Messages from Jeanne, Questions for Jeanne

#458 Be an Evolutionary Parent

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Today, Jeanne answers a question asked by a Reader. When this question came in last week Chuck was in the midst of working on this week’s essay for Chuck’s Place, Healing or Possession? We had also decided to do another audio session with Jeanne based on the second chapter of Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet, titled, On Marriage. We hope you will enjoy the combined insights of these three works, today’s message, the audio message, and Chuck’s essay, all based on similar subjects of relationship and inner work.

Dear Jeanne,
For years I have been striving, as I am sure are many others, to re-parent my hurt inner little girl. I have been led to and stayed in many an unhealthy relationship trying, of course unsuccessfully and inappropriately, to get her needs met. Lately, I have been struggling in my present intimate relationship not to pull on my partner to meet my hurt inner child’s needs. I have difficulty discerning whether my hurt child is leading or if I am with a partner who obstructs my child’s healing, as my partner and I are in such constant conflict and defense with each other. I would appreciate any clarity or guidance you can offer.

Blessings,
NS

My Dear One, I must say that your dilemma is a common one, but first must you conclude that children do not belong in an adult relationship, at least not unhealthy children. By that, I mean that in order to be a consolidated adult so must you work on your child self outside of a relationship. A lost child self will remain not only lost but also confused if brought into an adult situation that requires maturity, openness, trust, and honesty. First your child self must trust you, the adult self, and allow you, the adult, to engage in relationships in the adult world you live in. The question of the inner child is both complicated and broad in scope, with so many aspects to consider, that I may not cover in one session, but here we go:

Most important is your resolution of your child self, independent of any type of relationship, whether lover, partner, children, business, or outer world interactions. Your inner child must relate to you, the adult, as mature and enabled. Your inner child is not meant to come along with you on your journey through life, but is meant to fully merge with you, and these are two different things. If you simply bring her along, then are you burdened with her, but if you resolve your inner issues stemming from her earliest experiences, enticing her to accept them as her journey, fully realized for its truth and meaning, then may she accept her place in your past and recede in your present life. For only in fully accepting her place in your life can she allow you to proceed, fully knowing that you are not deserting her, but only that you have fully accepted her as well, and your journey is now merged as one contiguous journey, rather than two that will continue to do battle until resolved.

Your question also encompasses relationships. In my understanding of a true relationship, so do I invite you to consider your adult self separately from your child self. If your adult self is ready to embark on a deeply trusting relationship with a partner who is also ready for such compatible travel, so must you understand that trust, openness, and honesty must also be at the basis of this relationship. Your inner little girl or boy must be comfortably and safely asleep, merged in full recapitulation and acceptance, for a truthful relationship to ensue, with innocence and trust of each other, at its core. To fully trust your partner, must you have had the greater experience of fully trusting the self. You see?

In order to engage in an adult relationship, that will be more than just a struggle, must you and your partner be allowed to have access to each other’s innocence, and fully allow your own innocence to participate. By innocence, I do not mean your hurt, wounded, or unresolved inner child. I mean your fully merged and resolved child, your energetically present child who is contented to live life with you, present, trusting, and available when appropriate.

I fear that many people do not fully understand who their inner child self is. Is she or he someone you left in the past, confused, dazed, and unclear as to her or his role then, and equally confused as to her or his role now? A confused child is a heavy burden to carry through life, for that child does not understand the journey being taken. If you have not been truthful and perfectly honest with your inner child self, so will there be no resolution of conflict in your outer life, for that inner child will appear quite often, in order to remind you that you have not been honest, and you have not taken care to reveal the truth of the world as you now know it.

Many people prefer to placate the inner child. This can take many forms, such as buying it nice things, feeding it and serving it whatever it asks for, giving it unconditionally for what you consider its earliest lacks of attention and promise. Yet is this the wrong method of attention. Such attention will merely attach that child self more firmly to an old idea that cannot work in an evolving premise. In order to evolve must truth and honesty be, first and foremost, a part of your interactions. The first truth is that all must grow up, mature, and move into adulthood. Some people do this very well, but yes, they often leave their child self behind. The first truth in returning to the child self is to reconnect in a new way, as the adult who fully accepts the truth of the child’s existence, knowing, above all else, that every encounter in early life was necessary for growth of spirit.

In order to fully merge with this child self, I suggest a very deep process of confrontation as the child emerges in the process of your everyday life. Is this child self, who is present in your life, carrying old ideas of the self based on old roles, old rules, old critics, and old patterns of soothing? As the adult, must you not only parent, but you must be an evolutionary parent who is capable of swiping aside all the old ideas of the self, bringing in a new perspective. You are not on a rescue mission. You are not on a mission of placation, or tending to the needs of a big baby. You are on an evolutionary mission of truth and acceptance, based on new rules, new truths of life, to guide the self through these times of difficulty.

