Tag Archives: sex

Chuck’s Place: Sex & The Uninitiated Male

Why would men with such material wealth and power need to abuse that power for sexual contact with a woman? In fact, why would any man need to abuse his power to have a sexual experience with a woman?

True union…

Abuse of power is aggression. If a man exercises aggression to gain access to a woman, that man must, on some level, be terrified of woman. In his eyes, woman wields some power over him, which he must subdue to feel safe enough to engage with her.

It must also be stressed that “sex” under these circumstances has nothing to do with union, true joining with another person. Though the man may indeed gain access to his victim’s body, his sexual gratification remains purely narcissistic, locked within himself. Regardless of his victim’s physical reaction to his intrusion, there is no actual meeting in such an encounter. The man exits this kind of encounter still a prisoner to his own terror of woman.

All human beings issue forth into life as infants from the most powerful being on Earth: Mother! She who gives, nurtures and can even take life. The terror and total dependency upon this powerful Mother Goddess may recede into the unconscious as a man ages and develops in autonomy, but the power of this female imprint persists and is projected onto all women, the fascinating but terrifying, dangerous other. Even nonaggressive males deal with this terror.

Male initiation rituals, puberty rites of the ancients, resolved this dilemma for all males in a community by breaking the initiate’s dependence upon Mother through deliverance to the power of true adult standing within the community. From this position a man could stand on equal, albeit different footing from woman, and a genuine meeting with woman could happen devoid of violence.

Our modern world has rationalized itself beyond the need for initiation rites. Today these are largely held in the sacred journeys of therapy where the patient-initiate must slay the dragon of his Mother Complex to finally be able to see woman as equal partner.

What modern powerful men such as Weinstein, Cosby, and even Trump with his “pussy grabbing” reveal is that the acquisition of economic and material power in no way initiates a male into true adult manhood. Power might position a man to touch a woman as he pleases, but he’ll never touch a woman’s  soul or experience a genuine union with her unless he achieves true manhood.

Manhood requires initiation. Initiation requires the defeat of the dependencies and the entitlements of childhood. Modern men must find their way to the initiation chamber on their own, with little or no community support. One modern initiation chamber, the psychotherapist’s office, is ready and waiting to provide the sacred space for the journey to real manhood.

Sex for the uninitiated man is his own narcissistic cell, a world of one. No amount of material acquisition or political muscle will release him from this solitary confinement. Only through taking the journey to slay his inner dragons may he be freed to enter the world and truly and safely be with a woman in real union.


A special Sunday blog by Chuck Ketchel, LCSW-R

The Monogamy Dialogues: Sacred Sex

Why is sex so unsatisfying?

At its animal core, sex is an instinct, a biological urgency that comes and goes at nature’s prompting, on nature’s time, toward nature’s end. Most sex in nature appears particularly fast and violent and rarely results in a lasting relationship, in fact, for most animals it results in no postcoital connection.

Create sacred time… consciously…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In contrast, the human animal, freed from its purely instinctual promptings can choose to engage in sex at will. Consciousness, what we refer to as spirit, introduces the possibility of choice as to when one might engage in sex.  For instance we might say, “I love you all the time, but sex is sacred. It needs its own time and space, sacred time.” Animals never have this choice.

Additionally, consciousness, when applied to sexual energy, enables it to be elaborated into a union within the self in the merging of physical and energy bodies—the two distinct human components: matter and spirit—as well as the possibility of a profound union with another human being, as well as a complete merger into the experience of cosmic oneness.

The word sacred means to set apart, to make holy, to consecrate. The decision to set apart, to regulate the sexual instinct for the holy purpose of consecration, that is, a transformation into a numinous experience of oneness with self  or with self and another being, is the intent of sacred sex.

To set aside a definite time for sexual union separates sex from its biological dominance, raising it to an honored, holy status. Hormones have their own timetables, but deciding the day of union is completely spirit based. Spirit says to body, “I invite you to be fully present, fully engaged, at this time and place. I am fully prepared to receive and join with you, this is my solemn commitment.”

Much of life can be dominated by the biological pressure and mental preoccupation with sex. That pressure in an individual may encourage frequent masturbation, in couples an ever-present expectation or burden. Setting aside a definite day within which sacred sex will occur relieves, ultimately, the individual or couple of this animal dominance of being.

At first, of course, the animal will resist. What horse or dog willingly allows itself to be tamed and trained? However, once the instinct sees that this is how it is, that it must wait, patiently, but that ultimately it will be rewarded with deep union and release, it will get on board.

Getting on board means accepting the set-apart time as the time, the only time, the sacred time of sex. All other time is not the time, hence, sexual thoughts, feelings and sensations must be stored to allow for mastery and refinement of formerly unbridled instinct.

