A Response to Message #523

Hi Jan/Jeanne:

Thank you both for the energy you put forth to communicate with me. (Message #523) I also found today’s message about death particularly meaningful to me. I am realizing that I cannot know everything before I experience it and that, yes, it would be very limiting (and quite a feat!) if I could. A framework can be grounding but also limiting. It is good to know I haven’t missed anything and that I don’t need to rush.

I am also glad to be reminded that mental knowledge isn’t so important. I need to be ready to accept what I experience in order for it to mean anything. I think what you are saying is that I am energy, I contain all knowledge, and my awakening will happen when I am ready to experience this? No external description will help me grow because my experience will be utterly unique. I guess I get caught up in the idea of knowing things in this life so as to enable future evolution. However, you didn’t fully know you were energy and that you contained all knowledge while you were Jeanne Marie Ketchel, did you? You awoke through the death process and then your awakening continued and you were completed after you left your human form.

I have been working with Chuck for several months and I mentioned to him that I felt you were putting a lot of pressure on us to evolve and that you had very specific ideas about how we should go about this. He disagreed with my perception of your intent and is helping me to see that it is my own pressure. My spirit wants to catapult me, but my ego needs to slow down. I don’t know how to bring the two to an agreement.

I was exposed to many ideas and experiences as a child and they traumatized me, so I rejected my spiritual self until recently. I needed to ground myself and undo the damage that was done to me by these early experiences. If I hadn’t grounded myself, I would have felt lost while suspended in nothingness. Now I need to integrate these experiences and face my fear of nothingness, and my adult self needs to manage my spirit during this process. If one’s spirit is cultivated before one’s ego has a chance to solidify then that can be very terrifying. Does this make sense? I just don’t want to go back to sleep but, at the same time, I do, as you say, need to temper my pursuit of all things…

Imagining a life without limitations and endless possibility makes sense to me but, at the same time, I am struggling with concrete problems (as we all are) and I need to stay grounded and focused in this life. I don’t understand how I can truly live in my energy body when I am in my human form. Do you mean that I must cultivate out of body experiences, or am I being too concrete and dualistic?

It is comforting to know that my own energy is unique to me. I guess it’s uniqueness remains, regardless of what form it takes. I may reincarnate or I may live as pure energy and I may no longer have my (or at least not only) my identity; but me, as energy, is still unique.

I like that life is unending and I accept evolution AS purpose. I think that in this life I am meant to learn to trust myself, to be in my body, to balance freedom and responsibility, and to heal myself and others. I accept too that death is evolutionary as well and that I will have choices to make then too. I can accept that there exists a reality that I don’t know yet and that the reality I do know is always changing and is not fully real. It is fully real and should be experienced, but that is only one aspect or facet. I can let go and detatch and what is helpful, as I struggle to do this, is the notion that if I choose to take that plunge when I die and keep my awareness and evolve, I do not have to throw away all of the Me’s I have been — I can integrate them into one, and the common thread has always been, and will always be, my unique energy.

I think I am at once afraid of merging with another and of being abandoned. It is helfpul to think that whether I am merged or alone, I am still unique energy that cannot be destroyed, and so I am fluid and there is nothing to fear…of course, but right now I am still afraid, but I can come back to this knowledge and sit in the stillness of this truth when I need to recharge for the journey…I will remind myself too that terror arises from the jolt of new reality becoming available–I would love to hear any reactions to this that may come…I apologize for how convoluted and disjointed this may read…