Once one is accepting of life as a journey and views all aspects of life, past, present, and future, in the context of life as a journey of necessity and growth, so then is one ready and available to accept the truths that one holds so deeply inside. The child self holds many truths too, in spite of the many untruths that keep it in a state of frozen regret. A child self holds the keys to innocence, to spirit connection, and to your adult self, in truthful and honest living, as well. Once your child self is allowed release from the past, so is your adult self free to move forward, unburdened too.

In case of archaic possession, it is up to the mature adult self to find meaning and explanation for such possession. I contend that there is possession of one kind or another involved in most people’s lives, until confronted, recapitulated through investigation and questioning, and until finally released through acceptance, with truth and maturity as the basis for life. Only in acceptance of self as a journeyer taking a journey of self-discovery in order to grow beyond the old methods of doing life, repeating the same mistakes and habits, will evolution be achieved.

You see, you must be able to allow the hurt inner child to scream aloud or sit and pout in archaic possession if that is what that aspect of child self elects to do. But know that there is another aspect of child self, innocence, that is not interested in such possession, but instead desires release into life as a trusty companion, offering the balance that your hard working mature adult self needs, in order to fully live.

I speak, most certainly, of your process as a maturing adult, fully capable and reliable. Your process is individual and must be acknowledged and dealt with on an individual level. Your journey, although intertwined with the journeys of others, must not be confused with or by the journey of another. Your ability to detach the self from the relationship must continually be explored in order for partnership and relationship to prosper. Who are you separate from your relationships? Each of you in a relationship (parent/child, lover/lover, employer/employee, etc.) must determine your own issues, even as you may see them mirrored in your partners, or triggered by your partners, or foreshadowed by your partners. These are the signs and triggers inviting you to absolve each other of the difficulties of the inner self. These are the moments of retreat and self-investigation, of ownership of your inner dilemmas, and confrontations with the truths of the self.

It is a difficult process. First must one confront the truths of the self, for only then will one be in a position to determine if the partner and relationship meet the needs of the true self, or if they hold the self caught in old places of inner struggle.

If evolution of self is your truthful quest in this lifetime, then that must be present in every aspect of your life. Only in being truthful with the self can you be truthful with others. For if you cannot accept who you are, then who can? Only in self resolution, and learning to love the self for the journey taken, will you achieve love of others for the journeys they also have taken and must take. Often are our journeys interwoven so that we may learn something important about the self, and this is true for both partners. Maturity is required in order for partner growth and partner acceptance to become part of a continued journey, with the mature adults leading the process, for only with such evolutionary guidance will progress be made.

I hope I have offered some new ideas for your adult self to work with, My Dear. May your child self be allowed out of the closet, and may her innocence be acceptable to you. For that is what you, as the adult, are looking for. It is what she is hoping you will find acceptable, and it is what must be released for a new kind of merger to happen, so that you may proceed fully balanced, with truth and love of self at your core.

News and Notes

A Weekend Update

Dear Readers,

Over the past three days we have posted a Friday Message from Jeanne (and Jan), an essay titled, Healing or Possession? by Chuck, and today we post a new audio recording which we made yesterday with Jeanne as The Prophetess, which you will find below this note. We are having a lot of fun bringing you these postings and we hope you continue to find them of interest.

We would like to say hello to our many readers from around the world who have contacted us and to mention that although we are not planning on having a book signing for The Book of Us it can be bought through our Store along with some other interesting items that we think are in alignment with our work with Jeanne. We continue to update the Store as we come upon new items of interest.

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on both the content of the website and The Book of Us. We are so pleased to be energetically available in this manner!

Love,
Jan and Chuck

Chuck's Blog

#456 Chuck’s Place: Healing or Possession?

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

One of the greatest contributions of the alcoholism treatment field was the identification of the inner child by such clinicians as Charles Whitfield. Through such techniques as writing with the non-dominant hand and focusing on photographs from childhood an individual learns to form an active relationship with a lost or dissociated aspect of themselves. Though most mainstream psychology dismissed inner child work, Jungian psychology had pioneered the technique of active imagination decades earlier. In active imagination the conscious personality opens to a direct relationship with sub-personalities and, through this interaction, integrates the truths and viewpoints of these other aspects of the self into a more comprehensive, adaptive personality, one that reflects the fuller truth of who we really are. Jung was careful to stress that the conscious ego, the mature adult self, must be strong enough to remain in command during such inner encounters or risk the possibility of being taken over by a sub-personality.

