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Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: A Contemplative Life

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Seeking solitude in the midst of life... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Seeking solitude in the midst of life…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I had dreams when I was young. Those dreams always centered around a contemplative life. My Catholic schoolgirl self envisioned joining a convent, one that fostered a life of silence and prayer. I thought that would be the perfect life.

In my teenage years I contemplated the hermit’s life, living alone in some remote area, far removed from society in search of nirvana. As I grew up, left home and went out into the world, I still wished for and dreamed of retreat, for the safety and freedom of a solitary place where I could just be.

At my core I was always aware that I had such dreams because I was afraid of the world, but little did I know the reason for my fears. I did not know that I had already encountered frightening evil.

Over the past few nights, while dreaming, I have encountered a woman. She confronts me. The first night she sat next to me. She stared at my hands and arms, which I held in my lap. “Why aren’t you wearing any of Jeanne’s jewelry? Why aren’t you wearing anything that belonged to her?” she asked me. “It doesn’t matter,” I said in my usual humble and self-deprecating manner. “I’m not special, and besides anyone can do what I do.”

Last night she came back into my dream. This time I passed by her on a street. “Bitch!” she said to me as she walked quickly past. Behind me I could hear another woman ask her why she had said that to me. “We have to harass her,” she said.

These two dreams make sense to me as I seek balance in my life, as I constantly seek to fully accept and own who I am, all parts of myself. In the first dream the woman was confronting me about my spiritual side and my work as a spiritual being. Am I truly owning her? Do I fully live as the spiritual being I have worked so hard to become, a being with the ability to channel?

In the second dream, the woman is asking me to confront my human self, all the things I have done in this life, all the moods, angers, deceits, and fears that make me human. I must fully embrace and own her too. The woman in my dream asks me to fully express all parts of myself, without holding back, to fully be both the spiritual being that I am and the visceral human, bitch or otherwise, that I am.

The two sides of self must fully live as one... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The two sides of self must fully live as one…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

And I do need to be harassed. If I am to know who I truly am, I must constantly be confronted, in dreams and in reality. All of this is part of actively living a contemplative life. I already know that if I go too far over to the contemplative side I ignore my human self. If I get too human I ignore my spiritual self. But what I realize, and have for a long time now, is that my dreams of living a contemplative life have always been my reality. I have always been a contemplative person. Most of us are.

I did not go into a convent or retreat to a mountaintop, but I did create my own reality. I did secure myself a life of contemplation in all that I chose to do in life. I was always living my dream. But when we are in the midst of life we might not realize this, though I see how my intentions—what I told myself I wanted—became my life. I lived the solitary life of a freelance artist and writer, not in a convent or a cave on the side of a mountain but sequestered in my studio. I ventured out into the world to deliver one assignment and secure my next, but for the most part I lived in solitude. And I liked it that way.

I also now know that my contemplative life has evolved me forward into something more like my childhood dreams, into a life full of opportunities to experience the purity and freedom to just be; what was always at the root of my desire for retreat. But I had to go through the trials of recapitulation to get here, like the confrontations with the dark side of the soul that all contemplatives must face if they are to evolve into the spiritual beings they dream of becoming too.

At this point in my life, as I look back on the journey I’ve taken, I see the bigger picture now, but we have the opportunity to do this all the time, to pause and contemplate where we have been. We always have the opportunity to ask: What are the messages I’m giving myself? What reality do I want to create for myself? What dreams have I been dreaming my whole life? Am I fulfilling them? Are they truly my dreams, coming wholly from within? Or am I trying to fulfill the dreams or uphold the demands of another? Am I living the life I really want to live? The answers to such questions may be surprising!

I see very clearly that my childhood dreams of the contemplative life came solely from within. They were indicating the way to both my salvation and my darkness, or rather that through contemplating my darkness I would achieve the salvation I had really been dreaming about all along. I was not fully conscious of this when I was young, but when I think about it now I realize there was no other choice for me, and so I have to say that at some level of consciousness I really was aware that I was totally on the right path, solitary though it was.

Sometimes we must stop and contemplate where we are. We might see that our life is full of both light and dark...and both are right. - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Sometimes we must stop and contemplate where we are.
We might see that our life is full of both light and dark…and both are right.
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

My spiritual self wishes to tell you that you too will get to a place of freedom and purity, but my human self needs you to know that it may be a tough road—if life harasses you, that’s good! But both sides of myself would also say that if you look at where you are right now, and contemplate how you got here and what your dreams are, perhaps you will find that you are right where you always wanted to be. You might be taking your own path of heart, living a life that is directed solely from within.

