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Jan's Blog, Recapitulation

The Soul’s Journey

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Recapitulation is like searching for clarity in the fog…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As I recapitulated my childhood of sexual abuse, I would often wonder why I had lived such a life? What was the purpose of it? In the beginning I could find no logical reason, nothing made sense to me. It felt like a painfully useless, wasted childhood.

As I learned more about myself during my three-year-long recapitulation, however, I began to appreciate the child I had been, felt more succinctly her struggles, her pains and fears. I also eagerly embraced the many mystical experiences she had had, and that I too began to have again, in ever increasing numbers, as I understood that her childhood exposure to sexual abuse had afforded her access to such things, things I would never have had the opportunity to experience had I lived a different kind of childhood.

Ponder the following quote, from Edgar Cayce, 20th Century American psychic and medical intuitive. (Cayce, a devoted Christian, unwittingly discovered that he had access to the absolute knowledge of what he called, the Source, while in trance. He provided countless medical readings for afflicted patients that guided doctors to healings.)•

“No soul takes on flesh without a general plan for the experience ahead. The personality expressed through the body is one of many which the individuality might have assumed. Its job is to work on one or several phases of the karma of the individuality. No task is undertaken which is too much for the personality to which it is assigned—or which chooses it. (Some souls choose their own entrances and set their own tasks; others, having made too many mistakes and become dangerously subject to earthly appetites, are sent back by law at a time and under circumstances best suited to them.) The task is seldom perfectly fulfilled, and sometimes is badly neglected.”

Do we really come into this world to be abused, to live a sad and neglected life at the hands of others? Have we lived several lives being abused and neglected? Are we assigned, or do we choose, to live a childhood of sexual abuse because we can handle it and our Soul advances because of it?

As is revealed in the final volume of The Recapitulation Diaries, which I am writing now, I did come to discover that my life as an abused child was not a useless, painful waste of a life but an opportunity to learn and grow. It was through my intense inner work, the work of recapitulating my entire life, that I evolved, and, I believe, fulfilled my Soul’s intent in this life to resolve the issue of abuse and neglect once and for all. During my recapitulation I was also exposed to a bigger picture, to ideas I had previously only briefly wondered about, for it was through the deep work I did on myself that I experienced the possibility of past lives, the idea of karma as a viable work order for a life, channeling, and life after death as a true potential. Such things have now become central to my life.

I was always very sensitive, empathic to the point of feeling other people’s feelings and pain, but rarely my own. During my recapitulation, in the final few months, I finally began to experience my own feelings and emotions, which had been blocked my whole life, up until that point.

I had been born into a family where emotions were not allowed, feelings rarely expressed, and I learned to follow the family rules early in life. Better to withhold emotions than to be ridiculed or shamed for having them. I learned to hide my true self.

The following quote, also from Edgar Cayce, made me realize that the family I was born into, that family that I found so rational, so cold and insensitive, was the perfect setting in which to work toward becoming and owning the truly emotional, feeling, sensitive being I really was at heart.

“Choice of incarnation is usually made at conception, when the channel for expression is opened by the parents. A pattern is made by the mingling of soul patterns of the parents. This sets up certain conditions of karma. A soul whose karma approximates these conditions will be attracted by the opportunity presented. Since the pattern will not be exactly [their] own, [they] must consider taking on some of the karma of the parents—relatively—in order to use the channel. This concerns environment, companionship with the parents, and certain marks of physiognomy.”

From this explanation, I would have to say that I chose my emotionless parents as the perfect pattern in which to finally confront my own karma. Perhaps I had lived previous lives as rationally cold-hearted as my parents, especially my mother, who even today at 95 has yet to crack the emotionless facade that has always encased her. Perhaps I saw them as the right vehicles to force a personal karmic change. Born into a family that dismissed emotional outlets as sentimental chicanery, I was forced to either follow suit or fight to find a way to be who I really was. I chose the latter.

