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A Day in a Life: In the House of the Oppressor

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Last night I dreamed of being a child again, in a house where feelings and emotions were expected to be suppressed, kept tightly under wraps, oppressed by the dictum of the dominant force.

In the dream, I recapitulated the process of holding everything in, of tending to my feelings in the ways my child self had found to deal with them, but at one point in the dream I also snapped. I shifted out of the old obedient child self and ranted and raved at the oppressor. Soon I discovered that ranting and raving against the oppressor gave no real relief nor satisfaction, for it did not remove nor change the oppressor. In fact, my railings only sparked the oppressor to rail against me, to make me feel bad for having stepped outside of long upheld expectations, fair or not. In the dream I was made to feel the consequences of my actions, in the same way that my child self had once been made to feel them for breaking the rules.

In the dream, my child self soon realized that I could neither have an effect on the oppressor’s outburst, because the oppressor was not going to change, nor did I want to stay in the subservient role of being oppressed by this unchanging being. I soon turned away, saw the situation in all its clarity and let the oppression go on without me. It was okay to do so. In fact, the dream was a complete recapitulation process.

In true recapitulation fashion, I was able to immerse myself in an old situation, feel every aspect of it, go through all the questions that needed to be addressed—such as: Did I really want to do this again? Did I owe the oppressor anything? Who had originally decided the oppressive rules? Did I really want to uphold them? What is the reason that I am back here again at this time in my life?—and let the dream guide me to understanding who I was then, who I am now, and how far I’ve come.

In the dream, I was able to reassert that I am not willing to be oppressed, by anyone or anything that I do not agree with, that is not right for me. That may sound egotistical, but in reality it is only part of a process of actually learning to shed the ego’s attachments. For in shedding of ego attachments one learns that one does not need to participate in life according to the needs of others, either to be dominated or controlled by them or held back by their fears. In shedding of ego attachments one learns how to become an individual being. In shedding of ego attachments one learns what it actually means to love.

The Recapitulation Door

In recapitulating one is able to free the self from all the old rules that oppressed, held back, and curtailed the true spirit self, the part of us that holds the desire for life to be fully embraced and lived. In recapitulation one asks the question: Can I allow myself to live my life differently, according to my own needs, desires, wants and to extend those needs, desires, and wants beyond the ego self to eventually fully encompass the spirit self? That is the real challenge in life; to let the spirit self fully live.

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl states: “When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.” —From page 99.

Victor Frankl spent three years in concentration camps during World War II. His spirit took up an observer’s role, allowing him to have experiences that kept him alive. He took up his own unique opportunity to bear his burden, under the direct eyes of the oppressor. Like a true shaman he took a journey of suffering and returned from it transformed, never having let his true spirit self be defeated.

The Seers of Ancient Mexico would agree with him that we each have a unique opportunity to perceive our world differently and to live in it differently as well, to dare to take the opportunity that life offers to transform ourselves. The Buddhists also see suffering as the means of reaching enlightenment, for only in samsara, the ocean of suffering, life upon this earth, are we offered, with each new lifetime, the opportunity to transform ourselves.

It becomes our task to shift away from the oppressive rules placed on us by society and others in our lives, accept our aloneness as necessary and liberating. This is just the opportunity offered when we recapitulate. We don’t need to go into a concentration camp to suffer and meet our aloneness; we all have enough of those opportunities in our daily lives. This leads me to the next point I wish to make today: Recapitulation happens all the time. We do not need to do anything. Life itself places our recapitulation squarely in front of us each moment of each day.

In my dream, I saw a recapitulation opportunity, but, in a sense, I had to be willing to see it that way and not get caught in feelings of sorrow for my child self, to not fall into depression and self-pity. I was offered the opportunity to remind myself just how free I really am, not only of the past, but of the suffering that once oppressed me so deeply.