Had I been given the insight that I now have when I was in my twenties, would it have mattered? Yes, I think it would have. And in truth I was being given advice and insight every day of my life, as we all are, by the world outside of me and by my deepest conflicts within. It’s just how life is, whether we are contemplating it or not.

Sending love as you take life one day at a time, trusting that you are on your path of heart,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Permission For Retreat Granted

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Seeking beauty in calm surroundings... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Seeking beauty in calm surroundings…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I notice how everything aligns, what I’m thinking about, what happens outside in the world, as well as what happens on a deeper subconscious level. The universes are synchronized.

I’m concerned with energetic and spatial alignment and compatibility. I want things in my life to be in good relationship, to each other and to me, as I live and flow through my life. I want to personally be in good alignment with my environment too, both inside and outside the house I live in, as well as inside and outside my physical body house.

While I seek calmness and balance, I must also challenge myself to go beyond my comfort zone, to be appropriately daring but also to not be foolhardy. There are times when we must push ourselves to try something new, but there are other times when it might not be the right time yet. And so patience is part of the process; it may actually be critical that we know when to be daring and when to wait. And so, we must be willing to question our decisions on a deeper level. Am I holding back for the right reason or am I acquiescing to the old self who just doesn’t want to be disturbed? I’ve noticed that the appropriate answer comes when the right question is asked.

My greater intent is to remain in alignment and in the natural flow of things, whether that flow is calm and sedate or frenzied and difficult. I seek to be adjustable in appropriate ways, giving and receiving when right, but also able to pull back and away when that feels right. Sometimes it just isn’t right to be available, no matter how a decision to not engage may appear to others. Sometimes it’s just time to break the old patterns, expectations, and demands of others, and withdraw. Sometimes it’s even time to permanently sever old ties that no longer serve us.

I’m a dreamer. If you’ve read any of my books, especially the latest one, Into the Vast Nothingness, you’ll have encountered my dreaming self. As I recapitulated I became very adept at analyzing my dreams. As I learned more about my own life and began to understand the symbols that arose to show me the way forward, things in my life evened out. I began to access the calmness and balance I had always sought to maintain. Now, at this point in my life, I’ve achieved more calmness and balance than I ever thought possible. During my recapitulation, I’d momentarily access it but it would be fleeting, as I’d dive back into my process or be drawn back in, as was appropriate at the time. Eventually the process took less of my energy and life took more—real life, new life freed of trauma—as life in alignment with my new self took over.

Lately my dreaming self has been going to classes. The other night I earned my doctorate and graduated into a “day of renewal.” The next night I dreamed that I was back in school again, sitting at the feet of an Indian guru, studying the Upanishads. That same night I also studied intent, holding onto my intent to “see” as the Shamans of Ancient Mexico say, seeing energy as it moves in the universe.

You don't belong here! You can't come in! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
You don’t belong here! You can’t come in!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Last night my intent for calmness and balance came through, right in alignment with my greater intent to be in the natural flow of things. I sat in the middle of a solid square comprised of 25 one-foot-square stones, laid out like a patio. This square was my place of power, my fortress but also my place of calm mediation and retreat. Though there were no walls surrounding me, I was totally encased inside this square; nothing could reach me that I did not bring into it. The number 25 was significant. Upon awakening I wondered why 25, but when I drew out the pattern I noted that the 25th stone sat solidly in the center of the perfect square. It was the center of my place of power.

As I dreamed, worry arose again and again. I knew that worry was not necessary, that it signifies something from the past that is done and cannot be undone, or something from the future that has not happened yet and so it was futile and a waste of energy to allow it to have my energy. It was appropriate to withdraw. And so each time worry arose in my dream, I retreated into my square. I sat down on the central 25th stone and grew immediately calm, knowing for certain that it was the right thing to do.

Upon awakening and beginning my day, I carry that sense of calmness with me. It is solid like stone. My fortress is both a spiritual container for my deeper self and protection against all that is outside that wants to get in, the dual aspect of containment that is necessary if we are to achieve and maintain alignment and balance in our lives. In going inside my stone square, sitting at the center of my power mandala, I declare that I am not available right now because my own energy needs rejuvenation and exploration, completely devoid of outside energy.