And then, when it is time, it is time, sacred time. The commitment is to show up at the agreed upon, set-apart time, body and spirit. Just as the body had to submit to waiting, the spirit must submit to fully showing up, regardless of inner resistance. In the case of partner sex this is not about fulfilling an obligation to another, this is about honoring a sacred commitment to self. Marital duty, for instance, has no place in sacred sex.

Of course, the quality of each meeting is unique. Each partner must be extremely sensitive to the being it seeks to join with. Body has its definite needs, wants and desires, but spirit has its own intentions. To bring the two together in deep union requires a genuine meeting of both these bodies, physical and spiritual. The depth of each meeting depends upon how deeply each of these bodies is connected with, within and without. True connection requires deep knowing of self and other.

The practice of sacred sex is always unique, the growing closeness cumulative. The utter freedom and playfulness, in its sacred, set-apart time and space, allows for a merging with the divine that lives completely outside of time and space.

The rules are simple: deep respect, no coercion, plan with sincerity and openness, show up, see what happens. Obviously, sex needn’t be sacred sex to be right, but sacred sex is offered as a potential mature practice. Have fun with the planning too, make it special, allow no interferences in your sacred time and sacred space; keep it holy.

Even Reni Murez, a direct apprentice of Carlos Castaneda, Carol Tiggs, Florinda Donner-Grau, and Taisha Abelar, acknowledges that although shamans store and use their sexual energy for conscious dreaming and out-of-body travel they also must balance their humanness. After all, they are currently here in human animal form just like the rest of us. Reni agrees that setting apart a special time for sex, be it once weekly, monthly, yearly, or once a decade, provides a sacred opportunity for human union, but also allows for sexual energy to be used at other times for other spiritual work.

No partner? No problem! Either save sexual energy for future union, with the intention that the right relationship will come to pass and that the stored energy will not be taken or squandered but used as planned, or engage in sacred sexual union with self alone, merging spirit and physical body in love.

Physical limitations? With spirit involved nothing is impossible! Perhaps the playing field might move over into dreaming where energy body and physical body can experience the deepest sexual union. Here sacred sex asks the dreaming intent to take over and arrange the magical, sacred meeting outside of time and space.

To get back to the question with which we opened this blog—why is sex so unsatisfying?—we propose the following: it simply isn’t sacred enough! We offer the path of sacred sex as a path of heart.

Of course, if one is in the midst of traumatic recapitulation or a spiritual practice that requires sexual abstinence, the practice of sacred sex is one of sacrifice and abstinence, as the energy of union is deployed toward healing and spiritual transformation instead. Nonetheless, such deployment can be understood as sacred sex employed to the needs and intent of self for the highest good. Indeed a path of heart!

Keeping it holy,

Chuck & Jan

Chuck’s Place: Orgasm As Divine Encounter

The divine is everywhere... You just have to see it! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
The divine is everywhere…
You just have to see it!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Orgasm is a physical, emotional, relational and spiritual experience. This blog focuses exclusively on the inner spiritual dimension of orgasm, that of union of Ego/Self at climax.

If the Self can be analogized as a whole diamond—all of what we are—the Ego would represent one facet of that diamond, the face that enters this three-dimensional space-time world with consciousness. In essence, the Ego is the child of the Self, born into the unique experience of life and death in a world of matter. The Ego takes the adventure of this lifetime and ultimately folds into its greater Self at death, into the Self that exists beyond space-time in boundless infinity.

As the Ego is launched into its life in this world at birth a veil falls, separating it from its greater Self. Much like Adam and Eve’s fate, the price of consciousness for the Ego is to go it alone, to develop and exercise its consciousness in the maintenence of life and in the adventures of this world.

This alienation from the Self is a great disadvantage and though the purpose of this life is for the Ego to learn to steer its own ship and make its own discoveries, it harbors a deep longing for unity with something greater and more meaningful. This longing is actually the desire and need to unite with its greater Self.

The greater Self is always there, but remains quite veiled because its full energy, that resides in infinity, is quite powerful and could easily overwhelm the Ego. Hence, the Ego must be molded to handle a direct encounter with the Self without suffering total dissolution. In fact, psychosis could be defined as the Ego’s unshielded encounter with that powerful energy of the Self, causing obliteration of Ego and consciousness.

The Self often comes in powerful form to the Ego in dreams. Many of these dream encounters are forgotten upon waking, though some are so numinous, like visions of the Saints, that they change the course of an entire life.

Shamans throughout the world have discovered that sexual energy is the energy of dreaming. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico, specifically, encouraged their apprentices to preserve their sexual energy so as to enhance their ability to find their energy body and travel with the Self in adventures in infinity.

Many religions have made similar discoveries, requiring their priests, monks, and nuns to shut down the physical experience of sexual orgasm to further the cause of spiritual union. Some of these traditions have gone so far as to cast the body as an evil, to be tolerated but vigilantly restricted lest it interfere with true spiritual advancement.

