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A Day in a Life: Recapitulation & Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

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In the introduction to The Wheel of Time Carlos Castaneda writes about don Juan teaching him how to perceive energy and that the recapitulation was an important aspect of learning this process. He states: “One of the most important units, he called the recapitulation, which consisted of a systematic scrutiny of one’s life, segment by segment, an examination made not in the light of criticism or finding flaw, but in the light of an effort to understand one’s life, and to change its course. Don Juan’s claim was that once any practitioner has viewed his life in the detached manner that the recapitulation requires, there’s no way to go back to the same life.” (p. 4)

As Chuck wrote about in his blog, The Power of Experience, the unconscious is a major player in the recapitulation process. Within a lifetime the unconscious offers us many opportunities to access its hidden treasures. It offers us protection when we need it the most. It offers us insight and guidance when we need it, and it also prods us to grow when the time is right for that too.

Many of us fear what the unconscious has kept stored for us, perhaps initially experiencing it as frightening impenetrable darkness. It is indeed the shadowy side of ourselves, often a part that we rarely allow to emerge, or a part of ourselves that we reject as not the real self. The unconscious is in fact present to help us grow, as don Juan teaches Carlos. If accessed, thoroughly explored, allowed to be present in our lives we discover that it is not a frightening alien entity after all, but the most fascinating side of ourselves.

As an artist and writer I have always had a certain relationship with my unconscious, at least the part of it that I used in my creative endeavors. There were other darker aspects of it that often emerged in the creative process, and otherwise, that scared me. Often I would wonder where certain things came from, how I, a shy and gentle soul, could produce such dark and disturbing images, and sometimes truly frightening ones as well. I knew there was a dark side to my personality, but I had no clue as to how it got that way. As much as I allowed myself to creatively explore my unconscious, I was not fully aware of what it held in store for me until I met Chuck and began a process of deeper exploration of it. In that process, which, as it began to unfold, became entitled a recapitulation, I, slowly at first and then quicker as I got the hang of it, explored the depths of that disturbing and frightening inner darkness.

In the beginning, I often felt as if I were falling into an abyss, much like the experience of Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Many times I felt as if I would shatter as I took the plunge downward, fearing that the velocity of the fall itself would annihilate me, a brittle person made only of thin glass, as I rocketed into unknown territory. Other times I feared that I would crash and die upon impact, but these were mental imaginings that eventually gave way to curiosity and amazement as the plunge would invariably bring me to an experience of my past that I had no idea even existed.

The unconscious is both a mighty opponent and a mighty partner. When we fear it we see only the darkness, the possibility of death, the annihilation and the end of who we perceive ourselves to be. But when we engage it as a vital part of life, in dreams, in confronting it and asking it to show us something about ourselves, when we allow it to lead us into that darkness, we begin to understand that it is present not as an adversary but as a true companion who only wants us to grow. When we truly open up to the experience of recapitulation—greeting what the unconscious brings us to, points out to us or challenges us to investigate—we offer ourselves the opportunity to change the course of our lives, as Carlos suggests.

If, as I believe, we are each of us challenged to work through one core issue in a lifetime we will also, I believe, be presented with the means of working through that core issue as our life unfolds. We are invited to the process of confrontation in many ways, but it may not be until we are finally ready to tackle it that we will allow ourselves to take the plunge down the rabbit hole and find out what truly lurks in our inner darkness.

The choice to explore our unconscious is ours alone. Perhaps in the past we did not understand what we were being called to, but once we finally gain a clear understanding of our core issue, do we still refuse the call of the unconscious, as we have done so many times before? Do we elect to push it away, avoid it, die without resolving why we are here? In turning from the call of the unconscious we put ourselves in a position of having to grapple with it on many levels and in many forms, because once we acknowledge awareness of our core issue the unconscious, that wily opponent/partner, knows that we are awakening to the fact of its existence and beginning to understand the power it holds in our lives. During this period of grappling, our unconscious often becomes the leader, offering us what we need in order to get to that point of change that Carlos writes about.

Of course, there is so much more to the process, to the unconscious, and to the conscious self as well that I am not discussing today, but I wish to jump ahead to what Carlos states, that once we have reached a place of detachment “there’s no way to go back to the same life.” This might seem like a frightening prospect as well, but really it is what we are all here for, to keep going forward and eventually to evolve into new life. We won’t feel the need or the desire to go back if we truly allow ourselves to confront our darkness, to recapitulate, to free ourselves of the fear of falling down the rabbit hole. In fact, as the process unfolds we might find ourselves leaping down that rabbit hole, eager for the next experience, eager to see what is in store, because eventually we come out the other side and into a whole new world.

