Welcome to Chuck’s Place! This is where Chuck Ketchel, LCSW-R, expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences! Currently, Chuck posts an essay once a week, currently on Tuesdays, along the lines of inner work, psychotherapy, Jungian thought and analysis, shamanism, alchemy, politics, or any theme that makes itself known to him as the most important topic of the week. Many of the shamanic and psychological terms used in Chuck’s essays are defined in Tools & Definitions on our Psychotherapy page.
The ocean has many waves. A powerful wave will wash ashore, but alas, soon comes another—ceaselessly. All waves have something to contribute.
The Obama wave has been an unprecedented wave of change. The Hillary and Bernie waves followed in its wake, but clearly the undertow of these waves have given way to the Trump wave, a very powerful conservative counterpoint to the unprecedented changes of the past eight years.
This is the yin and yang of life. When the power of what rules the earth becomes so great that it swallows the light of the heavens, that light becomes sparks of light in the belly of the earth.
Those sparks of light cannot be put out, but they must accept their humble position and keep the candlelight alive, shielded deep within the heart. That flame must be tended; it is the flame of the eternal and it resides within.
In a time of outer darkness, go inward and tend your inner flame, a flame which will never go out. Appreciate that the outer changes we are experiencing are part of nature too and must be respected and valued.
Those changes must happen, and in time the next wave will appear, and the flames tended now will coalesce into a collective light that will steady the course with unprecedented clarity.
No one is at fault here. We are all part of the same world. Sometimes consciousness takes the helm, sometimes nature’s imperative. We are finding our way to new balance. Hold loving kindness in your heart that we might hold together and embrace the wholeness of our mighty earth dream.
In the chakra system there is a division between the first three lower chakras and the four higher chakras located above the level of the solar plexus. The lower three chakras are associated with the human animal, which is controlled by the powerful instincts of human nature: survival, food, sex and power. The first half of life is generally dominated by the needs, demands, and passions associated with these lower chakras as we attempt to plant ourselves, find our way to survival, security, pleasure, and power in relation to ourselves, others, and the outer world at large.
In the golden stage of life… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
By midlife, time, the ultimate devourer of all life, awakens us to the fact that we are at least halfway through our life’s journey on earth. We become increasingly confronted with the transitoriness of all material things, as well as with human relations, as those we have loved begin to end their sojourns in this world.
Our questions about the meaning of life and of life beyond physical life become paramount. This is the stage in India where the old yogi would leave the home and life with family to begin the spiritual journey, unattached to former material life and human relations.
In chakra terms, the kundalini energy that once innervated the lower chakras becomes more subtle as it awakens the heart chakra, the birthplace of the spiritual Self. The lower chakras were all about the birth, refinement, and fulfillment of the ego self, but with midlife the values and attachments that once satisfied life lose their compulsive hold as the search for greater meaning is initiated.
The four upper chakras depict an increasingly subtle energy progression, which ultimately results in the separation of soul, or energy body, through the crown chakra at the time of death. Thus, the second half of life is often initiated by a great depression, where one is confronted with the meaninglessness and transitoriness of all that one previously clung to and was passionately motivated by, and instead must go inward to find and cultivate the often hidden ethereal self with a whole new set of rules and intentions.
Of course, many seek rebirths and the fountain of youth in a younger mate or new career at midlife, but often life energy and the lower chakras refuse to fund these quests. So what happens to relationship at midlife if we choose to stay in it versus retreat into the monastery?
For relationship to remain vibrant and meaningful in midlife, we must first surrender our attachment to the roles and expectations that may have neatly served the first half of life. Time to stop mothering and fathering each other. Time to become peers with children and family. All become seekers, equally responsible for their own spiritual journeys, which no one can take for oneself, except oneself: only I can leave my physical body in my energy body when I die; that is a solo journey.
Food and sex continue to have relevance after midlife, but all must conform to energetic limitation. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico were careful to guide that energy was the only criteria for spiritual and sexual life. If one is modest in the expenditure of energy and maintains a sufficient reserve, one could pursue sex and spirit to the end of earthly life.
The key to enjoying fulfilling sex after midlife is dropping the performance expectations of the first half of life. This begins with a deepening spiritual connection that is no longer controlled by the powers of nature and ego that once ruled the lower chakras. The focus of union at the level of the upper chakras is energetic union at a deeply subtle level, which invites the body and lower chakras into complete spiritual/physical union. This is total union in human form, the merger of subtle and physical energy into pure energetic oneness. This is conscious spiritual/physical union.
