Today’s question is asked by a Reader.
How can I “wake up” when depression really pulls on my desire to go to sleep? I seem to have taken on some challenging lessons for this life. Although I think I have worked through many layers, old feelings of being unseen, and beliefs of worthlessness still seem to run decisions and actions I make now. I have had insomnia for three years. I feel very cut off from my intuition and “feelings” that I have used as a compass for moving in a positive direction at other times in my life. I want to heal my past wounds and really live differently. I also feel just plain weary and lost many times. I lose my desire to try.
My Dearest Reader and Journeyer, you have all the information about your self and know what your challenges are. Now must you remove the heaviness, the 300-pound weight that resides, hovering above you, holding you tightly down, resident in Earth’s heavy layers of iniquity. Your challenges are not insurmountable, but a path is clearly laid before you and step-by-step must your recapitulation be undertaken. For only in full recapitulation will you be released from that layer of heavy darkness that does now hold you in its soporific sleep, though it is the sleep of the restless insomniac. This is a state of wakeful slumber that holds within its numbness all the clues to who you are, how you got there, and where to go next.
First must full recapitulation be attempted. This means to bravely go in to your past, those challenging lessons that you mention, and tackle them now with awareness that they are part of you forever, but they do not need to hold you bound to them. Recapitulation allows for new perspective, release from old ideas of the self, and progress in changing the self-image, but even more deeply the self-substructure.
And that leads to the second challenge. You must begin now to shift your inner thoughts about the self. Shift from negative thinking to positive thinking. Every time you use a negative phrase of description, immediately shift it to a positive, growth-oriented aspect of the self, of your situation, your feelings, and your inner connection.
Your third challenge is to accept responsibility for your past, your present, and your future. This absolutely ties in to the first two challenges. For only in becoming fully present now, fully aware of your own power to change, and fully taking on the aspects of the self that seek to sabotage your growth, will you evolve.
To change now your inner thinking, your outer perceptions of the self, and allow your past to be observed from a new perspective, will release your energy from all that holds it tightly captive. For that is what you describe in your question. Your energy is held captive in pockets of your past, in your feelings of old, causing an inability to urge your self into a place of intuition and awareness.
Your waking self is already asking you to participate now in life in a different manner so that your true energy, your own energy may be released, returned to you, and allowed to grow ever more vibrant as you do the work on the self. Your inner work is challenging, but it is not insurmountable, nor is it too far distant. It is right in front of you.
Put aside now your fears that you are stuck. No one is truly stuck, except in the past ideas of the self, the past habits that have been promulgated all these years, useful, but now old and boring. You are full of desire to change, to shift, and to regain your own energy.
I must confront you blatantly with the feelings of self-pity that I detect lie in wait to sabotage you on a daily basis. I detect a desire to reconnect with your inner knowing self, but a fear that if you do so you will have to become responsible. You will have to confront many changes.
Oh My Dear One, this is truth knocking at your door, but it is not knocking at the old door. It is knocking at the new door. And once you open that new door, will a new light shine upon you. And this new light will reveal your truths, the other hidden truths that you already know exist inside you, yet have you neglected them.
Begin each day by saying this mantra to your self:
I open the door to my inner self.
I reveal the light within.
I am guided by this new light,
Leading me to discover my gold.
I am gold. I am light.
I am an inner energy being.
Find your inner gold, My Dear One. You have it within. It shines brightly and it asks you to dig deeply for it. It is full of beauty, energy; and your true life sits upon its weighty stack, calling to you, “Come and find me, so that we can have a true life of meaning together; full of energy, of light, and of eagerness for life to continue, with joy and happiness at every step, no matter what our challenges may be.”
Open that new door today, My Dear Reader. Allow your inner light to be revealed to you once again. You will recognize it, feel its resonance. And even though you may wish to fall back into your old darkness, so must you push your self to reach out, with positive words of intent to grow now. Grow with the inner gold that shines, pointing the way. Grow with every challenge, as you look upon your life and your journey differently; laid out for you now with energy awaiting recapture; truths awaiting revelation; and your awareness awaiting your recognition.
Taste it; taste your life just waiting for you now. Put aside everything you have used to just get through your days. This is a new day; a new door is opening. Your golden door, with your inner gold awaits.
Rekindle your inner self with new thoughts, actions, and deeds; dismissing every old thought, action, and deed as it arises, replacing it with new positive, responsible, and thoroughly evolutionary ideas of the self.
Let me know how you are doing. Ask for help at any time. I await your beckoning call. I tell you now, and I tell you all the time, I am right here to aid you. Wake up, My Dear One, My Sleepy Sleepless One, Wake Up!