If you wish, feel free to share or comment in the Post Comment section below.

Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#698 The Energy of Change is Full of Love

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
What message do you have for us today, energetically and practically speaking?

On an energetic level, this is a time for inner work, recapitulation, and seeking balance. It is a time of great forces converging and aligning in preparation for shift to come.

It feels like we’ve already had some big shifts lately. Are there more to come?

Yes. I have spoken of this as a time of change. It is here, and when such energy is present there is the propensity but also the certainty of more change, for once the energetic charge has been fired the snowball effect is in play. I foresee great change still to come. This I see outside of you, but you know that this will also be what you are confronted with inside you, right?

Yes, it seems to be how it goes and, yes, it does seem to be a good time for inner work. It’s been easier to see and understand how I, personally, have projected inner issues onto the world. My inner process has really been progressing well; at least that’s how it feels. I hope your other readers are also feeling the same progress as they take their own inner journeys.

This is a time of recapitulation, and by that I mean that the energy, which asks for inner turning, is highly present, accessible, and engaging, but it is also energy full of kindness and gentleness. What may feel like pushy energy is full of love, My Dear Ones, and if you elect to engage it in recapitulation you will have some very interesting inner journeys. It is energy of protection and it covets the inner working process. If thus engaged, you will find that your inner work will not only be allowed, but time will be presented for it, though it is up to you to elect to do the inner work over some other enticement.

So, what do you offer us on a practical level?

I highly recommend that you, first, remain aware that this is inner work time. Secondly, look for the moments that will be granted so that you may spend time alone, reading, writing, musing in nature, or simply sitting in quietude. Thirdly, look outside of you for what is happening inside of you and turn that projection inward.

You understand what I mean by this, right? For instance, if you think someone outside of you is acting irrationally or abruptly, do not spend too much time pondering that person’s issues, but instead ask the self, where and how do I act irrationally? Where and how to I act abruptly? Is it in relation to others, to ideas, or thoughts? Am I too dismissive of the issues of others, too afraid to make them my own?

You see, My Dears, you always have new issues to address. No matter how well you think you are doing, there is always something else to address. You might find that your outer world is flowing pretty well, is nicely balanced, and that you are in synch with the energy. But I hazard that if you go innerly, to a new deeper level, that you will run up against something that makes you uncomfortable or curious about the self. Right, Jan?

Well yes, Jeanne. I always find that I can go deeper, even if I think I’m doing pretty well. And even though I’ve done a pretty thorough recapitulation there is always something else that comes up, something that I may not be aware of until I meet it outside of me.

Yes, that is what happens. As you live your life, as you go out into the world each day you are bound to bump up against something that will raise your ire, your sense of dignity, your judgments, and confrontations with the choices you make each day.

So, how do we deal with what comes up?

As I said, take steps to calm your outer reaction after fully accepting that it is how you are feeling, by owning that feeling in an outerly projected sense and then turning it inward. For instance, you may get angry about something and that in itself must be accepted by you. But do not stay in anger. Do not allow it to consume you, but instead consume it. In a metaphorical sense, you could allow it to seep into your deeper self, to the fearful self, and ask this aspect of self to confront it. What is it that is causing this anger to boil up? What old issue is being prodded to come forth now so that you may resolve it?

If you attempt to spew anger outwardly it will remain outwardly present, perhaps even infecting others, as well as the balance of your day. But if you bravely face its old familiarity inside you, you may find that it relates to something that happened to you a long time ago. This is the inner work that will be aided and abetted by the energy of now. And, yes, you can and should use this energy of change to do your inner work and change yourself!

Do not be afraid of what lies inside you! Most likely you will find a small child in there just waiting to be rediscovered and released of all the old buried feelings. That’s all; it’s just you in there. And you know that you are just afraid of what you might encounter, when in fact you will find you are just innocence itself. Can you allow yourself to be innocent? That is my final question.

