Tag Archives: recapitulation

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Real Security

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Still dealing with computer issues, but here is a blog from Chuck, sans pictures again, but offered with our heartfelt wishes for good journeying through all the changes.

The human animal is acutely aware of great change on the horizon. Such impending change produces a collective fear that emanates from the deepest stratum of our instinctual selves, rising to the surface in our individual experiences as anxiety. We seek to dispel this anxiety by seeking refuge in our ego self, which responds by associating the anxiety with current events as it defensively reasons us to provisional security. This anxiety/fear, however, goes deeper than that, into the very nature of our human animal selves.

The question arises: How do we achieve real security? The truth is that although it is evident that we are in for great planetary change, life is and has always been about great change. All life ends; what greater change could there possibly be?

Real security is not to be found in a respite from change. A respite from change may temporarily be found in the ego’s bag of magical defenses, but such respite is an illusion. In reality change is constant and unrelenting. We might, nonetheless, discover a sense of real security on a warm day at the beach.

The ocean tide is the ultimate expression of unrelenting change. The heartbeat of the earth never ceases in the circulatory system of the ocean’s waves. If we lie calmly at the seashore, we might attune ourselves to the sounds of the true pulse of change. No wave is ever the same. Some waves are calm and smooth, others are crushingly powerful.

If we venture beyond our sandy bed into the ocean waves we experience more directly the energy of change. As the waves approach we might decide to learn to dance with them, timing our moves to leap at just the right moment, barely impacted by the passing waves. If our timing is slightly askew we might find ourselves mercilessly dragged down and under, into sand and swirls, frantically awaiting release that we might breathe again. Most times we are released back into life, returned to the control of our own bodies. Sometimes the ocean claims life, the catalyst to moving into new form.

Perhaps we might decide to align ourselves with the flow of the waves, with the energy of change, as we ride the cresting waves ashore. Sometimes we are fooled or miscalculate and again find ourselves pulled asunder, forced to face the crushing uncertainty of change head on.

Real security, however, is only to be found in facing the inevitability of change by allowing the ego self to learn about its energy, discovering how to ride it successfully by facing the truth of our own lives.

If we can allow ourselves to engage with consciousness in our dreams and bring them to waking life, we enter more deeply into the ocean of our deeper selves.

If we can allow ourselves to fully experience our feelings in the present, and in our deepest memories in recapitulation, we release the energy of stored inner tidal waves and learn to stay afloat through the inevitable storms of our lives.

And yes, if we can allow ourselves to fully reexperience our deepest encounters with terrors that once tore us asunder, we gain the knowledge of holding together through the greatest cataclysms of change.

Real security is to be found in the ability to flow with the changes that life presents us with. To fully become our wholeness we must allow for encounters with, and knowledge of, the parts of ourselves that rock the limited identity our ego has constructed to keep us safe. But let’s not sell the ego short; it is fully capable of the growth to fluidity that is necessary to accept life on its own terms without machinations to make it palatable.

Bring your ego to the beach of your dreams tonight. It’s fine to rest comfortably on the shore and attune to the rhythm of change. The time will come when you are ready, or not, for the deeper plunge into the ocean of pulsing life and constant unrelenting change. Real security is found in flowing with the changes, wherever they take you.

Resting comfortably on the beach, until the next wave comes along,
Chuck

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: The Three Vexations

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[Here is Chuck’s blog for this week. We are dealing with some computer issues and thus no pictures accompany this post. Look for a blog from Jan later in the week. In the meantime, here is some good stuff to ponder as you take your own deepening journey. And don’t forget to check in each morning for our daily Soulbytes!]

In his 1477 poem, the Ordinal of Alchemy, Thomas Norton, the English alchemist, warns any seeker of this Sacred Art of three major trials: haste, despair, and deception. These three devils are the gargoyles that all would-be adepts must pass by if they are to find the path to achieve the Opus, the Grail Cup.

