#356 What To Do With The Big Baby

Today, a Reader asks Jeanne for guidance.

Dear Jeanne,
The message on July 28th also rings true for me, as I learn to detach from the old fears that served to protect me at one time, but need to be put to rest so I can learn to trust the new journey that is ahead. As my spiritual self “cleans house” to get ready for a new beginning, my emotional, and especially, my physical body are taking quite a hit. I not only have “dust bunnies” under my bed…I have “dust monsters” that have been lurking about for a long time! How can I ease some of the pain that I am in now…I don’t want to undo my progress, but my physical body is in a turmoil, as my old ways of soothing my “big baby” are not working anymore. At times I feel like all the work I have been doing is worth it, and at times I question myself as to why I decided to “look under my bed”.

Thank you again for giving me a safe place to ask deep questions that have been with me for so long, but I have been afraid to ask.

Love & Light…D.A.D

My Dearest D.A.D., your question poses a most interesting and common dilemma, what to do with the big baby, especially as life changes and you no longer want to carry that big baby around anymore. Your question of soothing the big baby is actually the wrong question to ask. It is not proper to soothe that aspect of the self, but much better to put it to rest for a very long and even permanent nap. To continue soothing, looking for new methods of soothing, or trying to find a means of keeping the big baby quiet during times of stress, etc., are all things that must be contended with in the process of giving up the big baby.

As you now notice that you have this aspect of the self, so do you have one of the biggest challenges accomplished. The big baby does exist in all who reside upon that earth plane, yet have many of you dealt quite well with this aspect of the self. I suggest My Dear One, that you do not attempt to please your big baby with a pacifier, though this is what you will seek to do in order to attain some peace and quiet. This can be a very difficult step to take because if you aren’t allowed to soothe the big baby what are you supposed to do instead?

I do not suggest being cruel to your big baby self, but I do suggest that firmness and discipline with that aspect of the self are the first lessons to learn in detachment from this aspect of self. You are an adult, not a baby. Your mental capacity is exceptional; your ability to assess the self has been on a long and arduous journey that has now arrived at a place of shift and great change. You are doing excellent work, but you must attempt more fully to place the big baby self in the crib that waits for this cumbersome side of the self.

It is too late to be carrying a big baby around with you. It is too late at night for the big baby to stay up with you watching TV or reading. It is too early in the morning for the big baby to arise with you and enjoy your solitude. You are a mother, and now must you mother your self. This is the next step in learning how to rid your self of the annoying pestering of the big baby. Mother your self now, not the big baby. By this I mean, find your tenderness and your love for your evolving adult self. Offer gentleness to her, offer guidance to her, and allow her to take some much needed time for her self, the fully eager to blossom adult self.

This aspect of self must be regarded above all other aspects of self, respected and paid attention to. This is the seeking self, and this is the self you seek to know and travel forward with. You do not want to know about the big baby self. That aspect of self is predictable, annoyingly present too often, and is not conducive to a seeking life. You don’t need to know anything more about the big baby self. You are good at acknowledging that this side of self attempts to sabotage your progress and that is enough attention. The big baby does not need anything else. So don’t think you need to attend to it, because you absolutely do not. You need to detach from it. But you must not, as I said, detach by offering it a bribe or a treat. You must stand firmly in your truth of it, but move quickly away from it and plant your self immediately in your adult self, your adult frame of mind, you adult body, your adult desires, and your adult needs. You do not need to deny that you have needs, but you must distinguish between the big baby needs and the adult ones.

You must create a balance in your adult life between needs, desires, and responsibilities. It might not be a bad idea to write down the things that are most important to you, the adult. Cross off anything that the big baby writes down. Remain firmly attached to your mature, adult adventuresome spirit self as you make this list. It will do you good, and any other Readers, to do this in order to clear away any confusion about who has control over your needs and wants, and to allow you to focus your intent from the place of adult maturity and not big baby immaturity.

I stress that you must center your self before you begin this process of listing your life’s desires, your present and your future desires. Allow your truths to be written down totally freed of the interferences of the big baby self.

Once this is done, will you have a place to focus your attention when the big baby screams for attention. Pull out your list and regain your focus on the adult self. In this manner will you begin a process of detachment from the big baby self. Eventually will the big baby no longer bother you, not even a whimper, though it takes work to allow the big baby self to know that it is no longer invited to travel with you.

It is desirable to leave the big baby quietly asleep, its paraphernalia packed and placed beneath its crib, boxed away, no longer necessary, not desired, not even a glimpse. But you must take your thumb out of your mouth to start. Then one by one, every aspect that is the big baby self must be removed and packed away, no longer acceptable. This is a step-by-step process that can take years, but it must be done in order for progress to be made. It is the confrontation that must be gone through as you recapitulate too.

Everyone who does a full recapitulation will meet every aspect of the self during the work, and the big baby is one of those aspects that has to be and will be dealt with as the process unfolds. It is inevitable, but necessary for growth.

Do not focus on the big baby self, but allow your struggling adult self to consider it just another child in the family. Teach it what it means to grow up, be responsible, be in the world, and be ready to leave the nest, for that is what everyone must do in life, grow up and go out into the world.

So I urge you, My Dear Strong Seeker, to allow your mature adult self to have needs and desires, and acknowledge that fears are old habits that belong to the big baby. You do not need the big baby, so I can attest that you do not need your fears either. You do, however, need to allow your adult self to take on a new cloak of fearless daring, a new robe of safety in the world, because you are on a new journey, and you know that everything is meant for your learning progress. Find you new cloak, your new self-seeking cloak of desire for life, a real life in a world that is full of wonderful adventures.

Your physical body can handle it; you just have to accept the fact that it can. Your spirit is ready. Your old anxieties just need to be prodded over to the big baby crib and packed up there. Then see what happens. To clean house is a grand idea, just pack up a lot of old stuff as you clean and you will do well. But don’t forget to fully examine your big baby and your adult stuff before packing it away, and make sure you don’t mix them up. Keep them separate so only the big baby items get packed up and not the adult things.

Then set your intent firmly on that list of adult desires and manifest them in your life by allowing them to become your new truths of self. Carry them in your presence at all times and allow them to lead you to the new you. That is where your future lies, in acknowledging your truths.