This week’s audio message from Jeanne advises us all to sit with what is, to bear the tension of life as it seeks to reveal to us something important. It’s a personal and a universal issue that we must all bear the tension of as we seek fulfillment and wholeness.
Have a wonderful week!
Point to yourself before pointing to others. Judge yourself before judging others. Condemn yourself before condemning others. What you see in others is only what you harbor in yourself. Somewhere, in some form, all that you despise in others is found in yourself, for you are human too. What disturbs you in others shows you the work to be done within yourself. Be grateful for that which disturbs you, for the people in your life who bring you pain and discomfort, for they are your teachers, showing you where your own deepest dilemmas lie, all that you must face on some level. Be grateful for them and ask yourself: How am I like that? It’s probably the greatest question you can ever ask yourself.
-From the Soul Sisters, Jan & Jeanne
The projections we launch into our partners are the greatest cause of dysfunction in relationships, indeed, these alone can be the cause of erectile dysfunction itself!
Both men and women have masculine and feminine sides within themselves, perhaps best symbolized by the sun and the moon.
For instance, suppose a man expects his sexual desire to be as instant as the sun itself that rises, fully, each day. However, inwardly, his inner woman—that is his anima, the feminine side of a man—may in fact be in a phase of her feeling cycle where she simply isn’t immediately responsive to his conscious sun-driven erotic intent.
This man, unaware of his true inner feeling state of non-readiness for sex, is likely to look over at his partner and “see” or project onto her, his inner anima, as lacking any erotic interest in him.
“You never approach me to have sex, I always have to initiate,” he might despairingly utter. “I don’t think you desire me physically.”
These could be his challenges to his partner. Of course, if there were any desire on the partner’s side, or an openness to exploring possibly having sex, this approach likely kills that possibility. Further, if the couple then tries to force coitus in this dysfunctional relational state, it is indeed likely that the penis itself might choose to go on a flaccid strike and ED, erectile dysfunction, ensues.
Women are very much under the influence of the waxing and waning of the moon, which corresponds to the menstrual cycle with respect to feelings, moods, desires, and physical comforts/discomforts. Women also have an inner man—the animus, the masculine side of a woman—who functions on the mental plane in the background of her psyche.
This inner man might take the form of a warrior who protects his woman. Perhaps this woman in the example above is preoccupied with the dark side of the moon in her emotional cycle, definitely not interested in sex, just wanting to remain innerly with her mood. Unbeknownst to her, and in her defense, her animus might launch into a critical attack upon her partner when he suggests she’s not interested in sex.
“You didn’t text me all day, I guess staying connected isn’t that important to you,” she might pose. “Seems like the only time you listen to me attentively is when you think there’s a chance for sex.”
These kinds of preemptive “attacks” are likely to accomplish keeping her partner at bay while embroiling the two in a standoff.
Alternatively, a woman’s animus may decide to override her true emotional and physical state with the intention of pleasing her partner. This sets up an inner civil war, as her dominant feminine nature will not be happy at being coerced into having sex. Her feminine nature might shut down her receptivity and sexual sensitivity, resulting in being unable to climax. She might project disappointment onto her partner for being unable to please her or she might sink into a depression at her own failure to “perform.” Here we have the feminine version of ED.
In men, the masculine sun dominates—things are either black or white, on or off. Men’s thinking seeks total clarity and knowing. This kind of thinking happens at any time, is not subject to the tides or the phases of the moon. However, deep within himself a man is very influenced by the phases of the moon. Often his female partner senses this and has to manage his moods on a daily basis, though he himself might characterize himself as completely rational, unaware of the influence of his emotions upon his life.
Similar to a man, a woman is very much under the influence of her own inner man, with his hidden plots to protect, attack, or manipulate life through his own mental processes. Just as a woman might easily recognize the power of a man’s mood, which she has to manage, a man is often likewise aware of the intractable thinking of his partner in the part of herself that she is unaware is so dominant in her own psyche.
The ability to recognize and take responsibility for one’s self, including the contrasexual elements, the anima and animus, by working on them on an inner level before they explode outwardly and take over a relationship, clears the confusion that leads to dysfunction in relationships. With projectiles disarmed, true connection is possible. Sun and moon meet within each partner who then can meet in real union.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Chuck & Jan
I recommend a viewing of Netflix’s The Crown. This modern exposition of the sacred transformation of the human being, anointed and born again as the divine queen in the cathedral, portrays the rich and basic archetypal substrate of the human psyche; the same archetypal substrate that has us project onto our president the ordering of the life of our nation, believing the presidency to be the design, for us, of the divine.
America, of course, long shed itself of the silliness of the monarchy, but we could not erase our psychic predisposition to find sacred order and balance in our president. Our coronation at the cathedral is the ballot box, our king is our president, in whose presence we are equally predisposed to encounter the awe and the awful.
With President Obama, the earthy black shadow rose to kingship and he glowed with progressive intelligence. America, having apparently valued its shadow, appeared to be on the cusp of anointing the feminine to her goddess rank, just in time to rescue the ailing Earth. But alas, America was unexpectedly charmed by the Trickster King, Donald Trump.
What becomes evident is that America did not resolve its shadow by electing Obama. The shadow was stored beneath the surface and the trickster took full advantage of exposing it and tapping into its energy. We were not ready for the goddess. We hadn’t truly reckoned with the shadow.
