Category Archives: Jan’s Blog

Welcome!

Currently, I put most of my energy into the weekly channeled messages, the daily Soulbytes, and the completion of The Recapitulation Diaries. An occasional blog does still get written when the creative urge strikes. Archived here are the blogs I wrote for many years about inner life and outer life, inner nature and outer nature. Perhaps my writings on life, as I see it and experience it, may offer you some small insight or different perspective as you take your own journey.

With gratitude for all that life teaches me, I share my experiences.

Jan Ketchel

This is Serious

These wild flowers and grasses may not be here in a few years

I’m posting a couple of articles that strike the dire note of truth, yet why do we still pretend? It really is time to prepare to live differently. The polar ice cap is melting at an incredible rate. Many cities along the coasts are already preparing for rising waters, taking matters into their own hands while some wayward politicians and the big industries pretend, for their own profit alone, that there is no looming global warming crisis. They know they are lying.

The rain forest is turning into desert, the wild weather over the past year is showing us just what we have to face in the future: tornadoes, hurricanes, fires, flooding.

It really is time to change how we live. Make some personal decisions. We can’t stop what’s happening, it’s too late for that, but if we each do something to change our current lifestyle we may be able to adapt to the new world. 2012 or not, the world is changing dramatically, as we speak. Take a look at the following articles, just a sampling of the truths being spoken and written about. This is the new reality—the future is now.

This regarding the truth about radiation leakage at Fukishima.

This about the real truth of global warming.

Not a bright message to start the day, today; I can only offer a very honest one. It’s time to get sober and really decide how to flow with the inevitable rather than continue fighting, lying about it, and denying it.

On a serious note,
Jan

A Day in a Life: Some Excerpts From My Book

Over the past two years I’ve been hard at work on my book, The Recapitulation Diaries, which will be published in three volumes over the next couple of years. The first volume, which covers the first year of my three-year-long intensive shamanic recapitulation, is pretty close to finished with an expected e-book publication date later this summer. Our plan is to publish first as a Kindle e-book followed by a print-on-demand version through Amazon’s publishing house, a fine way to avoid needless costs, waste, and storage issues, as well as allowing for an extremely reasonable sale price.

The Recapitulation Diaries are compiled from the fifty diaries I wrote during my recapitulation process, which documented just about everything that was happening as I explored completely blocked childhood experiences. Today I offer some excerpts from that recapitulation process which began in earnest about ten years ago.

Here is an excerpt from a journal entry made on September 7, 2001:

“Soul in pain, mind in torment, in quiet moments the old stuff comes to haunt. I know I won’t be able to handle the onslaught of it alone and I wonder how long I can keep it at bay. It pushes at me, prodding for attention. I wish I knew where it all came from. Whatever it is that haunts me sits heavily inside, in hidden places, not where I can see, not where I want to go. It lets me know it’s there by protruding outwardly, poking at me, showing me images of ugliness, showing me painfully deep memories, like glimpses of old icons painted in excruciating detail or ancient rounded Mycenaean forms solidly built to stand erect for centuries, guarding, waiting for me to turn to them, for they hold the secrets. I see big-eyed Etruscans peering out from deep within, looking for daylight, begging to be let out, heavy stone sculptures, weighing on my soul, numbing my thoughts. A lump of stone catches in my throat. No forklift big enough to remove it, I carry its weight always within, barely able to breathe, to speak, to swallow.”

Here is what was coming through on September 16, 2001:

“What lies inside keeps eating away at me, chomping away, nagging at me until my insides are as raw as chapped lips, as painful as cracked and blistered hands. No one sees the pain, the bloody mess of memories I hold inside, like buckets of afterbirth torn and ripped from my body, leaving pain and cramps in a place no one can go. Even I can barely reach that far down to soothe and comfort the wounds that fester inside me.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I don’t remember enough, though so much stuff nags at me. I can’t seem to let it go and I can’t get past it either. No matter how hard I try to push it away, it won’t let me ignore it. There are too many things bringing back memories.”

“Visual images flash like lightning and in a split second I’m lost in the woods again. A sigh, a profile, the nape of a neck, and suddenly a flash of pain stabs through my heart, my gut, and something deep inside is torn out of me and thrown to the ground where it lies kicked and bruised and yet I cannot bear to tend to it, except to stuff it back inside, to push its bloody mass back inside.”

And then I finally have a breakthrough understanding:

“The pain of knowing has finally hit. Up until now, I have mostly been experiencing the realization that something was drastically wrong in my past, each new memory sending me reeling as I understood, for the first time, that something had happened to me as a child. But now, as each memory surfaces, I know that something happened to me when I was a child because I’m feeling it.”

