Today, A Reader asks for guidance about a relationship.
I read your “wisdom messages” regularly, and thank you for your valuable guidance. Perhaps you will be able to respond to this situation for me? I’ve been in a long working relationship with a man, with whom the connection has also been “more,” but in the last couple of years it has mellowed into the form of task companions and friends. Recently, however, his attitude toward me has deteriorated into flagrant rudeness, arrogance, and even mean-spiritedness.
In any other situation, I’d be less conflicted about just getting out of this relationship, but I have a professional connection with this man that I feel I need to keep intact and amenable while I look for work. In a matter of weeks, an enduring, fairly close connection has become a source of hurt to me, and by all appearances, just an annoyance to him. He will not discuss this; his position is that if he’s not feeling “good energy” coming toward him from someone, he will not be bothered by them at all. I’m all for good energy, but to me, acknowledging what’s happening, clearing negative energy, and creating understanding is healing, and will help revive good energy!
This entire relationship, which I felt was kindred and lasting (even in its difficulties), is now hitting me like an ongoing sucker-punch, which I am literally feeling in my solar plexus. Still I keep hoping we can resuscitate what was good between us, at least enough to create a graceful (grace-filled) split! Dear Jeanne, do you have any insight into this particular situation that you might share? I swear, the energies are whipping my life enough without this knocking me over the edge!
Thank you, thank you…. oxo Anonymous.
My Dearest Reader, relationships can be very tricky, especially between strong men and strong women who each have equal abilities to love, desire, and compensate for the frailties of the other. It is not your responsibility to uphold any aspect of a partner that that partner cannot himself hold as his own. Keep that in mind as I answer your question. By this I mean that you do not need to protect or to treasure an aspect of this man you are so connected to. It is far better to ask him to own it, even as you own that aspect in your self. Is that clear?
I find it necessary, as regards relationships, to first state that all relationships begin as projective, idealistic flurries. Once the flurry dies down, so is it much clearer who stands before you. Your own relationship with this man may be at the clearing stage now. As it is with you, so is it with him, and this you must pay attention to. Regard not his disdain, but regard your own inner struggles to become an independent and strongly stable person in your own right. This is where you are caught, you know. The projection is now being revealed as just that, and you stand nakedly exposed and alone with the dust of the flurry you have been caught in for the past several years. Within a relationship flurry, within a whirlwind, is clarity not truly possible. It is only afterwards that truth can be exposed, posed, and proposed.
Your dilemma does not stand with this man, but within your self, though you look to him for support. This I can understand, but you must not hold out hopes that he will supply you with what you request. It may not be possible for him to turn back and observe your needs while he flees his own reflection in you. This happens in relationships, quite often, as truths are revealed.
Did I not, myself, once flee a relationship upon that earth when it got messy and tough, in order to find once again the fire ignited in another? To continually seek the spark of ignition is to remain always in the whirlwind, always in the beauty of the projective state. But that state does not last forever, as reality soon shakes you awake and says: “Hey, wait a minute! You must have balance, and stability, and honor the truth of your own being, even while you honor the truth of another.”
Find your self now upon your own two feet, not let down gently, but let down nonetheless. Find your center. Find your strong woman inside you that this man was once drawn to. You have not totally accepted that she exists, yet have you seen her on many occasions. She asks you now to release her from this man who abruptly pushes her from him. She stands before YOU and asks YOU to take her back. Do not give her back to any man, but only take her back to your self.
This is how projections end. They do not necessarily fade out, though that is also possible. But in your case, the screen went suddenly blank and you were left in the dark. Turn the lights on, My Dear. Look around your self. Where are you? Where do you honestly find your self? Alone? Well, that is truly the best place to be!
Now you are at a place of rebirth. Now you are being asked to fully accept who you are without attachment, without projection, without your soul having to be connected or controlled by that of another. This journey of the soul is yours alone to take. You are not bound to another or another’s soul, as you might predict. That is not how journeys through life are accomplished. Yes, we travel many times with others, with other energy beings, but ultimately must we sever ties in order to have our own experiences upon that earth, separate from those who we may eventually complete our lives with at another time, in another world.
I give the example of my own completion as Jeanne Marie Ketchel. My soul’s completion had nothing to do with the vital connection I maintain with the two who now continue my connection to you in this manner. My Dearest Chuck and My Sweet Jan and I have had previous connections upon that earth realm and will have connection in the future in infinity. But each of us must accept our own soul’s journey and the completion of our individual lives in spite of what we have learned about our connection to each other. Completion is centered on the individual, completing the individual soul’s journey.
This is what I present to you now. My advice is: Remove your attention and, subsequently, your energy from this man. Remove your focus, your thoughts, your yearnings for connection and completion from this man. Yes, even though you have, and have had, quite a strong and deeply fulfilling link to each other, so is it time to also turn your back and walk in a new direction, not out of spite, disappointment, anger, or disdain, but purely for energetic reasons.
Take back your energy and apply it to your own growth. You have deep wells of sadness, I see, but you do not even know of your deeps wells of strength yet. Remove your feet from dangling in the wells of sadness and the wells of the past and walk swiftly now to your inner wells of strength and beauty.
Your request for something from this man will not now be replied to. You will find, in spite of your insistence that you need connection in order to move on, that this will not be true in the long run. You may hold on to that idea, that you need him, if you must, but it will inhibit your progress. It will keep a thread of attachment through which your energy will drain out of you, weakening your ability to access your inner strength.
As I said, relationships can be very tricky. Know this, all of You Readers who dabble and tease in the projective field. It is far better to sit alone on a Saturday night, and discover who you truly are, than to sit with another who is not who they appear to be. The energy now upon that earth is tricky in this way. So if you are already playing love games in the projective field, watch out because you will find that this tricky energy will produce many projections at once and you will not be sure which is the real person. And you can get fooled, bitterly so.
This is a time of deception, of untruths, of cause for alarm because there are mirrors all over the place. Do not get caught in the dark movie house, or a hall of mirrors where you cannot find a real person in the darkness.
You will not succeed in finding what you want outside of you by looking into those movie screens or those funny mirrors. You will only find what you want by looking inward, facing your self, your truths, your reality, and then allowing your acceptance of self to birth new appreciation of your lovely qualities. Do not give them away, but keep them inside you. Nurture them and feed off them your self now, allowing them to become your new wells of strength.
I hope this aids you in your dilemma, My Dear Reader. Your question is one of confusion of self really, and not a question of another. Relationships provide us with the opportunity to discover who we truly are, and that is your real challenge now.
Turn your back now, withdraw your strength and your beauty from this man and give them back to your self. Then will you find your way. Your path will be clearer, your head and heart stronger, and your journey more defined by your own capable hands pulling aside the veils rather than someone else’s. Look at your hands and ask them to lead you where you need to go. They will find you what you need. Good Luck!