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#646 Chuck’s Place: Extraversion, Codependency or Projection?

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Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

Extraversion, codependency and projection all share a common quality: orientation of self to something outside the self. If I find myself dominated by something outside of me it’s important to find out why. Is it normal? Is it a problem? Or is it the basis of a new discovery about myself?

One of Carl Jung’s most enduring contributions to mainstream psychology was his differentiation of personality types illustrated in the well-known Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test. Jung first identified that all individuals fall into one of two major attitudinal orientations: introversion or extraversion. Introverts consider first their internal viewpoint; extraverts consider first the external situation and how best to fit into it. Each of these attitudes is normal and apparently biologically assigned, each having their unique adaptive value, hence, each contributing to the evolution and survival of the species. For example, the extravert might act quickly and concisely, the introvert more deliberately or hesitantly. Depending on the circumstances one or the other attitude may be the better choice.

Jung pointed to the value of each of these attitudes in nature and stated that although all individuals were born with a dominance of one or the other, either introversion or extraversion, they carried the recessive trait of the non-dominant attitude, which is a necessary part of life. For instance, a dominant introvert must access their extraversion in order to navigate the outside world. Similarly, a dominant extravert must access their introversion to be in touch with their personal needs.

People who by nature are extraverts can be judged to be codependent. This mistaken classification might originate in a negative judgment toward extraversion, as an attitude that negates the needs of the self. But how could the world function if at least half of its population didn’t focus on the true conditions outside the self and act in a way to accommodate them? Extraversion is a normal, vital attitude; part of nature, evolution, survival and fulfillment.

Codependency can be seen as a forced extreme extraversion. The condition of codependency was first identified in the alcoholism field to describe the emotional, cognitive and behavioral impact of living with a dysfunctional person, such as an alcoholic, addict, or violent rageaholic. The codependent is forced, for survival reasons, to orient themselves to the needs, expectations, and demands of the dysfunctional person. Over time, this mode of functioning becomes so deeply entrenched that the codependent may disconnect from their true identity as they morph into a being focused on placating the controlling tyrant. Codependency becomes a dysfunction itself, as this entrenched pattern of behavior may be repeated in future relationships. Overcoming codependency requires detaching from extreme extraversion, i.e., taking into consideration the needs of the self as well as determining one’s true type. The codependent might in fact be an introvert who has lived a life alien to their true nature. If the codependent is truly an extravert the work becomes one of tempering the extraversion with a deeper appreciation of the self.

Another of Jung’s major contributions to psychology was his unique take on the dynamic of projection. Jung realized that the unconscious psyche literally projects parts of itself, unknown to the ego, onto others outside the self, to reflect back to the ego, like a mirror, the true inner self. If the ego can recognize the reflection as a part of itself, it can take conscious ownership of this unknown quality and take up the challenge of integrating it into the personality where it can find life in a way compatible with the rest of the personality. However, if the ego does not recognize its reflection, whether because it finds it too distasteful, disagreeable, frightening, or attractive, it becomes compulsively attached to the bearer of its reflection. The psyche requires this. The rule is: one way or the other we must stay connected to all of the parts of ourselves. Either we struggle with the painful task of recognizing, accepting, and integrating all our parts or we remain compulsively bound to others who reflect and bear our disavowed parts.

This dynamic might also be mistakenly identified as codependency, as the dominant attitude that emerges when one is compulsively bound to another is another form of forced extraversion. Whether we love or hate the person who bears our disowned or unknown part we cannot withdraw our attention and focus from them; we orient our life in relation to them. The true basis for this apparent extraversion, or codependency, is actually a projection that confounds the ability to separate or detach from a person clearly “not right for them.” The dysfunctional other, whom we cannot separate from, is housing a part of ourselves, which, for better or worse, we must reckon with or remain helplessly tied to, as we live out our wholeness in projected form.

Who are you? Remember, extraversion in and of itself is healthy, normal, vital, and dominant in half of the world population. Just as that half needs to nurture its inferior introversion, the other half needs to nurture its inferior extraversion. However, extraversion can be called upon and driven to extremes in circumstances that give rise to codependency, as well as when a part of the self is unknowingly lost in another. Only deep reflection upon inner truth and outer attachments can clarify who you are and what is in control: extraversion, codependency or projection, or perhaps a combination.

As always, should anyone wish to write, I can be reached at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com or feel free to post a comment.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Chuck's Blog

#642 Chuck’s Place: Liquid Energy is Our Primary Birthright

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Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

Yesterday, we sat in the waiting room, Cosi in Jan’s lap, both of us touching her, feeling her vibration, feeling our own sadness. In a few minutes the vet would see us, examine Cosi, and concur with what we already knew. Jan had faced the truth first: we were keeping her alive, she could not live without our intervention, she was in pain, it was time to let her go. Jan had previously fanned the pages of the I Ching in front of Cosi, asking her to show her what needed to happen. Her paw stopped on Hexagram #23 Po, splitting apart, the inevitable, unstoppable collapse of the house. There was no stopping Cosi’s body from splitting apart; it was time to release her energy. After that, Jan opened the book at random three times and each time it fell open on Po. There was no changing the inevitable.

