A Day in a Life: The Twelfth Step—Feminine Energy

On November 4, 2009, I wrote in my journal during the night: I wake up in a dream in heightened sexual arousal, having an orgasm. Oh, yes, I am dreaming and having an orgasm in my dream, so I go with it knowing that it is my own sexual energy that is aroused and activated in orgasm.

Each night for several weeks last fall, I asked to be connected with the women seers of don Juan’s line of sorcerers and each night I was taken on an adventure or given some experience, perspective, or knowledge. It began as a process in learning how to set unbending intent, to detach from the outcome, and to be totally open to what arrived. It grew into something much more than that as the nights unfolded. In this final night of dreaming with the women seers I was able to tap into my feminine energy. On the night before, I was in a heightened state of utter calm, encased in all-knowing awareness. As I wrote about last week in this blog, I believe this step of utter calm was only achievable because I had worked through the previous ten steps and understood the meaning of doing deep inner work, such as recapitulation. With that being said, I believe this final step was also achievable only because I had been able to access that place of utter calm knowing through the process of accepting and acquiescing to the journey I had taken in the past and by remaining open to the possibilities of the journey still to come.

Preceding this dream of orgasm and feminine energy, I had been practicing what I call the feminine energy breath as taught to Taisha by Clara.* This breathing entails inhaling in through the vagina up the back of the body to a point between the shoulder blades, holding it there, then continuing to inhale up the neck and over the top of the head to the third eye, and holding it there before releasing the breath down the face, over the front of the body and drawing it back into the vagina. I had been doing this breathing pattern three or four times during my morning yoga and shamanic practice, and during the day whenever I thought about it, for several weeks. The day before this dreaming episode I had done it pretty much throughout the entire day.

It felt so appropriate that I should have this dream of tapping into sexual energy at this point. I had, as I mentioned, gone into this dreaming process with the women seers with the intent to learn something from them and I felt that I had really worked through and processed everything they taught me. I trusted, quite innocently, that by setting my intent each night my call for guidance would be answered. Apparently, I was ready for this final step: to tap into and feel not only sexual feminine energy, but what I can only describe as being an all-encompassing energy, what the yogis call kundalini, as it rode up and spread like fire throughout my entire body. I knew however that it totally belonged to and came from within me, that it had nothing to do with another person, that it was my own energy on fire, so to speak; that it was real, accessible, and totally enjoyably present inside me. I just had to access it to discover the reality of it.

When I woke up out of the dream I knew that it was not something that only women could experience, but that every one of us, men and women, have this energy inside of us waiting to be accessed and experienced in this whole body release. And yes, it is feminine. That to me is the most interesting part of this final step. I fully understood that it was feminine in nature, but not limited to women. I was aware of the underlying psychodynamic of the masculine and feminine energy balance inside each of us and that we must learn to access both aspects of this energy, that they are present for very different reasons, and if we do not allow ourselves to tap into each one of them we will not be whole, either as human beings or as energy beings.

Throughout this twelve-step dreaming process I was aware of the presence of Jeanne’s energy alongside that of the women seers. I felt her presence, hovering in the background. Perhaps she was there as a mentor or protector, I am not sure, but her energy was present and distinctly different from that of the other energy I met with. All of that energy also felt distinctly feminine. How I knew this I am at a loss to explain, I just knew it was the energy of women.

As I finish writing about this process of dreaming with the women seers I am most struck by the unfolding of it. From the moment of first setting the intent, to being completely open and allowing myself to stay present in each dreaming event, I learned that everything is possible. I learned what it means to fully trust the experiential. It was a magical process in many ways, sometimes fleeting and difficult to grasp, other times very clear and concise, but definitely, experientially, as real as it gets.

Until next week, keep breathing and dreaming. And don’t forget that setting intent really does work. If you wish, feel free to write about your own dreaming experiences in the comment section below.


* NOTE: The breathing I mention is described on pages 45-46 in The Sorcerer’s Crossing by Taisha Abelar, available in our STORE under Shamanism.

4 thoughts on “A Day in a Life: The Twelfth Step—Feminine Energy”

  1. This is so beyond next level.

    “Setting intent really does work.”

    On Monday I found myself asking: “what’s happening to me?”

    This entry really, really clarified so much.

    Thanks for being so, so luminous.


  2. Dear Moya: I am still learning what that means: setting intent really works. This week I understand that learning how to set and send intent is only half of the process. The other half is learning how to recognize and receive it as it comes back to us. That question you pose, what is happening to me, is often not so easy to answer, but, from my own experiences, I have found that the more I have delved into the world of the seers, the more clarity I have gained around the experiential, though there is a lot of work in getting to that clarity too. It just isn’t that easy, but once we decide to undertake the process of recapitulation, to change our reality, we are offered every opportunity to get there, to get to a new level. I guess what I am saying is what the women seers told me in step #9: intent will find you. The process then becomes one of being ready to receive it in whatever form it comes to us, without fear, judgment, or the conjuring mind disrupting the truth of it. Good luck in your explorations! -Jan

  3. Once again, thank you for being so open and sharing your experiences with us. First, they clarify so many experiences that I previously found to be very confusing, and second, they have shown me what it really means when we say “Everything is possible and Everything is meaningful”. Also, by seeing what is possible, for me, clarifies the need/desire to recapitulate at every turn. I have found myself slowly going from a place of paralyzing fear and total dread around recapitulation to a place of curiosity and wonder. Recapitulation truly is the key to unlocking all the doors. To read about it is one thing, but to feel it on a deep level is something that is diffucult to explain.
    Thank you Jan, Jeanne and Chuck!

  4. Dear Debbie: Thank you for acknowledging the truths of recapitulation. It is very scary to open old doors and actually go through them, and in the beginning it can seem like just a dark abyss with no end in sight. Eventually, however, as you state, we begin to go into it with a sense of wonder and curiosity, and I found that those changes in our perceptions are the beginnings of offering ourselves access to the magic. And once you open those doors you open yourself to endless possibilities. I am humbly grateful for my own experiences with Chuck and Jeanne and the opportunities to write and talk about the recapitulation process and what it means to be energy. -Jan

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