As we seek to know ourselves on deeper levels, we must learn how to contain our energy for our own use, constantly adjusting so that we can also be available, when appropriate, to share ourselves with others. We all need a center of power to return to as we go about our day.

It is certainly appropriate, and even necessary, to establish a place of retreat, a place where we feel safe and secure, away from the demands of the world and the cogitations of the mind—such as the worry of my dream—but also a place where we can spiritually rejuvenate. This place can be an imaginary fortress like a square or a circle, or it can be a quiet spot inside or outside, removed from everyone and everything. It might even mean sitting in our car for a few moments of breathing before entering back into the fray of life. In offering ourselves even momentary retreat we set the intent to not overextend ourselves or lose ourselves to the outer world, but to give our spirit appropriate time alone.

Like stone, my fortress is solid! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Like stone, my fortress is solid!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As we give ourselves permission to retreat we also give ourselves permission to reenergize and maintain our power to live life on our own terms. It’s something I worked hard for, as many of you do too, and it’s not something I will very easily give up. So I gladly accept the advice of my dreaming self, taking time for spiritual study, retreat and renewal!

From the center of my 25 stone retreat,
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Transforming Fear

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Is there really anything to fear? - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Is there really anything to fear?
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

It’s surprising how the first reaction to disturbing dreams is fear. It’s the ego trying to assert itself.

When we fall asleep and dream, momentarily exiting the restless body and mind that we inhabit for most of our lives, we access our ethereal body. Absent of ego, we are freed to travel into a world of symbols, archetypes, and energetic possibilities far beyond our waking conscious lives. Though for the most part hidden from waking consciousness, we nonetheless bump into and engage these same meaningful aspects of life as we go about our daily lives. As we live out our psychological makeup and interact with others, these symbols and archetypes live out and interact along with us. In dreaming, however, like bees gathering nectar that they will take back to the hive to produce sweet honey, we too have the opportunity to take what we encounter in our dreams back into waking consciousness for deeper understanding of who we are.

During my recapitulation I dreamed a slew of dreams about snakes. Frightened of snakes, I saw them at first as evil energy until one day I was given a new insight: Snakes are healing! I was so stuck on my fear of snakes that I could only see them as scary and dangerous. How could they possibly mean anything else? How could they possibly be positive symbols?

As soon as I grasped the concept, however, I knew it was the truth: snakes are symbols of healing and transformative energy. After that insight, things began to change rapidly for me, both in my dreaming and my waking life. As snakes regularly shed their skins in a cyclical process of death and birth, so is recapitulation a similar process, a shedding an old self to gain access to a new self. Snake medicine was showing me how the symbols in my dreams were clearly part of my recapitulation and that the recapitulation that I was undertaking in conscious daily life was equally intertwined with my energetic dreaming self. I was being given meaningful symbols in my dreams that were helping me to gain greater understanding of who I was and what was in store for me as I did my deep inner work.

Recently, I dreamed a frightening dream. At least that was my first reaction. This time, however, it was not a snake that jolted me awake but a spider clinging to my nose! In the dream I was standing between two worlds. On the left was a lush forest. A light being lay like the dying Buddha on his side in the trees of this lush forest. On the right, surrounded by shadows, stood a healer, a dark haired man who was a doctor. As the dream began I was emerging from the earth. Covered in dirt, roots, worms and bugs I emerged spitting and shaking from the wet rich soil at my feet. I stood over a square white table and shook out my hair, watching the debris fall onto the white surface. I pulled bugs from my hair, asking each of the beings if they were ticks. Each time I asked the bug would fly off. Knowing that ticks do not fly I was immediately soothed. Neither of the beings answered any of my questions. They simply observed. Suddenly, a large translucent amber-colored spider was clinging to the tip of my nose, spraying venom into my mouth. Spitting and gagging I tried to remove the spider, but it clung tenaciously. I was aware that I did not want to injure or kill it, but I wanted it off! I showed the spider to both of the beings but neither of them reacted, they simply shrugged their shoulders as if to say, “Whatever.” I feared that the venom would be bitter and detrimental, but in fact it had no taste and I was not harmed by it, but still there was another part of me that just wanted the spider off my nose! As I struggled to remove the spider I woke up dripping with water, earth and bugs, totally freaked out.

