Tag Archives: ego

A Day in a Life: Gazing—A Self-Realization Technique

Chuck and I recently read about a rare, little-known meditation technique* used by Tibetan monks to train young monks in more quickly gaining lucidity. It involved sitting and gazing into a highly polished wall of various metals, chiefly copper, as well as a mirror. Gazing into one’s own image sets a series of hypnagogic images going.

Chuck and I have used a similar technique many times, both gazing into a mirror to see our own auras, as well as simply gazing into each other’s eyes. What transpires, and usually rather quickly, is just that, a series of fleeting images. Sometimes animal, sometimes human, they tell us a story of who we are, where we have been, and who we are to become. It is both a challenging and an enlightening process.

In all the fleeting images I was always recognizable! - Detail of artwork by Jan Ketchel
In all the fleeting images I was always recognizable!
– Detail of artwork by Jan Ketchel

Twice this past week I decided to engage in Gazing. Just as I presented Netting—An Energy Clearing Technique in last week’s blogpost, I share my experiences with Gazing as an effective means of self-realization. First, I present the processes I used and then the insights that inspired me to share this with you.

The first day I tried Gazing, I stood before a well-lit bathroom mirror, fairly close, so that my face and shoulders were clearly visible, about a foot and a half away. With softened gaze, as if looking through myself, I stared into my eyes reflected in the mirror. My intent was to see myself as energy, as waves of energy. It didn’t take long before my image in the mirror began to shift. It took a while to keep my focus, to hold a steady gaze, but the longer I stood there the better I got at it. In the bright light, I watched as my face began to vibrate and eventually crumbled into mere particles, as I became older and older and eventually began to disappear altogether. In the bright light I saw my eyes clearly as they held the gaze, as they became penetrating rocks of light. I noticed that although the rest of my image shifted and changed, my eyes remained steadily the same. Except for changes in their color they did not alter. I stood there for perhaps 30 or 40 minutes. During this time I became completely unaware of my body. I was out-of-body. I was consciousness only, awareness gazing at the image that I perceive of as “me” in this life. A lot of other things transpired as well, but that was the gist of the experience.

The second time I did Gazing, I sat on the floor in a dimly lit room before a full length mirror. This time I was about 6 feet away. Most of my body was visible, though in the subdued lighting not as clearly as it had been in the harsh bathroom light. This time I asked for access to my High Self, to be able to see it and, through Jeanne and our guides in the universe, to be granted the means of “seeing” myself through my many lives.

This time I gazed at my third eye, the spot between and slightly above the eyebrows. I was repeatedly directed to bring my gaze back to this spot, to use my peripheral vision to see the rest of me and what was going on. Before long, just as the time before, things started to shift. My intent was to just have an experience, so I was pretty open to whatever happened, but of course the mind tries to control things, wants things to happen. I learned rather quickly that it wasn’t going to work if I got in the way, if my ego got in the way. And because I had asked my High Self for help, I began to receive messages to aid me in the process.

I was repeatedly told, let the body relax and be empty... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
I was repeatedly told, let the body relax and be empty…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

“Relax, shed the ego, you are just an image,” said my High Self. “Everything is possible. Just be.” And so began another out-of-body experience. Once again, I became consciousness only. As I gazed into the image of myself in the mirror it began to shift. It was as if slide after slide was being projected onto the mirror, images of myself throughout this lifetime, from earliest days, through youth and midlife, to now and then they went beyond. I saw myself age in rapid succession and when I asked to see my High Self I was granted a glimpse of who I have been talking to for so long in this life, a man, a wise old man in a turban, with a beard! He looked so familiar I could have picked him out of a group photograph rather easily. But then he too shifted and I saw another image, a shaved head. “Oh, is that you too?” I asked. “Yes,” came the answer, “even your High Self has evolved, coming from many traditions.”

At times I would think about my body, as I sat there for about 45 minutes. But once again I noticed it was practically non-existent. I did not feel it or any attachment to it. It was empty. I noticed my breathing was very slow. I knew I would return to my body when I was done, but it did not matter at the moment, and so it was easy to leave it and go back to conscious communication with my High Self. Once again, I had many other experiences, but that is the gist of the second experience.

I noticed similarities and differences in the two experiences. Gazing in light may produce one effect while gazing in shadow another. In both instances, however, I experienced myself as energy, lots of energy, and I was invigorated by the experiences. I experienced flickering images both times, and the answer to my question that naturally arose, “Are they all me?” was “Yes, they are all you.” Now I move on to the insights I received.

