Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel
Today, a Reader asks a question regarding the struggle between old inner voices and the emerging spirit self.
My question may seem trite, but it seems so necessary for me to find the answer to move on and get the things in my life that I want. How do I stop the negative messages in my head that tell me “I’m Not Good Enough?” They come in whispers and in screaming, passive aggressively and straightforwardly. I notice that my internal message is very negative about myself. It is always an underlying “you’re not good enough; it will never happen; you will never get it; it’s too hard; give up; what’s the use.” I have done a lot of work on myself, uncovered, healed, dug deep. I take care of myself. I understand that we are all spirit, and yet I am always undercutting myself, always feeling just shy of what I can accomplish and who I really am. It’s like I am scared to be the greatness I know I am meant to be. How do I start living my life the way I want? I feel I have this race against time and it’s running out or something. Sometimes, I wish to die, not in a suicidal way, but to feel the lightness of my being, and yet I know I am not really ready. I know there is still so much that needs to be accomplished on this plane. I want so many things for my life and they all feel out of reach, like dreams. How do I change my thinking, my mind?
Thank you for your loving support,
My Dearest One, your struggles to assert your self as a spirit driven and spirit lived being are universal, while at the same time they are deeply personal issues and truly meant for you. Your evolution depends upon your recognition of these aspects of self, which have remained buried under your negative thinking cap that has a very big mouth as well! I must say, I do not find your problems insurmountable, nor do I find your negative self expression any more frightening than the fear that holds you back from reaching your true spirit self, allowing it to become active, overriding the passive aggressive speak that comes over you like a shroud.
Your process now is one of learning to disown the negative, to detach from the voices that have spoken for far too long, guiding you along a path not truly your own, but deeply sculpted by conventions and a process of confrontation with your petty tyrants inside of you and outside of you. We all struggle at such a point in life; when it becomes clear that we are not living in truth; when we discover that who we truly are has hunched down inside of us, afraid to be seen, and afraid to express our beauty, our wisdom, and our ancient knowledge of connection and purpose.
It is very simple, too simple, to say to you: “Throw off the shroud!” This is not easy, but it can be done, if you are first made aware of your shroud. You spell out, quite concisely, how your shroud comes sneaking over you, draping and wrapping you in its dark negativity. This is the first and boldest step, My Dear, to actually acknowledge, feel, and anticipate this dark energy, to be aware that it waits for you at every turn, and every corner of your life.
Once you have awareness of it, so can you prepare your self to do battle against it. As you find your self rethinking your negatives (such as: I am not good enough), rather than repeating the old mantras of darkness, your new tactics will be to combat with your own questions. Forcefully ask: “Who says so? How do you know?” Then say: “You know nothing of who I am! You are nothing to me, except an old goat bleating away, an old nanny goat standing on your four skinny legs, repeating something that is not true about me!“
Then, your next step is to answer your own questions about your self. You may have many more than even I could pose. Answer your questions about who you are, with the underlying truth based on that spirit self that you long to connect with. The more often you connect with that self, the more often you talk with that self, the more often you encourage that self to be present in your life, the more that old nanny goat begins to look like a stiff old cardboard cutout, with nothing of value to say or do. Then, it is simply a matter of pushing past it as it props itself before you. You can even kick it down, or walk right over it, if you feel so inclined because, in reality, it is nothing more than a big empty fear that once taught you, but now has no place in your life.
This process of confrontation may take a long time. It may involve recapitulating many events and people in your life. It may mean that you must transition from those in your life who do not feed you with good energy, but continue to spew negatives upon you, and continue to carry the shroud that does not belong to you. It means learning to detach your self from an old way of thinking, but also an old way of responding and acting in return. It means that you will be remaking your self, with a totally new template, designed by you, with your spirit self fully participating. It means that you will have to say goodbye to your old self too, perhaps gladly, and even perhaps with a modicum of sadness. For that old self has been your teacher for quite a long time. Even the old petty tyrants will be missed when they are gone. The new struggle will be when you yearn for their familiar techniques and habits, their comforts that have served you so well, for they will be very strong. They do not like to be replaced with your spirit self.
An old nanny goat is a tough character to go to battle against. Remain aware of all that you feel, your underlying truths, even as your emotions and your physical self wish to erupt or react as you go through this time of transition. You underlying feelings, based on that inner spirit self who wishes to rush ahead and burst forth, must become known to you, fully understood, and allowed to become present in your life. They must be a part of your recapitulation, as you ask your self who you truly are. You may already have an inkling, for as you say, you know you are not really ready to become pure energy. But you must give your self time to explore who that energy self is, in this lifetime, and nurture your true abilities, driven and lived as a person who is aware of this spirit self, allowing, trusting, and acquiescing to the unfolding journey.
So, your first lesson in disenfranchising your self from your old voices is to speak up and talk back. Maybe you were not allowed to talk back in your past? Maybe that is a no-no that the old nanny goat scolded you for doing? Well, give your adult self permission to talk back as much as you want. But remember, it is not your angry child self who is going to talk back, but your mature, calm, inner self.
You may have to do a lot of calming meditation, getting your self into impeccable shape, strong inner self strength, before you speak your truths. This will most likely be challenging as you encounter your nanny goat, your petty tyrants, inside and outside of you. But, if you stay connected to your awareness of your adult reactions compared to your big baby reactions, you will eventually be able to shift right to your adult self.
Do not become angry at your self during this process. Allow your self to encounter whatever you must encounter. There are no slip-ups or failures. There are only recognitions of the process. See how your own process unfolds. See how many old nanny goats really exist. There may be one, or there may be many. It doesn’t really matter. Remain focused on the fact that the process of transitioning to your calm adult self, and knowing spirit self is the same, no matter how many petty tyrants come to test you. Your calmness, your awareness, your new assertiveness, and your rightful place upon your rightful, truthful path are your underlying guideposts. Remember them as you take your first steps in a new direction.
As you utter your first words of changing self, don’t forget to feel your inner joy, your inner confidence rising, your inner warmth returning. You will recognize it, your ancient self, truly well known to you. Once you reacquaint your self with its strong voice, you will discover that it will begin to guide you more often, without your prompting it or struggling with the old voices. It’s all part of the process of transition.
Thank you for your question, My Dear One. I may, perhaps, have more to say upon the subject, but it is time to go now, and to release my scribe from her trance. Good Luck. Oh, and don’t forget, you are already that energy being you long to be.