Tag Archives: relationship

Chuck’s Place: Who’s Yin and Who’s Yang? Whose Yin and Whose Yang?

Vignette #1: Your Yang over My Yin

“What’s for dinner?”
“I haven’t really thought about it… maybe rice and some vegetables.”
“Oh.”
“You don’t seem very excited about that… what would you like? Would you prefer pasta?”
“That sounds great!”
“Okay.”

Vignette #2: My Yin over Your Yang

“I feel really calm and relaxed with you.”
“How ’bout we get naked?”
“That feels like such a disruption. I just wanted us to stay connected, go deeper into calm.”
“I was feeling for deeper connection as well.”
“I get that, but I’d have to get there… this feels so right now.”
“So, you don’t want that, it’s not natural… sounds like you’d be accommodating me. I certainly don’t want that.”
Silence.

In Vignette #1, Yin, the Receptive, awaits the impulse to action from Yang, the Creative. Once the Yang impulse is clearly defined, Yin springs to action and materializes the pasta. Though Yin had its own Yang idea, rice and vegetables, its dominant Yin nature pushed aside its own Yang impulse and fully embraced the outer Yang desire.

In Vignette #2, Yin was sinking deeply into its restful, restorative, dormant state. Yin invites outer Yang to join in still union. Yang suggests active union—creation. Yin calls upon its inner Yang to protect the legitimacy of still union. Outer Yang is defensive. It realizes that to acquiesce to Yin is the only possibility for union at this time.

Yin and Yang are the primal energies of this world. Yin is associated with water and earth, hence, energy in a denser form or simply solid energy. Yin energy is the substance of our material world: matter. Yin is the primal state of rest or stillness where energy is amassed and stored. In contrast, Yang is associated with fire and air. These elements lack substance. However, their influence creates definite movement. This is the ethereal, mental, spiritual activity that produces ideas, thoughts, designs, and actions. Yin, as the denser material energy, receives and gives form and substance to the impulse of Yang. If intent is Yang, then the physical realization of intent is Yin. In a deep state of Yin meditation, a Yang idea might be born.

We are all comprised of Yin and Yang energy. Often woman is associated with Yin and man with Yang. Men don’t produce eggs. Men have no womb. Men cannot hold and deliver life. But the tiny sperm that scratches the enormous egg is the impetus to action that the dormant egg awaits to begin the process of unfolding new life. This reality gives rise to the assignment of Yin and Yang to stereotyped sex roles. However, this is a misconception. For instance, all beings, male and female, require restoration and sleep to gather energy to live life. This is a Yin state that all partake in equally. Yang states of decision-making and creativity are equally utilized and necessary for both men and women.

To manifest (Yin) any thought (Yang) we must have energy. For water (Yin) to produce steam, energy, it must have fire (Yang) beneath it. If the fire is too weak Yin dominates and the water cannot boil to steam. If the fire is too great the water overflows the pot and puts out the fire, again, no energy produced. The only way to produce continuous energy is for these opposite elemental forces to be in balance, working together to produce the energy for life: the fire burning at a low, steady flame, the water simmering gently.

Balance, however, does not mean always being equally dominant. At night, the sun acquiesces to the moon. In the day, the moon acquiesces to the sun. Together, each taking the lead in succession, they create the deeper balance of our world—night and day.

We do well to assess the interplay of our inner Yin and Yang energy states. Often, we favor either Yin or Yang. Bringing these energies into internal balance is the key to outer relational success. You can be certain that your non-dominant primal energy state will show up in your choice of partner. If you choose a partner of similar dominance, something will be missing in your relationship. If you are Yin dominant you will be attracted to a Yang dominant partner and vice versa. This has nothing to do with your biological sex. Men and women may be dominated by either Yin or Yang energy.

