Behold yourself. Each day make a commitment to more fully discover who you truly are. You are not who you think you are. Find out what that means. That is a worthy endeavor. You are not who you think you are.
Lessons in a Life: The Greatest Teacher
– Photo by Jan Ketchel
A common practice among Buddhist teachers is to send students off to face what they have the most difficulty with, their fears, their dislikes, their egos, their complacencies.
A student who craves company and dislikes being alone might be sent to live in an isolated hut on a mountaintop. A student who craves being alone and dislikes noisy interruptions might be sent to work in a busy kitchen for a few years.
Jack Kornfield, in A Path with Heart, describes how his teacher found the perfect solution to his tendency to fall asleep during meditation. He sent him to sit on the edge of a deep dark well. Fear of falling into the well kept him quite alert!
Those examples might sound strict, but such practices are meant to break the habits, desires, and tendencies of a myriad of conscious and unconscious attributes that we humans must contend with. In my experience, life itself finds plenty of ways to break us of our habits, fears, and desires—no other master teacher necessary!
It’s almost impossible to avoid having to confront that which we try to hide from. Trying to manipulate our lives so that we don’t have to face what we fear the most usually doesn’t work. In the end, if there is something we are trying to avoid, it finds its way to our door.
Recent events in my own life have put me to the test, tossing me out of my quiet life and into the maelstrom of navigating through the complicated world of bureaucratic reality. I have had to become an advocate for another person and, truthfully, I have always been good about jumping in and handling things succinctly when called upon. I like to get things done right the first time, quickly and efficiently, only too happy to jump right back into my nice little life once the mission is accomplished. In this case, however, in spite of my best efforts, my tendency for efficiency was not well met.
It soon became clear that I had no control. I had to acquiesce to the unfolding of life, sit back and patiently wait for a long series of events to unfold before resolution. It has been a lesson in patient detachment, learning to be available and open to the sometimes strange and unwieldy manner in which life unfolds. Giving up control does not mean not acting. It means always acting appropriately, in alignment with what is right, but knowing when to stand back, point made, and wait. In truly giving up control in this manner, it’s amazing to stand back and watch how things go down!
During the past few weeks, I have truly gone through my own strict Buddhist training, with Life as my master teacher. For instance, I give myself labels; we all do. I’m shy and quiet, I don’t like confrontation—I’m a peacemaker not an anarchist after all—and yet in spite of those labels I have had to rip them off and become their opposites.
I have had to break out of all the compartments I put myself into, the ideas of myself as this or that, and become whatever was needed. My personal journey over the past few weeks has been quite an interesting one. The other person, I realize, is secondary to the process, for I have taken quite a journey, with myself as the primary subject.
– Photo by Jan Ketchel
Life just won’t let us sit and be complacent. It constantly asks us to face our fears, to flow with what comes, to change, and it sure finds some interesting ways of doing just that! In my experience, the energy of the past few weeks—and perhaps even further back—has been unrelenting, and I have personally gone through quite a whirlwind, both within and without. But as I’ve learned, in acquiescing, in patient waiting while simultaneously making sure that what is right occurs as it should, positive outcome prevails. And in the process, I’ve learned a whole lot about myself—some very valuable lessons.
Perhaps there are some quieter and more gentle times ahead, as times of great force and change are often naturally followed by times of calm and rejuvenation.
Looking forward to enjoying some calmness, and wishing you all the same,
Jan
Soulbyte for Friday August 21, 2015
Choice matters. We can choose how we react to life’s events and unfolding, what attitude we take. We can be angry, aggressive, and fight against everyone and everything, but that does not change our circumstances. Where we are is our reality and how we choose to live in that reality is up to us. Though we may wish to blame others for our circumstances in life they belong solely to us, ultimately our soul’s choice. To live in harmony is to get in alignment with our soul’s sole purpose, and that’s our choice too!
Soulbyte for Thursday August 20, 2015
It is sometimes hard to accept the inevitable changes that life delivers, to deal with what comes. A warrior soon learns that change brings more than just the first blow or shock of newness. It also brings what is right.