In modern terms, seekers of individuation through the path of psychotherapy and recapitulation will meet these same vexations cast upon their conscious intent.

Norton states: “He who is in a hurry will complete his work neither in a month, nor yet in a year, and in this Art it will always be true that the man [or woman] who is in a hurry will never be without matter of complaint…” (Anatomy of the Psyche, Edinger, p. 5)

We enter psychotherapy because life circumstances have mobilized our ego intent to find resolution to the conflicts that thwart our fulfillment. Our mobilized ego is frustrated or in great pain and is highly pressured to achieve freedom from these constraints. These are the conditions that set the stage for haste. We want to move on quickly, move deeper into life. We do not want to suffer a moment longer.

The rationalistic psychologies of the modern world promise just such results with well-laid out plans and programs promising great success. Would that the problems that befront us were all of the world of reason! Unfortunately, to solve our deepest issues we must sink into the depths of nature, far beyond the purview of reason. And for this healing adventure the ego’s demand for results in a timely fashion will only be met with disappointment and complaint. To enter the depths of the psyche we enter a world outside our familiar space and time where we must acquiesce to the healing tides of nature.

“If the enemy does not prevail against you with hurry, he will assualt you with despondency, and will be constantly putting into your minds discouraging thoughts, how those who seek this Art are many, while they are few who find it, and how those who fail are often wiser…than yourself.” (Ibid., p. 5)

Deflation of the ego, diminished self-worth and self-esteem, negative thinking, doubt that things will ever get better—these are the many faces of despair that seek to derail the concerted effort needed to prevail through the long, arduous, and often physically painful and emotionally terrifying journey into the inferno of recapitulation. A willingness to keep the candle of intent lit within the self, even though one feels utterly alone and abandoned as one takes the journey into the abyss, is critical if one is to prevail through this trial of despair.

“The third enemy whom you must guard against is deceit, and this is perhaps more dangerous than the other two…” (Ibid., p. 5)

By deceit, I believe Norton is referring to the helpers who come to serve the journey. Many of these so called “helpers” are the characters of the shadow self, entities that offer insights or respites in the form of inflations and addictions in exchange for allowing them to act out or take possession of our lives as we traverse our journey.

There are many tricksters within the self promising treasures in exchange for habits that subtlely drain our energy and resolve as we struggle to keep our course set on our goal of wholeness. Many an oasis offered can be a tricky resting place, claiming decades of our lives while we wait to awaken from our slumbers in a poppy field of a needed break.

Know that the vexations of haste, despair, and deception are the guardians of all paths of heart. They cannot be avoided. Better to see them as worthy opponents that forge us into the Grail Cup that can fully contain our wholeness, the goal of the opus.

We are all taking the journey in one form or another,
Chuck

Jan's Blog

A Day in a Life: Third Step Of Recapitulation

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Recapitulation means daring to go into the shadows of self, searching for clarity... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Recapitulation means daring to go into the shadows of self, searching for clarity…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The third step of recapitulation is doing the work. This work involves active participation. It involves making a commitment, even if you have to reassert that commitment multiple times, reminding the self that this work of recapitulation is the means by which transformation will eventually come. It is taking the inner journey, going far deeper than imaginable.

It means showing up for the work on a regular schedule, with intent to go the distance. It also involves steps one and two—acknowledging that something is wrong and being open to what comes to guide you—as all steps build on and incorporate each other.

The main tool of recapitulation is the magical pass of the recapitulation breath, sometimes called the sweeping breath. It’s very simple. It involves just breathing in while turning the head in one direction, breathing out while turning the head to the other side, while simultaneously reviewing an event from our past or even our present. As we turn our head from side to side and view this event we go into a sort of dream state, an altered state where what happened to us becomes clearer and clearer. We become calmer too. Once we have viewed the event and fully exhaled all the old energy of the event, the final pass is to hold the breath for a few back and forth sweeps of the head, sealing in our own energy now regained. We know that we have reached completion when the event no longer grabs our attention in any way, but is simply neutral.