Yin and Yang are mutually dependent. If we are favoring one state inwardly, we will seek to balance it out in outer relationship. This does not necessarily mean that we’ll find harmony in relationship. For instance, if we feverishly reject our inner Yin in favor of our inner Yang, we are certain to battle our Yin dominated partner. If we’ve had difficulty accessing our inner Yin or Yang, we are likely to become overly dependent on our partner who gives us a connection to our missing inner energy. Dependency often creates strife in relationship. As depicted in the opening vignette, we might easily dismiss our budding but inferior inner energy in favor of the whim of our dominant partner.

The first question to answer in relationship is: Who’s Yin and Who’s Yang? Knowing this, you can examine the patterns in your relationship that are driven by both the oppositional and complementary interaction of these energetic forces. From here, you can also answer the question: Whose Yin and Whose Yang might be dominating inside the self and outside in the relationship?Examining the Yin and Yang of relationship from an energetic standpoint, allows for a deeper understanding of self and other beyond blame. Yin and Yang are opposite sides of the same coin, inseparable and necessary in all life.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

#701 Chuck’s Place: Love & Sex

Love is of spirit; sex is of body. Our deepest challenge as human beings is to reconcile our ethereal, eternal spirit —that which precedes and succeeds our current life— with our corporal, animal, instinctual, physical body —that which has a definite beginning and a definite end. Animal/Spirit, Soma/Psyche, Finite/Infinite; these are the oppositions we are forced to suffer if we are to achieve fulfillment and solve the true riddle of life on this plane. Of course, there are those who would argue, with rational stamina and certainty, to the contrary.

At a recent dinner party, in a somewhat instigative and provocative mood, I posed the question: “What do you think happens when you die?” I got a quick: “Nothing, lights out!” I turned to another: “Lights out!” With this, I just let it rest. My reason wasn’t up to the argument. Lights out is simply a deus ex machina that doesn’t do justice to the paradox of a life fully lived.

I begin with the following paradox: Why, so often, are so many people so sexually dissatisfied with the person they are most secure and compatible with—spiritually in tune with? I suggest that this fragmentation of our spirit and animal selves begins with our birth into family. The family is the matrix we are born into and which ultimately forms the foundation of what we strive for: love and fulfillment. However, the incest taboo creates an impenetrable barrier to the animal that we are: sexual feelings for family members are strictly verboten. The place where we begin our lives, hopefully in unconditional love and security, does not welcome our animal, sexual selves.

I already sense a growing anxiety in my reader at this point, even the mere mention of sex and family can be alarming, such is the power of the incest taboo. Let me assure all, I am a firm upholder of the value and necessity of the incest taboo. The incest taboo is universal, a part of human culture from time immemorial. Some suggest it to be the humanizing instinct, a powerful archetype governing the behavior of the human animal. My focus here is examining its impact on splitting the psyche, the bearer of love, from the body, the bearer of sexuality. This universal fragmentation is a necessary consequence of being human, a wound that haunts the individual in acceptance of his or her instinctual nature. The consequence for relationship is the challenge of bringing love and sex together in relation to one person.

I stress that I am writing about the incest taboo and not incest. I have spent much of my professional life helping clients traumatized by familial violations of this taboo. My purpose here is to point out the inevitable consequence of the taboo: the splitting of love and sex. The incest taboo demands that family, as our first and often deepest experience of love, completely disallow our animal, instinctive, sexual selves from attaching to the same object of our deepest love. This most primal experience of love, rejects, denies, and repels the animal, which must be repressed, ignored, sentenced to the darkness and reserved for some future expression elsewhere, beyond the family. The byproduct of this most necessary separation of sexuality from family is the experience that love and sex are incompatible. This is the indelible primal imprint that we all take forward into adult life.

This is the incest taboo wound, the archetypal fall that we all suffer. Once man stole consciousness, that is, spirit, he was thrown out of the paradisal garden of instinctual freedom. In life, we strive desperately to return to the garden but are saddled with the split between our spirit and our body. We cannot return to the garden as full human beings —psyche and soma— if we cannot merge love and sex in a relationship with one person. We are granted respites in the garden when we mysteriously fall in love. In this bewitching time of falling in love, we reenter the garden, fully united in spirit and body: paradox resolved, psyche and soma as one. Our animal selves are fully released as we unite with our lover in carnal and spiritual bliss.

