Today, a Reader asks Jeanne for guidance.
Several times in my life I have fallen prey to manipulative people without realizing what was going on until it escalated and got to an extreme situation. Although now, after much work, I do recognize when someone is acting in a manipulative way, I have struggled with giving myself permission to act firmly, to say no or to simply not give in to their wants or desires. This causes much inner turmoil as I feel like I am being uncompassionate, but at the same time, I do not want or desire to be a victim or to be manipulated. Could you please clarify this? Thank you very much.
My Dear Reader, in the warrior’s way do you speak of separating self and issues of self from the situation at hand when you speak of compassion. It is important to have clarity when considering actions, for not all actions are appropriate if the big baby or the hurt baby or wounded child is present. In order to act as a warrior, must you be able to assess the self as well as the situation being encountered. And this must be done swiftly and decisively, for only in right action of truth will compassion be addressed as well.
Your own big baby is not compassionate, nor is your wounded child, or your maternal self. Compassion is the balance that is achieved in actions based in truth. I advise learning to assess situations thoroughly. Wake up to the fact of whether the situation is one of truth, honor, and rightness, or are you being manipulated? Those are the questions one must ask oneself.
In your own case, must you allow your self to forget the past, stay in the moment, release the self from past attachments, outcomes, and histories, and immediately stand in the truth of now. Only in remaining alert, aware, instinctively knowing the truth of your situation can you act correctly, quickly, and ruthlessly. That action is immediately balanced by the compassion of life itself moving in the right direction, energetically forcing truth to be reckoned with and offered to the recipient in clarity.
Compassion is two-fold. It is honest, and it is loving. It carries blatant truth at its core and yet does it ride on the energetic waves of love, for it delivers itself by means of direct intent. That is what you must know; that you might not feel the compassion in your argument, but you must know that it is energetically delivered.
Compassion is a gift, not given freely, but earned by doing the work of truth, of setting the intent to commit acts of right doing, right action, that will set the record straight, put the world on the right course and send a wave of new energy of truth forward.
Compassion is not always a gentle and kind action, but often brutal and resented, obvious and confrontational, straightforward and directly hitting at core issues. You mix up vulnerability with compassion. You confuse sensitivity with compassion. You deter the message of compassion by attaching to the misconstrued meaning of it.
Compassion does not get defined so easily, My Dear. All situations are different, thus compassion arrives in many guises. Your chore is to stand always in your personal truth, unswayed by your past or your negative thinking about the self, your misguided understanding of what compassion truly is. For compassion is, to put it plainly, neither love nor kindness, but a separate amorphous energy that is always delivered correctly if the message it rides on is truthful and right, in a timely moment when no other message will serve.
Compassion deserves respect, for it is not to be used recklessly, nor will it allow itself to be squandered. For if misused will it energetically backfire upon you and then must you contend with its misfired intent. That is why I say that you must, as a warrior, be quickly and decisively able to separate self (ego, baby, child, victim self, etc.) from the moment. You must, as a warrior, be able to assess quickly, with knowing clarity and knowing of right action. This process does not involve the head or a thinking process, but only an acting on truth process. The action must be taken in alignment with the truth at its core and then does compassion ride on its tail, delivered with the blow of truth.
Compassion is used in dire circumstances when no other attribute works, for it can withstand the rejection that is sure to come. But it can also accept the total surrender that also comes when right action and truth are received bravely and honestly. Do not doubt your firmness, your warrior actions, for when they are right they will land dead on and have affect. This is when compassion will become present and known as companion to right action.
To learn universal love and compassion are to learn the warrior’s way: to be available energetically to give and receive without attachment to self, able to purely give with no expectation of receiving, yet also be appropriately able to receive without expectation of giving in return. That is the true meaning of love and compassion, to be without expectation, but totally energetically available and free.
Thank you for your question. May you find this natural aspect of self. It does not come forth in your demeanor or your personality, or your sensitive feelings for even those who manipulate you. That is your work to center on, to free the self to become the warrior you truly carry inside, waiting for growth.
The warrior self has no ego, no thoughts or muddled thinking, but acts in rightness and in truth, always knowing. Compassion is energy riding its waves, flowing in natural accompaniment. That’s what you must keep in mind; it is a natural phenomenon. Compassion is natural. Truth is natural. Right action is a natural act. Manipulation is not. Does that help?
Remove ego self. Remove big baby self. Remove confused and bidding self. Act from knowing self.