Others came into the waiting room. They had no attachment to our cat. Though they occupied the same room they were in a different, disconnected world. That’s how it is with the human operating system; the archetypal substrate that governs our experience breaks us into units, a world of disconnected solid objects that we learn to differentiate. We are drawn to attach to certain objects to experience our emotional selves as we form bonds with other individuals. Our experience of connectedness beyond those we have attached to is quite limited. Haiti, for instance, is another world. Perhaps we might make a contribution on the cell phone. It is hard really to feel connected for very long beyond our immediate world and those we are emotionally attached to. That is the nature of fragmented, disconnected units. The advantage of fragmentation is the ability to obtain deeper knowledge of a part. In medicine this is called specialization. The challenge for medicine is to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again and see a person as a whole unit, holistic medicine.

This same challenge confronts our world now at a major evolutionary juncture. Our world has reached its limit in sustaining fragmentary beings with special interests. This fragmented world must allow itself to also be a holistic unit. This was don Juan’s conclusion: for this world to survive, it must be able to now be experienced as a world of interconnected energy, as well as a world of solid objects. This was Jeanne’s guidance yesterday. She gives us the image of liquid energy versus solid objects. She describes her experience as one of total detachment, that is, freedom from specialized attachments, which results in the experience of utter calm and pure love and compassion for all. This experience is our birthright, just as much as our experience of the world as one of solid objects is our birthright. For our world to survive, we must make the evolutionary leap to experience our liquid energy birthright and allow the experiences of interconnectedness, utter calm, and totally detached loving compassion for all to flow into our world of solid objects. This will transform how we act and react in a world of solid objects.

Cosi lay on the exam table, calmly awaiting her transformation; we laid our hands upon her and she received her injection. Both Jan and I then simultaneously experienced a subtle swoosh of light energy move from her body, through us, and then beyond. She is now in her pure energy state, the place we are all headed. The opportunity we are being offered now, while in our solid form, is to experience ourselves as liquid energy, all interconnected in a far greater reality. The experience of Cosi, as energy, was a reminder that ultimately we are all destined to return to our pure energetic state. However, we also have the opportunity to experience ourselves in our energetic state while we still reside in our solid human form. In fact, this is what is being required of us now, in order to allow our world of solid objects, itself on the verge of splitting apart, to continue to exist and evolve, to become an interconnected, holistic unit.

This evolutionary challenge is actually urging us to rediscover our energetic birthright because, once we enter the matrix of solid objects, we forget. As don Juan put it, “we are energy first.” As Jeanne put it yesterday, once we find our way to utterly calm and detached loving compassion we discover we are in a familiar, known place; we are home. This place is already in us, we just need to allow ourselves access to it. Can we stay in this place of familiar home, with all its truths, and reenter the world of solid objects, bridging the two and, in so doing, evolve this world into a sustainable world?

As always, should anyone wish to write or ask, I can be reached at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com or feel free to post a comment.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Chuck's Blog

#638 Chuck’s Place: OOPS! I Asked!

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Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

In last week’s blog, Don’t Ask, I explored the tool of not asking. I focused on the machinations of the conjuring mind that lures us to attach to worries that deplete our energy and sidetrack right action. The specific impetus for last week’s blog was my concern for someone I had not heard from in weeks. Throughout those weeks my mind kept presenting highly plausible scenarios regarding this person, beckoning my attachment. I had successfully not attached my inner attention to these possibilities, nor outwardly asked by actively pursuing contact.

The day after I wrote that blog, Jan and I watched a movie that concluded with the main character, whose journey reminded my of the person of my concern, dying. I instantly decided that this was my sign to ask: I would make a call.

At the exact moment of that resolve the phone rang. The person on the phone told me that he had just received a phone call inquiring about the whereabouts of the person of my concern. I read this as another sign to keep asking. Furthermore, that phone conversation was described to me as being sketchy, suggesting that the person of my concern was in dire straits, which fueled my worry. I initiated a three-way phone conversation, gently interrogating the third person as to what he really knew and was perhaps too uncomfortable to reveal to me. No new information was offered, only the thought that other people might have heard something. I doubted his honesty and with increasing passion undertook a campaign of asking. I made more phone calls to no avail. My anxiety mushroomed. I was completely stymied; my mood shifted to fear and sadness.