Unfortunately, the spell of falling in love is time-limited and soon we must return to the barrenness of life outside the garden, as we discover mother, father, sister, brother, in the eyes and behaviors of our lover. Once our lover becomes too familiar, the incest taboo is stirred, with the necessary consequence of the lifting of romance, as we return to the primal dilemma of the incompatibility of love and sex. Sex becomes labored, uncomfortable, avoided, or routine; the animal wants out of this incestuous cage, perhaps through secret fantasy or secret affair. Perhaps bliss can be extended until the arrival of a child in a family. With the addition of child, lovers must contend with a new role in their own relationship. They are now parents as well as lovers, which triggers the prohibitions of the incest taboo in their own relationship and can severely impact a return to a loving sexual relationship.

It was Freud’s bleak view that the achievement we call Civilization, with all its Discontents, is the sublimated byproduct of the incest taboo. Essentially, for him, ego, or spirit, is the psychic humanizing factor that substitutes civilization for its forsaken instinctive, unrealized, incestuous desires.

Jung, from a more positive perspective, viewed the frustrated libido as the birth of the imagination, which offers a venue for the human animal to reconcile psyche and soma, love and sex, and achieve wholeness.

For the seers of ancient Mexico, the resolution of this dilemma never went beyond the body, as they do not recognize a separation of psyche and soma. As I quoted Carlos Castaneda, last week, from The Wheel of Time (p. 199): “All the faculties, possibilities, and accomplishments of shamanism, from the simplest to the most astounding, are in the human body itself.” The seers’ path is to discover the body as solid and as energy, one in the same. For those seers, achieving the fluidity to alternate between these two states —one finite, the other infinite— solves the riddle of life on this plane.

For those engaged in relationship as a path to wholeness, I encourage containment and openness. For a detailed description of this process I refer the reader to The Book of Us, in particular to chapter three, A Jamaican Retreat, Our Alchemical Oven, where Jeanne and I undertook such a journey in this world. By containment, I mean commitment to a process within a sealed relationship. Interestingly, as I was preparing this essay, I opened the latest Psychotherapy Networker magazine. The picture on the cover is of a wedding cake with a bride flanked by two grooms. The title article is called: The New Monogamy, can we have our cake and eat it too? I quote from the article:

Within the new notion of monogamy, each partner assumes that the other is, and will remain, the main attachment, but that outside attachments of one kind or another are allowed—as long as they don’t threaten the primary connection.” (July/August 2010 p. 23)

This direction in marriage essentially maintains the fragmentation of psyche and soma, as they remain unrealized and un-united in an individual’s relation to one other person. It’s simply another form of triangulation, where the tension of combining love and sex is dispersed, allowing for fragmentary visits to the garden in separate relationships.

With the container sealed there must be openness. By openness, I mean a gradual, but ultimately full revelation of all the truths of the self, including the deepest somatic fears and desires of the animal. This is the healing of the incest taboo wound, as we push beyond its taboos and allow for ultimate spiritual intimacy and animal sexuality to come together with our lover.

The riddle of psyche and soma, the core paradox and challenge of life on this plane can be resolved through many paths: a journey within the self, a journey of relationship, or a shamanic journey. The essential tools in all of these journeys to wholeness are containment of the opposing forces within the self and openness to all the truths of the self inherent in these forces.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

The books mentioned, The Wheel of Time under the Shamanism category and The Book of Us are available in our Store.

#681 Chuck’s Place: Must be the Season of the Witch

This week, I was drawn to pick up my least favorite of Carlos Castaneda’s works, The Second Ring of Power. In retrospect, I now know why. I had had the audacity to write about the knowing of the womb last week and the witches came to repay the favor.

When I first read that book, thirty plus years ago, I hated it. I was horrified and confused by Carlos’s lethal encounters with the witches. These were encounters with women who had lost, or were losing, their human form and were capable of anything. When one loses the human form one becomes an energetic being untethered by human roles or conditioning.