At the same time, my childhood of sexual abuse was well-served by the lack of emotion in my family. I learned early on to keep a stiff upper lip, to be independent, stoic and uncomplaining, to hide what I was really feeling. On the one hand, these personal attributes served my abuser well, for he was assured by my strong quiet demeanor that I would not betray his secrets. But on the other hand, inside myself, I knew I was not that hard being that I pretended to be, though I learned to emulate my mother’s personality to a tee.

I struggled through the first half of my life with how to be. Should I uphold the family values or blaze my own trail? Could I really break ranks with the family patterns, leave them behind, and move on into a new life of my own creation? You bet I could!

Art saved me…
– Artwork by Jan Ketchel © 2002

It was not until I recapitulated my childhood self that I realized my choice of career, as an artist and writer, gave me the outlet I needed to attend to my emotional self in artistic, poetic expression. My art had always been my outlet, I realized, where I could be the gentle, sensitive person I really was inside. It was in my art that I could caress the neglected child self and empower the blossoming adult self. It was in my art that I learned to let go of old ideas and forge ahead into new territory, new patterns that served me well, as I learned what it meant to individuate, to grow into the being I am today, the being I always was inside, now matured and whole.

And so, rather than feeling neglected by my distant and emotionless parents, I thank them for giving my Soul, and my individual personality in this life, the opportunity to advance. By their strict teachings, I learned how not to be. I learned that I was not them, though I arrived in this life through them, my Soul having taken advantage of the cold environment they afforded me, to once and for all confront the cold and emotionless side of myself, and resolve my personality of its own emotionless karma forever.

Today, I am a happy, well-adjusted emotional, feeling being. I see the people in my life as having their own karmic issues to work through, those who came through me and those whom I am blessed to have in my life. We all have work to do in our lives that goes beyond just learning to live in the world. We have to learn how to live our Soul’s intent. Reincarnation and recapitulation afford us a way to do that; they are both Soul work.

I found this quote to be another helpful reminder of why we may have come into the life we have come into, why we meet and interact with people and then leave them, why we do the things we do. It’s all about what our Soul needs in order to complete something left undone in previous lives, and the opportunity to advance.

“Things other than pattern concern the soul in its selection of a body: coming situations in history, former associations with the parents, the incarnation, at about the same time, of souls it wishes to be with and with whom it has problems to work out. In some cases the parents are the whole cause of a soul’s return—the child will be devoted to them and remain close to them until their death. In other cases the parents are used as a means to an end—the child will leave home early and be about its business.”

Knowing more about the Soul, and karmic reasons for life’s circumstances and the situations we find ourselves in, we see how reincarnation becomes a viable means of personal transformation and growth. Having a perspective on reincarnation, and Soul purpose, and with the ability to accept the life we are living as a vital step in the evolution of our individual Soul personalities, we are afforded the opportunity to view every moment in our lives as part of our karmic journey to completion, to bringing our Soul to fulfillment.

Of course, it’s always a choice! Or is it?

Love to all,

Jan Ketchel, Author of The Recapitulation Diaries

—

• Excerpts are from There is a River: The Story of Edgar Cayce by Thomas Sugrue, pp. 251, 252

• Brackets […] in the second quote indicate author’s editorial changes

• More about Cayce: Many of Cayce’s original healing recipes are available today, and a hospital that he established in Virginia Beach still functions today as a healing and teaching center: The A.R.E.

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Prayer For Another

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We all have access to the sacred oneness... - Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel
We all have access to the sacred oneness…
– Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel

In Tibet a delok, usually a woman, undergoes a temporary death, or Near Death Experience, and ventures into the astral realm where she receives messages for the living from the non-corporeal spirits that inhabit that realm. One such delok from the 16th Century reported how she met her master in the astral realm while he simultaneously protected her “dead” body and spoke to her. As he prayed for her, she merged with him in a state of cosmic oneness. From that place of oneness, she was moved and guided by his prayers to explore the afterlife. Upon return from her Near Death Experience she brought back what she had learned. From that state of cosmic oneness, accessible to all of us, we can experience the intent of another.