The fact remains, however, that orgasm is a direct encounter between Ego and Self, a highly spiritual affair. Ego, as consciousness, is completely psychic or mental, of spirit substance. The Self is beyond space-time, a very intense high level energy, and high spirit Ego/Self meetings are spiritual encounters.

Orgasm is a powerful energetic seizure that momentarily joins Ego and Self in a state of vibratory oneness. This ecstatic communion of Ego and Self eventuates in a profound, albeit momentary, state of contented wholeness that rejuvenates the Ego’s energy and partially satisfies its deep longing for the Self.

The energetic download of the energy of Self at orgasm is not without its fears and challenges. For one thing, the Ego’s energetic wiring may feel inadequate to handle the charge of the Self. Sometimes the Ego is so fearful of the tidal wave of the energy of Self that it defensively inhibits a sexual charge. Sometimes Ego will tinker with the connection through the use of substance to relax its fears, or use a forceful fantasy to override its own defenses. Naturally, the use of these titrating methods will impact the quality of union between Ego and Self at climax.

Be receptive to the divine self... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Be receptive to the sacred…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Sometimes Ego is receptive to Self but finds itself immediately and prematurely swept to orgasm, forestalling a deeper union. Ego may attempt to steel itself, through body rigidity or mental distraction, to avoid the immediacy of orgasm, which will as well impact the quality of union.

As with all channels of connection between Ego and Self, the road to orgasm is a work in progress. In general, as with advanced dreaming, the ability to deeply relax the mind and body allows the Ego to find its receptive place where it can enjoy a full orgasmic encounter with its deeper Self.

Orgasm is sacred encounter and is best treated as such, as a true religious experience. Though it can be entered into at any level, from sacred to profane, at its most sacred level it is indeed union with the divine.


Chuck’s Place: Furor & Führer

Labor deepens. The world anxiously awaits the birth of a redeemer. The era of Obama has seen great expansion and inclusion. However, the speed of change has caused a swing to the opposite pole, that of boundary and protection, guns not roses. What’s at play beneath it all is the tango of two opposite, yet intimately related, instincts: sex and self-preservation.

What is being constellated, devil or angel? - Photo by Chuck Ketchel
What is being constellated, devil or angel?
– Photo by Chuck Ketchel

When sex dominates, we open our hearts, our borders; everyone matters, basic needs are met. When self-preservation dominates, our hearts are closed and steeled; we sacrifice life, we protect our own.

When sex dominates, the spirit of earth-based marijuana becomes legal. When self-preservation dominates, the distilled spirit of alcohol, an artifact of science, reigns.

When sex dominates, African-Americans, gays, transsexuals, Syrians, Muslims are welcomed. When self-preservation dominates, freedom shrinks as old order conservatives restrain the lower chakras. The head rules, the body politic is divided and controlled.

At a higher level these opposites are the interplay of love and power. When power rules, sex is rape. When love rules power is flaccid. When love and power vie for dominance, destruction and rebirth are the consequences. The goal we seek is to reconcile these opposites in a balanced union, and that brings us to the question of where we are now: What truly is the state of our Union?

America seeks renewal. Trump has risen as a potential redeemer. He presents as a freakish Dionysus with his golden locky mop. He embodies the spirit of a spontaneous orgy. He shoots from the hip with total unapologetic humor, sarcasm, and fury. He at once expresses youthful spontaneity and ruthless power. He is at once inclusive and divisive. He is uncontainable. Even the most powerful conservative Republican monied lobby cannot control his chameleon spirit. He’s alive and America is bored.

His appeal touches a latent excitement in Republican and Democratic citizens alike. His enthusiasm trumps reason, and this excites the volk of the American spirit. It’s a layer of the psyche below the ruling ego with all its boring limits and controls.

Under Trump our madness comes alive. We can all play with the Joker as he takes control of Gotham City. Who needs the movies? We can all become lustful, power-driven billionaires who can act out our wildest fantasies. We can simply, impulsively and completely, wipe out a country that threatens our security and our playtime.

Trump is dangerous because in the midst of all this furor we are missing a latent Führer. Hitler came to power because he, like Trump, tapped a latent Dionysian spirit of change that burgeoned beneath the beleaguered spirit of the German people. What broke forth under Hitler’s reign was a mass psychosis and an orgy of death.

Trump is not a redeemer. He is a false prophet, falsely presenting a balanced union of opposites. And yet we cannot ignore the need he excites: a reconciliation of sex and self-preservation, love and power.