Kindling the spiritual… – Photo by Jan Ketchel
Ironically, this kind of union may not ever require actual physical union with another, as union at subtle energy levels can happen and be experienced physically in a dream. Many dreamers have reported that their deepest sexual/spiritual experiences have occurred in dreams, as energy is freed to join at the most subtle level.
The sole criterion for true love in the afternoon of life is a shared quest for spiritual evolution between partners. And spiritual evolution requires that we detach from all the rules, roles, obligations, and demands of the lower chakra system that consumes the first half of life. And with that, we find ourselves free to love with abandon, an experience that transcends the ego’s ideal of love in the first half of life.
Love never ends, but physical life does. To refine love and take it forward, unattached, is a worthy journey for the second half of life, as it prepares us for our definitive journey in infinity. The maturing of love in the afternoon is one way to take the journey on the one-way journey we’re all taking together.
As the winds of change take a pregnant pause, we have a moment of reflective consciousness to assess what has happened, where we are now, and how to prepare for what is coming.
Hurricane Trump appears to now be downgraded to a mere tropical storm, still dangerous but no longer deadly. His catabolic action has truly served to usher in the breakdown of the ruling elite, the utter outing of the shadow of patriarchal rule. Decent folk of all political persuasion are turning away from the outright denigration of the feminine.
It appears that the gasbag inflatedness of the self-righteous masculine ego has been pricked and humbled. The collective conscience is settling on civility as the ruling principle. Curiously, it now becomes clear that Trump is actually the advance guard of the goddess, clearing the ground for the crowning of feminine rule. In every marriage, in every relationship, in the rule of the land, in the rule of the world, the feminine is truly set to take its leadership role.
This is truly momentous. When, in the history of the world, has a woman assumed the most powerful position of control over the entire world? We appear to be on the brink of this transition. My reading of the energy of this fateful transition has been consistent for the past several years. Ever since the towers crumbled, I knew that the world as it has been traded was coming to an end.
Our planet is sick, and human leadership, unfortunately, has been the culprit. Gaia initiated her healing crisis and we humans have become the pawns of her transformation process. Mother Nature is leading us now. She has delivered the healing potion, and yes, Donald Trump has been part of her brew, part of the clearing of the ground for her next move, the installation of the feminine in the place of power.
Why is it so vital that the feminine take the lead?
The feminine knows how to work with nature. Woman cannot escape direct confrontation with nature. While a man can duck out of his initiation rites, a woman will be initiated by nature into menstruation. She cannot escape it and it will revisit her monthly, prepared or not. When it’s time to deliver a child, nature takes over in the autonomous tumult of childbirth; this is not something woman can create or stop. Woman can only go along, acquiesce, humbly staying afloat as nature takes her course.
We, as a world, are faced with the crisis of planetary survival. The masculine attitude believes it can debate the validity of climate change. The masculine attitude still believes that it is superior to nature, can take its fill and not be concerned about its impact. The masculine attitude is searching for a new planet to inhabit, ducking off into outer space rather than taking care of the one we already have.
Well, thanks to Donald, women are coming out in droves, revealing the impact of unstoppable masculine energy in abuse to the earth of their own bodies, and an attitude of respect is emerging for the nature of woman. This should naturally be followed by a reinvigorated attitude of respect for the planet as well.
Nature must be respected, she insists upon it now, and she asks that a woman, her closest ally, rise with consciousness to partner in the healing of the planet. Gaia does not want a compliant female to lead her healing. She demands that reflective masculine consciousness and feminine wisdom merge to make the right decisions and acquiesce to the truth of badly needed change.
And so, I ponder the reflections I suggested at the beginning of this blog.
What has happened?
What has happened is that the evolution of consciousness, which started with the birth of the ego—the right to think and decide—that was made in the Garden of Nature, and cost us the harmony of living unconsciously with nature, has reached its climax. The inflated ego recreated nature into Frankenstein and has nearly destroyed the world in the process. This rise in consciousness took too much liberty, the towers had to come down.
Where are we now?
The dust is settling. Trump unwittingly performed his magic. The truth has been laid bare. We are being asked to acquiesce, to truly trust the coming to power of the mature feminine. Nature, the true condition of the world, of relationship, must be acknowledged. A necessary rebalancing must be accepted.
Don’t let the flame of consciousness blow out! – Photo by Jan Ketchel
What is to come?
I believe we are averting a reinstallation of Hitler in the guise of Donald Trump. In 1933, Hurricane Hitler blew out the flame of consciousness in Germany. We appear to have survived the onslaught of a similar hurricane, this time around in our own country.
We will choose, with consciousness. This is a major advancement for consciousness, as it rises to the heart center, deciding on behalf of what is right and truly needed.