It was pretty clear to me that I was being shown an old world, one I have come far from, but one that still exists. In many ways I must still encounter it, even though I no longer wish to live in it. As I did in my dream, in waking life I must remember to turn away from the oppressor, to leave the house that is oppressive because it does not feed my spirit. This must become a conscious process, yet my dream is reminding me that I must not become complacent or smug about it either.

In the house of the oppressor we are confronted with questions that will help us move on to new territory, to new perspectives, to new ideas of self and life. We must repeatedly ask ourselves to go deeper into our aloneness and ask ourselves to truly answer the questions that arise.

Some of those questions might be: Why do I live in the house of the oppressor? Who is the real oppressor? Have I taken on the attributes of the oppressor? What can I do to leave this place that I feel so stuck in? Can I allow myself to leave the screaming oppressor without feeling that I am bad, neglectful, inconsiderate, unloving, selfish? Can I turn away from an old world and allow myself to enter a world of my own creation? Can I keep going into the aloneness that is necessary to encounter all that I must encounter in this life? And, in the end, can I simply love the oppressor for having set me on my journey, and accept that my destiny is now completely in my own hands?

Recapitulation is a tool to use as we set out on our own journeys of individuation. It may take us many years to discover that it is actually what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. It may mean that we must return to the house of the oppressor many times, even when we think we have left it behind for good, because it still holds something of value for us. In the end, can we ultimately embrace our suffering as our most valuable asset? In the house of the oppressor, Victor Frankl discovered the key to man’s inner spirit and to his own future as a psychotherapist and student of human nature.

What value do I find in my own suffering? I ask myself this question each day as I revisit my own past. My three-year shamanic recapitulation allowed me to revisit the first eighteen years of my life and find the reasons for the oppressive qualities I carried with me into life. I saw very clearly where they came from, how I had attached to them, and how I continued to carry them forth. I learned to remove them one by one, freeing my spirit, the true self who lay waiting for me to return and find her.

Here is to taking the recapitulation journey that we do not have to do anything to jumpstart, it is jumpstarted for us each day of our lives, we just have to notice how it comes. How does it come? Perhaps in dreams, encounters, feelings, sensations, memories, thoughts, repetitive behaviors; in our actions, reactions or no actions; in complacencies and avoidances; in our likes and dislikes; in our political and social views and opinions. What is mine and what is not mine? Who am I? Who do I want to be?

I want to be me, and I want to be okay with being me, without worry, without fear, without needing to uphold things I just do not believe in or need anymore. I hope these ideas help make the journey a bit more clear.

Just being me,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#768 A Sip of Infinity

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Written by Jan Ketchel with a channeled message from Jeanne Ketchel.

In her beautiful description of dreaming awareness, Moya, a reader of Jeanne’s messages, posted a comment last week, asking for clarity. She relates the following process:

When I left NY to go on my journey to the standing stones in Orkney, I set my intent to ride on the wings of intent and trust, and be open to freedom. Upon returning I was thrust into a deep recapitulation. I was totally unaware of what was happening initially as I came up against the voice of cogitation: relentlessly it unraveled using the “promises” and “uncomfortable truths.” Over the last two days I was able to become aware of what was happening, and last night I set my intention to dream silently on the wings of intent. A great large eagle took me to a foreign place, and I watched as things unfolded and this blissful realization came over me without words. I actually was smiling and felt detached and at ease. I was so elated I believe I was laughing in my dream. I realized that those promises no longer have any power over me. It was like I detached from the foreign voice without having to put up a fight. I simply said: you are not me. I also remember drinking from a sweet candle. The candle was handed to me by this light woman being. She was there to help me through this passageway. She broke off a piece of candle, handed it to me, and it started to melt in my hands. I drank the melting wax. It was like pure nectar and I felt a light kindling within me and it went outwards. I was riding between parallel lines. On one side I could see my true self: the self that is free to travel through infinity, and I chose to merge my intent with my true self. I could also see the foreign mind outside of myself—still there on the other side, outside of me. I acknowledge now is now. I am still a little daunted. I feel like that light being has been in my dreams before. I recognized her and yet couldn’t remember from where. Can you ask Jeanne for further guidance on this? I can’t even formulate a question. I feel like something has really changed and am not sure what it means.