Jung also noted that there are layers to the psyche, both personal and impersonal. The personal psyche begins with the experience of the individual from conception forward. The impersonal or collective psyche is the inherited experiences of humankind stored in the collective layer of the unconscious or the home of the archetypes, what I have previously referred to as the ultimate motherboard. When an individual develops a relationship with their unconscious it is possible to be interacting with a part of the self in the personal unconscious or a part of the self that has drifted into the non-personal collective layer of the unconscious. In the case of the inner child, one might be interacting with an unknown part of the self in the personal psyche, or a part of the self encased in the non-personal psyche by the archetypal lost child. This distinction is critical, and often confused, as the archetypal energies experienced as primal emotions may have attached to a lost part of the personal psyche, one’s inner child.

The personal inner child may be “housed” in what Jung called, the shadow, an unknown region of the personal psyche. This may have resulted from the impact of socialization, where aspects of the self were rejected and forced out of consciousness into this dark region. Retrieving the inner child from this region is consciously experienced in the release of creative abilities and faculties previously lost to the conscious self.

In more traumatic experiences the child completely retreats from life in a dissociated state, sinking more deeply into the protective womb of the deeper psyche, the collective unconscious. In this case the outer world and personal psyche have proven unable to house the child and a retreat to the motherboard becomes necessary. Consciously, the evolving personality may experience actual amnesia toward the experiences and existence of this inner child, so powerful was the impact of the trauma and the need to get distance from it (to dissociate). When the dissociated child enters the archetypal womb it merges with the archetypal lost or abandoned child, that is, the sum total experiences of the rejected child through eons of life on earth. Imagine the bottomless pit of pain this archetypal child feels. It simply cannot and will not ever be healed. It is the archetype of eternal wounded rejection, hell or Hades. That pain is a vortex that will consume and collapse a misguided ego. In other words, the ego must be able to distinguish personal from impersonal and not succumb to the vortex, which is difficult to climb out of without being controlled by the archetypal wounded child.

Herein lies the failure in healing of much inner child work. Often an individual will open to the experience of the wounding of what they believe to be their personal inner child and be swept under by the emotional tide of the eternal archetypal lost child, a wound that can never be healed, from a child entitled to unending attention. The trap here is the archetypal child gaining possession of the personality under the guise of healing. The ego becomes charged with having to eternally make up or compensate for the experiences of the archetypal wounded child, constantly pampering, tending, protecting, rescuing, and in return demanding forgiveness, protection, and parenting from others, who are perceived as re-wounding the child. This is not to dismiss the true traumatic experiences of the child self. These experiences must be honestly acknowledged, along with all of the truths. It is critical to free the inner child from the experiences of the archetypal child or we remain in eternal bondage to the demands of the wounded archetypal child.

Retrieving the personal inner child from the womb of the collective psyche is a heroic journey. Here the various Greek myths of journeys to the underworld are instructive. Firstly, the ego must, indeed, be in heroic form. That means we must be in strong possession of our adult mature self to undertake the journey. For when we go inward we will be confronted by powerful emotions and trickery. As I have previously stated the archetypes, or the gods, seek life through possessing our lives. We must be able to hold our own when we encounter them, or they take over. In everyday life, we enter the underworld when we are triggered, returning to a place of wounding. The challenge is whether we become possessed and re-enact an archetypal drama, such as deep rejection; or withstand that compulsion or dictate from the gods and arrive at, and stand in, the truth of the present moment, fully integrating the experiences of our personal past. This is healing. The archetypal psyche, with its recurrent drama, will recede from conscious experience if the adult ego consistently refuses its call to possession, i.e., becoming overwhelmed and inappropriately acting out an archetypal drama in everyday life.

Countless techniques have been developed to help people heal their inner wounds, i.e., cathartic psychodrama. This may offer a genuine healing for the inner child; however, it often becomes an archetypal enactment and release, which does not accrue to lasting healing. This would be the equivalent of being deeply moved by a movie that triggers a personal inner wounding. The wounded child is experienced, acknowledged, and offered emotional release, however, continues to resurface, seeking another opportunity to enact its drama. This is archetypal possession controlling the personality, not healing. Healing is final. There are no more triggers. An archetypal drama is eternal and will never be healed, simply re-enacted anew. A personal drama can be healed and moved on from, never needing to be repeated. There is no personal wounding that cannot be healed. If one insists otherwise, I suspect archetypal possession.

To complete healing the adult ego is challenged to withstand the fire of emotion of the archetypal psyche, primal pain, without identifying with it or succumbing to it. The adult ego is, as well, charged with finding the personal child, opening up to the full truth and experience of this dissociated part of the self, in full acceptance, fully owning the experiences, no longer rejecting them. We call this recapitulation. Finally, the adult ego is challenged to merge the truth of the child self with the mature adult self, with the adult self maintaining the leadership or parental role. Here the child is completely freed from the archetypal womb as the conscious self assumes appropriate parental responsibility for the total self.

