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Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: 2012 is Now!

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“I am convinced that for man to survive now, his perception must change at its social base,” states don Juan Matus on page 3 in The Art of Dreaming. For don Juan this change, an evolution of consciousness, means that we must embrace the wholeness of our beings, a world of energy, the wavelength self I wrote about in last week’s blog.

Stanislav Grof points out in an interview with nonsoloanima TV that the end of the Mayan calendar at the winter solstice, December 21st next year, simply represents the end of a cycle of time. This cycle is the completion of the sun’s rotation around the solar system upon which the Mayan calendar is based. This completed cycle in galactic astrology results in an alignment that births a new era. However, all birth is preceded by labor. This labor can manifest as aggression, destruction, or violent revolution as new life struggles to be born. In addition, there must be a death, or ending to the old way of being, to bring forth new life. The question for mankind is whether this birthing process will result in the necessary evolution don Juan describes, or will the forces of resistance put an end to our human experiment.

Grof also points out that December 21, 2012 is but the apex of a bell curve. The changes of 2012 have been rapidly unfolding for decades. Undoubtedly, the birth of rock and roll in the 1950s followed by the psychedelics of the 1960s was the unleashing of the energy needed to move masses of humanity to shift into a deeper search for themselves, at more profound levels. In fact, for decades this mass shift in consciousness has launched a major revolution to bring down the solid precepts that have governed awareness for centuries.

Energetic mass movements, such as the Internet, are rapidly tearing down all attempts to maintain or create walls of illusion. Facebook, though I decry its dark side of self-importance and its exposure to the greedy marketing giants, can probably be credited with bringing down the government in Egypt as the energy of change was initially directed by postings on Facebook, telling people where to gather for the nonviolent revolution. The election of Obama, also largely orchestrated through digital wizardry, marked an earlier magical evolutionary advance of consciousness, materially realized.

The energy of 2012 has been advancing for decades and we are clearly near the climax of this struggle. Stepping, for a moment, out of time and viewing ourselves from a cosmic perspective, we are indeed living in a highly charged, agitated energetic time. The speed of change appears greater than our human ability to absorb and indeed this is probably true, hence, the pressure to evolve into out greater energetic selves. Whether this revolutionary energy is sufficient to push through the birth canal and bring forth this necessary transformation into new life is still an open question. The forces of resistance undermining change, so apparent in Obama’s presidency, are evident everywhere on the globe. We are not a world of individual countries and governments, despite those illusory walls. We are now an interconnected global economy where the special interests of the parasitic few are relentlessly seeking new ways to spin reality to hold onto power and control.

Bringing this challenge down to a very individual level, we do well to inventory the status of the power monger within ourselves: the inflated ego with its rationality über alles. Are we taking on the challenge of allowing ourselves to claim the fullness of our energetic beings? What is the status of our own inner revolution, our own transformational journey of rebirth? Are we allowing ourselves the opportunities to wake up in our dreams and explore our greater consciousness beyond the body, or does rationality still dismiss the possibility? Do we allow ourselves to go inward in meditation, or do we choose medication and/or materialism? Do we free our breath, or remain constricted in the rigid body armor of defense? Do we open up to the world of energy by engaging our intent, or do we remain frozen in doubt?

I say, Viva La Revolución! But remember, revolution starts at home, within the self, by embracing the depths of our energetic selves. The revolution of 2012 is now! Let’s all fight for that necessary change at our social base; let’s insure our survival as evolved energetic beings!

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Messages from Jeanne

#745 Navigating Fear

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Written by Jan Ketchel and including a channeled message from Jeanne Ketchel.

Over the past three Mondays, we have been exploring different means of navigating through life. Personally, I have found that the biggest block to everything is fear. Generally, I find myself coming up against fears that I do not even recognize as fears, though I may know the comforting presence of them, as they have most likely always been in my life, though often unacknowledged as such. When we begin to look more closely at ourselves, at the judgments and declarations we utter, at the choices and inner resolutions we so proudly attain and adhere to, when we dare ourselves to stay more present in the moment and equally more innerly attuned, we may be able to describe everything that gets in our way as a fear.