First Insight: All thoughts are ego; shed the ego. I heard this over and over again, every time my mind drifted or I thought of something. “Shed the ego. Shed the ego.” It became a mantra that my High Self spoke repeatedly. Not only are thoughts ego, I learned, but everything else that we attach to is ego as well. Even attachment to the shifting images was ego. Illness is ego, fear is ego, depression is ego, doubt is ego, judgments are ego, hungers are ego, attachments to body image are ego, desires are ego. The High Self has none of those qualities. The High Self is pure, unadulterated, egoless wisdom. It waits for us to finish our work of the ego and join it. “Shed the ego.” That is a very important insight. It opens the door to being able to access our High Self more fully and allows for useful access to the idea that “everything is possible.”

You are also your High Self... What does that image look like? - Photo by Jan Ketchel
You are also your High Self…
What does that image look like?
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Second Insight: You are an image projected into life by your High Self. As the Bible tells us: God created man in his own image. Our High Self, the God particle that we are, created us. We are an image that we created, an image of an idea manifested, a thought form, no different from an image in a mirror. Our High Self selected and gave us form. We decided a very long time ago what we would look like and we have lived as that same image throughout our many lifetimes. I did notice that in all the fleeting images I saw of myself I looked pretty much the same. My facial features were always recognizable as me, even the male faces. I have always looked like this, like me! This, I believe is how people recognize us from previous lives. Have you ever seen someone you felt you knew intimately, but just could not place? Or been approached by someone saying they know you? Perhaps it was from a previous life. This insight leads to the next one; the two are inseparable from each other.

Third Insight: Learn to love yourself. The image that we are is the image our High Self, our Soul, has selected. We must learn to love it so we can shed it too and evolve. We will only advance by learning to love who we are, every part of us. That is our challenge in our life, in every life, to learn to love who we are. No matter what we may “think” about ourselves, it doesn’t matter, we’re only an image. Keep that in mind as you learn to love yourself: You are only an image. As an image, that YOU created, you also have the power to alter that image, to play with it in any way you want. You can change it! You will always be you, your facial features will remain recognizable, but you are in full control of the image you live your life in. Now that is pretty powerful information!

To follow through on that insight, don’t get all tied up in, “I can’t!” That’s ego. Shed it! Instead, begin to work with your image. What character does your image want to play today? What costume does your image want to wear? What lines will your image speak? What actions will your image take? Will you be the usual image you reflect, or will you choose to go out of character and dare to alter your image? And keep in mind, that your image was created by you and you can do anything you want to it, with it. You are totally in charge. But first shed the ego of course!

There is a distinct difference between ego play and spirit play. In learning to play with the image that we are, we must shed the ego so that the door to spirit opens. And when spirit takes over, that’s when things begin to change. We must open a dialogue between our High Self and our consciousness, that part that we are outside of our body, the part that I experienced and you will too as you do Gazing. This is the self that is fully aware and can fully detach from the body self and the image self. We must be careful to discern and recognize real consciousness because ego too is consciousness. Ego that identifies itself as spirit, however, gets in the way of pure consciousness. Ego that has shed its inflation is pure consciousness, and this is what the first insight guides us to.

I saw a cardinal and wondered: Did his High Self create his image? - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
I saw a cardinal and wondered: Did his High Self create his image?
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

The message I got was, have fun! Your High Self is eager for you to explore who you really are. And don’t forget: You may not be what you “think” you are! Remember, that’s ego!

Try Gazing. Be patient. Relax and let it happen. Breathe. I also found that if I held my breath things happened more quickly, because if you hold your breath you can’t really think, and that’s the whole point to this exercise, to stop thinking and just go for the experience. See what happens!

As always, with thanks and gratitude,
Jan

* Thanks once again to Dr. Elmer Green for his brilliant work, The Ozawkie Book of the Dead, where we read about this meditation training process.

Chuck’s Place: The Tripartite Self

All begin as the Child... - Detail from artwork by Jan Ketchel
All begin as the Child…
– Detail from artwork by Jan Ketchel

If we examine the inner workings of our everyday mind, we will likely discover three distinct characters: the Child, the Adult, and the Wise One.

The Child may be observed as the one who immediately reacts with fear as the day begins or when the day ends. The Morning Child may fear what bad things await in the day, whereas the Evening Child may fear what may pop out and surprise it in the darkness of the night.