The Trickster King is the full embodiment now of that shadow, and we must reconcile with it. In a nutshell, that shadow is the ultimate ego self who exalts itself in godly towers. This is the ego that truly only cares about itself, its needs, its wants, its security, its power. This is the ultimate individualistic ego that feels no responsibility for the safety and needs of the world, only insofar as it impacts its own interests. It’s alway only about “me and mine,” it says. In fact, “me” has become extremely narrow by definition, as the impetus now is on a “pure” America, where only those truly entitled to the Kingdom may reside.
As a psychotherapist, I have experienced marriages, families, friendships, business relationships, and relationships within the medical caregivers community experiencing major earthquakes as the fault lines of greater connection have been shattered and threatened by the divisiveness of this election. The grassroots impact of this election has indeed infiltrated even the sanctuary of the bedroom.
America is forced to face and reconcile with its huge shadow in all relationships in daily life in order to find its way to genuine connection where the ground will be properly prepared for the election of the feminine. We have a lot of work ahead of us.
We must face the truth, that though we have long espoused in our faiths and politics heart-centered compassion, the truth is, we mostly live at the level of self-centered survival. Apparently, it is necessary for this to be acted out and lived under our current kingship. Let us not make the mistake of an earlier generation that projected as a nation their divine center onto their divine king: “Adolf Hitler is Deutschland, Deutschland is Adolf Hitler.” *
It is not my intention to identify Trump as Hitler but to draw attention to the human tendency to invest leaders with the divine and follow them blindly.
We must thank and respect our trickster president-elect for mirroring our truth to us, but must individually, as true Americans, secede from the monarch, withdraw the projection from the Trickster King and face the truth of our own inner kingdoms. We must face our own ego king self, and ask: Who will rule the personality? The ego, or the the divine Self within us?
The Self is the divine spark within us all who rests in the truth of our heart center. Our ego’s task is to realign and truly embrace the rule of this heart center and in so doing release us from its own egocentric worldview.
As we succeed in this individual effort we become like the ancient Taoist rainmaker who in restoring balance within triggers the restoration of balance without. As the rains return, the crops are nourished and life thrives anew. Sometimes those rains must provide great floods for life to truly be renewed. Never lose sight of the ark of the heart. It’s near, dear, and a definite lifesaver.
Remaining heart centered,
Chuck
* Quote from C. G. Jung’s Visions Seminars Volume 2, p. 1332
It’s a calm, dark early morning, the sun’s light completely obscured by dense clouds. The rain will arrive soon. Jan and I are reading the Visions seminars, March 2, 1932, as Jung discusses sealing up the projection-making factor of the psyche, the animus for women, the anima for men.
Having just completed the final touches on my previous blog, The Heart of Habit, Jung’s discussion clearly points to the next level of methodology to achieve self-knowledge, the step beyond avidya, the repetitive pattern of habit. Jung points to the science of alchemy, where the animus or anima is sealed tightly into a cauldron or retort, its energy and influence separated from actual reality, whereby freeing us to see the true nature of things devoid of the filters of opinions and moods that the projective-making factor normally shrouds the objective world with.
Jungs allusion here to alchemy actually mirrors psychotherapy, where the patient learns to not be controlled by the opinions and moods that generally overtake conscious perception and action. In therapy, the ego learns to differentiate itself from these automatic reactions and in that restraining process ultimately achieves release from the hold these deeper anima and animus entities generally exert upon daily life.
As Jan and I ponder the pragmatics of this transformative process, we suddenly notice a hunched up raccoon scamper across our yard and then climb up a pine tree. This is startling because although many animals find their way to our little sanctuary this is the first sighting of a raccoon on the grounds. Of course, we immediately seek the meaning of this synchronicity. What is the relationship between the alchemical retort holding the energized projection-making character in the psyche and the raccoon? Could the behavior of the raccoon be nature’s practical guide to this transformation?
The most striking feature of a raccoon is its mask. When we put on a mask we create secrecy, we hide a part of ourselves from public view and in turn we stalk a different personality. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico considered the art of stalking, the ability to fully embody another personality, a critical exercise in fluidity, a necessary skill to achieve freedom in the ever-changing worlds of infinity. In addition, when we outwardly live the mask we wear, we completely seal the container of the projective-making factor within our personality; we remove if from active influence over our lives.
This sealed alchemical retort, containing a powerful energetic part of ourselves, is then allowed its own transformative milieu within the sensory deprivation container of the self. Deprived of outside involvement and influence it loses its compulsive outwardly-directed fixation and crystalizes into a character that can take us deeper into the inner recesses of our being directly, as opposed to its former function of projecting those inner contents onto the outer world and drawing us into compulsive outwardly-seeking behaviors. This opens the door to direct inner relationship with the unconscious, largely removing its obscured projections from being acted upon in the outside world.
The key to raccoon’s success is its secrecy. The key to release from compulsion via raccoon medicine is to bottle up the compulsion and keep it completely secret from the rest of the self. The outer mask we then stalk life with completely avoids any contact with thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to the desired object. They are not indulged in in any way, as all attention and energy is focused on stalking another being, another way of being.
Eventually—and raccoon medicine requires a lengthy time period of at least 5 months—the energetics of the compulsion in the sealed retort will begin to crystalize into an inner guide, an inner helper that will take one to the deeper riches within the self.
Thank you, “Rocky Raccoon” for imparting the wisdom of your medicine for those ready for the inner secrecy and outer mask of transformation and self-knowledge.
Chuck