True conjunctio, the opposites united by spirit...
True conjunctio, the opposites united by spirit…

However, if we study Trump closely, we see that though he embodies the energy of Dionysus there is no love in his person. This is America’s problem too: the Goddess is completely missing. Mature feminine wisdom is the bridge to reconcile these two opposing instincts of love and power, and wisdom is severely lacking in the youthful mess we find ourselves now steeped in. This is America’s true blind spot.

Youthful furor never stops to reflect and reconcile. And now it has truly upped the ante as it seems we might be swept into electing a Führer. Hopefully, a higher wisdom will prevail as we face this possibility. Or perhaps there will be another step needed before we can find our way to wisdom and advance beyond this dangerous dance of opposites into true conjunctio.

As always, we as individuals are microcosms of the collective consciousness as well as the collective unconscious. Roughly speaking, the instinct of self-preservation finds its home in the power drive of the ego. Sexuality, in contrast, remains largely in the body and the instinctual unconscious. If we approach the relationship between the ego and the unconscious from the place of higher feminine wisdom, that of relatedness, we are offered an opportunity to align these very powerful instinctual forces toward a united, balanced effort of survival, for both the individual and the planet.

However, we better still vote with Wisdom!!!!


Chuck’s Place: Melding

“…I lead not one but three lives, hers, mine, and our meld…” Robert Monroe writes these words as he recapitulates another lesson from sleep school where he encounters the death of his partner and the depth of his love for her. As I read his description I know his experience.

I have never missed Jeanne since she left physical form. Her transition was our completion for this physical leg of our journey together. It was our graduation. The truth is, what Monroe calls “our meld” is right here and now, with me in every decision I make and every action I take.

Meld of heaven and earth... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Meld of heaven and earth…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I turn to our meld, that energetically merged being we created, and know “we” are in agreement as I come to a decision. At other times, I experience my separate self venturing into new life, kindling love in a new meld. Likewise, her separate self ventures in infinity on journeys I’m not privy to. From our original meld we granted each other the freedom to continue to evolve in both our separateness and our meld.

Our physical completion birthed new separate lives, and though the labor had its challenges the births we delivered ourselves to have been filled with joy. The results of our willingness to let go of where we once were has enabled our three selves—the meld of hers, mine, and ours that Monroe speaks of—to continue to evolve and circle back in the new constellations of the Soul Sisters of Jan and Jeanne, each of whom has shared separate journeys with me in this physical world and yet are joined in a new energetic relationship that allows us to live a magical possibility and share it with others. Anything is indeed possible!

What is required to achieve the magical, however, is detachment. I define detachment here as total acquiescence to the truth: Everything changes. If we can flow with the changes we remain connected and spawn new life and new adventures. If we resist and insist on holding onto an old relationship that has been completed, through death or in some other fashion, we simply are not ready to enter the next magical phase of relationship possibility and evolution.

Okay, you might say, but where’s the union, the sex, when your partner is no longer with you, no longer in the dense physical body state? How can a relationship evolve beyond physicality? Robert Monroe takes up this issue as well. As he explains in his out-of-body night school lesson:

“…that physical sexual drive is not the fundamental of this energy I don’t know what else to call but love, but one of the most common inducements to kindle the process… once the full flame is created, the inducement (sex) is not even the fuel that feeds it, but instead (becomes) a multileveled minor physical note in an infinite cord…”

Perhaps the greatest challenge of our species upon dying is letting go of the idea of our physical body’s desire for union. Many beings are so attached to this need that their energy bodies seek physical union after death, unaware that they have died and no longer have a physical body. Monroe states that of all the energetic bands that surround the earth this is the loudest and densest in population, a band of writhing energy populated by beings desperately seeking sexual union. Their insatiable desire for physical sexual union will only be fulfilled by new life in physical form, though they may writhe in this energy band for centuries before that new life occurs.

There is always the possibility of golden melding... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
There is always the possibility of golden melding…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The lesson Monroe brings back from his encounter with this above mentioned energy band is the actual minor role of sexual union in the true experience and development of love. He calls sex an inducement to, but not actually a vital component of, the process of evolving love. And love is the greatest natural resource of our planet, but it must be refined and evolved to its true grandeur—beyond the inducements of sex and romance—to become a multileveled vehicle for deepening journeys beyond the physical, into infinity.

Of course, while in physical/animal form we must reckon with the instinctual need to reproduce the species and experience the fulfillment of the carnal desires of the body. It is part of life here. However, as Monroe discovers, the true fuel for love is the development of conscious relationship after the romance has relaxed. The creation of meld requires commitment, deep transparency, acceptance, compassion, respect, honesty, resonance, sharing, and a mutual desire for ongoing growth.

Perhaps most important for meld is total acceptance of change. If we can love in full acceptance that things will not stay as they are now then nothing stands in the way of creating a meld that seeds separate lives and a deepening magical adventure in infinity.


Robert Monroe quotes from: Far Journeys p. 119