Here is what Jeanne responds when I ask her to give Moya some insight into her experiences, real and dreaming. I also include the intent that the guidance that Jeanne offers be helpful to all of her readers.

My Dear Readers, and my Dearest Moya: I must first stress that these two selves, as described in this dream, are totally compatible and appropriate aspects of self. They must meet often throughout life in order for clarity to be gained. The mysteries of life will remain unattainable, unclear and distant if these two selves do not get together to hash out the truths and meanings in life.

That being said, I also pose that this other being that Moya experiences as outside of self awareness, whom she recognizes yet cannot fully grasp, is as much self as the other two beings, one of whom exists with feet and mind planted upon that earth, the other capable of transcending the earthen heaviness—and the power of life upon that earth to keep one bound and attached—to gain clarity.

Consider the self as multifaceted, all knowing, a being capable of understanding and grasping all knowledge. This is the truth of mankind, yet in that world has he been taught to remain solidly planted. Nothing extraordinary is allowed to interfere with that solidity, that final explanation of the world as one of solid objects defined, packaged, and presented. That is one reality, the reality that is acceptable to all human beings. Yet, most human beings have also had experiences that defy reason and the world of solid objects, such as Moya has in this dream sequence.

Man has been taught that he is limited, that he must go outside his meagre self to find explanation. He has been taught to believe in the capabilities of others who are far greater than he, a mere human being, rather than accept his experiences as personal lessons of untapped potential. Man has been taught to let others carry this energy, such as the light being that Moya so graciously shares experience of. In a different world, the world where everything is possible, it is quite acceptable to be energetically multifaceted beings, simultaneously existing in different stages of awareness.

In her dream, Moya is all of these beings. She is earthbound self; aware self who is capable of detachment from that earthen self—all seeing and aware—yet is she also capable of handing herself the cup of truth. In being offered liquid light of awareness, she is being handed knowledge of deeper self, more connected to the flow of all life and all knowledge. And of course she experiences this light being as recognizable: she is self!

The process, as described by Moya, to achieve this dream awareness—recapitulation—whether cognizant of it or not, opened the door to gain greater insight into self. In facing old patterns, old means of coping—and by being dragged into awareness of the repetitiveness of the pain of such recapitulation—the first step to change was not pushed away in fear but faced, and this allowed for a transcendent split to greater awareness. It is only in acceptance of the frailties, fallibilities, and pain of truth about oneself that one will truly be allowed access to deeper aspects of self. For how can one accept the truth of greater awareness if one has not fully understood the self as earthen being first? If one cannot face pain, one cannot transcend pain.

I contend, in offering insight into the many aspects of self, that all beings are offered opportunities to achieve the stages of awareness as described by this evolving being, Moya, but one must simultaneously face the many challenges that accompany such moments of opportunity. One must push the self beyond the norm, beyond the familiar. One must ask the self to trust the process that is presented. One must follow through by facing all the fears that arise, from the most tiny and insignificant to the most astoundingly confrontative. It is only in transcending all fears that one will achieve enlightenment and be okay with being liquid light.

It is the interconnectedness of all things that awaits recognition inside you, My Dear Readers, the mergence of self with all energy. Whether you call it God or any other name, it simply means that you have all you seek within, yet are you nothing; you are simply a sip of infinity. Can you accept that? Can you leave it all behind and become a drop in the vastness of all energy? Can you totally shed your human form, let go of you, all the selves included?

Can you fully own that you are everything and yet nothing? And then can you fully become that nothing, totally detached? This is not only a dream, as Moya experiences it, it is true reality.

Thank you Jeanne, and special thanks to Moya for sharing her experiences!