Why do I continually have the same kind of reaction to a certain situation, person, or challenge? Why do I always get myself into the same kind of relationships? Why do I find so-and-so such a disturbing presence? Why am I so reluctant to change? Why am I so determined to control every situation in my life? Why is it so hard to flow with what life presents? What is it that keeps me from fully expressing my feelings? Why can’t I fully attain my potential, my dreams, a good relationship, a calm place, etc.? What is wrong with me? We might ask all of these questions at some time in our lives.

Before I began my recapitulation journey I used to constantly ask myself: What is wrong with me? It was an inner mantra—incessantly present background chatter that I could not dismiss. I knew that something was wrong at my core and that it held me firmly in its grip. Although I barged ahead into life, I still always came up against that hard stone of truth. As I began my recapitulation, taking a shamanic journey into the tangled and deeply confused self, the first thing I confronted was that hard stone of truth. And when I stood in front of it and faced it squarely and asked it what it was, it revealed itself for the first time, very clearly. And I could not deny the truth of it: I was afraid of everything. I carried this stone of truth always with me, this fear of everything, yet I was also successful in pushing it far enough down inside me that I could engage in life, becoming a fully functioning adult, with a career, a family, and a rich creative life.

Before my recapitulation, this struggling self, pushing this heavy stone around, fluctuated between dealing with the pain of carrying this stone, the inner spirit self unable to fully emerge, with the outer ego self needing to be fully in the world, but also greatly compromised. They often battled against each other, each seeking to rule. This bipolar self, that Chuck so beautifully describes in his Reality blog, often raged in separate corners, fighting fiercely against each other, as is fully appropriate. As we grow out of childhood and enter the world of everyday reality the ego self must take over. But what happens to the spirit self? The spirit self sits behind that stone of truth, holding the secrets of existence and of many other realities, waiting for opportunities to take us there.

Eventually, hopefully, we get to a place in life where the ego self has done enough for us and we can let it take a backseat and allow the things of the spirit to more strongly be heard. But what holds us from accessing and more fully allowing those other more innerly desires of the spirit self to fully live?

First, the ego, long used to holding the seat of power stands in the way with its greatest weapon always drawn: all of our fears. For it has used them so well to navigate life, why would it cease to use them? If we can face and acknowledge that we are truly afraid of everything, we can begin to take a true recapitulation journey. As I began to face my fears and take that recapitulation journey I learned that it meant shattering everything that I had so far lived by, everything the ego had worked so hard to establish and rule by. And I discovered that the gas that the ego, as our vehicle in life, runs on, most of the time is fear. It fuels everything from inflation to deflation, high self-esteem to low self-esteem, our driven self and our depressed self. Fear truly is the hard stone that lies at our core and directs how we live our lives.

Today, I ask Jeanne to join us and give us some pointers on how to deal with our fears. For even if we have done a good job of recapitulating, even if we have spent years in therapy, in healing activities, in seeking to evolve, we cannot get away from the reality of fear. It is in us always. It will always arise, and does so every day of our lives. Think about it.

So, Jeanne, what advice do you offer us today, as we seek to identify, own, and go beyond our fears?

My Dear Ones: FEAR is but a tool to use for growth. FEAR can take one into life and it can take one out of life. FEAR can aid one in aligning with spirit intent and it can also become an ally in promoting the intent of the ego. FEAR is both an accomplice and a teacher.

Do not look on fear as negative. It is not a detrimental aspect of self, but the true teaching self. It is the spirit self and the ego self in alignment, gathered together in proposing the work that must be done.

As I channel, I see a vision of the two selves on either side of a huge boulder or ancient stone monolith, which is speaking to them (sort of like that opening scene from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey) and I hear this: FEAR=Face Everything And Recapitulate!

Yes, that is what fear does—it speaks its truths. But who is ready to hear them and who is not? It does not matter really, for it does not ever stop talking. As Jan mentions, it chatters incessantly throughout life, proposing and imposing thoughts, speaking out of place, sending annoying messages through brain, body, and energy. Fear is always present.

So now that we can perhaps accept that idea, that it is always present and here to teach us, what comes next?

The next step, after acknowledging its grand presence, is to pay attention to it. Ask it what it is trying to tell you. What does it mean to show you? Where is it taking you today? What does it want you to confront? What does it ask you to barge through? What door is it opening? What is it really trying to show you?

