Do you have a word or two for today?
Abhor not the self for the trials of the past. All lives upon that earth must be tested in order for growth to happen. There is little one can do to change the past, but much one can do to change the future. Begin by changing the attitude of the self towards life. Admit, once again, that this life is meaningful, necessary, and the only opportunity for growth and change now, and you will give yourself permission to actively pursue a new avenue with a new attitude focused on growth.
You are different now because you have already made many changes in your life. Do not stop now at a standstill simply because the ego no longer wishes for change. Of course the ego does not wish for change because change means dissolution of the ego. Your greatest challenge ahead of you is to dissolve the ego, dismantle it, and live without it. So of course the ego is in an uproar right now, fighting you at every change, looking back to save itself, and to stay in your good graces. But the ego self must understand that its time of life is over, it has done its job, and done it extremely well, but now is it time to part ways. Time for the ego to take leave, say goodbye to this life, and dissolve into the dust along your path.
As you shed your ego now your spirit will take over even though there may be quite a tussle as the ego seeks to regain every inch of power it loses. But you, the spirit you, must remain in control, the mature and knowing adult who drives your boat and steers you into calmer waters in order to contemplate your life and your direction.
So, of course your ego is going to have temper tantrums as you not only ask it to leave, but as you pick it off you in painful pieces that may give not only tender bruises, but also bloody scabs. But, pick at it, and discard it day by day in order for spirit growth. Dissect the ego as you journey my friends. It is the next step.