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: In Nature

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I sit in stillness. I sit in nature. I breathe in the colored threads of the morning sun’s energy. I listen to the sounds of nature. Nothing overpowers. Nothing stands out. Nature sings in harmony. The Peewee calls, the woodpecker knocks on the trunk of a tall tree, a dog barks, a lover asks a gentle question. The cicadas vibrate the air, merging their energy and sending it along the same interconnected threads that I breathe in. I quietly take it all in. I am peaceful in this moment.

I am innerly focused, far from the world’s wars, conflicts, worries and troubles. In this moment of harmony with nature I forget that there are political, financial, social, environmental issues, that there is illness and disease, that there are struggles and hardships aplenty. In this moment I am at peace.

It is a day for me to stay connected in this way, to let the world go for a few hours, to listen to the sounds around me and simply be harmoniously present. It really isn’t that hard to do once the intent is set.

As I sit in the warm morning light I notice that all is well, that Mother Nature likes us to be this way, in harmony, part of the symphony that sings, chirps, breathes together. This is where we should be every day of our lives, but how can we when there is so much else to worry about, tend to, play along with.

I feel the urgent call of Mother Nature, asking us to more fully accept the truth of our existence on earth, that we are just one of the harmonizers. We seek to sing our solos, but in reality when we are too self-centered and demanding we interrupt the natural balance, the natural harmony. In reality we are just one in a chorus of all the voices of nature.

In her book, Silent Spring, Rachel Carson wrote: “The history of life on earth has been a history of interaction between living things and their surroundings. To a large extent, the physical form and the habits of the earth’s vegetation and its animal life have been molded by the environment. Considering the whole span of earthly time, the opposite effect, in which life actually modifies its surroundings, has been relatively slight. Only within the moment of time represented by the present century has one species–man–acquired significant power to alter the nature of his world.”

Take a day, or even two or three, in nature. Just be. Just be part of it, in harmony.

Thanks for reading,
Jan

Messages from Jeanne

#767 Visitors of Awareness

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Here is a message from Jeanne channeled by Jan as we go into a new week, as we struggle to remain aware that we are more than what we appear to be, that we are all more than meets the eye. On this day Jeanne asks us to remember that we have two sides to ourselves, that we are inner and outer beings. In awareness of this will our journeys be more fulfilling and balanced. It’s often hard to be innerly aligned while we are so outerly focused. Today’s message reminds us of the greater need to accomplish a new level in this struggle for balance, for ourselves and for our environment.

Here is what Jeanne says:

Busy Bee

Be aware now of nature’s wish for fulfillment and for sustenance and respect for all beings to become aware. Be now as nature is, as Mother Earth, more fully accepting your place of learning upon her earthen floor. Use your time there wisely in alertness, studying more closely all that she provides and shows you on a daily basis for she holds everything you need for your outer self while you hold everything within that you need for your inner self.

This is most important now: arrive at unity within and without. Become more aware and more balanced each day in yourself and in your world. I cannot stress this more. The world needs you and you need it.

Be sensitive beings, good visitors of awareness, respectfully treading upon your planet environment and you will find all that you need.

Thank you Jeanne!

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Now is Now

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I write again about the process of recapitulation, the process that has changed my own life from one of fear—bound by feelings of inadequacy leading to resistance to fully experiencing what life has to offer—to one of fully embracing life.

Recapitulation frees us from the promises and vows we made as children, whether consciously decided upon or placed upon us by others. In my own case, as an extremely sensitive and withdrawn child with little self-esteem, if anyone told me something I immediately believed it and took it on. I was told that I could not sing and so I rarely opened my mouth, when in fact I have a nice singing voice. I was told I could not dance and so I rarely danced, when in fact I can indeed dance in my own fashion. In Taisha Abelar’s book The Sorcerer’s Crossing, her teacher Clara says the following:

“…as children, we often make vows and then become bound by those vows, even though we can no longer remember making them.”