As I analyzed the dream, it became clear that it was a healing dream and not the poisoning situation that I first reacted to. My ego self was both offended and frightened by the spider clinging to my nose, but I knew it had to be something pretty significant. My first reaction upon awakening was that there was something wrong with me, that I was ill, or putting the wrong foods into my mouth, but then I remembered that in the Hopi creation myths Spider Grandmother was an important figure, as she consciously wove the world. Before long I realized that, much like my snake dreams during my recapitulation, this was a dream about birthing new awareness. I was birthed in full consciousness this time, as opposed to previous lives when I was birthed into life in forgetfulness. As I studied the dream, I began to see its beauty and power, its symbolism clear, the archetypes of which it was made up clear as well. I readily let go of my frightened ego, so eager to reassert its superiority, and sided with my awakened—in more ways than one—spiritual self.

I came away from this dream more thankful for my dreaming process, knowing that our dreams, as much as they take us into other states and other realms, tie directly in with our evolutionary process here on earth. If we are to truly understand the meaning of those other states and realms, we must first figure out the meaning of our lives here and now. From my own experiences, I can only conclude that the meaning of our lives is to become fully conscious of our energetic potential and then use it to evolve.

Everything is cyclical... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Everything is cyclical…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The spider, like the snakes of my previous dreams, represented infinity and the cyclical nature of everything. She really was saying that I must watch what I put into myself, both into my physical body and into my ethereal body, both of them vitally important as I navigate this life. Only healing food and healing endeavors must enter me. There was a soberly calm part of me that knew this even while I dreamed.

In addition, when I looked more closely at who the light being and the dark being were, I knew they were representing both birth and death, past and future, but also that they were one and the same, each representing a beginning and an ending, an opportunity for shedding and birthing. It became clear that those beings were also me, and as I know myself on a deeper level and experience my energetic self, I know there is nothing to fear in those big moments of transition. Like the spider or the snakes of my dreams, those beings were representing my wholeness. They patiently waited for me to answer all my own questions, knowing full well that all the answers lie within. Indeed, everything becomes increasing clear as I study the dream. My ego is further removed now too, not as necessary as it once was; no need to protect. I am on a new journey now.

I am also certain that if we can begin to imagine ourselves as living in a dream all the time, viewing the symbolism of our experiences in life that same way we view the symbolism our dreams offer us, we can more readily gain access to the mystery and magic of our lives as a whole. Fear and the ego play a critical role in how we decide to interpret both our dreams and what happens to us in waking life, but we can decide to use all our encounters with fear and the ego to advance ourselves now. Are we really dreaming all the time? Why wait until the next life to find out?

Doing it now!
Jan

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Of Witches & Pyres

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Is it really spring? The last vestiges of the old season will soon melt away... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Is it really spring?
The last vestiges of the old season
will soon melt away…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I lived in Sweden in the 1970s. One day there was a knock at the apartment door. I answered it and saw three little girls standing there.

Dressed in long skirts, with kerchiefs around their heads and brightly painted red cheeks, they held out copper kettles, singing something indecipherable in lilting voices. It looked a lot like Halloween to me, but it was Pink Thursday, the day before Good Friday.

Luckily, I was baking cookies for the guests who would be arriving the next day. I couldn’t speak Swedish very well at the time, so I held up a finger—wait a sec—and went into the kitchen to grab a handful of warm chocolate chip cookies, a rarity in Sweden at the time. (I’d had the chocolate chips sent to me by my parents as they were not available there.)

“Kakor?” I asked, reappearing with cookies in hand.

“Ja!” they replied, quite happily.

Grabbing the cookies they gobbled them down, making pleasing sounds while I smiled at them and nodded, saying, “Ja, ja,” or something like that. We waved goodbye as they turned to knock on my neighbor’s door. I shut the door and ran back into the kitchen, just in time to rescue the next batch of cookies from being burned in the oven.

Those little girls were enacting a tradition, playing the witches who supposedly cavorted with the devil on that day; all part of the springtime rituals, I was to learn. Usually coins were placed in the tea kettles but, as I told my husband, those little girls didn’t mind the cookies at all!

A few weeks later, at the end of April, another spring ritual was enacted. We’d traveled to spend a few days with my in-laws at their summer house on the West coast of Sweden. A bonfire ensued, the natural consequences of doing winter cleanup of the yard, but this too had significance. It was Walpurgis Night, the annual ritual to greet spring’s arrival. Many bonfires were lit that night along the coast, songs were sung and a lot of alcohol, another part of the tradition, was consumed.