The Child might constantly feel it has done something wrong; it’s in trouble; it’s not as good as everyone else; it’s simply inadequate and flawed. Perhaps the Child holds a secret belief that it truly is unlovable, that it must hide and cover up for fear of being exposed as simply a fraud—deep shame indeed.

The Child might lodge itself in the throat or the jaw or the heart, its tension shutting down the deeply opening and releasing breath of abdominal breathing. Or the Child might pressure for constant physical activity—running, spinning, climbing—racing in some form to release its fear in constant activity. Or, in contrast, the Child might remain sluggish and hidden, seeking never to attract the attention of interaction that threatens exposure, failure, and disappointment.

The Adult is the ego self. In one form or another the Adult is formed to manage the needs, feelings, and beliefs of the Child self. Donald Winnicott, pediatrician and psychoanalyst, proposed the term “false self” to capture the compensatory nature of the adult ego that tries to cover up the felt deficiencies of the now subterranean child self. This falseness is a kind of inflation where the Adult wears a mask that suggests talent or competency, when the truth is that it’s really covering areas of deep doubt within. For example: a man who is terrified of woman might don the mask of Don Juan and become a conqueror of women, or a woman might play the role of seductress to secure a babysitter for her frightened child self, afraid to be alone in the night.

Beyond its falseness, the Adult ego is the legitimate heir or chief navigator of this life in the body. The ego ate the apple in the Garden, it is the center of consciousness and decision making. It is a powerhouse in its own right and for better or worse must steer the ship of our choices.

Our Adult self seeks balance of masculine and feminine... - Photo of art by Jan Ketchel
Our Adult self seeks balance of masculine and feminine…
– Photo of art by Jan Ketchel

Appropriately, the Adult must turn its attention toward securing its place in the world. A living must be made, basic needs must be met. The Adult must become the hero that charts the course to survival and perhaps thrives in the daily adventures of life. Depending on a host of factors, such as DNA, family of origin, finances, and relationships, the Adult ego might find itself confident and solidly grounded, adventurous and daring, or it might be barely holding on in the most basic of life’s challenges.

Regardless, however, of the degree of ego success, the truth is that all egos are equally confronted with the truth that life in this world will end, and that a far more comprehensive world awaits in death, where particles are waves—where everything is energy—and there is nothing solid to hold onto.

Fortunately, in the background of the self is the Wise One, the quiet voice in the depths of ourselves that reconnects us with the fruits of the Garden. The Wise One tells us the truth when we ask it what to do. Often there’s a moment of calm, of clarity, when we’re told, see, or know the truth—what is right action. Should we continue in this relationship? Should we eat this food, take this drink? Should we take this job? Should we speak the truth?

The Wise One generally does not press us. It realizes the futility of teacher approaching student. And so, often the Wise One sits back and let’s life with all its consequences be the elementary school teacher. When we’ve accrued enough knowledge through willful failures we become ready to ask and acquiesce to the guidance of the Wise One within and begin to choose right action as our life’s modus operandi.

Our Wise One is always in  balance... - Detail of cover painting from KRSNA: The Supreme Personality of Godhead
Our Wise One is always in balance…
– Detail of cover painting from KRSNA: The Supreme Personality of Godhead

Much of life is spirit developing a homogenous whole between the heterogenous entities of these tripartite selves of Child, Adult, and Wise One. The Child is the channel to our deepest needs and innocence. The Adult is our greatest hope for reconciliation and karmic advance in the sea of oppositions we must confront within and without in this life. The Wise One is our truest guide who holds the wisdom of countless generations and past lives, as well as access to life beyond space and time. But the Wise One will only come to us in a meaningful way if we assume full responsibility for life in this world and preparation for life beyond this world as well, or at the very least are humbly ready to listen. Such is the mystery and magic of the tripartite, holy trinity of self.

Homogenizing,
Chuck

Note: Although no reference is given to the illustrator of the work pictured above that we have chosen to represent the Wise One within us all, the painting is from the cover of KRSNA: The Supreme Personality of Godhead by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, Founder of the International Society of Krishna Consciousness. With thanks and gratitude!

Chuck’s Place: Ego & Synchronicity

In a dream I am in a packed country bus, descending down a windy dirt mountain road, in a third world country. A boy holds onto a door at the back of the bus. All of a sudden the door swings open as we round a wide curve in the road, and the boy, gripping tightly, swings in and out. The bus’s momentum is too great and we swerve off the ledge and go airborne, a huge chasm below leading to certain death. I close my eyes as I feel myself float out into the air. I am already vibrating and intent upon raising my vibratory level as we descend, awaiting impact.