What the work will be each day depends on you, on your readiness, on your preparation, on your openness, fearlessness, and your determination to face what comes. This third step means taking responsibility for the journey. One of the first things to learn in this step is how to let go of judgements. One must discover how one personally judges the self and others.

Learning to be nonjudgmental means listening to what you say, how you say it, and asking whether or not what you are saying is true. This was a transformative moment for me in my own recapitulation. Once I understood how I constructed the world through my judgments, and as I heard myself attach judgments to just about everything, I began to understand how those judgments cloaked my defenses. In my cloak of judgments I felt safe, but in reality I was just restricted and confined. This step of the work can be mind-blowing, as we begin to understand the agreements we’ve made in life based on our judgments and our defenses and how those agreements have both taken us on our journey but also taken our energy.

As we confront our judgments and understand our defenses our deepest issues make more sense to us. We gain a new perspective as we understand how we have lived, why we have done the things we have done, and how we have gotten ourselves into the predicaments that we have. We learn how to observe ourselves from many different angles, from many perspectives. We learn how to study ourselves in a nonjudgmental fashion. As we begin to shed our cloak of judgments, our defenses begin to shed too; we just don’t need them anymore. Gradually we release ourselves, and others, from the old beliefs and ideas that once constructed our lives and we begin constructing ourselves in a new, more personally relevant way.

Things become crystal clear as we recapitulate... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Things become crystal clear as we recapitulate…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

As we change how we view the world, we also change how we live in the world. As we shed our fears we become less fearful, life is less frightening and we are less frightened of it. As we become less judgmental we become more receptive; we become kinder and gentler to ourselves and others. As we shed our traumas we gain hope and optimism, a little bit more each day. As we challenge ourselves to be a little bit more daring in life, we discover that life meets us in a new way and we begin to shed our negativity, our sense of loneliness, our depression. These things are also part of the work: facing our fears, challenging ourselves to be daring, letting life in as we go out into life in a new and more open way.

Frightened people shut down parts of themselves to keep them safe, but in recapitulating we work at bringing out into life those shut down parts of ourselves, allowing them to have new and different experiences from in the past, better experiences. But all of this change and new life does not happen by itself. We must initiate it. We are fully responsible for moving our recapitulation along and daring ourselves to test what we have been learning, breathing our way forward one sweeping breath at a time.

We do get stuck sometimes. It’s inevitable. And when we are stuck there is usually something we must learn, but sometimes we are stuck because we are scared to move on. We’re more comfortable staying in a bad place because its familiar and we don’t have to challenge ourselves. In such instances our recapitulation is telling us to hoist ourselves up and out of our slump and take over our own lives, letting go of constantly blaming others for our predicament. I learned that blame was as useless as worry. It got me nowhere. When I would find myself blaming others again, I’d take over with renewed fierceness. I’d reassert my intent, more determined than ever to move things along. I found out that if I wanted to be defeated then blame was ready to defeat me every time.

Recapitulation asks us constantly to take responsibility for our journey. No matter where we have been or what has happened to us, we can move on into new life without attachment, shed of our past by our own deep inner work. When we take responsibility for our own life by recapitulating, we are preparing ourselves for taking charge of our lives in the future. We make things happen rather than let them happen to us. And then we are no longer a victim of our circumstances but a creator of them. And that’s the transformational work we want to be doing!

If we are doing a traditional recapitulation as defined by the Shamans of Ancient Mexico this third step of doing the work may take a year or two, as we make a list of all the people we have ever had contact with and recapitulate every encounter with them. If we are doing a recapitulation that involves trauma or abuse this step may take a lot longer, years or decades even. It takes patience and fortitude, but with good support we more than succeed.