Finally, I sat quietly and tuned into my body. I noticed that no concern had genuinely emerged from my heart. My heart was calm. With this, I detached from my mind and decided to see what would actually present, independent of my mind. I shifted.

Within a short period of time I received a call stating that there had been a recent sighting of the person of my concern, an actual interaction. By the next morning, I received a direct call from the person of my concern; in fact, two calls. By the second call I was invited to reengage in a codependent pattern of enabling, an energetic noose I had worked so diligently to free myself from. I refused that call. I was able to experience a change in me. It really wasn’t that difficult to say no.

However, what I was shown was the validity of all that I had attempted to teach in last week’s blog. Do not trust the mind! Make sure that alleged synchronicity is indeed resonant synchronicity. Are you being lured by the conjuring mind? I should have realized that I had just watched a movie, a PROJECTION that my conjuring mind drew me to identify with. This was not a resonant synchronicity emerging from my heart.

Furthermore, my decision to ask activated an instant energetic response, engaging the energy of others without any physical action on my part, simply the energetic decision to ask. Decision is intent. We are energetically interconnected. If we decide to ask, that alone engages the energy of others, sometimes instantly, as in this case. The true discernment, however, is: Is it right to ask? Before we send out our intent, we must appeal to the feedback of the heart, seeking true resonant affirmation in that place of knowing. This discernment is the difference between OOPS and AHA!

As always, should anyone wish to write or ask, I can be reached at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com or feel free to post a comment.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

Chuck's Blog

#634 Chuck’s Place: Don’t Ask

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Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

This morning I thought about someone whom I am deeply concerned about. I must be careful to remain present to the signs that direct me to act upon my concern. Were I to act impetuously upon my concern, versus reading the more objective signs placed before me, I would be addressing my needs and not truly the needs of the other. I had the opportunity to inquire about this person in conversation with another. Instead, I heeded an inner command: Don’t ask! The energy of my curiosity, with its myriad of thought associations, quickly dissipated. I moved on, stayed present, and wondered: What will the day bring?

The action, to not ask, is based on the intent to stay present, to trust the flow of energy, as it presents itself in the unfolding of the day, to highlight what is meaningful and most necessary for my attention. This is letting go of control. Asking takes me out of the flow. It would send me on an inner expedition, on roads of thought off the path of the greater energetic flow of the present moment. Furthermore, that detour activates a string of associative thoughts that generate images, feelings, and a slew of possibilities, all of which generate energy. When energy is generated in thought, about a person, it acts upon that person, like calling them on the phone.

This was why, for most of his adult life upon this earth, Carlos Castaneda was the ultimate trickster of anonymity. No one could get near him. No one ever really knew who he was, or where or when he was born. He, like the shamans of his line, positioned himself to be shielded from the energetic consequences of people’s thoughts about him by assuming personas that kept him illusive and untouchable. At a tensegrity workshop, I recall him sharing a story of going to a party where he was introduced to Carlos Castaneda. He joked that this Carlos Castaneda was playing Carlos Castaneda quite well. Obviously, the fact that Carlos was sharing this story to a large group of tensegrity practitioners showed a shift in his need to uphold total anonymity. In fact, he had become quite enamored with the use of the internet to communicate to the masses.

We live in a time where the sharing of personal information and staying connected at increasingly faster speeds dominates the world economy and networks of communication. The challenge of our time, as recipients of these energetic invitations, is to filter the superfluous and the predatory from the truly meaningful and energetically necessary. This is how we need to protect our energy in the modern world, as the shamans did through the use of anonymity in their time.

Of course, there are times when it is appropriate to ask. However, for me, this is when synchronicity places the issue before me in the present moment in a way that resonates; it becomes clear that it is time to act, to actively pursue the path of acting upon concern for another. This discernment filters out both my inner curiosity as well as the static of outer energetic invitations, the thoughts of others, which present but don’t require attachment.

By not asking, because it is not necessary to ask, I both maintain my energy to fund my awareness to stay present, as well as not burden another with the energy of my attention. To simply not ask is a highly pragmatic tool to conserve energy, remain present, and support the greater tool of detachment. So, try it, don’t ask! See what happens!

As always, should anyone wish to write or ask, I can be reached at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com or feel free to post a comment.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

News and Notes

My New Year Intent

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Greetings! To all our readers, I wish a Happy New Year. In Jeanne’s message yesterday she referred to the New Year and the reality that we find ourselves on the brink of disaster. Of course, she equally reminded us that we are responsible for everything and can turn our intent in a different direction. For my part, my intent for this blog for the coming year is to focus on pragmatic, empowering tools available to all, in simple form, to forge a link to the intent for a different outcome by taking charge of our evolution.

See today’s blog on the pragmatic tool of softening, directly below this post.

Chuck