When we pray for someone, we send them an energetic invitation to, in a state of oneness, merge with that intent. In so doing, that person is invited to expand themselves beyond their current fixation into a whole new possibility.

Perhaps we know someone deeply encumbered by an addiction, with the limiting belief that things can’t change. From a place of compassion, we might seek to be helpful.

First we must accept that all beings are challenged to take responsibility for their own choices in life. To make a choice for another person cannot relieve them of their karmic debt to solve the dilemma they are faced with in this life. If we are successful in relieving another of their own choice making, it assures a return of the dilemma, either later in life or in another life to come. Thus, we cannot solve the challenges that others face, but we can send positive prompts through our prayers, offering them support by envisioning a different possibility for them.

Can we imagine this person transformed beyond their addiction? Can we hold that possibility fully within ourselves? From there, in a prayer, we can send that positive intent to that person.

Our prayer will energetically solicit the attention of that other person and they will be offered the energetic impact of it, perhaps in a fleeting thought, a feeling, or a sensation that invites them to expand themselves beyond where they are caught.

Imagine someone transformed... - Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel
Imagine someone transformed…
– Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel

For a moment in time they are afforded the chance to play dress-up with another possibility. That pause affords an interruption in the incessant continuity of the addict sense of self. That pause offers a moment to merge with a different self, and it might indeed be a life-changing moment.

American psychic Edgar Cayce spoke of a kind of therapeutic intent whereby the consciousness of one person can affect another. He believed that we all have the ability to channel health and healing for others. It is the purity of the intent, without ulterior motive, that will bring about the possibility of change.

And so, we are cautioned to examine the purity of our prayers. If the intention of our prayer is to change another person to meet our own needs, then our intent is overshadowed by our own merchant mentality. Indeed, the other person will be energetically impacted by our prayer even though our prayer is not freely given. In fact, the true message of such a prayer might be translated as, “please change to take care of me!”

That prayer, even if listened to, sows the seeds of its own demise. The actual invitation in that prayer is to help me not to grow, to stay fixated where I am through your support. This is not an evolutionary offering. True prayer is selfless. True prayer is non-conditional. True prayer is compassionate. True prayer is evolutionary. True prayer does not ask for anything in return. It does not ask another to change to benefit me but only the person it is directed to. True prayer offers visions of true possibility for another, inviting that other person to throw their own intent into manifesting change for themselves.

Pure prayer is powerful... - Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel
Pure prayer is powerful…
– Detail from a collage by Jan Ketchel

I, as the giver, must fully accept that you, the receiver, might not be ready for the vision of the prayer and I accept your right to refusal. Nonetheless, I might incessantly offer my good prayers on your behalf, without attachment to the outcome, that you might be surrounded with reminders of what is possible, because, as Cayce also said, “Thoughts are things, and they have their effect upon individuals…” And if I can imagine you as a profoundly changed being, perhaps someday you’ll find your way to envision that same possibility for yourself, and merge your own intent with it.

I will continue to pray, but also continue to fully take responsibility for my own evolutionary choices, as we all must.

Chuck

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Intent—Uh-oh, It Really Works!

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Be careful in the shaman's world! What may look enticingly beautiful could be deadly if not used cautiously and knowledgeably. - Photo of datura by Jan Ketchel
Be careful in the shaman’s world!
What may look enticingly beautiful could be deadly if not used cautiously and knowledgeably.
– Photo of datura by Jan Ketchel