Yeah, we're all in there somewhere... waiting to bloom! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Yeah, we’re all in there somewhere…
waiting to bloom!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In recapitulation we accept the truths of our lives and discover who we truly we are. As we turn our focus inward we learn that we have what it takes to give ourselves what we did not get from others. Perhaps our parents were incapable of giving us what we wanted, but as we recapitulate and become more tender with ourselves we might begin to see how they lived restricted lives as well, unable to do the deep work that we dare ourselves to do every day of our own lives now. This is when we begin to understand what compassion really means.

Recapitulation offers tools for reviewing daily events and the techniques by which we can release from them and move on. It offers the means to learning what love really is, what compassion means, and what interconnectedness means. It’s a constantly evolving process.

Breathing in and out and letting go,
Jan

Chuck's Blog

Chuck’s Place: Fallen Angels Or Magical Beings?

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The other morning, as I prepared for work, my mind was preoccupied with Jung’s “Late Thoughts,” a chapter in his autobiography that spoke of his final commentary on a world he was soon to leave. Jung lamented that the world lacked a living religious mythology that had kept pace with, and could serve as a guide to the modern world. His major concern was the question of evil for the modern world, which is still cast as the fallen angel, separate and distinct from God. How is mankind to reconcile the wholeness of its nature if God is only light, and darkness a fallen angel who failed to remain in the goodness of the light. That fallen angel resides in all mankind in the dark side of its nature?

Eventually the grackle turned over and sat up, still quite dazed... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Eventually the grackle turned over and sat up, still quite dazed…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

At the exact moment of this thought, I was stunned by a loud THUD at the glass door to our deck. I ran to the door to find a large black grackle lying on its back, its wings flailing frantically, its heart beating wildly. It was clearly in shock and my heart sank at the sight of its helplessness and its dubious prognosis.

I knew better than to open the door and attempt to assist. The fatal outcome of the wounded animals I had rescued in my childhood came to mind. Better to give this bird the sanctuary of its own inner resources than to shock it further with outside intervention, however well-meaning.

I quietly walked away, grappling with my own sadness and yet hopeful that this fallen angel might resume its journey. A half hour later, I returned to discover that the grackle’s wings were completely still, its heartbeat barely discernible. The prognosis appeared fatal, though I still held out hope.

Before I left the house, I checked one more time and was excited to discover that the bird had turned over and was sitting calmly in its place. The next question was: Will it actually be able to fly, or does it have a broken wing? An hour later, Jan was able to report that the grackle had successfully regained its poise, spread its wings, and lifted off the deck into a nearby tree.

I am left with the synchronicity of Jung’s lament that religious mythology has not progressed beyond earth and humankind needing redemption and the crash of the black grackle into the glass. Perhaps this bird’s process was the answer to a new mythology, more guiding and pertinent to our modern sensibility and dire predicament.

The first picture that popped into my mind was the image on the cover of Carlos Castaneda’s first book, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, a black crow perched in the desert. My bird was a grackle, often associated with the crow but not actually of its family. Nonetheless, the association leads me to the mythology of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico.

Those shamans see human beings as magical beings. What an awesome description; human beings are inherently magical! This is a far cry from beings fallen from God, offspring of Satan and earth. This is a description that transcends good and evil, and morality itself. This designation is intrinsically, and wholeheartedly, simply magical!

Preparing to take off... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Preparing to take off…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Indeed, the Shamans of Ancient Mexico see the world we live in as a consensus reality, a fixation of our vast potential, an interruption in our magical flight. We are like the bird that crashed into the glass; we are all lying helpless on the deck of this world, our magical nature ground to a halt.

Like the grackle that smacked into the glass those shamans see the central grounding position of our human fixation as the collision of our magical nature with self-reflection. Self-reflection is the overriding obsession currently mirrored in our attachment to the “likes” of social media. Our species is obsessed with its goodness, badness, value, possessions, and self-preservation, which color our ability to go beyond the self and see the true needs in the world around us.