Once fear arises and is confronted, it literally seems to disappear, at least until it arises again. But was it really there to begin with? Is it a solid object? Can you touch it with your hands or was it just a figment of your imagination? Fear exists and yet it does not. Fear is present at all times, and yet it is hardly there at all. It is present in the duality of self, representing the ego self who must play out what fear presents to it and it is also the spirit self who knows that, as an enigma, it is most necessary to encounter and understand.

Life is really very simple, My Dears. It is a constant journey of confronting the inner fears. These fears may loom large and imposing, projected in outer encounters, but when you come down to it, they do not really exist. As soon as you barge through them they evaporate, they shatter into nothing more than mental blocks, stones of awareness that, when shattered, give you a boost in energy.

Look thus on your fears as envelopes of energy waiting to be released—pockets of fear are pockets of vital life force. Your job, as a student of life, is to gather your energy. Your tests are to conquer your fears. And your fears are always with you. In one form or another, your challenges will appear totally encased in fears that must be confronted and burst apart, so that you may capture the energy they have been holding for you.

Don’t you feel exhilaration when you challenge yourself to confront your fear and succeed in decimating its power over you? This is how you learn to navigate life; by decimating your fears you grow and evolve, but you also gain energy.

And what happens if we refuse again and again to face and burst through our fears, Jeanne?

In the long run, refusal to meet fear means that fear will take over. That stone you speak of, Jan, will grow larger, until you are totally encased in the hard boulder of it, until you have no more energy. You will live a life unfulfilled, yet still be confronted by your fears. You will constantly go to battle for the energies of your fears, but your own evolution will have been compromised, for the time-being declared unprepared for, unready for. When you are ready you will know what to do. But until then the burden of your fears will grow.

You see, My Dears, it’s necessary to find the means of gaining access to your personal energy. You all have enough to get you where you are going to evolve. You just have to find the way to access it and then use it to gain more.

As you elect to turn your life in a different direction, and face your fears, you will find that some of those fears are very apparent, easily identifiable, known entities and longtime partners in your life. They may be easily burst through as well, but then other fears, not so easily identifiable as such, will come into the game of life. And these are the ones, disguised in many forms, that will really teach you what it means to evolve, to be balanced individuals, and to navigate life with spirit-intent, living in the form of flesh and ego, mind and spirit-thought combined.

Find out who you truly are by facing those fears. It really is the only thing that stands in your way. Your path may not be that clear to you, but I can guarantee that your fears are!

Do you have a last thing to say on this subject today, Jeanne?

Oh yes, don’t forget to love yourself for the fears you bear, and love your fears for guiding you through life, for they are your fuel. They carry the energy you need to truly evolve. They are you, leading you ever deeper to the core of self, the energy self. They may manifest in your life and in your body, but they are your energy self. Find your way to them and gather from them the knowledge they hold. Your fears are your power! You see?

Thank you, Jeanne!

Please feel free to post comments or respond to this message in the post/read comments section below. And thank you for passing the messages on!

Most fondly and humbly offered.

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: The Reality of Reality

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I awaken. An abundance of dream traces compete for attention. I have been in many dreams, many worlds. Calmly, I reach for pen, journal, and light, trying desperately to hold onto the images. This is not possible. With the light I consolidate into my solid self, my ego takes over and the bulk of the night’s journeys are erased from memory. This world, the “real world,” dominates the mind, as it begins to categorize, define, and judge what’s left of the myriad of the night’s adventures.

Quantum physicists might parallel this experience of waking from dreams with a mysterious phenomenon that occurs at the quantum level of reality called: the collapse of the wavefunction. When a very small particle—which is a minute building block of everything in our world, including our physical bodies— is observed, it presents as a solid object. When that same particle is not observed, it behaves as a wave—that is, a spread-out form of energy that is in many places at once.

A wave can approach a building and go through several windows at the same time, and yet, if a scientist peeks at it while it is doing so, it suddenly collapses into a localized single particle that only goes through one window. The rest of the wave disappears. Sheer quantum magic!

The parallel I draw here between awakening from a dream state to consciousness, and collapse of the wavefunction, is similar to the collapse of our energy selves, as we go from spread-out energy beings, capable of living in many parallel states or dream worlds simultaneously, into a single solid ego being. With the dawn of the awakening ego self comes the collapse of the broad energetic self with all its multitudinous lives, in many dreams, suddenly collapsing into the consolidated solid self of this world.