The condition of my copy of The Second Ring of Power is decrepit, an old hard cover, still with its original jacket, but with a broken binding, whole chapters falling out, brittle pages that peel off as they are turned. I thought: Well, this is a perfect not-doing. As opposed to the normal pattern of reading a book by turning its pages and holding it together, as I read each page, I peeled it off and placed it in a separate pile.

At some point in the week, I was pulled to put on another of my wedding rings. I stared into a small dish of jewelry on the dresser and selected a ring. In keeping with the practice of not-doing, I placed the ring on the wrong finger on the wrong hand; my wedding ring with Jan snuggling up with my wedding ring with Jeanne. It never dawned on me that I was inviting in the energy of the second ring of power!

In The Second Ring of Power Carlos describes the winds of the four directions and how all female sorcerers draw power from the winds of one of these directions. The winds were wicked this week. Several times they blew open the consulting room door at the office. Sudden wild winds of tornado like intensity appeared out of nowhere, knocking out power lines and just as suddenly shifting back to utter calm.

As abrupt as a sudden wind, Jan and I had a forceful exchange. In an instant, the human form of our relationship dissolved. Reactions shot forth out of both of us like lightning bolts, completely unexpected and totally out of character. Our discussion was around our children. In The Second Ring of Power, the witches speak of completeness, for a sorcerer, as requiring the retrieval of their edge, their energy lost to the children they had borne. In fact, on an energetic level, these sorcerers see those children as their mortal enemies.

For years, I have known and written about the need for all to detach, to break the energetic bindings of the archetypal roles of the human form with its holy days of family obligation, specifically in Your Family is Not Your Family. I notice that I write today’s essay on the eve of the holiest of holies, Mother’s Day. This was completely unintentional. It’s either a synchronicity or the witch’s sense of humor. Ultimately, mothers, fathers, and children need to be freed of the energetic bindings of these human form roles, if they are ever to gather in their energy to individuate or become energetically complete.

Jan and I exchanged verbal blows, confronting each other around these energetic entanglements with our children. The power of these archetypal roles runs deep. As we each held our ground something else took over. Neither of us was prepared for what came through us; it was the energy of the witches, carried on the winds, blowing us out of the human form. This was a decisive shift. We became beings unrecognizable to each other. At the same time we each landed in a very personally familiar place of energetic calm and clarity, utterly detached. We shifted into a formless state without definition or attachment to any roles. For a good twenty-four hours we shifted out of the human form of our marriage with its own set of deep energetic entrapments. We became two warriors, solitary beings, well aware of each other’s power and utter willingness to deliver a lethal blow to the other’s desperate clinging to the human form. Synchronistically, this happened on the day Jan wrote her blog about guidance she had received from the witches of don Juan’s line in her dreaming.

The winds have subsided now. We have “safely processed” our experience. Rationality is restored. Our energy has receded back into the forms of contented husband and wife. We joke about it; we enjoy it, our experience of the human form and our shift beyond it. Neither of us has any illusions about our true formlessness and our ruthless intent upon energetic completion. Archetypal roles provide structure for human completion, but if we cling too tightly we invite the wicked winds of the season of the witch.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

NOTE: We have nervously added The Second Ring of Power to our STORE under Shamanism. Watch out when you open this book! The witches will come to get you too! Also, listen to Vanilla Fudge sing Season of the Witch, my favorite version.

#658 Chuck’s Place: Your Family is Not Your Family

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy website.

We are born with instincts ready to ensure our survival. A baby is preprogrammed to attach to its parents, to be nurtured and cared for, to ensure survival. Though our soul may choose the family we are born into to present a specific set of challenges necessary for its evolution, a baby has no choice over who its family members are. At the point of birth a baby is a blank slate with a psychic program, what Jung calls the archetypes of the collective unconscious, which are activated and direct the infant in the process of attachment. Hence, the deep emotional process of attachment, which is experienced so personally, is in fact quite impersonally driven. A baby will attach to any appropriate caregivers.