This obsession with me and mine is the modus operandi behind greed, wars, and the destruction of the planet. Nonetheless, the shamans suspend judgment and instead totally appreciate the utter magic of our ability to create this world, regardless of its instability. Like modern physicists, they understand the world of everyday reality as but one of many possible interpretations of energy. At the same time, they cannot help but marvel at how magical a species we really are, powerful enough to create the consensus reality we all live in every day of our lives. Yet those shamans know that, like my bird who had to find its way back to its wings, human beings have all they need within themselves to restore their connection to their magic.

The world is now like my flailing grackle, charged to recalibrate itself beyond its encounter with self-reflection. That bird needed no outside help, no Godly redeemer to restore it to balance. We have everything we need too. We are, after all, magical.

The world wobbles out of control because it must find its way back to the magic, beyond its destructive hold on self-importance over the greater needs of life. That particular fixation has run its full course and is no longer sustainable. A new world that explores its interdependent wholeness is in formation. And that grackle did rebalance and lift off to a new adventure, and so will we.

Off on a new adventure... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Off on a new adventure…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

I distinctly recall Carlos Castaneda, at a tensegrity workshop, turning his back to us as he performed a deep shoulder roll, including his full shoulder blade, telling us to “free your wings.” Yes, in the eyes of those shamans we are magical beings whose wings have been clipped, but needn’t be if we are prepared to do a deep recapitulation and set ourselves free.

I know that Carlos would say that we have two interpretations to choose from: We are the offspring of God’s fallen angels who need redemption from our inability to transcend our evil nature or we are magical beings fully capable of recapitulating and launching into a new adventure.

From one magical being to another,
Chuck

Jan's Blog, Recapitulation

A Day in a Life: Second Step Of Recapitulation

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It might take a while to realize that what blocks our path are our own beautiful truths... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
It might take a while to realize that what blocks our path are our own beautiful truths…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Once we accept that there is something wrong at our core, we are ready for the next crucial step on the healing journey that the process of recapitulation offers. That step is to be open. Being open means allowing life itself—the universe, our bodies, our psyches, and our spirits—to show us what we must face about ourselves, the fears, truths and potential that lie hidden inside us.

If we constantly turn away from what comes to guide us, we may not really be ready. Our steps into our inner world may be so frightening and uncomfortable that we cannot hold ourselves together. We must question whether or not we have the energy or the time to commit to the deeply investigative and healing process that is recapitulation.

Are we truly ready to find out all that troubles us? Or are we better off waiting until we are more ready and available to take the changing journey of recapitulation? I was forty-eight years old before I was finally ready to face what constantly nipped at my soul. Before then I lived with the discomfort of knowing that something was not right, yet I just could not face what it was or what it might mean. I made the choice to live with my defenses and my demons, to struggle along as best I could in the stranglehold of depression, dissociated from life and Self, until I no longer could.

If we are not ready, if it is truly not the proper time to open the door to input from all that we are, our choice then is to get busy with life, to forge ahead into career, family, or creative endeavors. The truth is that we must be able to give ourselves the care and attention that a deep inner journey will require. We must have forged a mature adult self, capable of guiding us through the process. If we have not yet forged a strong adult self then that is the first step to work on as we contemplate our future inner work. A strong adult self capable of guiding our inner child self through the process is a necessary prerequisite of any inner journey.

In addition, if we are at the beginning of forging our identity in the world, still building our ego and finding our feet as independent beings it might not be the right time either. Perhaps its better to put our energy into being fully in the world. However, if our attempts to be in the world repeatedly fail, it might actually be better to tackle what lies within while simultaneously making our way in the outside world. It really depends on who we are, what energetically presents itself to us, and what we are capable of handling.