Buddha awaiting the great transition... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Buddha awaiting the great transition…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I wake up. I had already awoken earlier in the night with the intent to raise my vibratory level, to connect with Jeanne out-of-body. This dream ended my sleep for the night and soon Jan awoke too.

I hopped out of bed. “You’re very peppy today!” Jan said. As she said the word “peppy,” in my mind I said, “Pepe Le Pew, Jeanne’s affectionate nickname for her childhood dog, Pepe.” Jan spontaneously said, “Pepe Le Pew!”

We decipher my dream as my intent’s method of raising my vibration. It’s raining outside. I head out to feed the birds and discover that the rain is freezing over as I slip and slide to the bird feeders.

Later, as I head out to the office, I put the truck in four-wheel drive to climb the steep driveway. Regardless, I nearly slide back down. Suddenly I remember my dream. I get it! Be extremely careful driving, especially as the steep hills of my dream provide me with the necessary warning. I am more cautious than I’ve ever been as, without thinking at all, I turn to head down our road in the more gentle direction, away from the steep hill in front of our house. Jan informs me later that even the town salt truck would not go down the hill!

I arrive at work. Suddenly it flashes, “Oh, it’s December ninth! This is the day Jeanne left this world!” I’d completely forgotten. But Jeanne didn’t forget. As I had attempted to raise my vibrational level to visit with her in the night, I was left suspended in the air in my dream, in this world. That was the necessary association I got as I drove to work: Drive slowly on the hills and curves. Indeed, the message was exactly right. It sent me into heightened driving awareness as I slowly edged toward work over the icy roads, with little traction in spite of my four-wheel drive vehicle. And to boot, I got the greeting from Pepe Le Pew, an unmistakeable association Jan knew nothing about!

This is how ego and synchronicity differ. Ego has such a focused cause and effect filter that it misses the signs and symbols that appear to communicate vital information. I am quite certain that this morning’s Eureka moment in the driveway prevented a serious accident.

Typically, the ego quickly shifts into judgment mode when analyzing a dream. Must be some kind of psychic inflation, set to take a tumble, if you’re about to crash in a dream. And what about the recklessness of the vehicle you’re being transported in? Aren’t you responsible for that? These questions narrow the view to a judgment of fault and badness. We know how the ego is always on the lookout to avoid exposure of its inadequacies!

And then there is the case of Pepe Le Pew, that cute skunk of long ago cartoons. The ego has to admit to this amazing “coincidence,” but in suspending that judgment I knew it was Jeanne humorously assuring me that we were meeting after all!

Once again, though the ego narrowed the field, saying, “Don’t feel bad, but you are too inadequate to raise your vibrational level to meet as intended,” I know for certain that I was delivered a message, a synchronicity between dimensions, that completely shifted my behavior and perhaps saved my life. All this, before I even realized that, thirteen years ago, this was the magical day of transition!

Love never ends,
Chuck

Chuck’s Place: Real Security

Still dealing with computer issues, but here is a blog from Chuck, sans pictures again, but offered with our heartfelt wishes for good journeying through all the changes.

The human animal is acutely aware of great change on the horizon. Such impending change produces a collective fear that emanates from the deepest stratum of our instinctual selves, rising to the surface in our individual experiences as anxiety. We seek to dispel this anxiety by seeking refuge in our ego self, which responds by associating the anxiety with current events as it defensively reasons us to provisional security. This anxiety/fear, however, goes deeper than that, into the very nature of our human animal selves.

The question arises: How do we achieve real security? The truth is that although it is evident that we are in for great planetary change, life is and has always been about great change. All life ends; what greater change could there possibly be?

Real security is not to be found in a respite from change. A respite from change may temporarily be found in the ego’s bag of magical defenses, but such respite is an illusion. In reality change is constant and unrelenting. We might, nonetheless, discover a sense of real security on a warm day at the beach.

The ocean tide is the ultimate expression of unrelenting change. The heartbeat of the earth never ceases in the circulatory system of the ocean’s waves. If we lie calmly at the seashore, we might attune ourselves to the sounds of the true pulse of change. No wave is ever the same. Some waves are calm and smooth, others are crushingly powerful.

If we venture beyond our sandy bed into the ocean waves we experience more directly the energy of change. As the waves approach we might decide to learn to dance with them, timing our moves to leap at just the right moment, barely impacted by the passing waves. If our timing is slightly askew we might find ourselves mercilessly dragged down and under, into sand and swirls, frantically awaiting release that we might breathe again. Most times we are released back into life, returned to the control of our own bodies. Sometimes the ocean claims life, the catalyst to moving into new form.