The same impersonal instinctive process is activated in parents when they have a child. Many a mother may exclaim: “I immediately fell in love the instant I saw my child!” An inner maternal archetype is activated in this mother, releasing powerful energy experienced as love, and projected onto her infant. However, in truth, this mother has no clue who this child really is. I am not intending to be offensive with this statement, as it can be argued that a deep relationship is already in place prior to birth. However, a relationship of consciousness with a separate being is simply not yet possible. There is as yet no real personal relationship; the child has yet to discover its personality separate from the mother. A separate entity with full consciousness of self will evolve over time.

Inborn, archetypal processes, quite impersonal in nature, are programs preserved and activated in the collective unconscious to exert a guiding influence and sufficient energy to form and stabilize a family unit. Our human process is no different from that of birds or any other species that instinctively carries out a set of inborn patterns to bring a newborn into the world, i.e., the building of a nest and the feeding of a helpless being.

Relationships and feelings within the family are prompted by specific archetypes. Hence, in truth, a child’s “love” for its parents is largely impersonal, not really a function of an actual conscious relationship. A parent’s love is also largely archetypally driven. Children are programmed to need, love, and idealize their parents. I do not mean to suggest that children and parents don’t get to know each other and love each other as real people; however, a large percent of the bond between parent and child is a function of a collective instinctive program. If the actual parents are what Winnicott * called “good enough” then children will have little difficulty following their instinctive archetypal imperative to “love thy parents.” If a parent is not “good enough,” there results an interruption in an archetypal developmental process that may result, ultimately, in the child growing into adulthood with deep issues of insecurity, anxiety, and depression. For this child/adult it is likely that adult life will be burdened with powerful concerns around parental failures in childhood. However, the actual issue resides within the psyche of the child/adult in its ego’s relationship with parental archetypes whose energies have yet to be harnessed by the ego in a positive way.

Although an adult may seek reparative relationships in adulthood to resolve this archetypal dilemma, this often results in the unfulfilled childhood needs being acted out in adult relationships, leads to endless confusion, and is rarely successful. Equally, an adult child may continuously seek to have its needs met by its family of origin, which in fact can become a lifelong problem, regardless of how old everyone becomes. In therapy, clients with these issues are encouraged to take the hero’s journey, the inner journey, to obtain their birthright in a new relationship with their inner archetypes, fully birthing into adulthood. At the adult stage, a relationship with actual parents cannot solve a grown child’s issues. As adults, we must assume responsibility for ourselves as adults, even when we really don’t feel like adults. That is what makes the inner journey a heroic journey: the journeyer takes on frightening tasks, seemingly beyond its ability, and in the process accrues successes that ultimately transform the hero into a genuine adult.

The truth is, there may in fact be little or no real relationship with actual family members. Real adult relationships can only happen between equals, not with people who use power and position, based of their archetypal roles, as the dominant feature of interaction. The truest relationship between a grown child and a parent would be one based on genuine friendship, affection, and appreciation of each other’s unique identities and journeys, not one based on need and expectation. If we want to have a real relationship with our parents or grown children we must shed the ancient archetypal roles that have become outdated and inappropriate to the essence of life: our soul’s journey. Nobody owes anybody anything. We are all adults with individual destinies to fulfill. Though we once may have shared a powerful bond, personally felt, impersonally driven, once necessary, our real reason for being here is to discover and master our individual challenges. If we can arrive at a place of mutual support and appreciation of each other’s challenges, assuming full responsibility for our own lives, regardless of what did or didn’t happen in the time when the family was deeply connected as a unit, then we can truly have relationships with family beyond the family, when the possibility for real relationship actually begins.

I close with Kahlil Gibran’s poem On Children taken from The Prophet, which captures the essence of what I have attempted to express today.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

If you wish to correspond, please feel free to post a comment below.

Until we meet again,
Chuck

NOTE: Read about Winnicott in Wikipedia.