Whether it is the time for us to begin a deeply life-changing journey or not can be a matter of personal preference and choice, but as with so many choices we are often pushed into them because we have no other recourse but to acquiesce. Some people have life changing events occur that force a change, a serious accident, a near-death experience, devastating illness or circumstances that require starting over, often with a decidedly changed persona and intent. In my own case, I felt death breathing down my neck. I literally felt like I was dying. Though I had no physical disease, I had deeply gnawing spiritual dis-ease. It was time to stop running from it. I knew that if I did not do something for myself, find someone to talk to, I would die.

We might be ready when we least expect it to take the inner journey to facing our fears... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
We might be ready when we least expect it to take the inner journey to facing our fears…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Death was so close I could smell its stench. I was soon to discover that the stench of 16 years of childhood sexual abuse, rotting at the center of my being, was a far more preferable traveling companion, because it meant letting the breath of life in. Soon life was breathing down my neck, urging me on, and the scent of death wafted away with each word I spoke and each breath I took. As B. K. S. Iyengar says in his book, Light on Life: “We carry so many toxins in memory, feelings that we have stored away and allowed to stagnate and fester. We get so used to carrying this sack of rubbish around that we even conclude it is just part and parcel of our character.”

Basically, when our discomfort shows us that we need healing at our very core, we have two choices: to tackle it head on, accepting what comes, or asking it to wait until we are more ready in our personal lives to handle the full impact of it. It’s okay to not be ready, but the question of readiness itself needs careful attention and consideration.

Once we make the decision to begin our recapitulation, or once our recapitulation begins without our total approval as is sometimes the case, we must shift into being open in a way that we have probably never been open before. Openness evolves as we let the process begin, as we become keenly aware of the world around us and the world inside us, as we begin to examine everything that happens to us in a new way, everything that we dream about, everything that we smell, taste, feel, hear, touch and remember.

Our dreams might be the first place our recapitulation shows up. At the beginning of my recapitulation I had a dream that basically laid out the entire first year of my recapitulation. After that I had subsequent dreams showing me where I would go and how things would unfold. It was only in retrospect, as I worked on my Recapitulation Diaries books, that I clearly saw this process. We all dream. As we open to recapitulation, our dream recall improves and we learn to trust that our dreams will guide us.

Another place that recapitulation may show up is in our body. What do our aches and pains really mean? Are we sick or are we being shown where we store our memories? Are our chronic symptoms symptoms of our spiritual dis-ease? If we allow our body to show us what it knows we learn about where we have been and what we have been through. During my recapitulation my throat ached for months as I was unable to speak or cry. I felt a huge ball growing. I painted pictures of it, but it was not fully released until I faced what it really meant about my child self. All that she held in had to be felt and resolved, all hers fears and pain, all her shame.

Being open means learning what it means to suspend judgments and blame, to lose our inflations and self-deprecating criticalness, to drop our protective defenses and humbly revision ourselves as part of a grander universe where all are equal, equally vulnerable and equally unique. Being open means we learn that its okay to have feelings and emotions, to care about ourselves, especially if we have spent our lives caring only about others.

And then there is the light! - Photo by Jan Ketchel
And then there is the light!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Being open means letting go, gradually at first and them more readily, of our need to control our world. Granted this is a necessary defense, keeping us from falling apart, but eventually it has to go too, because recapitulation means that sooner or later we are going to totally fall apart, not because we are not able to withstand the impact of our deepest truths, but because we are fully ready to handle them. Letting go is trusting that we are enough, that we have everything we need inside us, as we dare to put it to the test a step at a time.

Being open means saying, “Okay, I’m ready. Show me what I need to know about myself. I am ready to take the changing journey of recapitulation.” And then we wait for what comes to show us the steps that we will take along our personal path of recapitulation. Once the journey begins we don’t really have to do anything, as it will take us! We just have to keep being open, unfolding like a flower as it turns its head toward the light.

Still walking the recapitulation path, in the light of every day,
Jan

NOTE: See my previous blog First Step Of Recapitulation: HERE