If one continues to experience triggers of wounding these become opportunities for the adult self to more fully retrieve fragments of the lost personal self, dodging the ever present vortex of archetypal energy that seeks to lure one back into a state of possession in the form of primal pain and eternal woundedness. True healing is final. It may require encountering many triggers as guideposts signaling where to retrieve the lost personal self, but ultimately the personal self can be fully retrieved, as the personality moves forward, unencumbered by any previous wounding, fully healed.

Emerging from the underworld, I bid you adieu,
Chuck

Messages from Jeanne

#455 Where is the Hidden Jewel in the Dung Heap?

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
I must say that in spite of your contention that calmness is reigning in the outer energy it seems to me that it is not so much calmness as a waiting to burst forth kind of energy, as if a lid is sitting on a boiling pot and it is going to boil over any minute. Any comments?

There has certainly been a calmness of energy, for however briefly, yet has it been your challenge, My Dear Readers, to recognize your own place of calmness within. For in spite of your turmoil there have indeed been moments of calm knowing, moments of clarity, and moments of confrontation. Only in accepting your own process, your own issues, and your own actions, in spite of what I contend, will you continually grow and gain awareness. I turn my awareness of the energy right back to you. I place this awareness firmly in your laps and ask each of you to consider your own place along your path at this visceral moment.

As you read my messages are you not also reading your own inner messages? As you respond with awareness to what I contend, do you not also have awareness of place of self simultaneously? Do you not each read my propositions as specific to you and your conditions in life? Do you not understand that even as I speak on a universal level, so do I also speak on an intimate level, with each one of you? The outer energy is not proposed by me, but is already present. I attend to it in order for you to have access to a greater awareness and so that you may use the outer energy to aid you in your daily lives. You see?

Where are you going with all of this?

Well, what I am saying here is that, in spite of what I say, the energy exists, but the process of awareness involves you learning to read the energy as well. So if I suggest, as I did earlier in the week, that there is calmness outside of you and you do not detect it, so am I challenging you to find it, for it does indeed exist, and not simply because I say so. Your training in awareness is propelled forward by your own ability to detect and utilize what is available in your world, both your inner world and your outer world.

I know that sometimes it is impossible to relate to the outer energy if you are deeply caught in inner struggles, yet do I contend that even so, you are using the outer energy in a manner that is appropriate and meaningful to you, even though you may not be aware of it. So, no matter what I propose regarding the outer energy, I ask you, My Dear Readers, to allow your own energy to take a moment to read the energy around you for your own purposes of growth, awareness, and inner work.

So, I understand that. You are trying to teach us to be always aware of the energy and you are saying that we already read it properly and use it, even if we are not aware that we are doing so?

Yes, but I ask also that you begin to notice your own innate awareness of the energy and your own sense of how to use it.

Fair enough. What else would you like to talk about today?

I am aware of great struggles now, as shifts begin to take place. Once again, even as I might suggest that calmness is present for a final brief space of time, so do I also know that it will now spiral into an inner space, which each of you must contend with on an individual level. Now is a time of retrospection, but it must not become a time of retribution or discourse wasted upon a past that is no longer necessary.

It is a time to move beyond regret, accepting now as the only place to be. Even as you may need to rehash old events, to discover the hidden jewel in the dung heap, so must you stay anchored in the present. For only in the present will the jewel shine forth and be of value, as you stay upon your path of forward growth.

Do not get caught in what I propose, but look, each of you, deeply into your current situation. Where is your jewel buried? What is it that you have been missing? What have your truths been telling you? Do you not see that within each truth is yet another truth? The truth of your own growing awareness is revealed to you at each confrontation. The truth of your own inner guidance and the acknowledgment of your own inner wisdom, your power of knowing, and your own awareness of what to do next, is fully available to you as each truth is spoken.

Your awareness is being trained. It is showing you what you have inside, what is in every one of you: your ability to guide the self, to open to guidance, to trust it, and to stay connected to it. Your truths are showing you what to trust, how to listen, how to know what to do next, but most importantly, your truths are asking you to trust your process, your journey and, even more importantly, to trust your self.

All of your experiences are valid steps along the way. The challenge, now, is to use your inner awareness more fully to your advantage. Your choices, although often made in blindness, or in routine actions, must now come from what you have been learning about your self. Your truths revealed are meaningful, but they are also showing you your deepest desires for growth and connection.

In conclusion, I ask that you maintain these thoughts over the next few days as you encounter what you must: Where is my awareness taking me? What is it showing me? What is my truth here, at this moment?

With these thoughts may you be grounded in the present even as you continue to contend with the troubles of the past. Continue walking forward, no matter how greatly the past wishes to draw you back. The struggles at such a time of preparation for great change are always great. Keep that in mind, for it will help keep your awareness present in your current dilemma, even as it will provide you with focused momentum as you ask your self to keep going forward. Stay in your truth, but also listen to what it is really saying to you. It is showing you just how truly aware you are.

Chuck Ketchel, LCSWR