This world of solid objects presents as the only real world and, yet, quantum physicists know, for a fact, that at a subatomic level it only becomes solid when it is looked at; otherwise it’s a spread-out world of energy. The solid world we inhabit is real, but it is only a frozen moment upon the vast energetic underpinnings of who we are. At the deepest level, we are—all of us—like the result of a pebble being tossed into a pond: the energetic concentric circles that form outwardly; vast waves of interconnected energy.

But for now, let us examine that frozen moment. So, what is the reality of the collapsed wavelength, the solid ego self? The magic is its ability to generate and maintain a cohesive world, completely independent of its underlying broader nature. However, to pull this off requires a major ego inflation. That is, the belief that we are all that there is, that we are the masters of everything, we are discrete independent objects, disconnected from everything around us. This is solid illusion! Objectively speaking, this construction is an act of hubris and a crime against reality. Underneath it all, the ego feels and knows it is not on solid ground, and it is frightened.

As I was writing the draft of this blog, I checked my office messages. A voice that did not identify itself nor leave a phone number, asked the question: “What can lead to a sudden shift, a sudden loss of self-worth or self-esteem?” The answer is: getting pulled into the feeling experience of the true nature of the ego’s position: alienated and disconnected. Feelingwise, all egos feel a deep underlying sense of dread, aloneness, badness, unworthiness, and inadequacy. This is objective truth and, hence, appropriate. In fact, life in our solid world predisposes us to a bi-polar experience. In some moments we need to inflate—act as if we are solidly grounded—and at other moments compensate this by experiencing dips in self-worth or extended moments of depression, as we sink into the emotional quicksand of our not so solid foundations.

If we can live as solid objects but acquiesce to the truth of our underlying wave status, we can bypass being consumed by, or staying attached to, these negative feelings. If we can admit we are inadequate and isolated, not because we are bad, but because it is the necessary objective consequence of being a solid, we can free ourselves of the responsibility of having caused our state of inadequacy. As solid beings we are simply unable to feel and know our full selves as interconnected to everything. So, don’t take it personally. And indeed, as Carlos Castaneda continually stresses: Suspend judgment! If we don’t get identified with the ego’s unrelenting judgments of self and others we open up access to our broader wavelength selves.

I operate in this solid world, every day, from a wavelength perspective. I know that, at some level, even if I’m not allowed “to peek” that everything is energy. I know that energy is interconnected and everywhere at once. These are the waves, the ripples on the pond of the multidimensional self. And I watch, constantly, for the ripples of energy upon the surface, in the form of synchronicities.

Synchronicity is evidence of our total interconnectedness. Each day, I watch in awe, as those ripples of meaning surface in succession, as I move through my encounters of the day and help others examine the meanings of the events in their lives. Everything is meaningful.

I am utterly compelled now to write of the latest ripple, an example of synchronicity that has just happened and has been weaving itself, over the past few days, into every facet of writing this blog, appearing over and over again. Two nights ago, Jan shared an old dream with me where, despite being wounded and bleeding from the hip, she was totally preoccupied by a giant praying mantis pecking away at her skull. This dream mirrored the initiation of her recapitulation. We had been discussing synchronicity when she shared the dream, which had its own synchronicity embedded in it.

The next day, the book, The Adventure of Self-Discovery, by Stanislav Grof, which I had ordered, arrived in the mail. At random, I opened the book to page 152 where Grof was describing a synchronicity that Joseph Campbell had relayed at a seminar. Campbell says: “…We happen to live in New York City, on the fourteenth floor in an apartment on Waverly Place and Sixth Avenue. The last thing you would expect to see in New York City is a praying mantis. The praying mantis plays the role of the hero in the Bushman folklore. I was reading the Bushman mythology—all about the praying mantis. The room in which I was doing this reading has two windows; one window faces up Sixth Avenue, the other window face toward the Hudson river. This is the window I look out of all the time; the window on Sixth Avenue, I do not think I have opened more than twice during the forty-odd years we have lived there.

I was reading about the praying mantis—the hero—and suddenly I felt an impulse to open the window facing Sixth Avenue. I opened the window and looked out to the right and there was a praying mantis walking up the building. He was there, right on the rim of my window! …He looked at me and his face looked just like a Bushman’s face.”

Later that evening, I sat with Jan on the couch and read her this quote. As we talked a small bright green insect with long wings, very much looking like a miniature praying mantis, was crawling on the lampshade behind my head as I read!