“At first it was all in my head, as I tried to grasp, to figure out just how it could have happened, as I tried to get my head around the incredible disbelief of it. But now it’s settled in my body, in my stomach, a deeply buried, barely reachable pain of truth. And now I understand what Chuck meant when he told me that I didn’t need to go searching for the memories, that they would come of their own accord, when I was ready.”

Here is what it was like to experience an emerging memory:

“Too many memories, some clear, some hazy, are trying to make themselves known but I can’t shake the blurriness from my eyes to get the whole picture. It’s like trying to peer through a black scrim or screen, like squinting at a tiny television set at the end of a long dark tunnel.”

“Often I’m in the woods, those haunting woods filled with dread, doom, and fear. Then I step out from the woods into light and sunshine, leaving all the bad stuff behind. In just a few steps I go from intense fear, just a few small steps and I come out into goodness and light, shedding fear like an old snakeskin. But something stays behind in the damp cool woods. There’s a shadow sitting on the dirt-packed ground with the leaves and odor of decay.”

“As I go deeper into this memory of dark and light, I find that I’m able to turn around and look back at the woods once I’ve emerged into the light, but I cannot go into them. I am only able to walk out into the sunlight, over and over again…”

Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to finishing the first book. My intent in publishing The Recapitulation Diaries is to share what total freedom means, offering a means of achieving not only total healing and freedom from trauma but also from the fixations and trappings of this world. The Recapitulation Diaries revision trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)—and life itself—as a shamanic journey.

I’ve returned from that journey whole, unburdened, and with fluid access to heightened awareness. AND I no longer live every day in fear, as I once did. I have come out of the dark woods of my childhood into a clear new light. It’s what I hope for everyone.

Until next week—love and light,
Jan

Invitation to a Journey

These sentiments remind me of the beginnings of a recapitulation experience when the anxiety of yet another memory appears out of nowhere and having no control over the situation the only thing to do is be open and ready for the journey that is about to unfold.

The adventure into the unknown awaits...

“…I begin to feel the anxiety that always sweeps over me when I’m going to a new place… I always get annoyed at myself for not planning ahead, but I almost never do. Plans and beginnings are hard for me; but that doesn’t stop me from going. I guess I know, deep down, that the anxiety is worth the pay-off of yet another adventure.” From Tales of a Female Nomad by Rita Golden Gelman.

Busy Nights

Here are some excerpts from Out-of-Body Exploring by Preston Dennett.

Dreaming with awareness

“Most advanced astral travelers believe that everyone goes out-of-body every night. At first this seemed absurd to me, but as I began to remember more and more of what happened to me at night, I realized it was true. We may think we are asleep, we may not remember, but the reality is, all of us are very busy every night.”

“If you examine your dreams, you will see that most of them represent your fears and desires. By going out-of-body, you are forced to face these issues head-on.”

“Most out-of-body explorers report that they have spirit guides who assist them on their journeys. Others meet advanced spiritual beings who impart sage advice.”

A Day in a Life: Take a Ride on the Wings of the Eagle

Here are some thoughts from M. Scott Peck, M.D. in his book In Search of Stones:

“One age does not turn into another overnight. Between the Age of Faith and the Age of Reason there lay at least three hundred years of confusion. An old Age does not die easily. Today, firmly ensconced in the Age of Reason, we look back upon its pioneers—men like Galileo—with admiration and respect. For the Inquisition that persecuted him, we have only disrespect and find it hard to imagine how the authorities of the church could have been so narrow-minded, stupid, and downright cruel. Yet were we able to look through the eyes of those authorities at the dawning of the Age of Reason, we would not only have seen a crumbling of faith, we would also have been filled with terror at the impending disintegration of civilization and loss of all that gave meaning and coherency to life. Perhaps the greatest sins of religion are not those of faith per se but of faith threatened.” –page 6.

Here are some quotes from Carlos Castaneda in his book The Wheel of Time:

“To change our ideas of the world is the crux of shamanism. And stopping the internal dialogue is the only way to accomplish it… When a warrior learns to stop the internal dialogue, everything becomes possible; the most far-fetched schemes become attainable.” –pages 118-119.

“Whenever the internal dialogue stops, the world collapses, and the extraordinary facets of ourselves surface, as though they had been heavily guarded by our words.” –page 128.

“Human beings are not objects; they have no solidity. They are round, luminous beings; they are boundless. The world of objects and solidity is only a description that was created to help them, to make their passage on earth convenient.” –page 135.