The Shamans of Ancient Mexico suggest that we state our intent and then let it go, that we send out a call to intent and then let the energy of intent find us, letting it bring us what we need or take us where we need to go. Sometimes our call to intent may be innocently misguided and then we can get into trouble, but if we are working on our personal growth in a sober and balanced manner we tend to be cautious and careful as we tread into unknown territory. It doesn’t pay to be inflated or foolhardy in the shaman’s world; there is too much out there that is eager to hook us and hook into us, desirous of our tasty energy. And so, when setting intent, it is best to be stably prepared for what may come.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve written about entities in my blogs, beings who seem to have come into my dream world for a reason. They’ve been absent for a week, at least I’ve had no recall of them. In fact, I’ve had little or no dream recall at all for the past week. As a result, last night, I decided to use intent to both dream and to remember what transpired in my dreams. To enhance the experience I decided to sleep with Carlos Castaneda’s book, The Art of Dreaming, on top of me. I lay in bed on my back, placed the book over my lower abdomen, and set the intent to absorb the contents of the book, to dream, and to remember what had transpired upon awakening. Perhaps it was a lot to ask.

I got the idea for the experiment from a conversation Chuck and I were having. He remembered that this was how Carlos would read books. He’d lay them all over his body as he slept and when he woke up he’d know the entire contents of the books he’d slept with. Chuck also recently read that Edgar Cayce, the American mystic and medical intuitive had done the same thing. “Yes,” I said, “I remember that’s how he read the Bible when he was a little kid. He became quite an expert interpreter of the Bible at a young age. He’d absorbed the entire book, but also the deeper meaning as well.” This gave me the idea to try it myself, mostly to see what would happen, if I would have an experience.

I already know that Carlos’s books are imbued with the intent of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico; he said this often enough. If you pick one up you are sure to be taken on a ride! The Magical Passes are imbued with that same intent too, not the least of them the Magical Pass of the Recapitulation Breath. This I am personally well aware of, as I discovered during my recapitulation. Once I began the journey, the entire universe seemed to be there with me, fully present, involved in my life 24/7. It was quite a thrilling ride! In just picking up a book about those shamans a strange and wonderful energy flows into the reader, absorbed through the words on the pages of the books, imbued with ancient intent. So, electing to place a Castaneda book over my abdomen had the potential to produce something!

Entities are everywhere, just waiting to hook in! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Entities are everywhere,
just waiting to hook in!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I had actually placed the book on top of the covers, telling Chuck that if it fell off me during the night, perhaps he’d have an experience as well. “Okay,” he said, clearly curious. And then I drifted off to sleep. Within seconds I was startled awake by the faces of entities, black, gnarly, weathered faces, treelike, intricately carved, as if they had lived for thousands of years. “No,” I said, reasserting my intent as soon as I saw them. “Not you guys,” I said, dismissing them. “I want to have dreams!”

I fell into deep sleep. I also fell into a dreaming intensity that I have never experienced. I woke with a start after three hours of tumbling around inside nonstop dreams that were grippingly engaging. As soon as I woke up, I could not recall a thing, but boy were they intense! I decided it was enough, perhaps too much, and besides the book, which had slipped to my left thigh, was now burning my skin. Heat like I had never felt before was burning through two heavy quilts right into the skin of my thigh, which felt red hot! “I’d better stop,” I thought, and I put the book aside and fell into heavy, deep and dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

Upon awakening, I told Chuck of what had transpired. It was a mysterious and thrilling experience, but I’m a careful treader into the unknown, and so I intend to go slowly into dreaming with intent. I do have to say though, that I woke up with great energy, more energy than I’ve had in a long time. So, something imbued in that book affected me while I slept. I’m curious to read it again and see what it might be, what might stand out. Perhaps it’s just the energy of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico as they intend it to be experienced, and if so, that’s fine with me!

On the other hand, I do know that my entities appeared for the first time in a week—those gnarly tree faces—and I abruptly dismissed them. Perhaps that gave them license to play with me a little. Maybe they were the ones who took me on a ride last night, proving to me just how much power they really have! I know they are in my life for a reason, and that I’ll have to continue my excursions into the unknown with them as my companions, for better or worse; for the time being we belong together. Whatever really transpired, it was just the right energetic experience I needed, and I’m thankful for that!

On the ride,
Jan