Finally, as I sat next to Jan on another couch this morning, finishing the draft of this blog, and just as I am writing about the praying mantis experience, Jan interrupts me. She has been researching the raven in mythology after her recent experiences of the raven. In Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, on pages 187-8, he says: “The raven has a wealth of myth and lore surrounding it. In many ways it is comparable to the coyote tales of the plains Indians, the Bushman tales of the mantis and other societies in which an animal plays both a significant and confusing role. The coyote was both trickster and wise being—fool and wise one. This was true of the mantis in the tales of the Kalahari Bushmen.”

Sheer quantum magic!

I close with an interaction between Carlos Castaneda and the quantum shaman himself, don Juan, over a discussion about solid and energetic reality. In The Art of Dreaming on page 4, Carlos writes:

“I can’t conceive the world in any other way, don Juan,” I complained. “It is unquestionably a world of objects. To prove it, all we have to do is bump into them.”

“Of course it’s a world of objects. We are not arguing that.” (don Juan speaking.)

“What are you saying then?“

“I am saying that this is first a world of energy; then it’s a world of objects. If we don’t start with the premise that it is a world of energy, we’ll never be able to perceive energy directly. We’ll always be stopped by the physical certainty of what you’ve just pointed out: the hardness of objects.”

And so, there is reality and then there is reality.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Messages from Jeanne

#741 A Conversation With Jeanne

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Written by Jan Ketchel and including channeled guidance from Jeanne Ketchel.

Last week I wrote about restlessness as being a catalyst for change and it often served me well, for I believe that we are here to change, that to evolve we must confront our restlessness and use it wisely to keep growing. I use the terms growing and evolving in the sense of allowing ourselves to have experiences in life that lead us to a higher awareness of ourselves as beings on a mission.

What is my purpose for being alive? What is my mission? At pivotal points in my life these are the questions that have spurred me to keep going. I could never imagine life as anything but extremely meaningful, but I also always knew it to be a very personal journey. Awareness of myself as a separate being on a singular journey arrived early, but it has taken many years to sift through the rhetoric of interference, what the seers of ancient Mexico call the foreign installation, the conjuring, rational mind.

The rational mind seeks concrete answers and explanations, wants everything lined up, quantified, labeled. The seeker side of the self may have experiences that cannot be so neatly tied up and explained in acceptable terms. If I tell someone I have experienced myself as pure energy, I may be met with disbelief and dismissal by a rationalist, or I may be met with excitement by a fellow explorer of energy. Both reactions are right, for we do live in a world of rational concreteness, but we also live in a world of wonderful energy. Once I allowed myself to really explore the world of energy that I had indeed always known and experienced, I learned how to detach from the foreign installation, personal importance, and being offended when someone dismissed me as just another kook.

In reality, I am a very pragmatic person, not lent to over-exaggeration or fanaticism. Basically, I have learned to live in two worlds and am quite excited to be in both of them.

Ten years ago, I began a shamanic journey with Chuck and Jeanne Ketchel. It was right about this time of year when the last great restlessness struck me and I knew, with a certainty I had never quite acquiesced to before, that I was about to embark on a journey of total change.

It was a year of shattering, of breaking through personal blockages. It was the year of September 11th and the year Jeanne died. It was a year of beginning a journey to new life, for out of the rubble of shattered lives rises the phoenix, transformed energy burning brightly, as it rises above the flames of destruction, carrying only the energy of truths revealed, reincarnated in new life.

What have we all learned in the past ten years? What have we done with ourselves and our lives that is worthy of speaking about? What have we done as a nation to promote healing and compassion both at home and in the world? What have we done on a personal level for ourselves and others?

Once again I feel restless because I feel that we are on the verge of another catalyst that will force us to change, for perhaps we did not truly pay attention to the true meaning of the events of ten years ago. Even though I have experienced incredible personal change, and even though there are so many more people spreading the message of the importance of personal transformation—not in a religious sense but in a perceptive sense—the Deepak Chopras, the Eckhart Tolles; the many people who have dared to become open channels, who have shed self-importance in order to bring forth the news of the dire necessity for change.

Something else is going to come along to shake us out of our boots again. It has to, for we have not done our homework on a national and global level. Yes, we have done a lot of work, but the true messages of change have not spread as they should.