#640 You Do Not Need Mirrors Now

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Today we have a question from a reader asking for guidance around a relationship issue that Jeanne had previously addressed in Message #586 Why Must You Return to Your Cage?

Hello again Dear Jeanne and Jan,
Several months ago, when I was still in relationship with my “soul twin” male partner, I wrote to you. I was in a state of confusion and anxiety about whether to continue being in a sexual relationship with him because for 2 years it had been triggering trauma and an aversion reaction linked to sexual violation and abandonment by my father when I was a child and teenager. I couldn’t bear it any longer and wanted to know if I should just end it and stop trying to have sex with men, because it just seemed to re-create the same awful cycle, ending every time with my aversion, revulsion, rejecting them or myself and then pushing them away.

In response to my inquiry you had written, through Jan, that I needed to go back into my cage once more, and that R was like a mirror that reflected back to me all the parts of myself that I did not want to see, the darkness, and that before I could spread my wings and fly away to be free, I had to hunker down and do the deep inner work and face my self in that cage.

I feel like R and I had made a soul contract previously, to come together to do this stretch of intensified work together over the last 2 years. We triggered each other’s early child wounds so perfectly and kept them activated, accelerating our movement forward, the pain motivating us both to keep working until it came to a point where it couldn’t continue. I didn’t exactly understand what you meant when you wrote to me. But then R suddenly, and with non-negotiable finality, ended our relationship, gathered up his remaining belongings and was gone for good within 10 minutes. He soon after that announced that he was going away for 6 months. I went into such a deep and scary journey, meeting so many personal deaths, feeling like a limb was cut off, and it sent me into places inside myself that I don’t think I’ve even more than scratched the surface of before. Layers of the bands of armoring around the excruciating pain of my inability to access my love for my father because of the hurt and betrayal and therefore my inability to really love the men in my life, the unwillingness to really love them, under the anxiety. There is such a narcissistic sense of entitlement around expecting men to make up for what my father didn’t do for me. I only want the man to meet my needs and I don’t really care about the man’s needs. In fact I resent and am angered and disgusted by the needs of the man. I have sex with men as a way to ensure that I get taken care of and not abandoned, which of course does not work. It simply perpetuates what happened with my dad over and over. In conclusion, I realize that I am still in a pre-oedipal moving into oedipal stage of my sexual development. I get that. I’m 55 and going on 6. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready to have adult sex in this lifetime.

On the other hand, being a Libran, I truly long to learn how to really love and be in a healthy relationship. I love companionship, I love affection, I love communication, and I love romance above all, if it’s with a man that I am attracted to, energetically and heart-wise. Even though I felt disemboweled, like my intestines were dropping out, like I was liquefying inside when it ended with R and he announced that he was going away for so long (the perfect re-creation of my abandonment issue with my dad), on another level, I felt that I had dug my way further to China than I ever had before in terms of getting closer to accessing the original love I had for my dad under all the negativity I project out onto him and the men in my life. I feel that somehow I have gotten closer to the possibility of learning to really love and want to meet the needs of a man, more than ever before. I feel hopeful, though more alone than ever before, my worst nightmare.

I pray every morning to you, Jeanne, and your soul group to stay close to me and whisper into my ear what I need to hear so that I will remember that I am energy moving forward into infinity.
My question Jeanne is, did I meet my self fully in the cage, in that reflection that R held for me? Is there anything else I am not seeing, any shadows that I am avoiding? I want to go for the “Full Monty” while I am catapulting through this accelerated growth period. Am I completed with R? It feels like it. I want to learn to love. I want to stop hating men, stop refusing to see and respond to their needs, and stop just using them for meeting my own needs, like a selfish child. I want to become an adult.