Messages from Jeanne

#692 Choice Matters

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
Personally, I have noticed an increase in experiences of energy. About a week ago I had a profound out of body experience (OBE). I have also noticed that energetically speaking, in the outer world, there has been a lot of activity. There have been days when everyone seems to be angry. Other days everyone we meet seems caught in an old place, and other days everyone seems flowing and full of awareness. It feels as if this particular time in our lives, and in the history of the world, is offering us such power to change, to do things differently, and yet we hesitate. I am speaking of personal issues that arise to remind me to keep changing, but also of the issues of our own country and the signs of change that all of us are constantly facing. The main realization that I experience, energetically speaking and otherwise, is that we are not in charge, that a far greater force is asking us to acquiesce and flow with the true awareness that we are all energy beings. I believe this force is inside each one of us. When we slow down and experience it, as I did in my OBE, we feel enlightened, but then we go back to our daily lives, seeking to join that world of energy with the state of our crumbling world and we come up against so many impenetrable walls, walls of self-doubt, of judgment, of the need to be human, as well as the visceral memory of the experience and wonder of it all, of the magic.

I understand that acquiescence to energetic reality takes time. But I also wonder, are people really understanding that our energy experiences, such as an OBE, are the true reality that we seek and must turn to now? I don’t think I am making an uninformed assumption. I fully feel that not enough people are getting what it means to be energy beings, that which you speak of so often, what don Juan, Carlos and the women seers teach about, what quantum physics is about, and what the religions of the world sprang from: the fact that we are all energy beings caught in a fixed reality and that it is up to us to dismantle that fixation, whether by fault or on purpose, in order to “see” better. I believe we are now in the midst of that process of dismantling and it does not matter to God, or Mother Earth, or the energy of intent how we go about that. Our awareness must now shift so that we do not lose this opportunity to evolve, to flow with the earth itself, as change is more fully brought upon us. It is now imperative that we all make some drastic changes in our personal lives.

Can you comment on my feelings that, each day, we are being confronted with powerful energy alerts? Some days, we are asked to fight through them, to express our anger and discontent. Other days we are asked to gently flow, but, at all times, we are being asked to be aware of the energy around us and how it affects and guides us to evolve. We are, I believe, being shown, each day, what we must change about ourselves, whether those things are inner aspects such as judgments, prejudices, fears or denials, or whether they are how we choose to live in the world. I feel that it is time for all of us to face what we have created, both inside us and outside us. Can you offer your comments and guidance as to what we have become and where we should go now?

My Dear One, the world you inhabit, the world of everyday life, is but one reality, yet it is the playing field for your evolving self. I do not like to speculate because, as you know, choice matters and that is really the crux of everything that you speak of today.

Each one of you must choose how you will live. Is this lifetime dedicated to building a nice ego, to engaging in self-important behaviors of inflation, bullying, self-aggrandizing—all necessary aspects of learning what it means to be human? Is this lifetime dedicated to victimhood, to eternal big-babyhood, to sucking off the lives and energies of others? Is this lifetime a predatory life or a simple life of deflation and self-loss, or are those aspects simply building blocks to an evolving self in this lifetime? Have you presented your self with challenges that require you to take abrupt and mighty steps out of an old world and into a new one?

You see, you must first address your personal challenge. What is your personal challenge? Where are you caught? Then the next challenge is to discover the means of taking that giant step to a new level of self and awareness. You see, your assumption, My Dear Jan, that you and the world are one, on a similar journey, is correct. You would not be living at this time if the world did not reflect the challenges that you each, as individuals, face. Your world outside of you is your inner world vividly reflected, staunchly produced and accessible. It can be so easy to see how to solve the issues of that world and how everything is being done wrong, going too slowly or quickly, in the opposite direction from what you know is right, and, yet, can you turn your frustrations with that world innerly and accept the energetic consequences of the decisions you personally make each day?

Energy is energy. You are, each one of you, energy. What flows outside of you has the ability to flow inside of you and affect you greatly. You are in control of your own energy and everything about you is set up for you to learn this fact. You may not feel or admit that you are, though you so easily may see that the world outside of you is all set for change, and perhaps for total collapse. Energetically speaking, whatever happens to your outer world is good for it. Energetically speaking, the flow of life is being directed by the choices that have been made in that world. Your own life is flowing according to the choices you make.

I do not judge or hold attachment to that world or the choices of individuals, except to point out your teaching tools and your learning process. Abide by the laws of energy and you will learn about awareness, awareness as clear-seeing. Perhaps this may come to you in intuitive knowing so that your choices may be clearly shown to you. Perhaps your awareness may come in the form of puzzling experiences that you must need in order to better understand what you need in life. Perhaps you will only have full understanding by incremental learning, rather than bursts of knowledge too big to hold onto and fathom. Most humans need to learn in this incremental manner, for true energetic reality is too much to take in.

In answer to your queries about the energy around you in your world and the intensities you now feel, I suggest that you attempt a new measure of attention to what is happening around you, because it is indeed a significant time to be alive. But in your personal world, what are you supposed to be learning? What is your personal growth challenge at this moment? How can you change with the changing world?

