myself these questions I immediately go to my body. Where am I tense, I ask, and where am I holding? Where can I soften? The body is the place that I personally find I must return to, over and over again, in order to truly let go. Releasing physical holdings is a big part of the letting go process. How many yoga classes have I walked out of feeling like I am in a new body, a softer, looser and more flowing body? Thousands of yoga classes that I have attended over the past thirty-five years have continually proven the simple fact that physical release is a vital aspect of allowing for change. Every week I experience this softening, this letting go of the physical, and the result is always startlingly amazing, because even after I have left the yoga class I notice that the softening automatically carries over into the rest of my day. Daily shavasana (relaxation) and daily meditation also suffice when I cannot get to a class or don’t have time for my own practice.

Finding that my physical body held most of my issues was a big discovery for me during my recapitulation process. When I first heard someone suggest, many years ago, that the physical body stores memory I found it hard to believe, but the longer I worked on myself the more true that idea became. Even though I had recapitulated my memories in my conscious mind, I found that my body still held so much more. The body, in its silent way, with its sturdy structure, seemingly so present in the moment, does indeed hold much more than we can see. Once I was ready to go to it and to allow myself to actually feel, asking it to show me what it needed me to learn, I began a more thorough recapitulation. Once I was able to leave the conjuring mind that told me I was done with my recapitulation and enter my body, I learned what it really means to fly, in the sense that Jeanne speaks of.

During one Embodyment Therapy session, which helped in the process of physical release, Jeanne came to me and said the following: “Let the bad out, keep only the good, only the essentials.” In a subsequent session she came again and guided me through the removal process of old memories, old ghosts as I saw them during the session, which I documented afterwards in my journal:

Jeanne is with me, pulling old ghosts out of me like tissues out of a box, all strung together. My body responds to the expulsion of them, reacting to the tearing sound each one makes as it leaves, the sound of a tissue being pulled from its slot in the box. Jeanne reminds me: “Remember, I told you it’s all about change, getting rid of the old that you have no use for, making room for the new.” I experience the physical ripping out, as if actual body tissue is being pulled out of me. It is quite painful, not easy to handle. I call to Jeanne to help me get through it. “Take my hand,” she says. “I will take you where you need to go. You aren’t dying, it’s just a removal of all the old dead stuff that you don’t need, dead issues, bad stuff, all the leftover memories and feelings that will bother you if left behind.” It is like having radical surgery. I am not sure that the pulling out of the old ghosts, the old demons, feels good. It feels like being disemboweled, that something is being yanked out of me, but I can’t stop it and I don’t want to either, because I know it is the right thing to do. I see the horrors of my life with my own eyes. I see every horrible aspect of the past as it gets pulled out and dragged away. In a quick blink of an eye everything that has ever happened to me gets pulled out and leaves my body. The process is fast, wrenchingly painful, but I go with it. I let go. I let it happen. I try to follow, to see where the ghosts go, but I am not allowed to follow. I am forced to stay in my body and experience the removal. (From a session in 2004)

This experience came to mind again during the night as the wind blew and the old demons fear and worry crept into bed with me, attempting a takeover. My dream, having jolted me away from them, prepared me for the winds of change that were blowing outside, reminding me to let go again of the old, to flow with the inevitable. I dozed and startled awake throughout the night, as the winds howled, never quite able to rest deeply, but at each awakening I would remind myself to physically relax, to physically let go. I repeated Jeanne’s recent words of guidance, to let go to the inevitable, finding that my intent to change had to be focused, as usual, on releasing physical holdings.

Self-hypnosis, repeating mantras, doing full body relaxation, quiet moments of breathing and calming meditation, as well as taking yoga classes, (and many other modalities of healing and relaxation) all offer release and bring attention to the physical body. If none of these processes are accessible or appealing, then simply notice the body and ask: Where am I holding? And then let it go and see what happens. And, as Jeanne has suggested, go deeper each time you ask the question, allowing for release and change to not only become a mind process, but a physical one as well.

Until next week,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: 10 Steps in Inner Work & Recapitulation

February 19, 2010 Jan Leave a comment

With today’s message, Jeanne gives us the tenth step in engaging in a process of inner work and recapitulation that I began channeling on January 29, 2010. The last ten messages have been around this process. To recap they are:

1. Patience
2. Perseverance
3. Kindness
4. Innocence
5. Maturity
6. Commitment
7. Fearlessness
8. Truthfulness
9. Responsibility
10. Letting Go

Each one of the topics above is linked to its original message so that you may more easily find each step and keep them together, valuable tools in the recapitulation process, which is really what inner work is all about. I will also add them to the sidebar, under Guidance, for easy access. Although I do not, at the moment, have the intention of continuing along this line of questioning when I resume our channeling sessions on Monday, you never know. There just might be more to come. But, on the other hand, having engaged and being engaged in the process of recapitulation myself, I think these ten steps are pretty detailed and offer quite a lot to work with for some time to come.