Perhaps we might decide to align ourselves with the flow of the waves, with the energy of change, as we ride the cresting waves ashore. Sometimes we are fooled or miscalculate and again find ourselves pulled asunder, forced to face the crushing uncertainty of change head on.

Real security, however, is only to be found in facing the inevitability of change by allowing the ego self to learn about its energy, discovering how to ride it successfully by facing the truth of our own lives.

If we can allow ourselves to engage with consciousness in our dreams and bring them to waking life, we enter more deeply into the ocean of our deeper selves.

If we can allow ourselves to fully experience our feelings in the present, and in our deepest memories in recapitulation, we release the energy of stored inner tidal waves and learn to stay afloat through the inevitable storms of our lives.

And yes, if we can allow ourselves to fully reexperience our deepest encounters with terrors that once tore us asunder, we gain the knowledge of holding together through the greatest cataclysms of change.

Real security is to be found in the ability to flow with the changes that life presents us with. To fully become our wholeness we must allow for encounters with, and knowledge of, the parts of ourselves that rock the limited identity our ego has constructed to keep us safe. But let’s not sell the ego short; it is fully capable of the growth to fluidity that is necessary to accept life on its own terms without machinations to make it palatable.

Bring your ego to the beach of your dreams tonight. It’s fine to rest comfortably on the shore and attune to the rhythm of change. The time will come when you are ready, or not, for the deeper plunge into the ocean of pulsing life and constant unrelenting change. Real security is found in flowing with the changes, wherever they take you.

Resting comfortably on the beach, until the next wave comes along,
Chuck

Chuck’s Place: There Are No Bad Dreams

I'm so afraid! - Art by Jan Ketchel
I’m so afraid!
– Art by Jan Ketchel

The ego is quick to categorize the terrifying experience of a nightmare as a bad dream, best to be forgotten. The ego would be wise, however, to suspend that automatic protective judgment and ask the question: What was the function or purpose of the disturbing dream?

Behind the dream and the dreamer—our consciousness in dreams—lies the dream maker. The dream maker is the Self, the higher self that has made all the major survival decisions through the course of our life.

It is the Self in our tender years of youth who brings us fairytales to secretly live by as we encounter the harshness and brutality of actual reality that fails to safely usher us into secure psychological life. This compensatory secret life is the very one needed to nurture and tend to our fledgling ego’s fragile hold on life.

It is the Self as well that decides to fragment our overwhelming experiences in that harsh reality, burying for safekeeping our true spirit until a more opportune time to be born arises. This same Self chooses where we will be taken, what we will be shown and, most importantly, what we will emotionally experience in our nightly dreams, the intent being to better position our waking consciousness to take forward the quest for wholeness and individuation.

An encounter with a terrifying character in a dream might signal the Self’s urging to take up the task of integrating a traumatic experience, perhaps something long held in storage that left a delicate, vulnerable part of the spirit encrusted for decades. The Self might be suggesting to the ego self that the time is ripe to pick up a sword and not only face this ancient encounter, but cut through the encrustment to free this vital part of the self.

A series of frustrating, anxiety-producing mundane dreams might set the waking mood of frustration as the Self seeks to energize the waking self to break through its repetitive fixation on a habit that dominates life but imprisons the developmental needs of the self.

A sleepless night might be the Self’s decision to weaken the ego’s daytime hegemony over life so that it might raise to consciousness disturbing truths normally held in check. This may be the very thing needed to compel the ego to pay attention to its inner reality versus its usual focus on the events of the outer world and its position in it.

At the deepest level, what does the spider really mean? - Art by Jan Ketchel
At the deepest level, what does the spider really mean?
– Art by Jan Ketchel

There may be many varied developmental motives in the Self’s spinning of its nightly dream encounters. If the waking ego dismisses these experiences upon awakening, it not only misses the gift and deeper meaning of the Self’s intent, but it further alienates itself from the Self’s goal of individuation, likely triggering even more severe attempts by the Self to get the ego on board. This can take the form of repetitive and deepening nightmares or the breakthrough of the dream projectively into daytime life, in the form of phobias or even hallucinations.

We do well to value and appreciate the Self’s intent to lead us deeper into our wholeness, valuing all of our dreams—fairytales and nightmares alike—diligently seeking out their deeper purpose. With that fearless approach we become allies with the Self as it leads us ever deeper on our journey to wholeness.

Appreciating the dream,
Chuck