Change is inevitable. Are you going to flow with it, or are you going to perish in the vast sea of darkness? Really, the choice is simple. You must ask yourself: What do I fear most, the energetic unknown or the old familiar darkness? In order to change, one must enter the darkness, but you must elect to take the journey. Oh, and by the way, no matter how you answer that question, the journey will be the same. You must face your fears and learn that they too are but energetic realities to be confronted and passed through on the way to the next level of awareness.

You must confront everything you need to confront, whether you elect to go willingly or kicking and screaming. Don’t you know that you are all going anyway? What else is there? You are all beings who are going to die. How do you elect to experience death? That is the next question to ponder. And don’t wait too long to decide. Get right on it; there is no time to waste!

Messages from Jeanne

#690 Suspend Judgment & Shed the Layers of Crust That Life Has Laid Upon You

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Jan Ketchel channeling Jeanne Marie Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
What message of guidance do you have for us today?

My Dear Ones, look not askance at your own dealings but look them straight in the eye and allow your truths to be revealed, fully known and wholly acceptable to you. In accepting the truths of the self, one is much more accepting of the dilemmas that will arise in one’s own life, as well as be much more accepting of the difficulties faced by others. Until one accepts the truth that one is imperfect perfection will remain an enigma. To lead an impeccable life does not mean that one must be perfect according to the laws of man or God alone, but one must be perfectly able to allow the truths of the self to fully come forth in total realization.

Are you going to talk about recapitulation today?

No, not specifically, but I am talking about learning to love the self, including all the imperfections, the dark secrets as equally as the light ones.

Okay, go on.

I know that you all struggle, My Dears, to make sense of your lives. I know that you wonder if you are doing the right things and making true progress; or are you only fooling yourself? I know that reaching impeccability means leaving behind all that you once thought was so necessary and so important. I know that you often find the ideas of recapitulation difficult to allow into your process because in so doing you must face so many aspects of the self, aspects that you thought you understood and other aspects that you had no idea even existed inside you.

Today, I ask you to more fully learn what it means to suspend judgment so that your progress in life may accelerate to a new level. In suspending judgment, at all times, you will begin to open many doors previously closed or never even observed. In learning how to constantly suspend judgment, by taking back all questions of whether something is right or wrong, and sitting with inner truth and calm, you may discover that your energy self comes forth to guide you. In suspending judgments, formulated by the world you have lived in and by the definitions so firmly planted in the mind, you may discover that there is another being inside you who knows far more that your mind could ever provide or hold available.

A process of suspending judgment involves constantly asking the self to notice where you are judging, first of all. Is that thought you just had a judgment of self, of others, of opening to new ideas, such as I propose, or of facing something you must face? Do questions immediately arise offering alternatives and categories, excuses and reasons to avoid, to dismiss, to push away something that might feel disturbing? Are you uncomfortable about something, so it becomes easier to judge it and place it away in a neat package, in the recesses of the mind or body, where it will not bother you?

As you begin to notice just how often you allow your mind to fix you in a position of certainty, you may also begin to notice that, although that fixed place of certainty is well known and perhaps even comfortable, it may not be your truth. Is it what you truly feel is your very own determination?

Then I ask: How do you personally, you, without forethought and without the opinions of others interfering, feel about this determination? In learning to suspend judgments one learns what it means to access innocence. Innocence is true spirit energy unencumbered by judgments, unencumbered by the thoughts and ideas of the mind. Innocence is totally energetic and flowing, unable to attach to that which is outside of itself, for it cannot attach to anything in that world, for it does not belong in it. Innocence belongs in the world of spirit. In the world of spirit, innocence is the true guide, the true gauge, and the true voice.

You see, in the world of spirit, which resides deeply inside each one of you, there is no need to judge or decide anything but only to flow with the truth of its knowing, its purity, and its impeccable presence in your life. Can you allow this innocence to come forth now, to push through all the judgments, and be present in your world? Can you allow your innocent spirit self to more fully be present as your guide? Can you find comfort in this aspect of self, rather than in the overbearing judgmental self? Can you shed the layers of crust that life has laid upon you and find this true life beneath? Can you connect with your inner energy?

Yes, of course you can! Begin this week with engaging in a new practice of suspending judgment. Look at the self that you are in the world. Look at how you treat your self, and how you treat others. This is the place to begin investigating your own actions and thoughts, and the habitual tendencies to dismiss and peg people, ideas, and truths of the self. What disturbs you needs to be looked at more closely. In suspending all preconceived ideas of how the world works, you may offer your self the first open veil to understanding the spirit self, the energy self, and all things as interconnected, full of potential, full of innocence.