“Human beings are perceivers, but the world that they perceive is an illusion: an illusion created by the description that was told to them from the moment they were born…” –page 137.

Here are some interesting quotes from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche:

“To see through the eyes of the mountain eagle, the view of realization, is to look down on a landscape in which the boundaries that we imagined existed between life and death shade into each other and dissolve. The physicist David Bohm has described reality as being “unbroken wholeness in flowing movement.” What is seen by the masters, then, seen directly and with total understanding, is that flowing movement and that unbroken wholeness. What we, in our ignorance, call “life,” and what we, in our ignorance, call “death,” are merely different aspects of that wholeness and that movement. This is the vast and transforming vision opened up to us by the bardo teachings, and embodied in the lives of the supreme masters.” –page 341.

“To see death, then, through realized eyes, is to see death in the context of this wholeness, and as part, and only part, of this beginningless and endless movement. The uniqueness and power of the bardo teachings is that they reveal to us, by showing with total clarity the actual process of death, the actual process of life as well.” –page 342.

Here are some thoughts from me:

I believe that we are always in the middle of a tornado, our world collapsing, in the process of death while in the throes of life, but that we do not perceive our world in such a manner until something shakes us out of our complacency, out of our narrow-mindedness, out of our internal dialogue, and out of our ignorance. I believe that we are being gifted with one of those times of shake-up right now.

Look around; look at what is happening. Take a ride on the wings of the eagle and realize that this is the time of confusion before the dawning of a new Age. But, as the shamans, the Buddhists, and deep spiritual thinkers suggest: this collapse is constantly presented to us—we are just not aware of it. And this is where Harold Camping, the end of the world predictor, gets it wrong. The end of the world is an every day occurrence and we all have the opportunity to grab onto the freedom of that clarity every day.

If we can learn how to let go of our reason—our internal dialogue, our conjuring mind, and our description of the world as we have been taught—and open up to the realization that everything is an illusion, we can enter a new reality. We can do this volitionally, learning how to shift our perceptions and how to experience the endless movement of energy, our own included, as it flows in the universe.

Through the process of recapitulation we learn to shed our old selves, our old perceptions and ideas of the self and the world, our self-importance, our attachments to the illusions of this world that we so solidly stand upon. In so doing we relieve ourselves of adherence to beliefs that do not truly serve us if we are ready to evolve into a new understanding of life and death.

We can experience our energetic wholeness in total freedom by constantly challenging ourselves to shatter our world as we have always perceived it, by refusing to attach to the illusions of this world. Those illusions are placed upon us from the moment we are born. If we can break our fixation with reality as we have been taught to perceive it, we might just discover that what is happening in the world, every day, is nicely set up to help us shatter those illusions. Even a momentary glimpse of a different idea of ourselves offers us the opportunity to gain in awareness, to aid us in letting go—just a little bit more—of all that holds us so attached to what we believe is so important and so dear.

Today, across America, many people are waking to a shattered world, everything gone. The tornadoes that have been touching down bringing the end of the world to so many lives remind us that we cannot hold onto anything. In such a moment we are offered the experience of impermanence. So what do we do when we stand there with nothing, when our dreams and our lives are shattered, totally gone?

This is the moment of enlightenment, the moment of freedom in collapse, the experience of death in life. The big challenge is to retain the experience of this moment of death; of ourselves without attachments, without belongings, totally released from the familiar. The is the gap moment that allows us a glimpse of our eternal selves while we still stand firmly in this world.

So, can we accept the convenience of our solidity long enough to embrace the fact that it is offered as a means from which to launch our awareness, as the shamans would pose? Can we allow ourselves to embrace this moment of impermanence, as the Buddhists would call it, as our big moment of evolutionary enlightenment? Can we hold onto our experience and use it to truly shift us away from our old ideas, needs, and desires? Can we use it to enter a new Age, an Age of true Enlightenment as the deep spiritual seekers understand it?

These are the challenges that the shamans, Buddhists, and deep spiritual seekers know are the moments that teach us how to face our deaths, but also offer us the opportunity to face our lives in the same manner. These are the moments of shattering the illusions we hold onto, though what we are really being shown is that we cannot hold onto anything and we don’t need to either.

We are beings who are going to die, as the shamans say. Yes, it’s a very scary thought, but can we live each day with that foremost in our thoughts, basing our lives on that idea? Can we live beyond the illusions of this world, and enter the flowing movement of unbroken wholeness? It’s not really that hard to do, we’re already doing it, every day!

Perhaps we just haven’t fully perceived it that way yet, but we have so many daily opportunities to do so. Every day is the end of the world.

Just trying to remain aware,
Jan