People, Jeanne says, have become more isolated, more protective, more selfish, more inferior in their thinking. Isolationism breeds contempt for fellow human beings. Isolationism leads eventually to destructive energy. Isolationism breeds fear and that is the energy that now permeates the earth. Fear abides so strongly upon that earth that it cannot contain itself.

It will now begin a pounding at the doors of reality as you know it, seeking expression and release. There are two options:

1. to recognize it for what it is, fear of the unknown, and confront it, or

2. to allow it to rule, to dominate further, creating more destruction.

Fear is the only enemy upon that earth. This is true on an individual level, a national level, and a global level. Fear, once induced, like labor, will deliver what it holds within. Allowing it to release will have one kind of outcome. Allowing it to dissipate by close examination of what it truly is will have a strikingly different outcome.

Fear breeds fanaticism, which breeds destruction. Claim fear as a catalyst to personal change by wrestling it down inside the self. Face it head on, on a personal level, each one of you, and see what it really is that causes your personal restlessness, your personal discomforts, your personal anxiety, and your personal stagnation. I guarantee that it is not really anything outside of you that is so bothersome, but only something inside you.

If everyone voluntarily turned inward and confronted and cross-examined the fears inside them, the world would set a course correction for peaceful resolution and change. However, at this time, there is too much reliance on outer sources of energy, electricity of the manmade sort, rather than reliance on the inner sort of electrical energy.

Mankind is on the verge once again of choosing a new way of life, of freeing himself from destructive behaviors and old fears. If you knew everyone else had the same fears and the same desires, would you be less afraid? If you knew that everyone sought peace, happiness, love, and earth-oriented living, would you be less judgmental? If you knew that the sadness you truly feel inside you is felt equally deeply by everyone else, would you allow yourself to feel for others as you do for yourself? If you knew that today was your last day on earth, would you change your reliance on fear? Would you acquiesce to the fact that your energetic self truly exists? Would you let go of all that you hold so important and realize that none of it truly matters? Would you let yourself go free?

Jeanne, you are really quite confrontational today!

Yes, I am, for it is indeed time to shake things up on an energetic level. Take note: Your world is about to change. What are you going to do about it?

I suggest that each one of you find your inner self. Get to know it extremely well. Find out how it reacts to life and why. Don’t accept everything the mind tells you. Don’t dismiss so easily what your body tells you. And don’t dismiss your energetic resonance. Please learn what it means to be an energetic being. It will serve you well in the year to come.

Are you suggesting a big change? On a global level?

I am suggesting that the potential for disaster created by man’s fear of man is imminent. However, disasters have a way of being averted by those who choose to feel rather than judge. Become a feeling being and you will understand what I am talking about.

This message is for all of humanity. Look to nature to guide you in this energetic endeavor, for nature carries the answers. And you may need to turn to nature for your very survival, if all does not go well.

Instinct, feeling, heart-centered awareness of the self and all human beings as journeyers to enlightenment, to God-energy, will aid in the release of deep-seated fears. You must learn to look always within if you are to save the planet and learn to dispense with fear as the energetic driver of change. Allow something much more profound to enter your being and take over the course of humanity. A new direction is being revealed. Do you see?

Yes, Jeanne, I believe that many people upon the earth truly want change that is good, pure, and sensitive, that humanity as a whole wishes to be unafraid, to be freed of fear and judgment. But I also believe, as you say and through my work with other journeyers, that the biggest blockage is within each of us. We must learn to free ourselves first. Thank you for this message.

Dear Readers: Pass it on and help create the new energetic network of transformation and change that Jeanne suggests is so personally necessary for each of us to partake in, for all our sakes, and the planet too. And then set a personal intent and let it go to the energy of all good intent, to the Universe, who has a way of returning it to us in just the right way, at the right time, and in just the right amount.

Please feel free to post comments or respond to this message in the post/read comments section below.

Most fondly and humbly offered.

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Unblocking Energy

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Back when I was doing my recapitulation Jeanne told me that if I did not find a way to speak about what had happened to me during childhood the long hidden secrets would putrefy inside me. I’d already had proof of this with intermittent pains and illnesses with no medical explanation, skin problems, and cancer. Don Juan explained to Carlos that the purpose of recapitulation consisted of:

“…a systematic scrutiny of one’s life, segment by segment, an examination made not in the light of criticism or finding flaw, but in the light of an effort to understand one’s life, and to change its course. Don Juan’s claim was that once any practitioner has viewed his life in the detached manner that the recapitulation requires, there’s no way to go back to the same life.” —from The Wheel of Time, page 4.