And so a warrior suspends judgment, suspends trying to correct or fix that which is inevitable, knowing that something else is on its way to show the next step, bringing new life. And so a warrior is patient, making plans, yet aware that the universe is unfolding at its own pace and the best plan is to meet it head on, ready to flow with what comes, knowing that in the end all will be as it will be.
And yet, even as a warrior acquiesces to the inevitable unfolding of life without, a warrior is always aware of how best to react from within. Without taking things personally, a warrior is always ready to flow without attachment, knowing that no matter what happens there is always the adventure of new life on the horizon.
Chuck’s Place: The Defender—Anima & Animus
– Photo by Jan Ketchel
All humans are a composite of masculine and feminine qualities. Typically, though not necessarily, the masculine is highlighted in the conscious personality of men and the feminine in women. Very roughly defined, the masculine refers to the abstract realm of thinking, the feminine to the concrete realm of connection or relatedness.
The contrasexual element in each sex operates at a deeper, less conscious layer of the psyche, in the characters Jung defined as the anima in men and the animus in women. These characters operate quite autonomously within the unconscious psyche and serve as guides and mediators to the deepest layers of the self.
However, when the conscious personality finds itself in a crisis of adaptation in an outer world predicament, the contrasexual inner character springs forth to offer its shield and sword to protect the integrity of the ego, the conscious self.
Often, when a man is confronted by a situation where he feels inadequate or rejected, his anima will quickly tell him he has been treated unfairly and doesn’t deserve such treatment. She may equip him with a mood and suggest that he retreat into solitude and sulkiness where she will attend to his wounds. She will explain to him how he is not properly valued for all that he does and has truly been neglected. She might suggest that he refuse to communicate, as those who disappointed him are unworthy of his attention and should in fact be punished for their insensitivity! She assures him he deserves better and is absolutely justified in his sullen withdrawal.
A woman, similarly challenged with a threat to her worthiness or intelligence, may find herself suddenly possessed by her own inner defender, her animus, in full-fledged armor. As opposed to the anima’s strategy to isolate, shrouded in brooding moodiness, the animus coaches an impassioned emotive attack, armed with words, principles, and vague generalities. The animus wants active battle, the anima passive withdrawal.
The animus will go to battle for the woman, citing principles and arguments to defeat that which seeks to diminish her. Often, the animus refuses rebuff or debate. He fixates on a point and refuses rational argument! Or, if he permits it, will cut down the opponent with a paucity of actual fact.
The defensive activity of both anima and animus rarely results in resolution, but that is never their objective. They come into play to defend and win, to save the ego from needing to face actual inadequacy that could lead to development and change.
If, in humility, the ego could face the truth of its impoverished state, it could begin a process of mining and cultivating its hidden resources lying deep within the unconscious. Developing its actual ability to think and feel would broaden its real understanding and relation to people and the world. However, this is a laborious and slow process of development that requires the nurturing of heretofore underdeveloped abilities. First and foremost, however, the ego must refuse the defensive response of the anima/animus that prevents an honest revelation of the truth of an inadequacy or blameful distortion.
Many of the battles that couples find themselves embroiled in are carried on by the activation of these inner characters, as they take over control of ego interactions between partners. There can never be a solution or a true understanding as long as the modus operandi is winning and saving face at all costs.
– Photo by Jan Ketchel
Only when we are willing to turn to our inner defenders, thank them for their offerings but request that they stay in their own realm, can we begin to discover the truth.
This requires a willingness to withdraw blame, take ownership, and examine the truth of our own inner reactions that may have led to an argument to begin with. Here we will discover the truths that may be hard to face about ourselves. But, armed with this true knowledge, we can begin to make real changes and eventually find our way back to connection on real terms—the basis of true intimacy.
Let the defenders—anima and animus— be relieved of their defensive role and instead take us deeper into our inner soul’s journey where we can discover the full depth of who we are. Let us consciously assume full responsibility for our ego’s maturity, releasing our inner defenders to do their real work as we do ours!
Not defending,
Chuck