Of course, the future is never written in stone; it’s full of cataclysmic challenges. Elections are merely starting points. I foresee Gaia taking us far deeper into an environmental reshaping of our planet. What is critical now is that we all move forward consciously, with a respectful and reverent attitude toward feminine wisdom that knows how to prepare for and flow with the inevitable.
Of course, I also have to humble myself to the possibility that I might be trumped on the morning of November 9th! But the coming of the rule of feminine wisdom is inevitable, it’s already in play.
It’s the only attitude that can meet these times that are so a’changin’.
Jan shares an excerpt from her forthcoming book, The Place of No Pity:
“I don’t know. The whole idea of letting go just makes me hold tighter and I’m so afraid I haven’t completed everything on this side of the river yet. I don’t want to leave anything behind. I’m thorough that way.”
We laugh at that, but it’s no joke.
After the session I drive over to the studio. I told Chuck that I’d heard the words “true things happen” and that I like the idea of letting things happen so much better than letting go. “Let it happen” sounds so doable, a lot less stressful than “letting go.” To me, letting go implies that I am holding back and can’t let go, which is true, but it also implies that I am at fault, that I am to blame for not letting go. Let it happen, on the other hand, allows me to let myself be open, to acquiesce. Let go, inhibits by its very command and my reaction is: “Oh my God, I can’t! There must be something wrong with me! Why can’t I?” And I start thinking that I’m incapable and then I just tighten up. The phrases let it happen and true things happen are more soothing, allowing me to open, to be flowing, to go with the flow; all of which are much more positive, without a hint of blame, without some other voice making demands. Instead, I simply release and open to the possibilities. Or at least that is my intention! (End of excerpt.)
Looking out the back window… – Photo by Chuck Ketchel
How many times do we come to the conclusion: “I just have to let go!” But what is the technology of letting go? How do we actually let go?
The realization that one must let go derives from the growing awareness that much of life energy is exhausted by and preoccupied with what has happened in the past. One feels the impact of the unresolved past overshadowing and consuming the present as we obsess about what has happened, how it has impacted us, and how we handled it. Conclusions and fixations from the past define our sense of self, our self-esteem, and the limiting beliefs we are controlled by in everyday life. In effect, as the train of life moves into new territory we find ourselves staring out the back window of the last car, unable to be present for the uniqueness and possibility of unfolding time.
Clearly, the optimal seat on the train is the engineer’s—first car, front window, being fully present to the nuances of oncoming time. In practical terms, this means being mindfully present now. If I sit down to a meal and munch away but my mind is fully engaged in replaying a disturbing incident, I will surely not be present for the flavors and textures of the food, much less a conscious participant of the beginnings of digestion—slow and thorough chewing!
The decision to be present to what is truly occurring now, is a conscious decision to encounter now as it happens. This is at the heart of an existential attitude, to be fully engaged and present for what is happening in the moment, letting it happen by being fully open and present to the full experience of it.
The mechanics of this kind of mindful presence is to volitionally bring one’s attention and intent to the present moment, letting it happen with full participation. Of course, part of being fully present means also being fully present to all that is happening within oneself as one faces oncoming time. In the present moment one might feel a gripping tension in the throat, a holding back of breath, a tightness in the solar plexus, the bladder, and a clenching in the perineum. These energy centers, or chakras, are all revealing their present state of activation and various forms of protective defense. While acknowledging their collective state of anxiety, one is still free to choose to place one’s attention on the present moment, on what is happening, and engage it with conscious awareness.
If one is experiencing waves of terror within, one can still be available to interact with another being—still be fully present, still look the other in the eye, focus on their words, while also noticing one’s own feelings and impressions—in essence, to have the experience of a conscious encounter, no matter what is going on inside oneself.
The act of letting go in “letting it happen” is training awareness to release the stranglehold of the past, just enough to take in now, to be present in everyday life. It is not possible to be present if one does not let go, to some extent, of being completely consumed by the view from the back window. The trick here is to not dissociate from one’s past discomfort as it presents, but to “let it go” just enough to remain aware of the unfolding of present time as well. This is the act of remaining associated, open to the full inclusion of inner and outer experiences, as presented by the clash of the past with oncoming time. This is the kind of fuller awareness that opens doors to new possibilities and new perspectives, as one looks out the back window and the front window of the speeding train of life simultaneously.
Recapitulation, which Jan was in the midst of in the opening quote, requires a conscious choosing to “let it happen,” to acquiesce to what comes in the unfolding of one’s journey through life. “It” may be the full impact of a viscerally stored experience reaching way back in time, through the back window of the train, into early childhood history. However, by consciously choosing to remain present with the experience, one is simultaneously at the front of the train, viewing the experience from a much broadened perspective, a lifetime of experiences providing a lifetime of insights.