“Such impulsive pledges can cost us our freedom…”

“…vows, oaths and promises bind our intent, so that from then on, our actions, feelings and thoughts are consistently directed toward fulfilling or maintaining those commitments regardless of whether or not we remember having made them.”

If we ponder where we first heard some of the beliefs we hold so tightly to about ourselves and question their truths, we may find that they are indeed true statements that we must accept in order to move on in life or that they are far from true. The process of recapitulation enables us to gain clarity, so that we can move on, freed of ideas of the self that hold us back from leading fulfilling lives.

Taisha goes on to say that “[Clara] advised me to review, during the recapitulation, all the promises I had ever made in my lifetime, especially the ones made in haste or ignorance or faulty judgement. For unless I deliberately retrieved my intent from them, it would never rise freely to be expressed in the present.”

In Taisha’s case she had to confront the truth that she was not loved by her family, and her mother specifically: “It was your fate not to be loved by your family. Accept it!” Clara says to her quite bluntly.

As an example, Clara goes on to explain to Taisha some of her own history:

“I too had a problem very much like yours…I was always aware of being a friendless, fat, miserable girl, but through recapitulating I found out that my mother had deliberately fattened me up since the day I was born. She reasoned that a fat, homely girl would never leave home, and she wanted me there as her servant for life.”

“I went to my teacher, who was definitely the greatest teacher one can ever have, for advice about this problem,” she went on. “And he said to me, ‘Clara, I feel for you, but you are wasting your time because then was then: now is now. And now there is only time for freedom.”

It may sound too easy and too simplistic to just accept and move on and indeed that is not what Clara is asking of Taisha. She is asking her to confront her bitter truths by recapitulating their sources, by reducing herself to her child self again in order to relive the moments of greatest pain, when intents were set that controlled and inhibited her from fully expressing herself and exploring her fuller potential. If we remain bound by ideas placed on us as children we might never grow up, mature into responsible adults, or evolve into acceptance of our greater potential both as human beings and as energy beings capable of far more than meets the eye in our everyday reality.

When Clara tells Taisha that “You have only time to fight for freedom, Taisha…Now is now,” she is asking her to investigate the possibility that it might just be okay to reinvent herself at each confrontation with the truths and the untruths of old, by staying in the present, knowing that there is no time to waste.

Life will not wait for us. It greets us every moment of every day, yet we must consciously, and with awareness, greet it in return, tackling what it presents us with, decisively and with impunity, intent upon learning what our own truths might be, not what someone else has decided for us. From the perspective of now, we are offered daily opportunities to dig for our deepest underlying truths. If we can hold onto our awareness of being independent beings, with our deeper knowing of what it means to be human held in highest regard—that we are energy beings at our core, that our lives here are meant for evolutionary purposes—we can allow ourselves to embrace the fact that it is always our choice to break out of the webbing placed over us a long time ago, and repeatedly placed over us as we live out our lives.

When we recapitulate we must pose many challenges to ourselves, along with those placed on us daily by life itself. We must dare to break our old allegiances, our old pacts, and question every thought, idea, and belief that arises. We must challenge ourselves to change every tiny detail about ourselves if that is what will lead us on to becoming our true selves.

We must ask ourselves many questions as we recapitulate. Are we ready to discover and embrace our truths and become someone new, someone unrecognizable to those who once knew us in the past? Do we dare go beyond the old beliefs that have held us captive? What will happen if we sing and dance when we were once told we could not? What happens if we tell ourselves that we are beautiful, not fat and friendless, as Clara did? What happens when we admit to ourselves that our family did not love us, as Taisha did? Well, nothing happens except an enormous sense of freedom!

Now is now, and I choose to live now. I hope you do too! It’s really the only place to be: living in the moment. I have found the only means of getting here, to this moment, is by taking a personal inner journey of recapitulation.

Sending love as you take your journeys, embraced with intent for good recapitulations to freedom,
Jan

Excerpts from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice are from pages 117-118.