It was the first time I was being exposed to ancient traditions outside of those of my Catholic upbringing. I found them intriguing. It was an eyeopener that nature itself was not only leading the way, but was actually being celebrated as the most significant guide in breaking through to new life. It made perfect sense to me, but I’d never encountered it before. Everyone knew the ritual, and everyone participated. Without judgment, it was a tradition that just was, nature allowed its place in a celebratory, honest, and most practical manner. As that Walpurgis Night fire burned, the ritual of the witches cavorting with Satan made perfect sense too. All of a sudden, I understood that nature was a real and powerful ally and entity, and it needed to be paid attention to, honored, and reckoned with.

Light the ritual pyre... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Light the ritual pyre…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I’m ready for my own bonfire now. It’s been on my mind that we should have a fire soon in our outdoor pit. The idea has been stirring for weeks, as we’ve waited for the snow to melt so that we could actually see the fire pit! It’s time to intentionally enact the ancient ritual of shedding and burning that which we no longer need. It’s time to begin anew.

Last night I dreamed. My skin was cracking and peeling away. Not like skin that has been sunburned and peels in thin layers. No, this skin was about an inch or two thick. It was old crusty skin. I knew, as I dreamed, that it symbolized that which is no longer necessary, a protective layer that no longer has any use. I was wearing it for no good reason, only out of habit. Beneath the thick old skin lies new pink skin, the tender, innocent and true self. It’s time to fully expose her, to let her live all the time, not just when it feels safe or appropriate, because I suddenly understood that it is always appropriate to live from the tender and real self.

My dream reminded me of a dream I’d had when doing my recapitulation. At that time I’d dreamed of removing a layer of the same kind of thick crusty skin from the soles of my feet. I still cringe as I recall peeling it off only to find beautiful pink soles underneath. In that dream, I put the crusty soles back on because I still had a lot of recapitulation work to do. But it was enough to know what lay in store for me, the innocent and pure self revealed by those tender pink soles. I wasn’t ready at the time to do more than hold the secret of this true self, but last night’s dream tells me that I’m more than ready now. I’ve been walking on the soles of that tender self for a long time now, but as my dream tells me, it’s time to shed everything else I’ve used to keep her protected and let her fully live!

And so, in celebration of spring, I intend to shed the trappings and ideas of an old self. I intend to set upon the altar that which is no longer necessary or desirable. In lighting the pyre, I intend to sacrifice that which oppresses and keeps me from experiencing my fuller self, all the thoughts and ideas that no longer belong in my life. I also set the intent to no longer hide the pure tender soul of who I am. I will be burning that crusty old coat of skin that I no longer need to wear!

In the melting away of the last coating of ice and snow... the true beauty, struggling to fully live... is revealed... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
In the melting away of the last coating of ice and snow…
the true beauty, struggling to fully live…
is revealed…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I will allow nature to be my guide, both through this ritual burning and in the next steps. I have no idea where I’m going, but in this shedding and burning process I declare that I am open, willing, and ready for new life.

We’ve all come so far in our lives and in our work. Let us not be held back. Let us light the fire on the altar and raise a glass to nature and to spring, to renewal of the true self, and many happy new beginnings.

As I light the fire and raise a glass to spring, I hope you will too,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Dream Changers

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Vortexes of energy are everywhere... Art by Jan Ketchel
Vortexes of energy are everywhere…
Art by Jan Ketchel

A reader asks: “So the Tivoli residents have yet another tragedy at the entrance to the village…how do we stay present when we travel through these vortex points in our world?”

On January 31, 2014 two young women were killed as they walked along the shoulder of Route 9G just leaving the village of Tivoli, NY; Bard college students on their way to the shuttle bus stop that would take them back to the campus. On March 3, 2014 a 21 year-old man was killed as he turned to drive south along Route 9G at that same intersection.

Indeed, there are energetic vortexes, whirlpools of energy that swirl beneath the currents of energy that flow on well-travelled roads—rivers of energy. Route 9G, a stretch of highway that runs parallel to the Hudson River—a mile to the West—for a long stretch of Northern Dutchess County in New York, is no exception.

The Hudson River, for all its magnificence, is a river of powerful, hidden currents. This is not a river to swim, and it has taken the lives of many innocent, daring, inexperienced and experienced swimmers alike.

The river is a metaphor for the vast energetic reality that lies beneath the surface of our consciousness. Our cars are our vehicles of consciousness, reflecting our ability to navigate the world through our will and conscious intention. But, upon entering our cars, how quickly we are taken beyond our neat little containers of consciousness! Suddenly we find ourselves in a sea of power drives, overtaken by rages at those who negate us, pass us, pressure us from the rear. We might find ourselves embroiled in power struggles and fantasies of conquest, of winning or passive-aggressively, sadistically, causing pain as we ride the brake.