Thanks for listening. Please communicate if there is anything you can tell me that I need to do for completion re: what you said about the time in “the Cage ” with myself.
Soul Trecker, returning from the outer inner galaxies

My Dearest One, I feel your pain and see you in the shadows of your inner self, still searching for that which you lost. To refer to your self in the cage, looking into the mirror, as presented by this man in your life, is but Stage One of your progress. To understand that he was offering you the gateway to your inner work and to allow him to stay present in your life through much turmoil was quite a feat. That he has removed himself from your cage is a definite sign that you do not need him anymore. He has shown you what you need to know about the self and where your inner work lies. Do not regret your companionship with this man, for he has been your greatest ally, though now you must go deeper, and this deeper work must be done alone.

For all intents and purposes, yes, you are done with your relationship with R, but it might not be under the terms that you perceive. You are done because, as I said, he no longer offers you anything new, simply a replaying of the old scenarios, the old behaviors and emotions that will remain in stagnant rehearsal until a shift is achieved. By his removal he offers you this gift of shift. It is not time to look outward for new companionship, but only to look inward for companionship with self that will lead you to self-compassion, self-love, and self-truth.

I do not ask you to forgive or to simply move on, but I suggest that, in order to truly resolve your deep issues of rejection, abandonment, and desire for completion, the only place to look now is deeper inside the self. You do not need mirrors now, My Dear Soul Trecker. Your mirrors are but pictures pasted upon a wall now, the same pictures you have seen for many years. It is right for your companion to leave you to your inner work, and it is right for you to turn your head under your wing and find out what else lies waiting inside you.

Your resolve to grow and your prayers for wholeness do not go unheard. Your first step each day must be to turn to the self and trust that you carry within all that you need. Your habitual looks outward must turn continually inward as you ask your self to show you where to go next. What do I still need to learn about myself? What is it that I have not truly resolved yet? If I cannot find true happiness, contentment, and peace within myself, I will not find it outside of myself either, so what is it that I am missing? Indeed, that is the question that must be presented to the self.

Do not doubt that you are on a journey of evolutionary growth. Do not pause upon questions of doubt regarding your place of growth, relationship, companionship, or the possibilities of intimacy in the future. At this point, such conjecture is not appropriate, for the future has many possibilities, as yet unseen, and you have not completed enough steps of the inner work to be shown those future steps yet.

I do not mean to discourage you, but to offer you the true insight that you must always carry within: Everything is Possible! I suggest that you admonish your self, quite harshly, for bemoaning your fate; that you become the appropriate adult director of your life’s learning journey; that, although you may not feel mature in relationship, you are fully adult and have within the necessary maternal/paternal tools to parent your self. Do not ever doubt your abilities or your journey. You are fully taking the journey you subscribed to, that you found necessary to take, and that you must take in order to free your self of having to repeat it, both in this life and in the next, for that is always a possibility too.

Reconfirm your commitment to SELF. This is your greatest challenge, My Dear: YOU! There is no other person upon that earth to look for or hope for at this point. You must embrace your aloneness, love your self in your aloneness, and nurture and parent your self through your alone time, as you have never done before.

When your partner left the sanctity of your cage he left the door open, but this does not symbolize a time of flight for you. It symbolizes a time of openness to outer energy that will find its way to you, presenting you with what you need, as you continue your inner work.

You, your SELF, will know when the inner process is completely done in Stage One, so that you may begin the Second Stage of your evolution. You will know when you have finished with all that has so far controlled your feelings, emotions, and decisions. How will you know? You will change. You will think, feel, act, and choose differently. But most of all, you will look inwardly for your answers, and you will fully trust and know that your little bird heart has all the answers. You will no longer fear the self, as you do now.

In conclusion, I advise that you tidy your cage, not in anger at the loss of your companion, but only so that your inner work may be focused, balanced, and calmed by the presence of neatness and beauty all around you. It is time to clean house, to get rid of all that is non-essential, to simplify and find only that which is peaceful and perfect for you alone to have in your presence. Your cage must now reflect the changes thus far achieved in the inner you.

It is time to bring the new inner you outward. This will aid you in seeing your growth. It will no longer be a reflection of the other, but purely a representation of the inner other, the one you have been searching so diligently for. This is where you will find your new love, you know: inside the self.