Look today at your world with innocence, without your usual eyes but with unveiled eyes, and see what happens!

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Take Action

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Take action knowing that it is your move.
No one else is present in your life to take action or move for you.
Everything depends on you.
Do not look to others to resolve your dilemmas.
Your life is totally up to you and your actions.
Take action.

This is the tenth step in learning a shamanic practice, a practice that is pragmatic and helpful in learning to evolve, to keep going, to grow and to change, but also to learn to live in more than just this fixed and rational reality. I wrote the above in the middle of the night of November 2, 2009, after intending again to connect and dream with the women of don Juan’s generation of seers.

A shamanic practice revolves around becoming totally responsible for the self, for the past self and the future self, as well as for the self who strives for each moment to be one of awareness. As I have been relaying these shamanic steps in my blog over the past few weeks, I have been struck each week by the relationship each step has to recapitulation, perhaps the most important step, according to the seers, in really electing to change and grow.

In doing recapitulation, in seeking to fully know the self, these steps that I learned from the women seers become more than just pointers, they become a way of life. Until one is in the process of learning about the deeper self these steps may simply come across as good ideas or thoughts that make sense in everyday life, but they blossom into true steps of growth when one begins the process of recapitulation with intent, with unbending intent. It is through experiencing each of these steps, through taking a personal journey into the darkness of the self, that these ideas ultimately make total, practical sense.

A recapitulation can take place through many means. One of them is to simply allow the self to go back into memories, to feel, see and experience them as if reliving them once again and then to go back again and again, going deeper and deeper each time. In looking from a different perspective each time, a personal experience may be revealed as it had actually happened rather than as it had been consciously remembered. When memories are revisited in a state of heightened awareness, new clarity and insight may be gained where before there may have been only vagueness or just a shadowy sense that something was not quite right, or there may have been no memory at all because it was effectively blocked by the psyche.

In memories, painful experiences may be replaced with less offensive stories. Safe or pleasant memories may be construed in order to alleviate the full force of the true and often brutal memories. In essence, selective memories can make us feel safe and okay, though they are not the whole truth. The truth often lies deeply hidden. In my own case, I was nagged by incessant feelings that something was wrong with me, but I was not able to fully access what that meant until I was ready and able to handle it.

Recapitulation, as Chuck mentioned in a recent blog, is a volitional action that happens when we are ready. Somewhere along our journeys, our psyche and our body determine that the time is now and prepares us for the moment. When we are thrown or drawn into recapitulation, some deeper part of us is ready, and it is asking us to shift.

In recapitulation, I did learn that I was totally responsible for everything about myself and that if I did not make a move to help myself then nothing would happen to change me or my life. And as I worked through what that meant, in light of where I was at the time and what I had to remember about my past, it empowered me, diminishing my reliance on others and my reliance on staying stuck in certain familiar modes, repeating the same habits and staying in a world that never changed. Although I considered that world to be rather safe, it was not until I was well into my recapitulation that I discovered that it was, in fact, a world of fear that I kept such control of by retreating, withdrawing and hiding, by making safe choices, so that I did not have to confront anything that made me afraid or uncomfortable. In spite of having lived a very full life in many ways, achieving a measure of success, I still had not resolved the inner dilemmas, of what was wrong with me, of why I felt so powerless and unsafe. What was I really afraid of?

So, I would have to say that I did not feel truly safe in this world until I had done a recapitulation of a world that lay hidden deeply inside me. It was purposely hidden so that I could grow up, maintain sanity, and mature into adulthood. I was protected from it long enough to prepare to return, when the time was right, and look with the eyes of an adult at what had happened to me in my past. In returning, I was afforded the opportunity to learn what it really means to take responsibility for the self, for the cards dealt, for the circumstances of life, and to regain the power that I had lost along the way. It took breaking many vows of silence, many pacts, and it also took facing the darkness within, the stuff that had followed me around for a long, long time, just waiting for me to return and remember what it was all about.

So, in the final lesson to “take action,” the women seers are also suggesting that it is our choice to evolve, to change, and to recapitulate too. We are all afforded many opportunities to practice such steps. We read our books and chant our mantras. We do our yoga and meditate ourselves into calmness, but until we really take action on our own behalf, and face our fears, we are just waiting for something or someone outside of us to change, when it is what is inside us that is asking for change. At least, that has been my experience.

Until next week,
Love,
Jan