The energetic currents of the highway are as powerful as the hidden currents of the river and they catch us unawares. Often, when people leave the office I warn them to walk on the earth for a while before driving away. The phenomena of highway hypnosis is the impact of the deeper energetic currents that suddenly transport us into a recapitulation. We might find ourselves suddenly transported out of body to another place and time, perhaps into a past experience or into a coexistent other-world that takes us out of this space and time.

The other day, I opened Theodore Gaster’s abridged version of The Golden Bough to this quote: “Often the soul is conceived as a bird ready to take flight.” This is the danger of highway hypnosis. The roadways we travel are filled with energetic whirlpools, vortexes that can free that bird, sometimes as a tragic dream changer. But then, who really knows their exact appointment time with death?

We must go into the well if we are to be fulfilled... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We must go into the well if we are to be fulfilled…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In a dream the other night, Jan and I found ourselves at a mountain resort next to a powerful river. I inquired about a place to swim and was shown a section that to me looked no safer than the rest of the river. Suddenly a young man surfaced from the water and came ashore. I asked him about the current. He confirmed that it was powerful, but explained that he loved to be dragged below. It was where he experienced emotion, he said.

The deeper energetic currents are indeed the home of the powerful emotions and sensations that make us feel alive. The I Ching, in the hexagram The Well, states that life that does not go down into the deepest waters of the well is an unfulfilled life.

Young adulthood is flooded by the currents of this life energy, and many of our youth are sacrificed or sacrifice themselves to the river gods who both enliven but may also swallow the daring, the innocent, and the inexperienced.

In my dream, Jan and I left the resort only to be met by torrential rains which flooded the steep mountain roadway. We descended carefully, in low gear, gripping a handrail outside the passenger side window as we inched along. Eventually, however, we had to let go of the rail and flow with the current, with no guarantees. There are no guarantees; even with the greatest of caution, we must ultimately let go to the unknown.

The other day, amidst a computer crisis, I secured a midweek evening appointment to meet with a “Genius” at an Apple store a great distance away. I meticulously covered all my bases. I broke through the Apple firewall of computer voice-generated direction to speak with a living person who assured me that the battery I needed was in stock and could be installed at the appointment. I checked directions, highways, travel conditions, where to park, etc., to ensure arriving on time.

With time to spare, Jan and I embarked on our journey. As we entered our neighboring state of Connecticut, we both were sure we’d see the mall that neither of us had been to in years. I was certain it was exit 3, Jan thought exit 4. We saw no signs, we saw no mall, a mall we both remembered to be clearly visible from the highway. “Maybe it’s exit 5…6…7…” Well, by exit 9 we pulled off, only to discover that the river had mischievously swept us along its currents with no guideposts.

We turned around—both exits 3 and 4 were right—arriving 15 minutes late for our appointment, but that was not a problem. The Genius, as well as two ascending managers brought forth as I protested, informed us that the battery could not be changed that evening, that I’d been misinformed! Despite my angry persona, I wasn’t really angry. What mystified me was what it all meant. It came to my humble wife, Jan, to explain: “You know, we just aren’t special.” That was Jeanne’s profound realization too, as she acquiesced to her own death—she was just not special. The highway of energy delivered us to this realization.

We are beings who are going to die. Regardless of our most meticulous efforts at impeccability and warriorhood, or our most foolish surrendering to the undertow—at some unknown moment the dream will change.

The dream is constantly changing... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The dream is constantly changing…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Jan and I recently watched the movie, The Girl. A young woman, inexperienced at life, tried to bring a group of Mexicans illegally across the border. She had them cross on foot at a river’s low point, the current appearing mild. She was to meet them on the other side. A woman drowned while crossing. Her little daughter survived. Stricken with grief and guilt, the young woman takes the young girl back into Mexico, into the hills, to a remote village where her grandmother, a devout spiritual woman, lives. The young woman apologizes to the old woman for the death of her daughter. The older woman, listens to her apologies, then pauses and calmly says, “You didn’t take my daughter. The river did.”

The shamans teach us to begin each day with the statement: “I, [Your Name], am a being who is going to die.” And with that awareness, they instruct us to enter the dream of the day, conscious but unafraid, ready to flow with the dream changers we may encounter along the way.

Flowing with caution,
Chuck