The process of recapitulation consists in learning how to release blocked energy to achieve the detachment that allows us to fully accept and experience new life. Once again, near the end of my recapitulation, Jeanne reminded me of the need to continually release all energy blockages. As I began to take on the job of becoming her channel she warned that if I did not find a way to speak about her, and what I was learning from her, that everything would begin to pile up inside me again, creating new blockages, and eventually I would die.

At that point, I had a dream in which I was feeling the fullness of being Jeanne’s channel and I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that my intent was pure, that I had pureness of heart. In this dream I was confronted with a stadium filled with hecklers who, no matter what I said, would not listen to me as I tried to explain that I was a good person and I was only doing this because it was the right thing to do. Jeanne told me that I had to let my feelings go, that in feeling that I was not being appreciated for my simplicity, my goodness, that I was not listened to and ended up feeling ignored and insignificant, that I was in fact expressing self-importance. She said that no matter how justified and right I felt it did not matter. The only thing that mattered was taking the journey. She was challenging me to take the journey with her more fully. Was I ready to do it, to leave everything behind and go with her into a new world?

In taking the journey, by accepting every challenge as a challenge to let go of my ego, I discovered that most of my blockages were bundled up in self-importance. In order to truly release blocked energy and access my own vital stores of energy I had to get to a place where nothing mattered because nothing had any significance. I had to totally detach from everything that my ego previously felt was important, even the importance of being good, right, or pure of heart. As don Juan taught, in learning detachment—non-attachment to the structures of this world, including feelings of self-importance—we gain the means of shifting our perceptions and evolving.

I finally understood what Jeanne had been telling me all along: if I allowed blockages to remain inside me they would continue to eat up my energy and I would eventually rot away, just an empty carcass. I also knew that either way I was facing death. It is a known fact that we are all going to die, but now I was being asked to make a decision in how I wanted to face my death. Did I want to stay attached to the old self, so known and full of pain, or would I choose to let her go and open up to something totally fresh and new? I was headed the same place no matter what I decided. “Are you taking this journey with me, Jan?” she asked. “Or are you going to stay attached to self-importance?”

I finally understood that in giving up the ego I could become free. “I get it,” I said, “when you can accept death you are free.” How simple that statement sounds! We already possess the knowledge that death is inevitable, but we can change our perception of death by constantly finding new energy: by doing recapitulation, by breathing out old stuff, by releasing energy blockages. We can choose to give ourselves new energy and in so doing free ourselves from the fear of death, removing its dark shadow from our lives. When we allow ourselves to let the true journey begin, death no longer matters either, just as ego no longer matters.

Once I sat and did the recapitulation breath during a thunderstorm, aware that the energy of it was powerful and that if I could tap into it I might be able to create a shift. I sat for a long time and did the sweeping breath, moving my head to the right and then the left, breathing in and out slowly and methodically as I swept my head back and forth, simultaneously going deeper and deeper into myself. I breathed out the energy of my abuser, even the smell and taste of tobacco smoke that appeared, cleaning my nose and lungs of the memory of him, unblocking my body of everything else that arose to get in my way as the storm raged outside the windows, as the lightning flashed and the thunder shook. I went further and further back into the past and beyond, until I became an old Indian woman sitting under a thick and roughly woven blanket on a precipice of a high mesa overlooking a desert landscape as a thunderstorm raged and cracked all around me. As I did the breathing I was letting go of all the dark secrets, breathing out the energy of my abuser, sending him away and replacing his energy with my own, going deeper and deeper as I cleared a path to my truth, into what I had stored inside me, until I was able to leave this world and enter another.

As I took that recapitulation journey that day the energy was very much like the energy of this day, the energy of the storm that now rages outside my windows much the same as that thunderstorm, the wind offering a similar power. With awareness of energy, of our personal energy and why and where it is blocked inside us, in learning how to release ourselves from the past, we become available for experiences of energy as it flows in the universe, as I was that day when I did succeed in shifting my world.

With the intent already set to change, we just have to accept the mission set before us. We have to face death, but in so doing we also have to face life. Are you ready to take the journey? Today, with the power inherent in the southerly wind, it may be your moment. Good Luck!

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Sending you all love and good wishes,
Jan