In my own process, which started in earnest about ten years ago, I can attest that I did in fact go through each one of these steps, and they are still useful, because each day as new challenges are presented the process of growth continues, if you choose to engage it. The process never really ends, but advancement is certain. As you do the work, you do change. I can attest to that too.

As I channeled these ten steps over the past several weeks I recognized them as very familiar and very challenging friends, friends that I grew to know intimately as I worked with and through my inner world in a very thorough recapitulation. That recapitulation consisted of removing the veils of time and uncovering and facing memories, fears, ideas, truths and untruths of who I was, who I had become, and why, but also gaining clarity on who I once really was behind the veils and who I had the potential to really become as I allowed the process to unfold. I can say that having taken that journey, having plunged ahead through some very difficult stuff, that you can truly change. I did. I would not be here, doing this today, if I had not dared to take the inner journey.

So, Good Luck as you undertake the deeper inner journey! Feel free to post comments below. There are a lot of people trying to figure out what their lives mean and you never know if by sharing some experience of yours you might help another.

Until next time,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

#654 Chuck’s Place: The Heart of Romance: Solutio

February 13, 2010 Chuck 1 Comment

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, the day of ROMANCE! Romance is an innate, quick-acting solvent, capable of dissolving boundaries, with the promise of blissful union. Ultimately, romance engages us in a process of projection where we encounter both our inner blockages and ideals in the reflection of our beloved. The challenge in romance is to truly individuate, that is, to overcome our inner resistances and be available to love, versus seeking resolution through changes in our projected reflection in the other, for instance, trying to overcome a deep sense of unlovability through our lover’s convincing us that we are lovable, by their unrelenting, adoring attention, yet never truly believing this within, remaining compulsively bound to our lover’s reassurances.

We are all born from solution. Our bodies gradually coagulate and differentiate as we float blissfully in the ocean of the womb. Leaving the womb is hardly a blissful experience. Some have suggested that birth is indeed the primal trauma. Like the expulsion from the Garden, nature forcefully separates the babe from its creator. Our search for love as romance, throughout life, is our deep craving to recapture our primal oneness, wholeness with nature and creator.

The opus of the alchemists was to restore matter, the stone, to its prima materia, solution, the womb, where it could coagulate and be reborn as gold, wholeness. Our challenge in life is to discover and dissolve our hardnesses, our stones: our traumas, defenses, resistances, fears, that we might be reborn a unified whole, capable of true love.

Romance is the most powerful human solvent. In romance, all boundaries dissolve as we merge in magical oneness with our beloved. Most of the images of romance depict solution: champagne, wine, hot tubs, warm pools, clear lakes, waterfalls, ocean waves, warm sandy beaches, cruises, etc. These images of solution return the couple to their womblike origins as they are swept into blissful union. Or at least that’s the promise!

There are some drawbacks to this most desirable and rapid solvent, romance. The morning after often tends to not be so blissful. Aside from a potential hangover, the light of day and the differentiated clarity it offers can shed incredible doubt upon last night’s beloved. Nonetheless, the underlying drive for union is so great that romance eagerly and rapidly projects its golden glow upon yet an other, this time, hopefully, the right other. There is a vast pool of others, many fish in the sea, to project upon.

Often the chosen other reflects an old blockage, a stone in the heart, a frozen experience from the past where great expectation resulted in deep disappointment that shut down the heart. In this case, the golden lover, an obvious wrong choice to the eyes of objective friends or family, is the necessary mistake, the necessary obsession, an attempt to project, encounter and dissolve the old blockage, to once again allow love to flow. This strategy rarely succeeds, as union with this beloved other, in reality, is often most inappropriate, i.e., they are too old, too brutal, too immature, incapable of commitment, incapable of loving, etc. After many successive romantic failures we might, through a depression, be ready to turn inward and begin the opus of dissolution of the stone at its source, within the heart, in the process of recapitulation and individuation. Despite its promise, romance cannot supply a quick fix for necessary deep inner work.

The other major concern with solutio is drowning. The difference between finally being able to cry, to grieve over a loss and break down a long held blockage versus drowning in a pool of tears protesting birth and change, is the difference between floating in preparation for rebirth and clinging to and drowning in the womb, seeking wholeness only in primal unconscious union and oblivion. This is the difference between the child finding nurturance in new life versus the child clinging to the placenta, union through conscious individuation versus unconscious union. The object of the opus is rebirth, to dissolve and resolve, to be born anew, whole. This is the birth that includes consciousness, separateness, and the ability to be whole as separate, to drop separate boundaries and unite with another, yet be able to return to “separateness in wholeness.” Isn’t this the ultimate romance, love without possession, love without clinging; partners, separate and whole, together on a journey?

And so, Happy Valentine’s Day. Whether it be a time of hope with a New Valentine or a time of rebirth with an Old Valentine, just remember to find the greatest love of all, inside of me!