“Letting it happen” is the real technology of letting go. In this earth dimension, we are all treated to a reality of oncoming time all the time. To open fully and be present to oncoming time is our opportunity to exercise our freedom. When we exercise that freedom by choosing to be fully present, no matter what comes at us, we release ourselves from the tenets and limitations of the past. And, little by little, we take bold and definite steps toward opening to new and present experiences of life.
Letting it happen,
Chuck
Note: Volume 4 in the Recapitulation Diaries series, The Place of No Pity, is targeted for publication early next year.
(This is the third in a series of blogs around the same theme. Beginning with Narcissism on the Way to Love and followed by Hillary as Hermaphrodite, this blog takes a closer and deeper look at the psychology of narcissism. All three blogs are commentaries on the rebalancing of the masculine and feminine partnership, so necessary for the survival of the world and currently being played out in the political arena.)
Recent political events have given rise to the term “locker room talk” as a recognizable and understandable categorization of male sexual fantasy or actual sexual behavior, at least one common expression of it. So recognizable is its occurrence that many intelligent women in a recent New York Times article actually dismissed locker room talk as a legitimate reason to disqualify a potential presidential candidate exposed as engaging in it, in locker room talk.
On some level these women seem to be expressing the truth and acceptance that all men have that side of themselves; however annoying or immature it might be—it simply is. So, what is “it”?
In my recent blog, Narcissism on the Way to Love, I gave a nod to Freud’s stages of libidinal (sexual) development, beginning in primary narcissism. Narcissism is a psychological mindset that literally can’t get its face beyond looking in the mirror. The eyes simply cannot take in a picture of the world separate from the self.
Time to put away the toys and grow up! – Photo by Jan Ketchel
Relationship is not possible at the narcissistic stage because relationship requires two separate people in order to exist. For the narcissist there is only one being, the self. Of course, at the adult stage, a narcissist must function in a world of separate objects, and they do. However, those objects are just that, toys in a toy chest for one’s pleasure and amusement.
Locker room talk depicts a woman, not as a separate being, but rather as an object with body parts available for one’s play and for one’s taking: legs, tits, asses, and pussies. The narcissist cannot solve the puzzle of a world beyond the self, much less the mystery of woman, a being distinctly other than themself. In fact, the terror of confronting the mystery of otherness gives rise to the sanctuary of locker room talk. Here men can brag of tales of conquest as they graphically describe the booty of body parts, the treasures they have stolen or intend to steal. Here men collude in an attempt to avoid real terror at the power of nature as embodied in a woman. The fixation here does indeed go back to mother. For what more powerful being on earth could there be than woman, whose body gives life to all human beings?
Freud localized this problem to an incestuous desire to unite with this powerful woman and therefore remain under her protectorate in an eternal Eden of bliss. Jung expanded this perspective beyond this regressive wish to include the challenge to individuate, to truly become a separate self capable of standing on one’s own two feet and thereby actually able to take on the mystery of relating to a feminine being that exists outside the narcissistic orbit of the first three chakras. For Jung, true relationship could only begin at the level of the heart chakra, where another individual can be seen and experienced objectively as existing outside of the self.
At the heart center, another person is a whole person, both body and psyche. Connection requires meeting the whole person. Body parts may indeed activate instinctual desires, but at the heart center the true desire is to meet and connect with another being, body and soul. Reaching this stage of development requires a heroic effort to both withstand the regressive protectorate of the mother world, frequently projected onto all women “partners,” and a willingness to truly encounter the mystery, power, and integrity of another as they truly are.
Donald Trump serves as a helpful example of both Freud and Jung’s perspectives. Donald expresses his penchant for married woman. Freud, of course, would see the oedipal victory in this: steal another man’s wife, obtain mother! This includes the power dynamic of defeating father because, as Donald states, in his world mother (married woman) willingly chooses/loves his lecherous approaches!
Jung would acknowledge this pyrrhic regressive victory but would insist as well that the hero in this case has really not slain the primordial dragon of dependency on mommy and her power to sustain life. To slay the dragon is to move beyond the family nursery, to stand on one’s own and enter the mystery of life. And, in entering that mystery of life, we must grant others their own autonomous existence.
Beyond the narcissistic orbit others are not simply need-fulfilling objects to play with or break. Others are powerful beings who likely terrify us because of their godly ability to give life, as well as take it if they see fit. Can woman be granted the fullness of who she truly is? This is a Relationship 101 prerequisite.
Like the toys of childhood, locker room talk must be put away if we are to take on the challenge of true adulthood and real relationship. It’s time to stop settling for less, men and women alike.
